What should I say to my father for the first time, we have never met or talked before?

Question

I'm 19 and I have never met or talked to my biological father before. My mom had me at 17 and it was a friends w/ benefits type of thing and when she found out she was pregnant she wanted nothing to do with him and never told him she was having his baby, but she said people in their group of friends did. When I turned 18 my mom told me his name and showed me his Facebook and I sent a friend request and after a few months it was never accepted. Then, just a few days ago I received a friend request from him.
I accepted his friend request and he hasn't messaged me or anything. I'm almost positive he knows I'm his daughter, considering he can see I have the same last name as my mother and he probably sees her posts on my facebook wall. And if he's looked at my pictures I'm sure he's noticed how much we look alike.

Like I said, he hasn't tried to contact me yet. I'm not sure if I should message him first or wait it out. If I do message him, I have no idea what I should say. Any tips or suggestions? Would be greatly appreciated :)

Answer 1

If he wants to meet you make sure it is in a public place. Sure, he is your father but you have no idea of what he may be like.

Answer 2

Talk to your mom about him first! find out as much as you can. There might be a reason why she wanted nothing to do with him in the first place. That's amazing that your mother raised you on her own. She seems like a spectacular woman. He definitely knows that he's your father and its perfectly natural to have the feeling of wanting to get to know him. Usually when a man just leaves a pregnant women on her own and is perfectly fine with it, it seems a little odd. Just be careful before you make any rash decisions. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I would not contact him yet. It seems like he wants to get to know you but isn't ready to take the responsibility. You seem like a very smart girl, and want to build this relationship, which in my opinion is good. Do you post many statuses? If yes, does he like them? I would suspect not, (he seems like he wants to not embarrass you?) if he does, for sure start the conversation.



Thats my two cents,

Bren

Answer 4

Well I say just put it out there. Say something like this " well your my dad and well if you want to be apart of my life that's great. If you want no contact or just don't want to see me, then that's okay too". You don't want to be awkwardly causal so be open and out there. It shows how you want him to notice you and possibly be apart of your life.