What Hope for Today's Youths?
In this series:
The Tragedy of Youthful Deaths
Suicide—A Scourge of Young People
When Hope and Love Vanish
When Hope and Love Return
Motivations for Suicide
Some Indicators of Suicide
Related topics:
The Problems of Children—The Solution at Last!
How Can You Protect Your Children?
Youths—Let Your Parents Help You Guard Your Heart!
Suicide—A Scourge of Young People
AS IF war, murder, and atrocities were not enough to devastate our youths, there is self-destruction in the form of youth suicide. Drug and alcohol abuse ravage the minds and bodies of youths, causing many deaths among young people. An increasingly familiar epitaph is that the victim OD'd—died of a drug overdose, either deliberately or accidentally.
The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of April 28, 1995, said that "suicide is the third leading cause of death among adolescents aged 15-19 years in the United States." Dr. J. J. Mann writes in The Decade of the Brain: "More than 30,000 [in 1995 the figure was 31,284] Americans commit suicide each year. Tragically, youth are commonly the victims . . . Ten times more than those 30,000 people attempt suicide, but survive. . . . Identifying patients who are at risk for suicide is a major clinical challenge because clinicians cannot easily distinguish between patients with major depression who will attempt suicide and those who will not."
Simon Sobo, chief of psychiatry at New Milford Hospital, Connecticut, U.S.A., observed: "There have been more suicide attempts this spring [1995] than I have seen in the 13 years I have been here." In the United States, thousands of teenagers attempt suicide each year. Every attempt is a cry for help and attention. Who will be there to lend support before it is too late?
Some of the harmful practices that can lead to youth suicide
A Worldwide Problem
The picture is not much different in many other parts of the world. In India, according to India Today, some 30,000 youths committed suicide during 1990. In Canada, Finland, France, Israel, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Spain, Switzerland, and Thailand, suicide rates among young people have increased. A 1996 report from the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) states that the highest youth suicide rates are in Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, New Zealand, Russia, and Slovenia.
Australia also has one of the world's highest youth suicide rates. In this country in 1995, 25 percent of all deaths among young males and 17 percent among young females were suicides, according to a report in The Canberra Times newspaper. The rate of "successful" suicides among Australian boys is some five times greater than among girls. A similar ratio is found in most countries.
Does this mean that boys are more likely to attempt suicide than girls? Not necessarily. Available data shows little difference between the sexes in occurrence of suicide attempts. However, "about four times as many young males as females commit suicide in the industrialized nations according to the latest figures from WHO [World Health Organization]."—The Progress of Nations, published by UNICEF.
But even these horrific statistics may not tell the full extent of the problem. Statistics on youth suicide, couched in clinical and analytic terms, are surprisingly easy to read. However, often not appreciated or seen behind each cold statistic are the shattered families and the heartache, misery, pain, and despair of those left behind as they search for reasons.
So, can such tragedies as youth suicide be prevented? Some key factors have been identified and could prove helpful in avoiding this sad situation.
When Hope and Love Vanish
A 17-YEAR-OLD Canadian girl wrote down her reasons for wanting to die. Among others, she listed: 'Feeling lonely and scared about my future; feeling really inferior to fellow workers; nuclear war; the ozone layer; I am really ugly, so I'll never get a husband and I'll end up being alone; I don't think there's really too much out there, so why wait around to discover it; it'll take the burden off everybody else; I'll never get hurt by anyone again.'
Could these be some of the reasons why young people are killing themselves? In Canada, "except for motor-vehicle accidents, suicide is now the most common cause of deaths among them."—The Globe and Mail.
"A large proportion of young people regard their future and that of the world with fear and trepidation"
Professor Riaz Hassan, of Flinders University of South Australia, states in his paper "Unlived Lives: Trends in Youth Suicide": "There are several sociological reasons which bear on the question and appear to have significantly influenced the increase in adolescent suicide. These are the high youth unemployment rate; changes in the Australian family; increasing drug use and abuse; increasing youth violence; mental health; and an increasing disjunction between 'theoretical freedom' and experiential autonomy." The paper further states that the results of several surveys have revealed a sense of pessimism about the future and suggest that "a large proportion of young people regard their future and that of the world with fear and trepidation. They see a world devastated by nuclear war and ravaged by pollution and environmental degradation, a dehumanized society in which technology is out of control and unemployment rampant."
