I don't know what it feels like to love ? Please help I'm so lost.?

Question

Hi,

When I was 10 my parents spilt up, I moved in with my mother, who's an alcoholic naracasist. We were very close but really I just think I was manipulated and controlled by her evil plans. Awful stuff went on. I was looking after my brother who was 3 at the time. I was depressed, my brother was neglected, sexually abused by his father, other aweful things happened, my dad wasn't around, I suppose sometimes I feel I may blame him for not being there for us, and last of all, I feel really guilty. For some reason I feel guilty because I generally don't feel anything. I don't think I love my parents?im so confused I feel so guilty and I don't even know what it feels like to love ? What deos that feel like. I'm terrified, even love for anyone, I'm scared of releationships and people and love seems so invisible for me. Does anyone know what it is I am going through , I'm a caring loving person but something inside tells me I don't live anyone because I've never been lived but it's something i really wished I understood. I'm 18 years old just and I really need some help. Thank you x I thought I lloved my brothers I would have done anything and would for them, but a part of me still feels I'm bad or was just protecting them! Please help :(

Answer 1

Sounds like me, Parents were both screwed up, split up when I was young, my mom was the same narcissistic manipulative psychopath, so I stayed with my dad which was drunk and disorderly on a good day. So I moved out when I was 15. I'm 33 now and I don't love my parents I don't hate them either I'm indifferent. I still get guilted into visiting them. However now that I stand on my own they have no power over me or my life so I can keep them at arms length. It doesn't mean you won't ever love anyone, It just means you have a strong motivation to get out of your house and support yourself so you don't have to deal with the situation anymore. Your not scared of relationships you just have to much to deal with at the moment to think about it, after a few years separated from the situation you'll level out and be ready to explore your feelings.

Answer 2

If you have ever genuinely cared about someone elses happiness, you loved them. It's only a matter of degree how intense that love is.

You've heard the expression, "It is better to give than receive."

The idea is true because the act of giving engages a feeling of loving. Protecting your brothers is love.

You need to find out what it is you feel guilty about. Why do you think you are bad? And why do you say "just" protecting them?

You seem loveable to me. You may have been loved and not know it. You may be loved now.

Answer 3

You say that you are a caring loving person, and you are! Love is not actually an emotion in my opinion; being "in love" is - it is a mixture of desire, passions and high emotion (the Greeks had four different words for love).



Please, Mouse, you have absolutely NO reason to feel guilty. Feelings are not logical, of course, but do try to accept that you have never been responsible for anybody but yourself. Your parents made the joint decision to have their children (even if by default - forgetting a pill for example, but they decides against termination or adoption).



At eighteen you are an "emerging adult" and it will take time to come to know your adult self. You are at the end of your adolescence, which can be a difficult time.



It is hard to love someone who is supposed to love and care for you, but does not - you certainly do not love their behaviour!



Buy yourself an Anthony Robbins audio or book; catch him on Youtube.



Good Luck - I am sure you'll be fine!