Question:
My rude daughter is out of control. Advice?
Dom
2017-06-10 15:49:50 UTC
My daughter is going into 10th grade in high school. I expect her to do 3 after school activities: theater, soccer, and writing the newspaper. I don't think I ask for much, but she gets upset every time I bring up that I expect her to do these things. Her excuse was that she wants to focus on her classes and her homework. Well why can't she focus on her classes AND do the 3 activities? It's pathetic. I ask her to something so simple and she can't even do that for me. Her attitude annoys me. When I was her age, I went to summer camps, did art club, and babysat my siblings. It's a shame that she can't do these things. Any advice?
153 answers:
Kathleen
2017-06-10 17:37:07 UTC
Have you asked her what activities she wants? Now, I understand both sides. Homework and school need to be first. But, she also needs time management and other activities in her life to be well balanced. Come up together three activities and go from there.
A
2017-06-15 18:45:44 UTC
I totally get where you are coming from but you can t force your daughter to do these things. I think that you should sit down and have a conversation with her and then discuss things that maybe she would like to do. Like say if she does one of your choices then maybe she can choose the other two. Like maybe she doesn t want to do soccer there are plenty of other sports to choose from. And she could volunteer somewhere as a after school/weekend thing colleges like that too. You just gotta find something that interest her because then you wouldn t have to force her, she would go willingly. Trust me this is the best idea and i m speaking from personal experience.

My mom tried to force me to do certain stuff in high school and i hated her for it until my older sister talked to her and let me choose what i wanted to do and it ended up making us have a great relationship and i had fun in school and got in good with all of my colleges.
Rebound
2017-06-14 00:05:44 UTC
My parents used to make me do baseball and student council in high school and I used to hate them for it. Now I can see how it helped me and gave me a bunch of opportunities and I am thankful to them for it. Tell your daughter to stop being entitled it the real world will bite her in the @ss one day.
Rebecca
2017-06-13 04:43:21 UTC
Hi I just graduated highschool. I totally recommend that she should get more involved in activities! This is how she will make friends and its alot of fun being involved. I wish I could have done more and I did alot! If she doesn't see this now soon she will be graduating and trust me it fly's by so fast...and she will look back at everything she has done and realize hey I should of done this and will regret it. I would try to take a different approach on it...think back when you were in highschool tell her all the good things you got to do and experience have her read this. She may think highschool is a bore now but she is going to end up missing it when she does graduate and will regret not getting to participate in co-curricular activities. I miss singing in choir and I miss being in JROTC. I made so many friends and some were lower classmen some of these people ill probably never see again. I recommend her listening to other people with their experience
vansarelife1103
2017-06-13 03:46:57 UTC
you tell her since you are her mother she shouldn't be giving you that nasty attitude. she needs to know that you are the one that is in control not her. that will make her take advantage of you. if she rolls her eyes at her you better give her one in the head so she can learn that she shouldn't do that
Joseph
2017-06-12 14:01:08 UTC
They more you tighten your grip on a teenager, the more they're going to rebel. That goes double with a mother/daughter relationship. SHE KNOWS you're trying to control her, absolutely.
Pearl L
2017-06-12 03:25:15 UTC
i would just leave her alone or she might get even more rude
2017-06-11 18:44:02 UTC
Nothing but a troll post!
2017-06-11 11:20:28 UTC
Back off a little bit!!! I just finished year 10 and honestly it's a really hard year! Your daughter wants to find her own path in life and it's going to make it harder for her to do so if your pushing her to do things that you want her to do and she doesn't want to do them! You might have done all those things when you were her age but times have changed since then and if you keep pushing her to do these things her attitude is just going to get worse.
K
2017-06-10 16:55:13 UTC
Have you tried having an open and honest sit down conversation with her? It's easy to get caught up in the world of, "Well *I* could do this, why can't you?!". Your daughter knows what bothers her, what she struggles with, and what she hates. High school, might I add, is a lot harder than it was 20,30,40 years ago. There's more to it nowadays. It seems like every generation is saying that, but it's the truth! About every 5 years, with different political changes, school is getting harder. Along with MANY other things.



My advice to you is this; communicate with your daughter. Don't approach it with negativity. I'm not saying that you are, I'm just giving you a 'heads up', cause tensions may flare during the conversation. Ask her specific questions like; "Why will you need to focus on school so much?" "What really bothers you about these activities?" There may be something to it that you don't know. I hope for the best for you two.
Jane
2017-06-16 00:06:51 UTC
I think you are creating a 'rude' child with your fixation on particular after-school activities that seem to have been chosen by you rather than by her. Have you considered asking her what she would like to do after school, exploring with her the interests and talents she would like to develop? At her age, coming into later teenage-hood, she is no longer the compliant little girl, she is growing into her own identity.

Your job as a parent is to support and encourage her, understand her needs and her concerns, provide boundaries and guidance, be consistently calm, patient and firm, provide a role model. Parenting teens isn't easy at all! But dictating to her in this way is setting yourself up to fail in developing trust between you- basically she won't listen if you don't listen.
2017-06-15 07:09:12 UTC
shedoesnt know what rude is call me I'm rude and can be out of control if u get me mad. u have to give her punishment and reinforcement
heyyy
2017-06-15 05:27:28 UTC
Have you tried talking to her about it to make it seem as if you both can pick 2-3 activities and its a team decision, not something being forced?
Sometimes Down To Earth Gal
2017-06-14 01:41:35 UTC
how would you even answer this question seriously. As long as she gets good grades stays out of trouble why does she have to do all these activities. She has a better chance of a scholarship with excellent grades. Sounds a bit unrealistic to expect that from her. That's a lot of time devoting to afterschool activities she'll be swamped and burned out. It's not rude but understandable that she wouldn't want to.
B
2017-06-13 10:48:22 UTC
communicate better will work, ask her to prioritize and pick two of the three activities, and drop the third. these days, schoolwork is also very very important, and school is more complex than ever before.
J
2017-06-13 09:53:50 UTC
Obviously you're not doing your job well as a parent by posting this on yahoo answers for advice on how to control your own child. Have some decency and talk to a therapist for adolecents about it. Putting this up here makes you seem pretty childish, too. Do you really wonder where she gets it from?
MargaretAmethyst
2017-06-12 18:16:28 UTC
Not everyone has the same energy level, or tolerance for a schedule full of activities. Maybe she needs to study more than you did. Maybe it is social anxiety. Could be lots of different things. In kindergarten when I laid down at naptime, the teacher couldn't wake me up afterwards. At the end of the day, I got carried out to the bus, still asleep. Even in highschool, I needed a nap when I got home. It wasn't until I was 33 that I was diagnosed with a heart defect. If I were you, I would stop nagging her, and listen to her. Let her know you are on the same team and have the same goal: you want her to grow up healthy, happy, and well- adjusted. Ask why she doesn't want to do the activities. If it is because of fatigue, take her to a doctor, and let them know that she doesn't seem to have as much energy as other kids her age. If it is social anxiety, a therapist can help. Be thankful that she wants to study. A lot of parents would love to have a child like yours.
2017-06-12 10:57:39 UTC
Keep pushing... She will be pregnant and diseased in 2 years !
Alan H
2017-06-12 10:33:53 UTC
Assuming that you are not writing this 'back to front' because you are the