According to a Gallup poll of 16- to 24-year-olds, additional causes of suicide are the expanding gap between rich and poor, increasing numbers of single-parent households, the growing gun culture, child abuse, and a general "lack of faith in tomorrow."
Newsweek reports that in the United States, "the presence of firearms may be the most pivotal factor [in teenage suicide]. A study comparing adolescent suicide victims who had no apparent mental disorders with kids who didn't commit suicide found only one difference: a loaded gun in the house. So much for the idea that guns don't kill people." And millions of homes have loaded guns!
Fear and an uncaring society can quickly push vulnerable youths to the edge of suicide. Consider: The rate of violent crimes committed against 12- to 19-year-olds is more than double that of crimes against the population in general. Studies found that "young women from 14 to 24 are most likely to be assaulted," reported Maclean's magazine. "Women are most often attacked and murdered by the people who say they love them." The result? These and other fears "erode the confidence and sense of security of these girls." In one study, almost one third of rape survivors interviewed had considered suicide.
A New Zealand report offers another perspective on young suicide, stating: "The prevailing materialistic, worldly values that equate individual success with wealth, good looks, and power make many young people feel quite worthless and cast out by society." In addition, The Futurist says this: "[Youths] have a strong propensity for instant gratification, wanting it all and wanting it fast. Their favorite TV programs are soap operas. They would like their world to be filled with the same good-looking people, dressed in the latest fashions, with lots of money and prestige, and without having to work too hard." The sheer volume of such unrealistic, unfulfillable expectations appears to cause a measure of despair and may lead to suicide.
A Life-Saving Quality?
Shakespeare wrote: "Love comforteth like sunshine after rain." The Bible says: "Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:8) In that quality there is a key to the problem of young people prone to suicide—their yearning for love and communication. The American Medical Association Encyclopedia of Medicine states: "Suicidal people usually feel desperately lonely, and the opportunity to talk to a sympathetic, understanding listener is sometimes enough to prevent the despairing act."
"The opportunity to talk to a sympathetic, understanding listener is sometimes enough to prevent the despairing act"
Youths often have an overwhelming need for love and a feeling of belonging. Satisfying this becomes harder as each day passes in a loveless and destructive world—a world in which they have little or no say. Parental rejection because of family breakup and divorce can be a contributing factor in adolescent suicide. And this rejection has many faces.
Consider the case of parents who are rarely at home with their children. Mom and Dad may be totally tied up in their jobs or given to some form of recreation that excludes the children. The indirect message to their offspring is a not-too-subtle rejection. Prominent journalist and researcher Hugh Mackay notes that "parents are becoming more and more self-centred. They put themselves first in order to preserve their lifestyles. . . . To put it brutally, children have gone out of fashion. . . . Life is tough and it all gets a bit self-absorbed."
Then, in some cultures men with a macho self-image may not wish to be seen in a nurturing role. Journalist Kate Legge puts it well: "Men with a public service bent generally choose lifesaving or firefighting over the nurturing tasks . . . They prefer the strong, silent heroism of battling external forces to the people-intensive jobs." And, of course, one of the most people-intensive jobs today is being a parent. Poor parenting is tantamount to rejection of the child. As a result, your son or daughter may develop a negative self-image and poor social skills. The Education Digest notes: "Without a positive image of themselves, kids don't have the basis to make decisions in their own best interests."
Warm love and compassion can help a youth to appreciate life
Hopelessness Can Result
Researchers believe that hopelessness is a major contributor to suicide. Gail Mason, a writer on youth suicide in Australia, observed: "Hopelessness is considered to correlate more highly with suicidal thoughts than depression. Hopelessness is sometimes defined as one symptom of depression. . . . It commonly takes the form of a general sense of despair and despondency concerning young people's futures, and in particular their economic future: and to a lesser degree a feeling of hopelessness regarding the global situation."
Poor examples of honesty by civic leaders do not inspire youths to raise their own levels of ethics and morals. The attitude then becomes, "Why bother?" Harper's Magazine comments on youths' ability to detect hypocrisy, saying: "The young, with their keen noses for hypocrisy, are in fact adept readers—but not of books. What they read so acutely are the social signals emanating from the world in which they will have to make a living." And what do those signals spell out? Author Stephanie Dowrick observes: "We have never been more deluged with information about how to live. We have never been richer or better educated, yet there is despair everywhere." And there are so few good role models in the upper echelons of political and religious society. Dowrick asks a few pertinent questions: "How do we salvage wisdom, resilience and even meaning out of meaningless suffering? How do we cultivate love in a climate of selfishness, petulance and greed?"
