Help my 13 yr old daughter has been lying to me over a boy that hurt her little brother what should i do?

Question

This lad shot my 9 yr old with a bb gun I have tried talking to her about this and I explained my feelings as to the fact that I would prefer her not to be friends with him to which she agreed however he is now emailing her telling her that he loves her. Since the emails have started I have found out that she is lying to me about not seeing him and I have caught them hanging together. Now she is telling me that I control her life and give her no freedom I have always respected my daughter but I can't trust her now. Please any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

thats a horrible age. whatever you say they will do the opposite. Sit her down calmly and explain again how you are totally against her seeing this boy. Explain you worries and tell her under no circumstances is she to see him again. Tell her is she does, there will be serious concequences. Dont shout at her be very direct. Hopefully she will listen if she dont, you will have to ground her or give her a curfew explaining that you did warn her!

Answer 2

Ask the police to have a word with the little hit man-wannabe. Make him piss his pants a bit and take his parents down a peg or two.



Look your daughter has to understand that that boy is Just bad news. He hurt her brother. That should make her mad as hell not lovey-dovey.



Time to give the talk about family loyalty and choosing better friends. If you don't she might end up hanging out with gang members by the age of 16.



What idiot gives a child a weapon by the way? A BB gun is a weapon.

Answer 3

As a mother I am sure you are very emotional about this and it is understandable. However, was this an accident or something that was intentional? If it was a accident I would have a talk with this boy and his parents and then let it go. If it were an intentional act then you certainly need to call the police on this child and have them talk to the parents. However, you simply banning her from talking to him and he is more than a friend "puppy love" will only push your daughter closer to this young man. As a mother myself, I can understand your pain, anger and frustration. However, you must put that aside for a moment and think about this situation with a different perspective not from the view of a angry parent. A child at the age of 13 often does things that are not so wise, think back to yourself at that age. Certainly you did something that were not so smart. We all have and gotten away with it.. Part of growing. Good luck.

Answer 4

Whoo boy, yeah you are in a tough spot.

You are asking your daughter to stand with her family on this issue, and we all know you are right.

But let's look at things from your daughters perspective for a moment.

First of all there's the overwhelming amount of peer pressure she is under since she obviously wants this boys approval.

She might not crave this as much if her father was as attentive as he could be.



Then there's the fact that she is still a child, and has not developed a full appreciation for the exact consequences for her acton's or her decisions.

But since it's the boy who shot your son, and she can't control his actions, I guess it's still OK to blame her if she doesn't know who's side to take here.



Look.

She's confused. She needs guidance from her family.

Of course she'll lie to you, but you can't blame her for that.

If you want her to have strong loyalties toward her family, then you have to give her good reason to.

This is something that is earned. It's not just a birthright.

Answer 5

I'm 19 years old. When I was fifteen I sort of dated this boy who beat up my little brother a few times. I'm not proud of that at all. My mom was scared for me but she didn't actually forbid me to see him. He eventually stopped talking to me and it hurt, but I eventually learned to be really thankful he never laid a hand on me. What if you get in touch with his parents? Shooting a little kid is definitely not okay and you're completely within your rights as a parent to do whatever you must to protect your daughter. She's thirteen and certainly not ready to make her own decisions. If I were in your shoes I would do what I had to and trust that my daughter would eventually figure out it was a good idea. You're the parent, even if she says she hates you and stops talking to you for a year it will still feel better than if this guy hurt or killed her.

Answer 6

i think the more you lay down the law, the more she'll be sneaky, get her to sit down and tell her you've accepted the fact she's growing up, and that even though it hurts you because of what he's done, you accept she's seeing this lad, but now you want her to act a bit more grown up and to tell you when she's seeing him, and you will try to give him the benefit of the doubt, as it could have been accidental. the thing is the more you tell her you don't like her seeing him the more she will want to, it's teenage rebellion a lot of the time, but if you give her permission she will soon tire, as the excitement of sneakily seeing him will be gone

Answer 7

Have you tried explaining to her that if this lad really did love her then he wouldn't harm her brother? Try and make her see sense that there are more guys out there and she has time to get to know boys because this boy doesn't seem to have her best interests at heart if he hurt your son. If she won't listen to any of it you could talk to his parents and tell them to keep their son away from your daughter. Best of luck :)

Answer 8

Theres probably not a lot you can do.

if she likes this boy then telling her not to see him is probably just going to push her away and she will think youre being unfair or nasty.

you cant control who youre children are friends with just be there to pick up the pieces in case she gets hurt, and make sure she doesnt do anything bad or get into trouble, as you say you have always respected her i assume she is fairly sensible, she is probably just having a moment of silliness because she likes him.

let her make her mistakes and she will learn.