daughter, accept that at her age she should be making her own decisions

and that schooling IS far more important

If you are the daughter, ask a trusted adult relative to have a word with your mom
Veronica
2017-06-12 09:31:42 UTC
Try to compromise with her. Instead of what have you giveher options to what she likes...
2017-06-12 03:43:18 UTC
Your daughter isn't being rude. You are just expecting too much of her. My sister was the same way. Mom expected her to watch us, do chores, get all A's, and still somehow participate in any school sport that came up. It led her to become very depressed. If your daughter wants to just focus on her school work, just let her do that.
2017-06-12 01:22:55 UTC
are you kidding me? do you have any idea how hard school is now? especially if she is in AP classes? i had 3 hours of homework every night, and i did theater as well. i barely had enough time to sit down, i cant even imagine doing a sport and writing for my school paper on top of that. school is not what it was when you were in school, much more is expected from students nowadays. grades are a lot more important now bc you need to go to a GOOD college to get a well paying job. and what if she doesnt want to do these activities? be glad she wants to focus on school and her grades and that she doesnt want to just slack off and be lazy. leave her alone.
CandieMandie
2017-06-12 01:15:34 UTC
she's in 10th grade. cut her some slack. she is her own person, not a cookie cut out of you. Let her choose her own activities and let her focus on her studies. you should be PROUD she wants to focus on her studies and didn't just tell you she wants the free time to see her friends. just a thought.
GB
2017-06-12 00:07:52 UTC
A lot of parents would be proud that she wants to focus on her studies.
Ainsley
2017-06-11 20:31:15 UTC
Soccer, theater, and newspaper writing? Maybe because that's LLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE
Carolyn
2017-06-11 17:38:59 UTC
I have a daughter in 11th grade.

At this age, she should be choosing her own activities, not you. How do you expect her to learn how to make decisions if you keep making those for her? How do you expect her to enjoy extracurricular activities if you keep deciding which ones she should be involved in?

My daughter doesn't do half the stuff I did at her age. It annoys me that her generation is so lazy, and I blame that partly on the laws that restrict children from getting their first job at 14 when they have to basically wait until 16 now. They've lost a whole 2 years of work experience that previous generations would enjoy.

Having said that, the same problems of babying this generation that lead to them not wanting to work, are the same problems with not allowing them to grow up and make their own decisions.

You know what is a consequence of not belonging to any clubs, activities? You have a diminished social life. If this is what she wants to do, let her quit whatever she wants with the warning that she can't blame you for being bored or having less access to her friends who continue going while she's at home. She's not going to learn anything if you keep coddling her and deciding for her. She has to be allowed to fail at life sometimes, no better time than when younger rather than older.
Elindriel
2017-06-11 16:35:51 UTC
Stop trying to control her. You're demanding that she do activities you want to see her doing instead of asking what she is interested in. Ask her what extra curricular activities she'd like to do. She may surprise you with an answer, or even tell you she doesn't want to do any. That's fine to.



She is NOT you. You are not raising a carbon copy of yourself. You are raising a child who is her own person, and won't have the same interests that you do. Instead of judging her, try accepting her and remember that she isn't going to be exactly like you.



Plus there is a LOT more homework heaped on these kids then even I had when I went to high school, and certainly more then when you went to school. Its stressful staying up till two or three every day to get it all done after spending three or four hours after school doing those three activities you demand of her.



Stop making demands. Start asking her, then let her set her own pace. Some kids need to unwind after school and study, not gear up for yet another set of activities. Leave her be.
Blank
2017-06-11 08:51:52 UTC
She's not out of control. You want to control her.

Being forced into something will not bring good.

The role of parents is to GUIDE the children at all times.



If you pursue this things, it might be her attitude will lead into being rebellious defying all you say.



Its not nice to compare yourself to her. You children is creating her own life and memories.



I cannot tell you to follow my advice and I do not know the real extent of your problem with her.



You know better what's good for your daughter cuz you're her parent/s.
Eva
2017-06-10 16:30:19 UTC
Back off mom. She has her priorities straight, you don't. Let her focus on the ONE after school activity she wants, not the one you want for her. Find an interest of your own and stop trying to like your life through hers.
Donald B
2017-06-10 15:53:03 UTC
It depends upon her grades. If she cannot keep high grades and do 3 activities she needs to drop at least one of them. She may not have the emotional and physical stamina that you had when you were her age.
Alex
2017-06-15 09:10:48 UTC
Thats asking for a sh!t ton, sorry. I would have done all three of those things instead i just got to do theater. High school activities are so time consuming i would get out at like 10 pm every night just from that, then go to work, then had to study for my advanced placement classes, school asks too much nowadays compared to what you're used to. You just don't get it, how much work she has and how much pressure she's under
abdallh
2017-06-14 22:40:14 UTC
https://familyfur.blogspot.com/
2017-06-14 20:10:29 UTC
No
2017-06-14 16:19:28 UTC
Its good for children to strive to have a good work ethic. Such kids become useful in society. However, its easy for them to have a heavy work load which may cause them to become overwhelmed. Each child is different, so parents can help by being observant and determining which methods of communication work best with your child. For example,

