81 year old Dad is angry with the World even with his kids,wife and himself.What to do?

Question

If your always letting his hurtful comments and snide remarks go over your head BUT now enough is enough and you tell him and your Mom exectly the way it is and how rude he is and how she backs him up because he is her care giver and shes afraid she will be a burden to everyone which is NOT true and she's been told that. Too long to explain but this time the ball is in his court and enough is enough. Haven't been over there in 5 months which is over hour&half drive. Please don't tell me they are the only parents I have and to kiss his butt one more time or I will throw up. Just cause he's OLD doesn't give him the right to cut everyone down when they try and help them or even to visit. He takes pain pills more than the docter ordered and is an ex-alcohlic and was very abusive with my Mom when we were growing up but he has been forgiven . He said he was saved and for several years was so awesome but now over last few years is his OLD self again. I'm 52 of 5 kids. Nobody likes it there!

Answer 1

yes i know EXACTLY what you are talking about!



my father is a recovering alcoholic of 21+ years, but he has been on a dry drunk ever since... he still has that alcoholic attitude, is opinionated, mean hateful.



i severed the relationship over 15 years ago. he's now 78, and i hope he has a nice life.



we can't change other people and by 81, your dad is pretty well set in his ways. he will continue to act like a total moron until the day he dies... perhaps if he becomes ill, weak, and is on death's door someday, he will apologize. until then, don't hold your breath.



sorry to hear your mother is enabling him to continue the behavior. she must be a saint, or totally brainwashed -- i wouldn't put up with it.



i could vomit too, when people say "oh! he's your FATHER!" .....as if they know the abuse my family and i suffered all of our lives. anyone can become a father.... even a total idiot.



Do what you have to and take care of YOU... no one else is going to.



sending many hugz your way!

Answer 2

I know it's hard, but you have to always look at the bright side of the spectrum.

Like you said he's OLD and he's more than likely set in his ways...maybe he's realizing in his last years (hopefully not) that his life didn't turn out exactly as he had pictured it...or maybe it was something tragic that he chooses not to let anyone know about and has kept it in all this time.



Maybe you should call him and say "Dad, enough is enough....I am your daughter and you have 5 if not more beautiful grand children and you really need to stop being so rude...I want them in their granparents life and I'm saying this only because I love you and with respect... Cut the sh!t it doesn't have to be this way...it's never too late to get better and be happy." .....something along those lines.



Don't give in and be stern.



Remember there's always three sides to a story.



YOUR's



MINE



And THE TRUTH.





peace

Answer 3

He is obviously clinically depressed. Try to get him to a therapist. If not a therapist his regular doctor can prescribe anti depressants. He must be confronted with his negativity. When he says something hurtful, calmly repeat what he said. Ask him how he would feel if someone said that to him. He obviously has all of you held emotionally hostage. Someone should tell him to shut up. Treat him the way he treats you. Sounds like the relationship is based on money. If he didn't have any money you wouldn't take that mess from him.

Answer 4

This is something I've had to come to terms with with my dad. He's 77, has bipolar mood disorder, also has some personality disorder issues (schizoid and antisocial personality disorder).



I went through therapy to deal with the emotional issues dealing with my dad has raised, and I would recommend it to you. It helps to have someone objective help you to clear away the emotional baggage so you can deal with the real issues sanely.



The bottom line is that if someone who is a jerk from the get-go becomes old or sick, they are an old or sick jerk. Nobody gets a free pass on bad behavior just because they're old.



You don't need to let your dad's bad behavior pass just because he's old. It's okay to tell him that because of his behavior, you do not want to see him or talk to him or be around him. You can tell him that while you will never allow him to be in want of care, you do not have to visit him or talk to him if he behaves in ways that are hurtful.



That's the route I've taken with my dad. I have obligations to him as a parent that I cannot set aside, but none of those obligations includes letting him hurt me. If he behaves in ways that are mean and hurtful, I can tell him so and then remove myself from his presence without feeling any guilt. I've assured that he gets the care he needs in an assisted living facility.



Do what you need to do to assure your dad has the care he needs, but otherwise don't feel obligated to spend time with him. For your mom's sake, I hope you see her and give her a break from your father's behavior, and I also hope you try to get her to see that she should not tolerate any verbal or emotional abuse from your father.



Think about getting into counseling, it can be a huge load lifted from you to have someone you can talk to about your dad and who can help you deal with the emotional issues.



Hang in there and take care.

Answer 5

Has he been seen by a neurologist??? Seriously there is perhaps something wrong with him. Dementia; Alzheimer's, possibly hydrocephalus? I think he needs to be evaluated there could be something that has affected this mental change.

Answer 6

Sounds as though Dad is depressed, and maybe a bit of dementia with it. He needs a good check-up--physical and mental. Care giving is difficult at any age. It has to be almost impossible at 81.

Answer 7

Take him to a psychiatrist. He is suffering from anxiety, depression of Alzheimer's disease.

Answer 8

dont talk to him, he has earned the right to be cranky , living through the depression, WW2 and korea and Nam,

Answer 9

Tell him to stop being so mean

Answer 10

leave him da hell alone like i do my father

Answer 11

stay away tuff but best way...................