You will find the answers to these questions in our next article, and they may surprise you.
When Hope and Love Return
PARENTS, teachers, and others who deal with adolescents realize that neither they nor youths nor any other person can change the world. There are forces at work that are like tidal waves, which no one can halt. Yet, there is much that we can all do to contribute to youths' being happier, healthier, and well adjusted.
Since prevention is better than cure, parents should think carefully about how their life-style and priorities may shape the attitudes and behavior of their children. Providing a loving and caring environment in the home gives the security that can best prevent self-destructive behavior. One of the most desperate needs of youths is having someone who will listen to them. If parents won't listen, perhaps less-desirable people will.
What does that mean for parents today? Make time for your children when they need it—when they are young. For many families this is not easy. They struggle to make ends meet, with both parents having no choice but to work. Those who have been willing and able to make sacrifices in order to have more time with their children have often reaped the reward of seeing their sons and daughters make a better success of life. However, as noted earlier, sometimes even with the best of efforts on the part of parents, serious problems with their children can develop.
Friends and Other Adults Can Help
Wars, rape, and abuse of youths call for extraordinary efforts in damage control on the part of adults who truly care for them. Youths traumatized by such negative experiences may not react well even to efforts to help them. It may mean a great investment of your time and effort. Certainly it is not wise or loving to belittle them or reject them. Can we dig a little deeper into our own emotional resourcefulness and show the needed kindness and love to reach out to those at risk?
Not only parents but friends and even siblings need to be especially vigilant to note tendencies in young ones that may indicate a fragile and possibly unbalanced emotional state. (See the box "Qualified Help Needed," below.) If signs are there, be quick to lend a hearing ear. If possible, try to draw troubled youths out with kind questions to assure them of your genuine friendship. Trusted friends and relatives may be able to support parents in handling difficult situations; but, of course, they should be careful not to take over the role of parents. Very often youths' suicidal tendencies are a desperate plea for attention—parental attention.
Qualified Help Needed
The American Medical Association Encyclopedia of Medicine says that "more than 90 percent of suicides occur as the result of psychiatric illness." It lists such illnesses as severe depression (about 15 percent), schizophrenia (about 10 percent), alcohol dependence (about 7 percent), antisocial personality disorder (about 5 percent), and some form of neurosis (less than 5 percent). It counsels: "All suicide attempts should be treated seriously. Twenty to 30 percent of people who attempt suicide repeat their attempt within a year." Dr. Jan Fawcett writes: "More than 50 percent of suicides [in the United States] occur in individuals who have had no contact with a mental health professional." And another source says: "The most important aspect of treatment is for the person to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible to help resolve the underlying depression."
Rescued From Would-Be Suicide
From Japan, a young woman who often contemplated suicide has this to say: "How many times I have longed to take that road. When I was a toddler, I was sexually abused by someone I trusted. . . . In the past, I have written so many notes saying 'I want to die' that I have lost count. I have since become one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and I now serve as a full-time evangelizer, but this urge still comes over me from time to time. . . . But Jehovah has allowed me to stay alive, and he seems to be telling me gently, 'Keep on living.'"
A 15-year-old girl from Russia explained: "When I was eight years old, I started feeling that nobody needed me. My parents did not have time to speak with me, and I tried to solve my problems by myself. I withdrew into myself. I quarreled constantly with my relatives. Then the thought of suicide came into my mind. How happy I was to meet Jehovah's Witnesses!"
And from Australia come these encouraging comments from Cathy, now in her early 30's, which show that despair can really turn to hope: "I constantly dreamed about different methods of ending my life and finally attempted suicide. I wanted to escape this world, which is full of hurt, anger, and emptiness. Depression made it difficult for me to get out of the 'spiderweb' I felt I was trapped in. Therefore, suicide seemed to be the answer at the time.
"When I first heard about the possibility of the earth's becoming a paradise, with a peaceful, happy life for all, I really yearned for it. But it seemed just an impossible dream. However, I gradually began to understand Jehovah's view of life and how precious each one of us is in his eyes. I began to feel confident that there is hope for the future. At last, I found a way out of that 'spiderweb.' To get out of it, however, proved to be difficult. At times depression would overcome me, and I would feel terribly confused. Yet, making Jehovah God my focal point allowed me to draw very close to him and to feel secure. I thank Jehovah for all that he has done for me."