When Jesus was instructing his disciples, he told them: “Pay attention to how you listen.” (Luke 8:18) Its hard to talk to adolescents, because as you mentioned they may be out of control or at times rude, If your daughter seems reluctant to talk, do something together—take a walk, go for a drive, play a game, or perform a chore around the house. Often, such informal settings help adolescents feel more inclined to open up. I hope this works for you.
Maybach
2017-06-14 02:44:20 UTC
She get her stupid ways after you. So....
J T
2017-06-13 19:50:05 UTC
You're a classic "helicopter" parent... back off of her for craps sake!
AnimeOtaku101
2017-06-13 10:20:29 UTC
It's great that you want your daughter to be successful but you're being a complete asshole about it. I just graduated high school a week ago and it's been exhausting as hell. I never understood how people could keep up with all these activities yet I could hardly keep up with the pile of homework I had everyday. High school is tough and you should be proud that your daughter wants to focus on her classrs. That comes first. And for gods sake, stop it with the whole "If I can do it, so can you". It's complete bullshit and you have to remember that your daughter is not like you and THINGS HAVE CHANGED OVER THE YEARS.



Encourage your daughter to get involved, don't force it. If anything, I suggest you let her have a gradual approach to adding activities in her life.
Liz
2017-06-13 02:48:16 UTC
You post this because you knew everyone is going to be upset about how you think about your daughter. yet, I don't think you are asking a lot. I do 7 things in a week.



Mon: art

Tue: piano

Wed: rugby

Thur: rugby and boy scouts

Fri: debate club and gymnastics

Sat: swimming

Sun: gymnstics
victor
2017-06-13 00:16:58 UTC
let it go. I know you have the best intentions at heart. I understand you want what's best for her. But, let her make her own choices. If she chooses nothing, and becomes a lazy kid, life will eventually kick her in the *** for it. But you cannot make her a better person by force. She is not you and most likely will never be. My father always near begged me to get scholarships in highschool. BUT, i never listened. when it came time for college, i was financially screwed. But that was my lesson to learn. Had my dad forced me or pushed me, i would have resented him for it. and it would have hurt our relationship rather than help me. Let it go.
TYWON
2017-06-12 19:56:24 UTC
I think you need to get a dog! Or make yourself a sock puppet. Because it seems to me you have a toy thats not doing what you want, not a child. At least you can call the pound to take the dog away when it doesnt play ball with you, and if that sock puppet doesnt listen to you, then who will?
christopher
2017-06-12 16:39:24 UTC
So you force your expectations on your daughter and you're confused as to why she is being rude? Maybe it's because your daughter is 16 and is at the stage where she is becoming an adult and needs individuality. Don't force your expectations on her and let her make her own decisions and mistakes.
DAVID
2017-06-12 14:12:03 UTC
Shes not being rude-you are being to controlling.
angela
2017-06-12 13:25:37 UTC
Okay, as someone who has a sibling going into her junior year, I can tell you right now that doing Theatre and Soccer

(By theatre I mean being involved in every show) is almost impossible. The schedules rarely line up with all of the after school practices and show and game dates. Therefore if her director/coach are smart, they will either ask her to pick one or she won't get larger roles in shows.

Those 3 things may not be her passions either. You want her to follow her heart, right?

Why don't you try and ask her why she doesn't want to do those things and accept her feelings? I think that's expecting a LOT.

My sister gets home at 9pm some nights due to theatre and dance, she's in all college/honors level classes and she's burnt out all the time. Just put that into perspective.
vic
2017-06-12 04:05:04 UTC
I think you as a parent are out of control. Don't force her to do activities, let her focus on school work, leave her alone
?
2017-06-12 00:23:12 UTC
Your daughter wants to focus on her schooling? Sounds like a smart girl to me. Perhaps she feels overwhelmed already with her workload and isn't telling you--or isn't she? She IS TELLING YOU. Please listen to her! School isn't nearly as easy as it was in "our" day. She is not you. Did you ask if she was even interested? I raised two children, work in Chicago Public Svhools for 15 years, and have coached for 15 years. Boy I did not enjoy coaching the kids whose parents forced them into the activity. After school activities are OPTIONAL for a reason. Personally I would have discussed with her selecting one of HER ideas. Leave it to her. Backing off and letting her have a choice in the long run will serve her better. Just my opinion. I am sure you mean well.
Terry
2017-06-11 21:37:57 UTC
Nice b8
2017-06-11 17:14:27 UTC
Don't spoil her. My sister is damaged goods because out mother spoiled her and she grew up worthless.
Ms. Bou
2017-06-10 22:36:12 UTC
You are asking her to do things that she does not have an interest in and think that she's out of control for not participating. Many parents would love to have your problem. Your daughter wants to focus on her schoolwork and that is a very good thing. So many students want to forget about homework and just spend time on sports or social activities to the detriment of their grades. Your daughter has the right idea, to focus on her studies and to get good marks. If she feels interested in any other activities, she can participate, but it has to be on something that she is interested in. Your daughter is not out of control! She's showing a very mature attitude towards her studies and realizes that these count very much if she's thinking about attending college.
Kendall Marcuson
2017-06-10 21:02:33 UTC
Why are you making her do a sport she doesnt want to do... who would want to write a newspaper and theater is for grade school kids... you cant force her to like something
Jess
2017-06-10 15:57:50 UTC
First of all, your daughter is not "out of control", she's just being a kid. Now, have you ever thought of how much stress these 3 activities PLUS her grades/schoolwork will be put on her? Especially if theater, soccer, and newspaper happen in the same season. Let her relax, she wants to be able to have free time you know. You pushing her to do things she might not even enjoy can strain your relationship with her. I'd say let her do 1-2 activities during the school year. Your daughter's response is completely normal and pushing her to do these things will not help- trust me. Best of luck.
Thalia
2017-06-15 01:26:07 UTC
Does she want to do those activities or did you impose them on her? Your daughter lives in a new generation where there's a huge focus on education, meaning more rigour. I have no doubt that she wants to please you, but it's harder to do things that you don't enjoy, and that's why she's having a difficult time. She has to go to school, do dull after-school activities, then come home to hours of homework. It's exhausting. I'm in 9th grade, so I'm going through similar things. You're lucky to have a daughter that cares about her academics, so continue to encourage her. Plan some activities over the summer, instead of making it a stressful school-year for the both of you. Let her choose them. Teenagers need a sense of independence, like they can make their own decisions. And if you're there to make them for her, she won't become her own person.
Logi
2017-06-14 18:38:03 UTC
Your expecting too much from her. Give her some time and space because she could grow up to resent you. Let her choose the after school activities and she will thank you.
Nat
2017-06-14 11:48:30 UTC
Honestly, I see where you are coming from, but things have changed in the very short-lived world that we are living in, schooling has only just got harder and harder, they force students to do many things nowadays and not give much thought to their outside lives, acting as if school is the be all and end all. Advice from higher comments are correct

have a quiet and calm conversation where you both momentarily act like equals, and I am not saying this should be all the time, this is STRICTLY momentarily, give your daughter time to speak, not speaking over the top of her, give her space to rant and speak her mind, and then you tell her how you feel but in a different way that she has heard before and work from there



