Please, please help me. I want to die and think about dying?

Question

Hi, my name's Kelly, and I'm fifteen years old. I don't feel like explaining my "life story", or why I've become the way I am. If you'd like to know, please check out my other questions; I've had quite a few regarding advice to my family. And I got good advice, I just can't find it within myself to listen to it.

I am suicidal. I want to die. Right now, I'm in tears. I cry every day. This has been going on for almost a year, but I've had suicidal or death-related thoughts since I was 10. I've been depressed since I was probably 13.

Every day, I think about dying. Not what people will be like without me, or who will think of me and who will not. I don't think about those self-sympathy things. I know people will think about me, I know people will care. However, I just have longterm, painful urges to end everything. I constantly think about simply killing my self, just 'cause I "can't take it anymore."

I think about different ways to die, and whether I'd leave a suicide note or not. I've even written suicide notes for practice, or just to "vent."

I don't plan on dying. I have a great future ahead of me; I'm an all-A student who is socially outgoing. I speak well in front of large groups of people, am confident, have friends, and am a talented artist and musician who was recently accepted into early college classes-- a great honor. I know, with my ambition, I'll be successful one day. And therefore, I don't die.

But I still want to. All the time. I just feel this indescribable, heart-wrenching pain. There are times where I can't focus, even when the things I'm doing are things I love, just because I'm that suicidal. I have nightmares about killing and dying, and flashbacks in those nightmares, too. I lost interest in things I used to like. I can go out, get some exercise, go to school, draw something, have fun with friends, and still, at the end of the day, I'm in tears and wishing I were dead.

I've talked to my family. I've told them, straight out, point blank, that I want to die. That I have suicidal, "dark" thoughts and the desire to be dead is always there. I get no good response, other than "hold on" or "ignore it."

It's not working. I may be alive, but I am miserable.

Please help me. I know some say, "go see a doctor", but the truth is I can't take myself to one if no one will take me. And I've tried that; nobody listens, because they're too preoccupied with their own misery and their own selves, which is understandable. And if I do get a doctor and they find me unstable, there goes my summer college programs which I am lucky to even be accepted to in the first place.

Answer 1

If you have a bright future ahead of you, then don't think about dying! You're 15 years old and you still have lots to learn, and lots to explore.

If these thoughts are getting worse, then get help. Why do you want to die? What makes you think that your life is not worth living? There could be lots of happiness and joy waiting for you out there after some years. Think about it, you're in school right now. You graduate out of high school, go to college, choose whatever career you want to do, get married and who knows what your fate has in store for you. If you suicide, you won't ever get the gifts that life has to offer. So don't think about dying. If it gets worse, tell your friends, friends of your family, your teacher, your school. Just tell someone about this. It's really serious.

Answer 2

My first question is; do you have a plan? My first suicide attempt was at 12. I know what you mean about the "heart-wrenching pain". I call it the "Banshee" What good are your college programs if you are in such emotional pain? A stay in the hospital is only 3 to 7 days usually. Then you are an outpatient, on drugs monitored by a Dr. The drugs help stabilize certain areas of your brain until you and a therapist can find out the root of your self-grief. Something must have happened to trigger this pain, something that happened when you were a child. It sounds to me like you have PTSD. And don't 'settle' for just any therapist, you have to find one that 'clicks' with you. And don't listen to your family, no one should go through this kind of pain. There is help out there, try looking on the first few pages of your phone book, there should be a suicide hotline you can call. In Arizona, the number is 800-796-6762.

I understand. If you need someone to talk to my cell number is 520-339-8865. My husband is a psyschologist. Get help now, don't let the Banshee win.

Trisha

Answer 3

Hi, Im 13 too! I know exactly what you're talking about! I was like that for at least 9 months and I still have slight feelings of sadness/depression, I still am very hyper and my brain is constantly buzzing, and I used to think about how regretfull everyone would be if I died and how sorry people would be and I think I know the answer to your problems and please don't get mad at me for saying this...I think you have ADD or ADHD. I have ADD and when I was diagnosed the docter said people (especially teens with a high load of stress...even silly, made up stress) have anxiaty which leads to sadness. The best way to deal with this is go to a psycholigist or a docter and ask them about it. They will help you a lot!!! I'm now happy, my mom and I have a better relationship, and my grades are a lot better! I can now talk to people about this because I know I'm not crazy and I know what's going on. I wish you the best of luck! I hope I helped! -Julia =)

Answer 4

You answered my question so now I'm going to take a stab at answering yours.

I know how it feels to feel the way you do. I went through it myself, ever since I was maybe 13. I went through my parent divorcing, and years of abuse by both sets of parents and step parents.They locked me up in mental hospitals many times. I use to dream of ways to kill them, to hurt them the way I was being hurt. I grew up very differently because of all this, and I was raped at age 11 1/2 which made me even more of an outcast because I always felt I couldn't trust anyone. No one understood me, no one could relate. I am almost 33 now and I still feel the same! I have a husband and a son, but I'm so depressed. I cry to myself, I'm so lonely. I live in a fantasy world and always in the past, because as bad as the past was it sure seems to beat the present. I used to cut myself- now I just get tats or piercings.



I try to be a good mother but deep inside I know I'm not, nor am I a good wife. Then I think- am I just putting blame on myself? Am I really not at fault? My head spins and I just feel like I'm insane.



You seem so smart for your age and so in touch with your feelings. I cannot offer you a way out or a way to stop feeling what you are feeling, but I can offer myself as a friend,- that is, if you feel comfortable having someone my age as a friend. I am [e-mail] if you want to chat...hell if it were up to me I'd steal you away, lol. I've always wanted a daughter.

Answer 5

ik exactly how you feel i am 13.

i use to be a straight A student but now im not b/c ive basily gave up on alot of things since ive been depressed.

i feel like my parents hate me and dont care and sometimes i dont think my friends could give a damn either

i feel like everyone talks bout me even though i have many friends, i feel like i am the most ugliest person alive, and i just hate myself and how my parents treat me b/c it really isnt right even my friends and some relatives say so.

although the one thing that keeps me from comitting sucide is thinking that when i turn 18 i can leave this all and live my life how i want and if i kill myself im going to hell and i dont wanna be there

i try to think about my future and how when i get older i am totaly in control and can leave all the crappy stuff behind

also when i get like this i try to think of 1 good thing that is actually good in my life and say dont kill myself live for that good thing which for u and for me if i start caring again could be a bright future

Answer 6

FIRST, if you do it, you would go to HELL FOREVER, and be torchered(spelled wrong) in you grave until judment day.

SECOND, you are gonna die anyway, we all are, and why do it early

Now, you have everything, friends, future, talente. why would you do it?

LOOK, do you about ISLAM, and being a MUSLEM. read the Quran, and learn more. you would go to Haven just by being one, and praying.

Learn about it more. and answer me back

Answer 7

dude i think your emo



you should see this clip



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9onvD6CkCvc