No More Youthful Deaths
By studying the Bible, a young person can come to realize that there is something better to look forward to—what the Christian apostle Paul calls "the real life." He counseled the young man Timothy: "Give orders to those who are rich . . . to rest their hope, not on uncertain riches, but on God, who furnishes us all things richly for our enjoyment; to work at good, to be rich in fine works, . . . safely treasuring up for themselves a fine foundation for the future, in order that they may get a firm hold on the real life."—1 Timothy 6:17-19.
Paul's counsel, in effect, means that we should get involved with other people, helping them to have a solid hope for the future. "The real life" is what Jehovah has promised in his new world of "new heavens and a new earth."—2 Peter 3:13.
Many youths who were once at risk have come to understand that drug abuse and immoral life-styles are nothing but a long and winding road to death, to which suicide is but a shortcut. They have come to realize that this world, with its wars, hatred, abusive behavior, and loveless ways, will soon pass away. They have learned that this world system is beyond redemption. They have taken to heart that God's Kingdom is the only real hope, for it will usher in a new world where not only youths but all obedient mankind will never have to die—no, nor even want to die anymore.—Revelation 21:1-4.
Motivations for Suicide
There are many theories about the motivations for suicide. "Suicide results from a person's reaction to a perceived overwhelming problem, such as social isolation, death of a loved one (especially a spouse), a broken home in childhood, serious physical illness, growing old, unemployment, financial problems, and drug abuse."—The American Medical Association Encyclopedia of Medicine.
According to sociologist Emile Durkheim, there are four basic types of suicide:
Egoistic suicide—This "is thought to stem from an individual's lack of integration into society. Largely left to themselves, victims of egoistic suicide are neither connected with, nor dependent on, their community." They tend to be loners.
Altruistic suicide—"The individual is overly integrated into a group so that he or she feels no sacrifice is too great." Examples given are Japanese kamikaze pilots in World War II and religious extremists who blow themselves up while killing their supposed enemies. Other examples would be those who have died by self-immolation in order to draw attention to a cause.
Anomic suicide—"The victim of anomic suicide is not capable of dealing with a crisis in a rational manner and chooses suicide as the solution to a problem. [This] occurs when the individual's accustomed relationship with society is suddenly and shockingly altered."
Fatalistic suicide—This is "thought to be caused by excessive societal regulation that fundamentally restricts an individual's freedom." Such victims "feel that they have no viable future."—Adolescent Suicide: Assessment and Intervention, by Alan L. Berman and David A. Jobes.
Some Indicators of Suicide
Problems sleeping, loss of appetite
Isolation and withdrawal, accident proneness
Running away from home
Dramatic changes in appearance
Drug and/or alcohol abuse
Agitation and aggression
Talk about death; written messages of self-destruction; artwork depicting violence, especially against self
Guilt feelings
Hopelessness, anxiety, depression, crying spells
Giving away personal possessions
Shortened attention span
Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Self-criticism
Sexual promiscuity
Sudden drop in school performance, school attendance problems
Cult or gang membership
Euphoria after depression
Based on Teens in Crisis (American Association of School Administrators) and Depression and Suicide in Children and Adolescents, by Philip G. Patros and Tonia K. Shamoo
Youths
Let your parents help you
guard your heart!
Related topics:
What Hope for Today's Youths?
Where Should You Turn to For Counsel?
WHAT do you think is the most difficult challenge facing a ship’s captain? Is it crossing a vast ocean safely? Not usually. Most shipwrecks occur near the shore, not in the open sea. In fact, docking a ship can even be more hazardous than landing an airplane. Why?
Before a captain can safely berth his ship, he has to avoid all the dangers that a particular port may pose. He needs to take into account underwater currents while steering clear of other ships. He must also skirt any sandbanks, rocks, or wrecks hidden underneath the water. And to make matters worse, this may be his first visit to the harbor.
To help overcome these problems, a wise captain may engage the services of a pilot who knows the local waters intimately. The pilot stands at the captain’s side on the bridge and gives expert direction. Together they consider the hazards and steer the ship through any narrow channels to the port.
The invaluable expertise of the pilot illustrates the priceless help available to Christian youths who have to chart a course through the difficult waters of life. What is this help? Why do teenagers need it?