I have been in the same situation before with my mum, I was in the same year and I know what your daughter is going through, she will appreciate the space you give her to speak her mind and you both will become closer.

I hope this advice will help you seeing how late it is, Wishing you both all the best.
Jonah
2017-06-13 20:19:01 UTC
Quit being a dick. let her have a life outside of school and extracurriculars. Those things are supposed to be fun, but they take up a lot of time. Shes in high school so let her breath a little and chill with her buddies.
Michael
2017-06-13 14:43:37 UTC
Good questions. Have you thought of listening to her perspective? Maybe you try to listen to each other's perspectives. That way, you do not want to get into an arguments with your daughter. Or you can come up with an idea to help her manager her time schecule.
2017-06-13 03:13:13 UTC
She probably isnt interested in those things, so she feels forced to do them.
scene
2017-06-13 02:28:09 UTC
Ask dr.phil lol
Karina
2017-06-13 02:09:23 UTC
Your daughter is not out of control. You may have done many after school activities when you were her age, but school is MUCH different now. There's so much more stress on colleges and grades and GPA and the material has gotten more complex. Teens these days are so stressed and it's important that parents realize how bad it can be because most of them don't. TALK TO HER. Figure out whether she's super stressed or is just too lazy to do the activities. If she's lazy, maybe she's not interested in those things and she needs to find different activities to participate in that she is interested in. Don't ask yahoo answers why she is "out of control" Ask her.
charlotte
2017-06-12 22:34:46 UTC
Stop trying to controll her life and make her do what you wanted to do when you were younger.
gondolfi
2017-06-12 19:38:45 UTC
Looks like You are trying to Tighten control ...more than needed. Let her focus on what she likes the most...and Not what you like!
Ella
2017-06-12 18:02:12 UTC
Your daughter is getting older. And she should be able to start making some decisions for her self that include what she likes to do. My parents expect me to do some activities, but they let me choose what I want to do. I was getting extremely overwhelmed with there expectations for those activities and actually started having panic attacks. I would suggest that a break for your daughter might not be a bad thing. Maybe you guys can compromise. Find something you both agree with and you'll both be happy.
2017-06-12 14:13:38 UTC
It doesn't seem that your daughter is rude, but it does seem like you're putting too much pressure on your daughter to perform or achieve.

Where is this coming from and why do you want her to participate in these activities?

Were you pushed to be an achiever or over achiever?

High school isnt the end of life nor the begining but I agree with her to an extent that she needs to be focused on her grades and not distracted by things that won't make or break her.

What she doesn't need is undue stress placed on her by a parent that didn't succeed where they wanted to in life and wants to give their children everything they didn't have.

Guess what??

She wants to work for it on her own & she doesn't want everything you have or missed out on.

Our parents were used & abused by society & discarded. Unappreciated.

She's going to work for what she wants & to not be taken advantage of at the same time.

Just please give her some space & respect.
2017-06-12 07:00:19 UTC
Your daughter doesn't want to partake in those activities, and you relentlessly forcing them upon her won't change her mind. I suggest letting her pursue her own interests and seeing what happens rather than forcing her to participate in your interests.
2017-06-12 06:49:17 UTC
You need to make sure she knows who is the boss but also you might need ease down a little bit, times have changed since then and it's different know. but don't let her think that she doesn't have to listen, compromise with her.



Hope this helped
Gerald
2017-06-12 04:49:16 UTC
Often if the child is left to their own work standards they fall very short, many many people tell they become successful because of their parents on their back and pushed them alone ! I know what I would chose, a parent that as interested in my future !
2017-06-12 01:50:13 UTC
where is dad?
2017-06-11 23:09:09 UTC
Maybe she isn't interested. Ever thought of that? Be glad she is even focused on School work at all a lot of kids are not or they fail or even drop out. Don't force her to do stuff she doesn't want because someday she will have a chance to move out and never talk to you again and probably won't!
Chantalle
2017-06-11 21:09:30 UTC
This is why I moved out of my mom's house. It won't stop no matter how over 18 you are. So I left. Stop being a bossy mom , nobody asked for your opinion about how she should spend time. I feel sorry for her. I got rid of my mom for this reason . I have a lady boss at work who has this same problem and is really causing me stress.
Myles
2017-06-11 17:56:26 UTC
I know you want the best for your daughter but you might want to consider What she wants . Everyone knows that parents have authority in the household but dont try to force your goals on your children. Im not sure if you're an avid bible reader but Consider what it says at ephesians 6:4 "And fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and admonition of Jehovah". The bible actually has alot of good advice for families
Carol
2017-06-10 17:54:28 UTC
Your daughter is at an age where she is able to decide what activities she enjoys and which ones don't appeal to her. When I was in school, if my mother made me take gymnastics after school (for instance) and I am a klutz and everyone would laugh at me. I wouldn't want that activity. But cheerleading isn't quite as difficult as balance beam or something like that. I would be much happier. Please talk together and let her decide which ones she would like. Maybe 3 are too many and in order to keep up with her grades she can only do one or two activities. You have to get rid of your attitude toward her. It's her life and not yours. Even though you still consider a child, she is a teenager and should have some input as to what she likes to do. You had your chance, now it's hers. I would become cranky if my parents acted like you are. You need to concentrate your relationship, pull back a little and try to understand her. If you don't, the future doesn't look too bright for the 2 of you. Love and compassion are much better than orders and anger. You need to change because you are the problem
Tia Marie
2017-06-17 05:37:50 UTC
I don't think she's being rude. The activities are clearly too much for her, on top of having to keep up with homework. You should let up on her a little. Also, have you ever considered that maybe she isn't interested in those particular activities? You should ask her what she likes to do in her spare time, and work out a compromise.
Sam
2017-06-16 16:01:37 UTC
They more you tighten your grip on a teenager, the more they're going to rebel. That goes double with a mother/daughter relationship. SHE KNOWS you're trying to control her, absolutely.
2017-06-15 08:54:56 UTC
Piop
Zahra
2017-06-15 07:40:21 UTC
Stop trying to control her. If she says she doesn't want to do it then leave her alone. How is she rude? Because she disagreed with you? Parents like you make me sick, let the girl live. Teenage years are hard enough already...
Alanna
2017-06-14 19:30:10 UTC
Well.

