How do I speak to my 10 year old son about appropriate behaviour online?

Question

We’ve had his school admins setting up a meeting in regards to this problem back in May. He livestreamed himself to strangers and engages in explicit conversations. Note that my son has ADHD. He doesn’t have the maturity of a typical 10 year old. The problem is that people are worried about his safety AND he says some pretty inappropriate things on there. This is all fun and games to him. He openly said that he used this website to talk to strange people, which is how others found out.

Answer 1

well, first i’d keep in mind that he is a kid, and most tween/teen boys will probably do something similar to this at one point. id just tell him how you feel about it and explain the consequences and the dangers of what could happen. if you still find he isn’t listening to you, limit his screen time and put a monitor or something on his computer/phone/tablet so you can see what he’s doing and/or block any websites

Answer 2

just shut down the internet so he cant do that

Answer 3

You tell him what the consequences could be for his behavior and talk to him about appropriate internet use. Then, more importantly, you TAKE AWAY THE UNSUPERVISED INTERNET ACCESS. If you are supervising while he uses the internet, he can't engage in inappropriate behaviors, and if he tries, you will be there to explain to him why we don't do those things.

If he has a computer in his room, remove it and place it in a common area of your home. Confiscate wireless internet devices- he can have and use them only with you present. If he has a game console, check online for ways to eliminate his ability to chat with other users on that device and disable any internet browsing capability. Also consider a device like the "router limits mini", or "Circle with Disney" that will enable you to block the websites he's engaging in this activity on, as well as set limits for when devices can access the internet so he can't sneak on while you're sleeping, for example. And finally, you actually supervise his internet use and parent him. There's no reason a ten year old needs unsupervised access to the internet, ever. If you've given him a "smart phone", replace it with a children's phone that has no internet access and limits the numbers that can be called to a pre-approved list. Teach him about online security and risks and protecting his privacy online. Give him other things to do with his time and involve yourself in his life.

Answer 4

Take away his internet access. problem solved.

Answer 5

What does ADHD have to do with anything? His behavior is typical male.

Answer 6

Why do you not have parental controls set up on his computer? You can block websites that way. He should not be on the computer without parental supervision anyway at age 10.

Answer 7

"Note that my son has ADHD. He doesn’t have the maturity of a typical 10 year old."



Oh, c'mon! I actually laughed at this. If you're running around in real life making statements like this, nobody is going to take you seriously . Even a "mature" 10 year old is nowhere near ready to decide where he goes online!



You ask what to say to him, and the answer is so obvious it's scary. Learn the value of the word "NO". Get him involved in real life activities and sports. Don't even think about letting him have access to electronics until you are willing to learn about strict parental controls that can be installed. Then you use common sense. He always uses it in a common area, he never takes it into his room, and you are home and nearby when he uses it. However, he's still a couple years away from this. Do your job and stop playing the disease card.



I'm telling you this for your own good, because what you obviously don't see is that any time a 10 year old behaves like this, it's a bad reflection on his parenting.

Answer 8

Go ask councelor instead of yahoo.

Answer 9

Take away his computer if he violates your rules on appropriate behavior.

Answer 10

NO 10 year old should have ANY unsupervised net time

never mind one who is vulnerable

Step up and parent him instead of letting a screen do it for you

you are failing in your responsibilities in teaching him and ensuring his safety.

Answer 11

"...my son has ADHD. He doesn’t have the maturity of a typical 10 year old."

Three things.

1. Limit time he can access the Internet to those times when you can ACTIVELY supervise him - just like anyone under 12 or so should be. That means NO Internet connected phones, no devices in the bedroom or other rooms that you cannot see him 100% of the time. etc. No on-line gaming. Take the time to talk with him about what he is doing on there at any time. Look at the screen and if he changes it when you do look, ban him for a time.

Sure, that means you cannot use the devices as a virtual babysitter as I see so many parents do these days.

2. Install a Nanny Program on his devices that should stop him being able to access inappropriate sites, and they should turn it off if he is having "inappropriate" conversations. .

3. Get your child checked out. "He livestreamed himself to strangers and engages in explicit conversations." It is typical of children who have been sexually abused to be inappropriately sexualized at a very early age. He has to have learned that that sort of talk, those sorts of actions have some sort of reward for him. He LEARNED that from somewhere. Find out where, and take action.

Answer 12

Take away his computer. ADD means he can’t focus. It does not mean he can’t comprehend what he’s doing.

Answer 13

ADHD is not code for "never discipline your child".



Why does your 10 year old have unfiltered access to the internet at all?



Block websites that are not educational and limit recreational computer usage to 30 mins of supervised time, meaning you are in the room, until he can show he is mature enough to be unsupervised. If he refuses, then take away computer time.



No idea why the school would need to be involved as most school districts block out non-educational sites from internet use. If they don't speak to your district about doing so. If they are unable to, then a teacher needs to monitor your child during computer time.

Answer 14

Its not as big a deal as you might think. I did the same thing at that age. Probably worse. Just make sure he knows not to give anyone his address and to be careful about what links he clicks and who he trusts

Answer 15

10-year-olds aren't mature enough to be responsible for stuff like that, and YOUR 10-year-old even less so. It's your job to limit his access to the internet.

Answer 16

Here is an idea, seeing as how your son is not mature enough to do this why not limit or completely stop your minor child from live streaming. You are the parent, not his friend.

Answer 17

You spank him like a good parent and stop labling him. He says and does things like that since YOU allow it. You need to smack him like a good parent and stop whining that hsi magic ADHD makes him do it. You also take the computer away, no child should ever be on the computer unsupervised