Let us continue the illustration of the ship. If you are an adolescent, you are somewhat like the captain of a ship in that you must eventually take responsibility for your life. And your parents have a role similar to that of a ship’s pilot as they try to guide you through some of the most difficult situations you will ever have to face in life. During the teenage years, however, you may find it hard to accept the advice your parents give you. Why is that?
The problem often lies with the heart. Your figurative heart may impel you to desire what is forbidden or to protest at any apparent denial of freedom. “The inclination of the heart of man,” the Bible says, “is bad from his youth up.” (Genesis 8:21) Jehovah makes clear that you have a real challenge ahead of you. “Deceitful is the heart above all things, and dangerously wayward,” he warns. (Jeremiah 17:9, Rotherham) In addition to harboring wrong desires, the heart can deceive a youth into thinking that he knows better than his parents, even though they have much more experience. There are good reasons, however, for you to seek your parents’ help when navigating the difficult teenage years.
Why Obey Your Parents?
Above all, Jehovah, the Originator of the family, tells you that you should listen to your parents’ direction. (Ephesians 3:15) Since God has appointed your parents to take care of you, he gives you this counsel: “Children, the right thing for you to do is to obey your parents as those whom the Lord has set over you.” (Ephesians 6:1-3, Phillips; Psalm 78:5) While you may now be in your teenage years, your parents still have the responsibility to guide you, and you have the obligation to take notice. When the apostle Paul wrote that children should obey their parents, he used a Greek word that can apply to children of any age. As recorded at Matthew 23:37, for example, Jesus referred to the inhabitants of Jerusalem as her “children,” even though the majority were adults.
Many faithful men of old continued to obey their parents long after they had become adults. Jacob, although a grown man, understood that he should obey his father’s command to avoid marrying a woman who was not a worshiper of Jehovah. (Genesis 28:1, 2) Doubtless, Jacob had also noticed that his brother’s decision to marry pagan Canaanite women had caused his parents considerable heartache.—Genesis 27:46.
Apart from their God-given duty to guide you, your Christian parents are likely the most qualified to act as your advisers. That is primarily because they know you so well and have no doubt shown their selfless love for you over many years. Like the ship’s pilot, they speak from experience. They themselves have experienced “the desires incidental to youth.” And as true Christians, they have personally seen the value of following Bible principles.—2 Timothy 2:22.
With such experienced help at your side, you are aided in handling even the most difficult of situations successfully. Take, for example, your relationship with the opposite sex. How can Christian parents guide you in this sensitive matter?
Attraction to the Opposite Sex
Pilots advise ship captains to give sandbanks that stretch beneath the waters a wide berth. Sandbanks are soft but also treacherous, since they constantly shift position. Your parents will likewise want you to keep your distance from situations that might ensnare you emotionally. Parents know, for example, that feelings toward the opposite sex go deep and can be difficult to define. But once aroused, these feelings can cause you to run aground.
The example of Dinah illustrates a risk of steering too close to danger. Perhaps curiosity and a desire to have a good time moved Dinah to seek companionship with Canaanite girls, whose morals were undoubtedly lax. What at first seemed to be innocent fun soon led to a tragic experience—she was raped by “the most honorable” young man in town.—Genesis 34:1, 2, 19.
Remember the
experience of Dinah
Such dangers are compounded by the sexually oriented times in which we live. (Hosea 5:4) Most youths may give the impression that having fun with the opposite sex is the most exciting thing possible. Your heart may race at the thought of being alone with someone whom you find physically attractive. But loving parents will try to protect you from association with youths who do not respect God’s standards.
Laura admits that curiosity can blind teenagers to danger. “When the girls in my class tell me that they have danced into the night with some great boys, they make it sound like a never-to-be-forgotten experience. I realize that they often exaggerate, but I still feel curious and think that perhaps I’m missing out on a lot of fun. Although I know that my parents are right not to let me go to such places, I still feel the temptation.”
A ship has no brakes, so it takes a long time to stop. Parents know that passion behaves similarly. The book of Proverbs likens a man moved by unrestrained passion to a bull being led to the slaughter. (Proverbs 7:21-23) You do not want to allow such a thing to happen to you, leading you to emotional and spiritual shipwreck. Your parents may recognize when your heart has begun to mislead you in this area, and they may give you counsel accordingly. Will you have the wisdom to listen to them and thus avert calamity?—Proverbs 1:8; 27:12.