In the case that your daughter is 'out of control," I need more clarification. Is she being rude? Coming home late?
2017-06-14 02:02:05 UTC
You are the one who is out of control.
?
2017-06-13 12:49:21 UTC
get her married asap
2017-06-13 04:37:29 UTC
I think she can fit Cheerleading and track on that list, too. When I was a kid, I did 15 sports, kept a 4.0 gpa, and still found time to work, and support my 1yr old baby.
2017-06-12 22:07:40 UTC
"theater, soccer, and writing the newspaper."



Come on are you kidding?



It's too much it was tough when I was her age 30 years ago I'd start school at 8:00 am and get out of the building at 4:00 PM I was exhausted math, history, french, english, chemistry, physics, geography and a bunch of other classes when I got home I spent all night doing home work and had to get up at 6:00 am and do it all over again.



She just wants to come home eat and have a little bit of peace and quiet f-- soccer f--- the newspaper and theater.
jeffrey f
2017-06-12 20:53:14 UTC
Your daughter knows how much she can handle and she is old enough to decide what activities she wants to be involved in. No teenager appreciates their parents telling them what extra-curricular activities to do. And you have to prepare her for life as an adult, not try to control her.
Amy
2017-06-12 16:50:01 UTC
Your daughter isn't being rude. You are just expecting too much of her.
2017-06-12 15:07:52 UTC
dfs
2017-06-12 12:17:30 UTC
You're pathetic. Who cares about soccer, theater and a stupid school newspaper. If she was going on to play soccer or act or write I could see one of those other things but not all three. If she's not doing those things let her concentrate on her school work.
Melissa
2017-06-12 09:37:08 UTC
She is not you so stop trig t push her to be like you.

Let me guess your dreams were smashed or you did not get the life you expected so now you are pushing all this onto her
2017-06-12 09:30:40 UTC
Give her a good talking to.
Lloyd
2017-06-12 05:22:46 UTC
Shes growing up and needs some space. Reason with her and pretend to be a nice mother and only do two things. Works every time.
Marjhaa
2017-06-11 16:40:34 UTC
You're trying to live her life for her and that will mean you no good just because you did it when you were her age doesn't mean she has to do it y'all are not the same, 2 totally different ppl when was the last time you talked to her about HER interests ? Asked her how she liked those 3 activities ? Let her live her life ! Or maybe try asking are their any activities extra that she'd like to do!
Tyt
2017-06-11 14:24:51 UTC
I am sorry, but your daughter is not the one out of control it seems to me as if you are. The reason I say this is because you want your daughter to do these activities have you simply sat there and asked her maybe if she would want to do a different activity and if not then that is fine. just because you did things at her age does not mean they need to be done not only have times changed but so has society NOW THE ONLY ADVICE I REALLY HAVE IS STOP TRYING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THROUGH YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR JOB IS TO GUIDE NOT TO DEMAND. ----Father of 2 daughters
Raja
2017-06-11 07:29:40 UTC
It is not because she is rude ,she has planned her activities giving priority to the most important.Avoid unnecessarily interfereing with her work and time schedule .What you did at your age is now outdated .
2017-06-10 16:15:49 UTC
I don't believe you. There are parents who try to relive their youth through their children, ignoring the fact that the child is not a clone and has interests of his/her own, but you write like a troll.

You use an emotionally charged sentence to convince us that your daughter is both rude and out of control, and then admit that she simply does not want to follow your agenda for her life.
Craig
2017-06-17 11:57:00 UTC
As a child, he talked to you about everything. As a teenager, he tells you nothing. When you try to converse, he either gives clipped responses or ignites an argument that turns your home ground into a battleground.



You can learn to talk with your teenager. First, though, consider two factors that may contribute to the challenge. *



WHY IT HAPPENS



The quest for independence. To become a responsible adult, your teenager must, in a figurative sense, gradually move from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat and learn to navigate life’s treacherous roadways. Of course, some teenagers want more freedom than they should have; on the other hand, some parents grant less freedom than they could. The tug-of-war that may result can create considerable turmoil for parents and teens. “My parents try to micromanage every aspect of my life,” complains 16-year-old Brad. * “If they don’t give me more freedom by the time I turn 18, I’m moving out!”





Abstract thinking. Young children tend to think in concrete, black-and-white terms, but many teenagers can perceive the gray areas of a matter. This is an important aspect of abstract thinking, and it helps a young person develop sound judgment. Consider an example: To a child the concept of fairness seems simple: ‘Mom broke a cookie in two and gave half to me and half to my brother.’ In this case, fairness is reduced to a mathematical formula. Teenagers, however, realize that the concept is not that simple. After all, fair treatment is not always equal, and equal treatment is not always fair. Abstract thinking allows your teenager to grapple with such complex issues. The downside? It can also cause him to grapple with you.



WHAT YOU CAN DO



When possible, have casual chats. Take advantage of informal moments. For example, some parents have found that teenagers are more apt to open up while doing chores or while riding in the car, when they are side-by-side with a parent rather than face-to-face.—Bible principle: Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.



Keep it brief. You do not have to argue every issue to the bitter end. Instead, make your point . . . and then stop. Most of your message will be “heard” by your teenager later, when he’s alone and can ponder over what you’ve said. Give him a chance to do so.—Bible principle: Proverbs 1:1-4.



