I hate my life. I'm so pathetic. My family doesn't talk to me. We live in this big house and nobody says a word to each other. Its like my family just aren't real people. My dad yells at me all the time, for anything, and wants me to keep arguing so he can threaten me and if he feels like it he'll grab me by the shirt and slap me in the face, and say watch who your talking to boy, when i didn't anything to begin with. I don't understand my life at all because, since i was little, i've been kept inside the house all day and even in the summer time alone. My older brother would watch me, but he wouldn't talk to me or anything. He would just tell me to stay in my room. So, i would stay up there and look outside the window and cry, watching other kids play and have fun with friends. I've never had one friend or real friend growing up since i was neglected by everybody. My older cousin was a great role model and friend growing up intill he started partying and changed his persona, for the worst and now he doesn't talk to me or want to go out for breakfast and talk or anything. Its a shame cause, i blame most of all my mother everything. She said that being in the house is a good thing cause it keeps away from trouble but i did nothing besides give me anxiety and make me wanna kill myself my whole life since i was 15. The kids at my school would hate me too because i would come up with excuses to stay home saying as to why i can't chill or hangout or anything. My older brother has never done anything with or for me or even wanna talk and chill me for 22 years. All he cares about is the club scene and going out partying every night and blowing trees. My parents baby me and thats the worst part of all and watch everything i'm doing and whom i'm texting and talking its crazy thinking about all this. Not only that but i discouraged. My dad tells that he's been there for me all the time, when for some reason its BS to me because, he never talks to me like a father or give me advice or inspiration or anything. He talks like i'm a friend to him and thats all and that saddens me the most because, he doesn't call me or my brother his sons. He says to my mom talk to your stupid sons. They told me for a college im so dumb because i dont know how to pay bills or manage my own things. I told them you guys kept me in hear my whole life. I've had no happy times with family whatsoever since im always scared everything. Im scared of driving and so many things that i haven't been taught. Im 24 years old and my life is horrible. I tried getting a girlfriend is college but for some reason i just dont get turned on and i'm not gay either. I would've known if i was. MY uncles don't talk to me and my family just creeps me out everyday while i'm in the house. I have a car but i have no where to go. I don't know my way around town or anything cause i get scared. i can't stop crying because nobody seems to care about me. I have a really bad liver, my kidneys are done for, and my brain seems really screwed up. Im severely depressed and have bad anxiety. I work close by though and it helps me for a few hours but its not everyday even though i wish. Its wierd cause when i see family i dont even wanna talk to them. There like 2 sides to them, or 2 personalities. Its not normal and i can't live like this. My BA degree in psychology that im getting in the spring of 2014 hopefully is enough to get me a halfway decent job in this economy. I don't know what to do.