You also need your parents’ support when you have to cope with peer pressure. How can they help you?
The Persuasive Power of Your Peers
A strong tide or current can drive a ship off course. To counteract this force, the ship has to be steered in another direction. In a similar way, the persuasive influence of other youths can push you off course spiritually unless you take countermeasures.
As the experience of Dinah illustrates, “if you make friends with stupid people, you will be ruined.” (Proverbs 13:20, Today’s English Version) Remember that in Biblical usage, the “stupid” one is somebody who does not know Jehovah or who chooses not to walk in his ways.
The influence of other youths can push you off course spiritually
It may not be easy, however, to reject the viewpoints or practices of your classmates. María José explains: “I wanted other youths to accept me. Since I didn’t want them to think that I was different, I copied them as closely as possible.” Without realizing it, you may be affected by your peers—in your choice of music, in what you want to wear, or even in how you speak. Perhaps you feel comfortable with youths of your own age. That is natural, but it leaves you susceptible to their considerable influence, which may be destructive.—Proverbs 1:10-16.
Caroline recalls the difficulty she faced a few years ago: “From the age of 13, most of the girls around me had boyfriends, and for several years I was under constant pressure to follow their example. My mother, however, steered me through this difficult time. She spent hours listening to me, reasoning with me, and helping me to see the need to postpone such relationships until I was more mature.”
Like Caroline’s mother, your parents may feel obligated to warn you about peer pressure or even to restrict certain activities or friendships. Nathan remembers several clashes with his parents on such issues. “My friends often invited me to go out with them,” he explains, “but my parents didn’t want me to hang around in large groups or go to large unsupervised parties. At the time, I couldn’t understand why other parents were more permissive than mine.”
Later, however, Nathan did understand. “I know that in my case ‘foolishness was tied up with the heart of a boy,’” he admits. “This foolishness seems to surface easily when boys hang around in groups. One starts something bad, another goes a step further, and a third takes it beyond that. Soon all the others are urged to join in. Even young ones who profess to serve Jehovah can fall into this trap.”—Proverbs 22:15.
Nathan and María José both had a battle with their hearts when their parents did not allow them to do things their peers suggested. They listened, though, and afterward they were glad that they did. The proverb says: “Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise ones, that you may apply your very heart to my knowledge.”—Proverbs 22:17.
Worthy of Honor
A ship that lists is hard to maneuver, and if it lists too much, it can easily capsize. Because of our imperfect nature, all of us lean toward the selfish and the forbidden. Despite these tendencies, young ones can still reach port, as it were, if they carefully follow their parents’ guidance.
For example, your parents can help you reject the idea that there is a middle road between the narrow one to life and the broad one to destruction. (Matthew 7:13, 14) It is unrealistic to think that you can enjoy a little of what is wrong but not go all the way, that you can “taste” without swallowing. Those who try to follow such a course are “limping upon two different opinions”—serving Jehovah to a certain extent but also loving the world and the things in the world—and can easily capsize spiritually. (1 Kings 18:21; 1 John 2:15) Why does that happen? Because of our sinful tendencies.
As a ship’s captain seeks the advice of an experienced pilot, young people should seek their parents’ guidance
Our imperfect desires get stronger if we give in to them. Our ‘treacherous heart’ will not be satisfied with just a morsel. It will demand more. (Jeremiah 17:9) Once we start drifting spiritually, the world will exercise greater and greater influence on us. (Hebrews 2:1) You may not notice that you are listing spiritually, but likely your Christian parents will. True, they may not be as quick as you are at learning a computer program, but they know much more than you do about the wayward heart. And they want to help you to “lead your heart on in the way” that can result in life.—Proverbs 23:19.
Of course, do not expect your parents to judge matters perfectly when they have to give you guidelines in difficult areas, such as music, entertainment, and grooming. Your parents may not have the wisdom of Solomon or the patience of Job. Like a ship’s pilot, they might sometimes err on the side of caution. Still, their guidance will prove invaluable if you pay attention to “the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother.”—Proverbs 1:8, 9.
Other youths may talk disparagingly of their parents. Yet, if your parents are striving to follow the Scriptures, they stand at your side, in all kinds of weather, at all times, in the face of all adversities. Like the ship’s captain who is advised by an experienced pilot, you need your parents to guide you, to lead you in the way of wisdom. The rewards can be incalculable.