Listen—and be flexible. Listen carefully—without interrupting—so that you can get the full scope of the problem. When replying, be reasonable. If you rigidly adhere to rules, your teen will be tempted to look for loopholes. “This is when kids live two lives,” warns the book Staying Connected to Your Teenager. “The one in which they tell their parents what they want to hear and the one in which they do as they please once they are out of their parents’ sight.”—Bible principle: Philippians 4:5.



Stay calm. “When we disagree, my mom takes offense at everything I say,” says a teen named Kari. “That just makes me upset, and the conversation snowballs into an argument.” Rather than overreact, say something that “mirrors” your teen’s feelings. For example, instead of saying, “That’s nothing to worry about!” say, “I can see how much this bothers you.”—Bible principle: Proverbs 10:19.



To the extent possible, guide, don’t dictate. Your teen’s abstract thinking skills are like muscles that need to be developed. So when he faces a dilemma, do not do his “exercising” for him. As you discuss the matter, give him a chance to come up with some solutions of his own. Then, after you have brainstormed a few options, you could say: “Those are a few possibilities. Think them over for a day or two, and then we can get together again to talk about which solution you prefer and why.”—Bible principle: Hebrews 5:14.
Mike
2017-06-15 21:18:48 UTC
cash her ousside how bow dah
Emily
2017-06-15 03:57:37 UTC
Hello, Linda. I can certainly understand your desire for your daughter to do these extra activities after her school. Do you think it might be helpful if you sit down with her and talk openly about why these things are important? Ask if she is not interested in these or finds it difficult to handle along with her school work? I recently did some reading on parenting teens and it might be useful for you, too: bit.ly/1RIGovo.
Derek
2017-06-14 06:40:55 UTC
I would like to give my opinion on this subject..

First : you have to have a proper and calm father daughter conversation with her (no matter home much she flares up.

Second : talk to her like a friend.

Third : ask her what else she would prefer if not those three activities or any other options present.

Fourth : try to find out through other means if she is having any other problems at school (be discreet about it), in an event this is not the case just drop the subject.

Fifth. :. girls usually are a bit more complicated and difficult to handle compared to boys so don't take the same approach you would for a boy.
D
2017-06-13 19:01:22 UTC
If she did do those things then how would she have time for the boys.
Erica R
2017-06-13 12:31:39 UTC
Theater, soccer and newspaper are all very demanding activities. Your daughter would not be able to do all of them and still have time to study and do her homework. Everyone of those activities demands several hours per day. You are clueless.
Aria
2017-06-13 05:33:20 UTC
But, you keep messing with her. I think you should leave her alone because, she's going to rebel.
Latayshia
2017-06-12 23:57:13 UTC
I'm 22 years old now but when I was in school I didn't start doing sports until sophmore year in high school. My mom always encouraged me to do sports she never forced me into it. Don't be too overbearing or controlling because if you force her into something she'll eventually regret you later. I had parents like that growing and as soon as I turned 18 years old I moved out started rebelling against my parents. But I was always a good kid I just put myself in bad situations and circumstances. But I understand that she is still a minor and living under your roof but you can't dictate EVERYTHING she does. She is still her own person. Have you ever sat down with her and asked her what her interests are and what she likes to do in her spare time?
Sean
2017-06-12 21:59:13 UTC
What a dick you are! Your'e daughter is probably feeling a lot of stress with homework and you adding on to this by having her do these things after school. Do you wan't her to leave you when she turns 18? My mom made my sister do lots of things after school and these affected her relationship. She rebelled against my mother and when she turned 18, she moved out with her 25 year old pot smoking boyfriend into a trailer. My mother now worries about her and the decisions she made when she was growing up. Now my sister went from a household making over 150,000 per year to a household living on food stamps because neither of them have a job. Truth is let your daughter do what she wants to do and stop being such an asshole to her, its her life not yours.
2017-06-12 17:17:08 UTC
She learned it from you Queen A_Hole
md oli
2017-06-12 16:58:19 UTC
i don't know
2017-06-12 12:46:12 UTC
Throw her out
Loo.Tennant
2017-06-12 10:36:25 UTC
Advice? Yeah, push your daughter needlessly now? and when you are old, grey, and looking for support? she'll whisk you off into an old people's home!



