Just wanted your opinion, My mother abandoned me at a very young age, she actually choose her addiction me?

Question

I recently got in touch with my mother who gave me and my two sisters up when I was 3, I now am 25 my mother has had a drug addiction for over 30 years now. As terrible as what my mother did is I still have a need to talk to her i feel incomplete without her( eventhough I have a wonderful step mom who I consider my REAL mom) I still have a need for my mom my sisters want nothing to do with her and don't understand why I would (I should point out I'm the baby) Over the years the drugs have really taken a toll she's like speaking to a child I often feel like the parent. Am I setting myself up I dont want to her I just like to keep tabs! Does anyone out there understand this, am I really looking for something else?

Answer 1

I think it is because mothers are supposed to love unconditionally and yours did not. You feel incomplete because perhaps you missed out on that (unless your stepmother provided it). But even if stepmom did provide it there is this bond a child has with its mother and you were 3 when you lost her. By age 3 the bond had to be tight even if you were neglected. If you have yearned for her all this time then your heart was never able to let go of that bond. Your sisters resent her so much that the bond for them was broken. I do see how they feel but I hope they love you enough to be there for you when your heart breaks again. Your mother is most likely still choosing her addiction over everything. I pity her empty life but I you are the one who needs compassion because I doubt you will ever be able to let go of her until the day she dies.

Answer 2

Yes, I understand. Even tho your mom abandoned you and you were raised by your step mom, you still want to make a connection with your 'birth' mom, you want to experience the connection.



You will experience the visceral connection and hopefully something good that you can hang on to, but you will also experience the abandonment.



My philosophy is that it is healthier to get it all out on the table, and experience a relationship for what it is. She did give birth to you and I'm sure there was a real connection and affection and then she really chose her addiction over you and your sisters. That has to hurt.



However, it is better to experience all of that, rather than suppress it; avoiding the pain also annihilates the good stuff.



It sounds like your sisters are having a harder time with the pain. I can understand that, too.



And...its not surprising that she is sounding like a child...she's troubled.

Answer 3

I understand. When I was about 10 my mom gave us to my aunt to raise while she did drugs and ran off to marry a man she only knew for 12 days. After 2 years she began writing us and told us of how she had straightened out. I was able to forgive her and moved back in with her. Plus I really hated it at my aunt's house. Fast forward 10 years and my older sister can not seam to forgive her, even though my sis had a better life with my aunt and has done very well for herself with college and career. For some reason you are able to forgive your mom while others can not. Perhaps it is because you do not remember much of your life with her or that you realize she is still your mom and you are worried about her. I think you are looking for the relationship your sisters had with her before the drugs. Once you are convinced you will never get this, maybe then you can get past it.

Answer 4

You will never have a "Mother-Daughter"relationship. So I hope you don't get your hopes up because you will surely be disappointed.



Addictions are horrible and turn people into something they are not and make decisions they would not normally make. It also takes a lot to realize that it is not the child's fault and there is nothing that a child can do to change what has happened.



To have a relationship you will need to both need focus on today, not yesterday. Good luck.

Answer 5

You just need some answers that's all. I think you need to know your real mom so that you can put closure to your questions and feelings you have. I'm sure you've had a better life with your stepmother than you would have with your mom.

Yet you still need to know your mother to understand the reason why she left you. She really did you a favor though remember. You will never feel complete until you know her.

Answer 6

I think its normal...you want to that your mom loves you...she probably needs u since she's been addicted to drugs...tell her how u feel because her health is probably not the perfect picture and u never know when she could be gone from this earth

Answer 7

You could get your feelings hurt. It sounds like you're hoping for some resolution which your mother does not have to offer. The best way to go into it is with as little expectations as possible.

Answer 8

I am an associate producer with NBC universal and we have a new talk show that is for people in situations like yours. If you want to talk we would like to help call me toll free at 877-836-3405.

Thanks,

Caroline

Answer 9

You can not help how you feel and your most likely need a sense of closure.