Answer 9

ok so she really likes this boy and to her her lil brother is annoying and is getting in the way of her " love" for this boy iot might be easier to talk your son and to tell him to tell you about what happens and how he should handel it and maybe a talk with the boy about how if he wants to keep seeing her he must check with you and tell your daughter that its ok to see boys just that you have to know were shes at and be a stricter dad about your kid getting shot it even if it means talking to the boys parents stricter is never bad it just makes you a good parent to the world not her because you a parent and for that you are evil no matter what you did

Answer 10

Sugar it is now time to stop trying to be your daughters friend and start being her mother. Put your foot down and stop her seeing this boy who obviously has problems to go and hurt your son with a bb gun.



She might hate you for it now but she will thank you for it later on in life i can assure you. Little rebellions and lies like this if left to go on will get worse with age and you dont want her going down the wrong paths in life.



Good luck

Answer 11

She is 13 and you are the mother. Take her phone and computer away until you know she is not seeing him. Of course you control her life, that is your job as her mother. I suggest you also speak to the boy's mother about him shooting your son with a bb gun and tell him that if the boy does not stay away from your family, you will get a restraining order.

Answer 12

I was 13 a year ago and know from expereance about love.



All boys break hearts and that is probally what he will be planning on for the next few weeks.

Answer 13

Wow this grow to be written 4 years in the past. i'm going throw comparable different than my father is greater violnet in direction of me. He constantly talk undesirable approximately me and my. So once I upward thrust up for her he assaults me with the two words and actual issues. i'm the youngest from his sons and no person ever secure my mom. i desire you made it to a good college.

Answer 14

take her cell phone away and put the computer in the living room or some place where its open to everyone, sorry but it seems this lad has more control over her but you have the money and power over your home--set some rules and consequences to be followed by everyone no turning back, if you don't keep your promise or word, you will seem like a joke so follow through with your words

confront her in front of you son but don't mention the other details so she will feel she still has the advantage over you and if it does not work, ground her.

Answer 15

Since I am around that age myself, let her hang out with him and let her do things too. It may have been an accident he shot your son with a bb gun. BB guns do not hurt (from experience), but still your son is 9.

Answer 16

she is a 13 year old kid and you are the mom.



respect? he!! no, she has shown that she is a liar and a sneak. she does not deserve respect. put your foot down now before this gets out of hand. show her what no freedom is like, ground her for a couple of weeks.



you start to let her control things in any way, you will be paying dearly!!! get a grip mom, do it now!!!

Answer 17

If he shot my 9 year old son, your daughter's boyfriend would be explaining his behavior to my local police and his parents. Your daughter's boyfriend reads like a future fanatic. Don't sat on your butt. Call your local police.

Answer 18

does it matter, your restraining your teen from being with a guy just because he shot someone with a bb gun, dude, i bet you've shot someone before mot kids that age have done something your not fond of but you've gotta trust your daughters decisions, i'm allowed to hang with whoever i want and it feels good

Answer 19

ok its a bb gun. its not like its going to kill him.



let a little lee-way for her. shes becomeing a teen.



but you have to guide her not make her desions for her. keep a close eye on her. if something seems wierd then stick to what you want to do. :)



but dont let her control you.

Answer 20

time for a family meeting.

Answer 21

family comes first :)

Answer 22

If you live in California, call me up and i will personally kick that prick's *** and make sure he can no longer physically see your daughter.

Answer 23

family comes first,simple as that

Answer 24

idk...

Maybe child Services culd help wit da boy....

Answer 25

This is the point where you kill the little bas**rd.

Answer 26

stomp that little **** into submission