What is the limit of verbal abuse from parents to a child (Please read details clearly)?

Question

I am a 15 year old film editor. In education, I'm a A-B student, receiving six As, two Bs, and two Cs on my previous report card. I have EEC syndrome which effects the mouth and hands (I have two fingers on each hand and two toes on each foot).
I have a little sister who's nine, my mother works as a computer software developer and my father works in the plumbing section of Home Depot.

Recently, we've been falling apart. My mom and dad exchange ear-shattering vocabulary in the dead of night, and I have no clean relationship with my sister, who's in fact, adopted.
My question is... is it right for a mother to call her child a waste of human flesh? Is it normal for her to call her kid fat, when in fact, she goes to the gym regularly and has 5 out of 128 pounds in the last month? Is it right for her to me calling me an autistic psychopath? I'm not even autistic.
(to be continued)

Answer 1

First of all, I want to say that you appear as the model human being. Striving for a future while knowing your potential can lead to marvelous places. Your understanding of your situation is outstanding but none the less in a prison-like predicament. Your parents are acting very foul, using you as a scapegoat for their shortcomings. They have no right to say such things. It's hard trying to heal people who are currently programmed for self-destruction. You can't stand for it. The best thing for you at the moment, brush it off, just as people may be mean and throw sand at each other, you have to brush it off and be clean. For them, they have to see themselves for what they were, who they are now, and must be shown who you want them to be.



Something I read in a book that some man said (in a traveling book/random stranger) that I'd like to share here.



"...Most people live their lives in a living hell. Their greed and self-pity is truly a shame. They can never be happy. They are ignorant.They do not know the simple secret of life. Know yourself. Love yourself. Love all persons. Love God. Love is everything. See yourself in all persons. In God, there is unity. If you see yourself in all things, what sorrow, what self-pity can there be? You own nothing, therefore you can not lose something you do not have. You are from nowhere, therefore you are at home everywhere. When you are one with all mankind, how can there be hate and bitterness? When everywhere you look, you see goodness and love, then you will know your heart is right." "Besides, you are responsible for the things that happen to you in your life, there is no such thing as an accident. Everything that has happened to you, you have earned or brought into your environment in order to learn an important lesson. Keep your eyes open and your heart full of love and you will learn many things in this life. It is the purpose of creation, that mankind learn about himself. We are all striving towards perfection, whether we know it or not. Some unfortunately, even though they are striving for perfection, they are on a downward spiral into the depths of despair. They are caught by the evil ones, who will destroy all that is good. Be wary and protect yourself with love."

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. Your parents are completely in the wrong for their actions. You can contact child protective services and discuss your situation with a social worker; but, unfortunately, verbal and mental abuse is extremely difficult to prove and, yet, it is as devastating to a person as physical abuse.



Perhaps you have a trusted family member (aunt, uncle, grandparents) or minister that you could confide in. Sometimes just talking it out can be a big help. In the meantime remember that you are not responsible for your parents problems and they are completely wrong to treat you in this manner. Continue to concentrate on your education and look to the future. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I had the same question about a year ago. Of course you get the "oh your child is going to hell" then again i believe in the 'its your hell burn in it' phrase, but that's not the topic. My fiance and i have decided to do what (by the sounds of it) your mother did. We will have our ritual, and celebrate our holidays, but (when our child is old enough) take them to different types of religious ceremony, and try to give them a broad view of the spectrum so they can choose for themselves when the time is right. A lot of people ask if I'll be mad if my child becomes christian. No. Being a witch (which i say proudly) feels right to me, and makes my life easier, so why would i say hateful things to my child if the LDS sounds right to them? Anyways, best of luck to you, and i hope for the sake of us both, by the time we have children that the pagan community can have a small breakthrough, so our children wont go through some of the things you mentioned.

Answer 4

Im in a similar situation now.



There is a limit to verbal abuse and thats way past it. Its disgustingly low for a parent to call their child names like that and especially accuse their child for future divorce. No one who does that can be called a parent and im sorry if thats offending in any way.

It seems like theyre having problems of their own too but thats no reason for them to take it out on you.

Dont talk to adults around you because they will go right to your parents about it but you do need to talk to someone. Try Child Services or school councelors. They can help the most. If you want to talk about things (if you want) you can email me, ill do my best to help.

Answer 5

Well I will tell that DSS will do nothing about verbal abuse. It will just be a case of they said you said. It takes an act of Congress to get them to do anything. Then, if you report them and your parents find out - it will get worse.



One thing that I am concerned about is your not "clean" relationship with your sister. What do you mean by that? Is there something sexual going on there?



I will tell you that it is normal for teenagers and parents to argue and for teenagers to feel that their parents are against them and that they dont' understand. To be fair, on the parents' side they see moody teenagers slamming doors, not answering questions with more than a word.



Teenagers and parents are both dealing with hormones. Teenagers are surging, the parents' are waning. The parents are realizing that their possible life dreams and goals are not going to happen and they see their children as their last hope. They want YOU to be everything they are not. When they are calling you names -- they are essentiall referring to theirselves. You represent the potential that they don't feel they have lived up to.



My best advice to you is to lay low. Get out of the house as much as possible and talk to your counselor at school. It will pass. You seem to be very self aware and grounded. Use that intelligence to make smart decisions. Don't use your parent's problems to create some of your own through drugs or anything irresponsible. The best thing for you is to be successful in ways they are not.

Answer 6

all this is wrong.............

you write at a high level.........

your thought are organized.........

this confirms your claim to A's and B's........

call child services in your community.........

it will mean you and your sister get a new place to live.........

away from this horrible environment...........

do it, this is heartbreaking.........

a county social worker can get you out too.......

mom is way out of line........you never talk to a child this way

you are Gods creation.........she has no right

Answer 7

wow.

you have been through a lot.

i don't think i would have made it 15 years like that.

Talk to someone you can trust...

School Psychiatrist... Friend...



Just anyone to get things off your chest.

Answer 8

That is clearly abuse and clearly WRONG.

Answer 9

No, no one deserves that. Go to a trusted adult (not your parents) and go talk to them about it. Good Luck

=)

Answer 10

sounds to me like your parents are having some very serious problems right now.

if i were you I'd try to be a bit understanding of WHY she is doing what she's doing not on what she's doing.

i hope things get better.

Answer 11

this is not normal and you need to call DSS (Department of Social Services) and let them know the situation!



Please get help! They will help you.

Answer 12

That is not right or normal.