“When wisdom enters into your heart and knowledge itself becomes pleasant to your very soul, thinking ability itself will keep guard over you, discernment itself will safeguard you, to deliver you from the bad way, from the man speaking perverse things, from those leaving the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness . . . For the upright are the ones that will reside in the earth, and the blameless are the ones that will be left over in it.”—Proverbs 2:10-13, 21.
The Problems of Children
THE SOLUTION AT LAST!
In this series:
An Ongoing Search for Solutions
Children Deserve to Be Wanted and Loved
The Solution at Last!
Help for Young People
Rights of the Child
Related topics:
Drug Abuse in the Family—What Can You Do?
The Tragedy of Youthful Deaths
Help Your Children to Thrive
An Ongoing Search for Solutions
FROM its very inception, the United Nations organization has been interested in children and their problems. At the end of 1946, it established the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF) as a temporary measure to care for children in areas devastated by war.
In 1953 this emergency fund was turned into a permanent organization. Although it is now officially known as the United Nations Children's Fund, it retained its original acronym, UNICEF. Thus, for over half a century, UNICEF has been providing children throughout the world with food, clothing, and medical care and has been trying to look after children's needs in general.
The needs of children were given greater prominence in 1959 when the United Nations adopted a Declaration of the Rights of the Child. (See box.) It was hoped that this document would generate interest in the problems of children and would help solve them by encouraging public support, financial and otherwise.
But "twenty years later," according to Collier's 1980 Year Book, "these 'rights'—especially those relating to nutrition, health, and material well-being—were still largely unrealized by many of the world's 1.5 billion children." So in recognition of the continuing need to solve the problems of children and in accord with its declared goals, the United Nations designated 1979 the International Year of the Child. Government, civic, religious, and charitable groups all over the world were quick to respond to the search for solutions.
Was It All Just a "Cruel Joke"?
Sad to say, according to a UNICEF report, children in developing nations did not fare well during the International Year of the Child. At year's end, some 200 million of them were still malnourished, and half the deaths of the 15 million who died under the age of five could be attributed to malnutrition. Of the 100 children born each minute that year in those countries, 15 would be dead before the end of their first year. Fewer than 40 percent would finish elementary school. Commenting on the UNICEF report, an editorial in the Indian Express newspaper complained that the Year of the Child turned out to be a "cruel joke."
Some individuals foresaw this failure. For example, at the very beginning of the year, Fabrizio Dentice wrote in the magazine L'Espresso: "Something more than the Year of the Child is needed to remedy the situation." The magazine commented: "Today's life-style makes us what we are, and this is what needs changing."
In the ongoing search for solutions to the problems of children, a world summit was held at UN headquarters in September 1990. It was one of the largest meetings of world leaders in history. Over 70 government leaders were present. The gathering was a follow-up to the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which was adopted on November 20, 1989, and went into force on September 2, 1990. By the end of that month, the agreement had already been ratified by 39 nations.
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"It is sad that in our time we still have to be reminded that children have rights"
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"The Convention," UNICEF recently noted, "has rapidly become the most widely accepted human rights treaty ever, creating a global momentum for children." Indeed, as of November 1999, the Convention had been adopted by 191 nations. UNICEF boasted: "More progress was made in realizing and protecting children's rights in the decade following adoption of the Convention on the Rights of the Child than in any other comparable period in human history."
Despite this progress, German President Johannes Rau was moved to comment: "It is sad that in our time we still have to be reminded that children have rights." Or to be reminded that they still have serious problems! Admitting in November 1999 that "much remains to be done," UNICEF explained: "Globally, an estimated 12 million children under the age of five die every year, mostly of easily preventable causes. Some 130 million children in developing countries are not in primary school . . . About 160 million children are severely or moderately malnourished. . . . Many unwanted children languish in orphanages and other institutions, denied education and adequate health care. These children are often physically abused. An estimated 250 million children are engaged in some form of labour." Mention was also made of the 600 million children living in absolute poverty and the 13 million who will have lost at least one parent to AIDS by the end of 2000.
Satisfactory solutions to these problems seem to elude political leaders. Yet, children's problems are not limited to developing lands. In Western nations many children suffer deprivation of another sort.
Children Deserve to Be
Wanted and Loved
"GIVE a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back." So wrote the 19th-century English writer and critic John Ruskin. Probably most parents will agree that it pays to love one's children, not only because of the love received in return but, more important, because of the positive effect this love will have on them.
