How can I, a father, go about getting rights and custody to my daughter who is only 3 months old?

Question

So, I'm looking for help from someone who knows what they're talking about. So I'll explain my situation. After my child was born on December fifth, about... two weeks later my girlfriend left me and started dating another guy two days later. When my daughter was born, she lied to me about being in the hospital. She went two days prior. I got a text from her saying her water broke late in the night and she drove. her friend told me she'd actually been there for two days. Then, I wanted to come see her. She wouldn't let me till night. She wouldn't let me stay there the night either. I only got to stay for a couple hours. The next day I went. same deal. She wanted me to leave after a couple hours. She didn't put my name on the birth certificate. Since we've been apart, seen my daughter 5 times. 2 hours at a time. One time one Christmas eve she brought my daughter to see me and my family. The other 4 I had to drive to go see her and it's an hour n a half away. I ask a lot of questions about my daughter. how she's doing, for pix of her, and I always always make sure to ask when I can come see her next. She usually doesn't answer or she says "I'm busy. I'll see what my mom and I have going on." She does not live with her mom. She just doesn't want me to know where she lives so she says she can't trust me and I need her parents to supervise. She doesn't send me pix anymore. When I ask her about my daughter, she says "she eats sleeps and poops" or says" she's good." She blocked my phone number so I cant call or text. I can only email her now and I don't have smart phone, I don't walk around with email.

How can I start trying to get my rights to my daughter. I live in Iowa. I've been doing all the research I can to figure this out. I spoke with a lawyer and he told me to start by calling the county recorders office that the baby was born in but they dont answer. I don't know what to do to start filing for everything. I had all these dreams of what my life was going to be like taking care of my baby girl, and how much I loved her when she wasn't even born. I dreamed about everything that I could do with her and what she'd be like when shes older, and the thought had never crossed my mind that my gf would leave me and be the way she is. It makes me feel pathetic cause I buy so much stuff for my daughter and none of it can make her understand that I love her and want to be there and I'd give the world to make it happen. And she can't talk obviously so it's not like I can tell her that. And I don't even know what to do to start getting custody or anything cause I can't ****** figure out where to start. I go to the courthouse and they say they don't have that paper work on hand and that I have to bring it. Okay, where do I get it? The dumb clerk doesn't know. I don't know what to do, what to file, where to go, and I just want to see Lilly cause I miss her so much. That's my daughter too and I love her and it breaks my heart to realize that she's the most important and beautiful thing life has givin me But, she doesn't even know who I am. I'm a complete stranger to her cause I'm just the random guy that shows up for 2 hours at a time on random days and holds her the entire time.

We had a lot of problems within the time we dated and I feel that everything she's doing is a reflection of her anger and though I can understand that she's angry, I feel she's taking it out in a very emotionally damaging way for both myself and my daughter. And just writing this made me cry and up to date I've held all that back but I just realize how useless I am cause I don't know how to do anything.

Side information:
I have everything to raise my daughter. crib, port a crib, changing tables etc.
I live with my parents, she lives alone with just our daughter
I work and make about triple what she does
I am in counseling since we broke up cause everything's been pretty hard and I felt it was best to restructure my mindset
I keep track of when I see her and all the times she won't let me see her or just ignores me
I've made it clear to her if she needs anything, diapers, formula, toys, anything she just wants for her, just let me know and I'll buy it though she never. I do bring stuff anyway tho.
My family doesn't get to see her and my mothers in the process of going blind
I love my daughter

Answer 1

So lovely that you want to see your daughter, not much fathers do.



Visit or contact the State Department Of Vital Records for the state where the child was born. To get the address and telephone numbers for the Department Of Vital Records for each state, you can refer to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention website (see Sources).



Ask the Department of Vital Records representative for the form that is required to add a father's name to a child's birth certificate. The exact name of this form will vary by state. For example, in Minnesota the form is referred to as a "Recognition Of Parentage" form. In Georgia, the form is called a "Paternity Acknowledgement" form. In Illinois, it is called a "Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity" form.





Complete the form, but do not sign it.



Take your completed form to a Notary Public to have it notarised. You must sign the form in the presence of the Notary Public. You will also have to show a valid ID (such as a driver's license, state ID, or passport) to the Notary Public to authenticate your identity.