Moral here is. If you want your kids to love you and value you? Teach them right from wrong, but give them leeway to live their own lives. Otherwise, your mistakes will come back one day and bite ya in the a$$.
2017-06-12 07:30:52 UTC
Your daughter is. Not out of control you are! Do you think by nudging her that is going to get her to do the activities. You have all ready been through high school it's not your life. If you wanted to put stress on yourself when you where in school bio means!! Your acting like doing after school activities is no big deal but it is you have to be determined. And you expect her to do 3?! No child wants controlling parents? I don't know how your mother treated your controlling butt however I do know that you need to stop acting like she's your slave. And it totally makes sense for her to want to work on school after all it's more important than after school activities. What would you rather her be a drug addict??! If anything this sounds like a troll question lol oh whale XD
?
2017-06-12 06:54:12 UTC
I think you're expecting way too much out of her...she's overwhelmed...let her decide what she wants to do if she wants to do it cause pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do will just have a bad outcome..let her decide
2017-06-12 03:22:11 UTC
The huge red flag here is that YOU expected her to do these activities. You can't make someone do anything they're not interested in doing on their own. The fact that you did it doesn't mean she must as well. If your daughter was interested in doing after school activities then she'll do them. In this case she doesn't want to so forcing her into it will only end in failure anyway. Although sometimes people need to see what a disastrous effect their actions can have on others so don't be surprised or disappointed when you learn that her life ended up in failure on your watch.
Alyssa
2017-06-11 21:05:38 UTC
You need to chill
Austin
2017-06-11 14:23:17 UTC
I remember when my mom tried to force me into football, the first thing that happened was my grades dropped. kind of ironic because you need good grades to play in any of the games. I think it was because I didn't have enough time to juggle: school, friends, chores, a job and my own alone time.
?
2017-06-11 12:34:51 UTC
Are you listening to yourself? I ask her to do something so simple. Linda in your mind it probably feels and sounds so simple based on your own experience, many moons ago. However, the education system is extremely different nowadays and kids invariably have far more homework and test throughout a term than you did back then. The very fact that she would like to concentrate on her classes and homework should indicate that she quite possible has a plan, possibly coupled with enormous difficult amounts of homework to troll through. Unlike you, your daughter appears to operate on a more less selfish and more adult approach when voicing how she's tasking her time despite your own somewhat childish and controlling approach appears to be. Yes, there's nothing wrong with wanting the best for our kids, but there's a way of asking and also a compromise to be had without using ourselves as a template because dinosaurs are extinct for a reason.
2017-06-10 23:17:04 UTC
Would you rather have her be a crack whore. Going out, drinking under age, smoking, lots of boyfriends whom she has sex with, going to jail, disrespecting you and in high school for 6 years. That's what i thought you were going to say when you said " my daughter is out of control" Take a moment to read what you just wrote. Unfortunately this is not the 80s or 90s anymore ( i know i'm sad too) where kids and teens were more encouraged to go out and do activities.
Sam
2017-06-16 01:30:16 UTC
The best way to resolve this is to listen to your daughters needs and wants and make compromises. Stop comparing her to yourself because being in highschool is tough and participating in many activities can be detrimental to both her grades and mental health. She needs to have time for friends and fun and if you force a bunch of unnecessary work onto her she will not only be over stressed, but she will come to resent you for asking so much of her. She wants to fullfI'll your expectations but when she can't or its too much it can make her feel like a failure or not good enough for you. If you can plan a schedule that gives her adequate time to do schoolwork, the clubs you want her to do. AND give her some relax/friend time, it would be the best way to compromise. Overall, make sure that your daughter doesn't feel like a disappointment to you for not meeting your goals but also try and push her to meet her potential. It's a difficult balancing act but if you communicate it can be done.
2017-06-16 01:23:18 UTC
you are being to hard on her. you should feel pride that your teenage daughter cares about her school work, and you should quit being a douche. would you rather her be some burnout slut or something? people seem like they always want their cake and eat it too.
Mukul
2017-06-15 14:06:46 UTC
don't torture her.
Hayley
2017-06-15 12:56:53 UTC
"Out of control" is a little.... dramatic don't you think? maybe your daughter isn't interested in acting/ soccer or writing, when you were a teenager and your parents expected YOU to do something you didn't want to do, would you just willingly do it? its something your not interested in or just don't want to do, heck, I recently finished school and I'm glad I didn't do anything extra bc it would have made me stress much more.
JDK Answers
2017-06-15 06:19:25 UTC
What the others said lok
007
2017-06-15 04:44:56 UTC
Linda, you are lucky that you have a daughter that keeps up with her studies and doesn't zone out doing other activities, that won't bring up her grades. Secondly, she will be a senior in HS soon and is worried about her grades and wants to get the highest grade possible. Maybe you and the rest of the family can do a week end activity together that won't interfere with her desire to study.



Lastly I really think you have a great daughter that wants to get as far ahead as possible for a bright future. Most parents would be jealous of you that you have such a focused daughter in your family.



And there's a great possiblity she's worried about burning out if she takes on more activities than what she thinks is good for her.



Instead of fussing about it, congratulate her for her efforts.
Jayson
2017-06-14 19:15:53 UTC
**** you.
Julia
2017-06-14 00:11:20 UTC
Three is a bit much. Perhaps talk to her on an equal level and make a sacrifice on your part. Tell her (politely, you'd do nothing by causing more arguing) that you won't tolerate her rudeness. Understand that high school is a very difficult time. And besides, it's her life, not yours.
2017-06-13 15:41:41 UTC
Let her do the things she wants
2017
2017-06-13 15:03:37 UTC
Do not attempt to control your kids, as it will back fire on you. motive her by praising her efforts to be involved in activities. get involved with her theater and soccer. be there for her. or just maybe she does not like theater and or soccer . help her get involved on some other activity. give her inspiration
JohnJack
2017-06-13 00:53:11 UTC
Sure
carson
2017-06-12 21:47:41 UTC
Enforce respect
Who
2017-06-12 20:45:04 UTC
whats the problem?



didnt you like the answers you got last time you asked this question?
amy
2017-06-12 19:19:49 UTC
TBH this really dosent seem rude at all! Its hard being a teenager, u may not ask for much but does it really matter that she dosent do these after school activities. When I clicked on this I thought u were gonna say she's out drinking and smoking weed all night.
Ana
2017-06-12 12:22:02 UTC
Let her be. You can't really expect her to live her life for YOU. Why don't you want her to live her life, so SHE can enjoy it? You had your childhood, you did what you wanted to. Let her do the same. And even if she makes mistakes - let them be hers own.

Don't ruing your relationship with her by pushing too hard.
Rashed
2017-06-12 06:16:11 UTC
I have a little child.
starlette
2017-06-12 01:11:43 UTC
Treat her like scum. Disown her . Let her see the difference
Jack
2017-06-11 23:44:52 UTC
You should be lucky that you dont have a daughter on drugs.
Anne Campbell
2017-06-11 15:31:08 UTC
Be grateful that your daughter wants to concentrate on her school work.
2017-06-10 16:08:28 UTC
Maybe she really doesn't want to do those activities. You may think that you're helping her but you might actually be putting extra stress on her. I certainly wouldn't consider her "out of control" over something as silly as her not wanting to do theatre, soccer, and newspaper.
AAreSSa
2017-06-16 19:07:09 UTC
what your daughter can handle, and what u can handle are different. if u can multitask, and do all these things that doesnt mean she can. some can multitask some cant. your daughter makes a good point. she wants to focus on her schoolwork. if u make your kid take on too much at one time, shes gonna get overwhelmed and the grades will drop. yes teens can experience burn out. maybe it was a rough year for her. would u rather her keep up the grades and excel in school, or would u rather her be overwhelmed and her grades end up dropping cause shes trying to keep up with multiple things at once. how about making her do 2 activites. better yet how about a job. a small part time job wont be too much on her. thats why i did job and school. i know a lot of 16 year olds that work and do school
Jamielee
2017-06-14 22:01:32 UTC
You should try and understand where your daughter is coming from. If you try to control every aspect of her life, you will drive her away. Yes, you're her mom but you're not a dictator. Honestly if you are posting about your problems on Yahoo then you yourself are being childish. She's young, let her live her life. Also understand that what you did as a kid, is not what your child should do. If you truly love her, back off otherwise you will lose her. Let her make her own choices or try to compromise. Let her do one activity, not all three. She needs to enjoy her life, not hate it because she isn't allowed to have fun or relax due to a overbearing, controlling mother.
?
2017-06-14 16:50:36 UTC
You are guilty of child abuse (emotional)
jame
2017-06-14 04:11:56 UTC
Your daughter isn't the problem. How about you lighten up and let her do the things she enjoys. There's a thing called friends too. If she does homework AND three activities AND goes to class 6-8 hours a day she has no down time. It's her life and once she's on her own, she won't know how to plan her time or decide things.
UmmulQulum
2017-06-14 02:19:03 UTC
LOL, troll.
2017-06-13 13:03:18 UTC
Forget about your daughter doing well if she attends a government school. She will probably get pregnant soon and go on welfare.
2017-06-13 12:48:51 UTC
"I don't think I ask for much."

