my birth mum died over drug abuse?

Question

Hello I'm Jayde I'm 13years old. I was taken from my mum when I was 6 for neglect and abuse she use to make me go to her dealers for drugs and make me handle the drugs for her and once made me push the needle in her leg :S I never had a loving mum just someone sat there everyday knocked out on drugs and drink nothing what a mum should be :(

I have been to 14 foster families within 7years have never actually felt love between anyone never really had a friend for along time who i could trust with my past. I have only one photo of my mum and do not have any visits to see her. I have anger problems and find it hard to express my feelings, I did not attend school until I was placed into care, I didn't even though my name until I was 6years old. I was never bathed and only feed sometimes when it suited her to buy food for me.she use to leave me in the house on my own for days.

I just feel like no one loves me or needs me part of their life, everyone has their families they don't want me interfering within their family.

as soon as i got a friend my foster family would give me up and send me back to the children's home. I went missing for weeks one day and slept at this man's house when I was 11years old.

my birth mum has recently died over drug abuse and i wasn't even allowed to her funeral :(
I just been given my mum's rings which mean alot to me

but why did my mum choose drugs and drink over me? wasn't I was that bit more special? Wasn't I worth to see grow up? she has affected my life several waysand made it hard for me to live a happy life why didn't my mum love me wasn't I good enough for her? was i not her "prefect" daughter?

Answer 1

I first want to say I truly feel for you and all the troubles you have struggled through. You have a lot of questions that are all very hard to answer and which are way out of my league, but I can give some advice. You can't blame yourself for what happened with your mum it was not your fault and maybe this is hard to hear but your mum was a very terrible mum and you did not deserve that or the repercussions of her poor parenting. I don't know if your religious and with all that you have been through it must be hard to ever think of a loving God who has a plan for you, and I don't want to give you a sermon but I do want to tell you that someone somewhere will love you very much and if you look close enough you may be able to find love right now. I don't know the reason why your mum turned to drugs but she too probably was in a lot of pain as well. Although that never excuses how she behaved, you can't turn bitter either, being angry and pissed off about your past will only hurt your future. Forgiving your mother,I know easier said than done, and accepting your past will help you live a much happier life. You are a much stronger person than I could ever dream of being and I wish you the best. Hope I helped.

Answer 2

your mom never gave herself a real understanding of what a child means i cant say shes a bad person she was overly addicted to it the pleasure she got from the drugs overcame the pleasure of raising a child , she was very weak she didn't fight it she just let herself go as well as letting you go you were worth everything if shed Only given herself that chance she would of understood the importance , you say you dont feel accepted anywhere well now that your bigger you have the chance to build a family of your own with all you've learned im sure You know how not to hurt your child yoiu can still make it better

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss but don't blame yourself. I was a hardcore druggie. Heroin and cocaine every hour. And from experience, it was no ones fault but mine. I refused the help people tried to give me and i lost everything because I was an addict. My job and school saw me shooting up but never stopped me. When you are on drugs its hard to see that you're hurting the people that love you most. It took me flat lining for 5 min. at a friends funeral to show that I took it too far. quit cold turkey and it killed me. Most druggies are to proud to ask for help or feel they don't need it. I'm 19 and 3 years sober. I don't remember anything from my past. But what i tell my friends and family is to never blame yourself for what I have done. I got lucky and a second chance. I know its hard for you but you are not to blame whatsoever and Never say you're not good enough....NEVER!! I will pray for you. And find people you can lean on, it'll help you feel better.

Answer 4

It's hard to imagine but sometimes when people are addicted to drugs or drink its like they are lost and can't see or feel real life. Please try and see that you have your whole life ahead of you and that the world is a big place. Your can't blame yourself for this as its not something you could control or have any influence over.

Answer 5

i am sorry for your situation. my sister and i were both taken into care for that exact same reason, our mom was put in and out of jail for reasons we were never told. it is not your fault. that was not your mother, your mother was probably a very sweet woman but unfortunately drugs and alcohol took over her and became the main source of her life. its not that you were not a perfect daughter, it is not at all you! remember that. one day you will find a special someone who will give you the love you need and one day you will be happy, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel :)

Answer 6

she will of had **** to deal with in her childhood that shaped her into the woman she was and the chioces she made. people who drink and use drugs do it to numb themselves from something they cant deal with, they dont love themselves or believe anyone loves them.

im sure she will have loved you but was not strong enough to deal with her demons to be a good mum.

its very sad for you, my heart breaks for kids like you.

anywho, you have alot to look forward to. your very young, it is so important you do well at school so you can get a good job.

you will meet a guy that will fall in love with you, and want to love, honour and protect you for as long as he may live, then you will have kids of your own and the love and bond between mother and child is strong and forever.

learn from your mothers mistakes

be happy, live well

good luck. x

Answer 7

she was probably hooked on drugs before you came along and now that you're grown up she would be able to see how special you are and would probably stop, it's too late now, but it's not too late to try and continue to be someone that your mum could be proud of.

Answer 8

she was probably just a troubled woman and drugs and drinking were the only out that she saw as a solution.

Answer 9

Junkies and alcoholics do it, they can't seem to see past the addiction

Answer 10

I'm just sorry for this situation.Your society is to blame,I think.