Submit the notarised form to the State Department of Vital Records. If you want to receive an updated copy of the birth certificate showing your name, you will have to pay an additional fee to obtain your copy. This fee will vary by state.



Thats to get your name on the birth certificate.



For custody of the child, you can get Parental responsibility. As a dad, you automatically get PR if:



•You are married to your baby's mum when he is born.

•Your baby was born after December 1, 2003 (when a new law was introduced), and you are named as his father on the birth certificate.



If you fall into one of those categories, then you won't need to worry about applying for PR. Thats why you should get your name on the birth certificate first.



Hope i helped!



PS, Document (store) files...and when i say everything you done, written, received...I MEAN EVERYTHNG!! Also, scan them and have an electronic copy of it.

Answer 2

First, get yourself another attorney who deals specifically with custody/family court issues. I will warn you upfront that the process isn't going to be inexpensive, but it will be worth it to get what you want. First, he/she will have to help you find where the baby's mother is. You could try to go through US Search, but I'm not sure you could locate her through that site. After you find her address, get a process server or a sheriff's deputy to serve her with papers demanding that she allow a paternity test. Then, after the test is completed and you're proven to be the father, since you will have her address, start sending support money for the child. Be sure you send it in the form of money orders or checks, so there will be a record. Also, send everything by certified mail, so she has to sign for it and can't say she wasn't aware you sent it. Send a regular amount (based on your salary, like a church tithe). You will be sending it voluntarily, so she can't say you're not supporting the child. This will help you in court. The next thing you do, after you've sent money for a couple of months to show your good faith, is you have your attorney file papers in the court demanding that she appear for a custody hearing. Ask for joint custody of the child with regular visitations. Keep a record of everything you do, so the judge will know that you've made a sincere effort to do the right things for the child. The mother is playing a power game with you. The harder you push, the more she is going to resist. You don't say how well you get along with her parents. If you have some legal problems in your past, it's understandable that she might feel that they need to supervise visits; however, you can say to the judge that when your daughter is with you during visitation, your parents will be seeing her as well. She will be well supervised and well cared for every minute she is in your custody. I would back off of the attempts to email her or contact her other than you need to find out where she lives ASAP through an attorney and start sending support money. Neither she nor her parents can fault you if you start doing that. You will gain points with the judge if you're showing that you intend to be supportive of your child. If it turns out that you're being the more cooperative parent, the judge will in all likelihood award you joint custody. These are the steps you need to take, in the order I listed them. Appear to be calm and rational at all times, and not desperate (even though you may feel that way inside). Good luck!

Answer 3

My 2yr historic niece has been doing the same factor as of late, and we have tried similar matters without success. We're trying to potty coach her and to this point she's completed ok but we must ask her if she has to "potty" so much. My advice would be to assess her diaper correct before nap time (or take her to the potty) and if possible determine on her a number of times throughout her nap. I've taken to stripping the crib sheets throughout nap time so at least there's less to scrub. Additionally probably offering a reward after a nap when she dosen't poop (do not mention it before hand as at this age their too younger to understand "If i do not do something i'm going to get a deal with"). With a bit of luck this is just a phase and once we now have gotten her potty knowledgeable it's going to stop. Good good fortune and just consider it can't final forever. LOL

Answer 4

COURT is the only way. Go to the court house and tell them what you want to do. Tell them that you want to establish paternity and custody / visitation. They will let you know everything that you need to file.



P.S. Get a calendar and document everything! When you get pictures, when you get to talk to her, what is said, text messages, when you offer to help, when you get to see her. EVERYTHING. I know it's hard, but be a nice as possible and go thru the courts.



Good luck!

Answer 5

if you have a lawyer cant you ask him/her .. a family lawyer would provide the appropriate assistance needed as in .. he would have to contact your ex and get all the proper paper work and would call the hospital to get the documents needed there ... explain to the family lawyer that you were told to bring in p[aper work but ask what it is you need to bring exactly ... i no you can go to court butyou need a good lawyer ,,, if you know yoru ex's address atleast then give that and the proper files should be sent to her