Oh, please...

Imagine being forced to sit through multiple uninteresting and useless classes for 50 hours per week with sleeping and stressing issues needing to complete multiple homework/schoolwork every single day. The school systems in many countries are undoubtedly flawed. It kills creativity, focuses more on achievement than "learning," prevents students taking big risks, focuses more on memorization than "learning", etc. Times have changed. Today, we have computers, laptops, and phones. The sad ugly truth is that many people learn much more from the internet in just ten minutes than "learning" in one uninteresting and useless class for a year. Yet, you still want to force her to do three activities after school? Don't be surprised when she gets very depressed/suicidal if you will still force her to do the activities since you expect too much of your daughter. You seem to be supportive of the flawed school systems in many countries since it forces students to waste their time with uninteresting and useless subjects. That's the exact same thing as of you right now forcing your daughter to waste her time with three activities that are probably uninteresting to her. Most of the students would much rather focus more on grades than doing school activities. Why? Focusing more on grades is much more necessary than doing school activities. You should be very thankful that your daughter is trying her hardest to get the best grades as she can. If your daughter is completely uninterested in doing the activities, then please don't force her to waste her time. Your daughter is not you. Let her decide her own interests, not you. I don't blame your daughter for her attitude. She has good reasons to feel very upset. If you were in your daughter's shoes, you would have the same attitude as her right now. Don't be hypocritical. I'm sorry, but your attitude is much more irritating than your daughter's attitude. Please improve your parenting skills and learn from this comment as well from the other comments posted by other people. I really hope that you're not a troll. If you're a troll, then congratulations for wasting my time dealing with your stupidity.
Aimee
2017-06-13 11:13:22 UTC
Slap that ***** round the face and kick her out xD
Pieman
2017-06-13 02:26:29 UTC
Take an initiative. Be more aggressive and strict with her. I would be more specific, but it could get my YA account suspended.
Addie
2017-06-12 21:16:26 UTC
Don't rely on random people online..most of the people here are 10 year olds trying to get attention. Email Dr.Phil and if he ask you to come on the show, mention me ;)
emily
2017-06-12 20:31:50 UTC
TAKE HER TO DR. PHIL
caleb
2017-06-12 06:31:56 UTC
to get your daughter to become a famous shining star, I would explain to her how many cigars, bottles of expansive liquor, and lambos she could have. start by wearing shiny bling around her and tell her you bought it win your money you made being a male cheerleader. that should her her to start salivating about becoming a famous sorceress. good lock ! I love you and your hair looks great today <3
Happybird
2017-06-12 05:38:48 UTC
She's NOT you! And perhaps she doesn't like these kind of activities and she finds them boring. Maybe she doesn't even have the talent of those activities! You're very cruel to her! Let her decide what she wants to do... This is her life NOT yours! And yeah! You ask too much! She's a free human being... Let her decide by herself. It's really great that she wants to focus on her classes...
Andrew
2017-06-12 02:35:42 UTC
Her so called friends are influencing her to be 💊
Mo
2017-06-11 20:30:22 UTC
She's not rude to tell you she doesn't want to do extra activities. I used to get very tired because my mother signed me up for everything...I think she just wanted me home later every day.
Andrew
2017-06-11 14:59:54 UTC
By no means should you force her to do what she does not like... unless you want her to fail that is.

Ask her what activities she enjoys and respect that list.

You can ruin her life and your relationship with her if you force her to do extra things on top of homework and all that stuff... take me as an example, I never studied, I just did my homework (Up until 7th grade) and it took me up to 2+ hours to complete it, and imagine how much the studying would be, and how much more it would be in 10th grade or so! This is NOT a joke, do not force her.
Gaia’s Garden
2017-06-11 13:43:37 UTC
She won't be good at anything being spread that thin. Tell her to pick one activity. You are pushing way too hard. I'm an old lady not a high schooler, and adults don't even do as much as you expect.
2017-06-10 20:25:21 UTC
'Writing the newspaper'? Really. Not believing you, not even a little bit.
Linda G
2017-06-10 17:28:08 UTC
You're the one who is out of control. It's not up to your daughter to be the success you never were. Stop trying to live vicariously through her and be supportive of HER interests. You sound like a sucky parent.
Joe
2017-06-10 15:55:50 UTC
Pushy parent me thinks. Its not your life to make decisions for.
Mahfuj
2017-06-12 19:37:48 UTC
Your daughter isn't being rude. You are just expecting too much of her. My sister was the same way. Mom expected her to watch us, do chores, get all A's, and still somehow participate in any school sport that came up
Katie
2017-06-12 09:55:10 UTC
You have to be sure that your daughter has the grades before trying to involve her in all these activities. Your daughter is right in saying that she needs to focus on her classes. School has changed quite a bit since you were last there. They scheduled longer hours, assigned more work, and extended requirements too. The reason your daughter is acting this way is because she may feel overwhelmed as is. By you constantly getting on her about adding more things to balance in her life is probably stressing her out even more.
Savannah
2017-06-11 04:08:27 UTC
High school isn't like it used to be. I can say with complete confidence, that junior year of high school was the most stressful thing I've ever gone through. I was so stressed out I would wake up with rashes and have anxiety attacks just thinking about all of the school responsibilities I had. School has changed over the years and the amount of pressure applied to teenagers these days are absurd. We are doing nothing but turning them into workaholics. Some studies have even proven that the average high school student has as much stress as a person in a mental institution. I was taking 8 AP classes my junior year and working 30 hours a week, and couldn't even think about doing another extracurricular activity. Lighten up on your kid.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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