The book Love and Its Place in Nature observed, for example, that without love "children tend to die." And Ashley Montagu, noted British-born anthropologist, went so far as to say: "The child who has not been loved is biochemically, physiologically, and psychologically very different from the one who has been loved. The former even grows differently from the latter."
The Toronto Star reported on a study that reached similar conclusions. It said: "Children raised without being regularly hugged, caressed or stroked . . . have abnormally high levels of stress hormones." Indeed, physical neglect during infancy "can have serious long-range effects on learning and memory."
These findings emphasize the need for the physical presence of parents. Otherwise, how can strong ties develop between parent and child? But sorry to say, even in affluent parts of the world, the tendency now is to try to supply a child's needs apart from his or her parents. Children are sent away to school, sent away to Sunday school, sent away to work, sent away to summer camp, and given money and sent away to places of recreation. Thrust out of the family nucleus, circling in orbit at a distance, as it were, millions of children naturally come to feel—if only subconsciously—neglected, unwanted, and unloved, surrounded by a hostile world of grown-ups. Such a prevailing feeling among children may be one reason why there are an estimated 3,000 street children in Berlin. Typical is young Micha, who said: "No one wanted me anymore." A nine-year-old German boy similarly complained: "I would rather be our dog."
Mistreatment of Children Takes Many Forms
Child neglect is a form of mistreatment that betrays a lack of what the Bible calls "natural affection." (Romans 1:31; 2 Timothy 3:3) And it can lead to more sinister forms of mistreatment. For example, since the International Year of the Child in 1979, more attention has been directed to the problems of physical mistreatment and sexual abuse of children. Of course, accurate statistics are difficult to come by, and they vary from place to place. But there is little doubt that the scars sexually abused children carry into adulthood are difficult to erase.
Regardless of the form mistreatment takes, it sends children the message that they are unloved and unwanted. And this problem seems to be growing. According to the German newspaper Die Welt, "more and more children are growing up to be social cripples." It adds: "Children lack the warmth of the nest. According to [Gerd Romeike, the director of a Hamburg child-guidance center], the emotional bonding between children and parents is becoming weaker, or it is never established in the first place. Such children feel neglected, and their desire for security goes unfulfilled."
Children who are denied their right to be wanted and loved may become bitter, taking out their frustrations on those who have neglected them or possibly on society as a whole. Fully a decade ago, a Canadian task-force report signaled the need for immediate action lest a whole generation "who think society doesn't care about them" be lost.
Unloved and unwanted youngsters may be tempted to run away from home to escape their problems, only to find bigger ones in cities plagued with crime, drugs, and immorality. In fact, over 20 years ago, police estimated that 20,000 runaways under 16 were living in one U.S. metropolitan area alone. They were described as "the products of broken homes and brutality, often inflicted by alcoholic or drug-addicted parents. They take to the streets, use their bodies for survival and then, beaten by pimps and bereft of self-esteem, live in fear of reprisal if they attempt to escape the racket." Sad to say, despite honest efforts to change this deplorable situation, it still exists.
Children growing up in the circumstances described above develop into unbalanced adults, often being unable to rear children of their own properly. Being unwanted and unloved themselves, they later produce more of their own kind—children who feel unwanted and unloved. A German politician succinctly expressed it this way: "Children without love become adults full of hate."
Of course, millions of parents are doing their best to make sure that their children know that they are wanted and loved. They not only tell them so but prove it by giving their children the loving care and personal attention that every child deserves. Still, problems remain—problems clearly beyond the ability of individual parents to solve. For example, in some parts of the world, imperfect human economic and political systems fail to provide children with adequate health care, suitable education, and sufficient food, as well as protection from the scourge of child labor and deplorable living conditions. And all too often these conditions are amplified by greedy, corrupt, selfish, and inconsiderate grown-ups.
Kofi Annan, secretary-general of the United Nations, mentioned some of the major problems children face today when he wrote: "Millions of children continue to endure the dreadful indignities of poverty; hundreds of thousands suffer the effects of conflict and economic chaos; tens of thousands are maimed in wars; many more are orphaned or killed by HIV/AIDS."
But not all the news is bad! UN agencies, such as the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) and the World Health Organization, have worked hard to improve the lot of children. Annan noted: "More children are born healthy and more are immunized; more can read and write; more are free to learn, play and simply live as children than would have been thought possible even a short decade ago." Still, he warned: "This is no time to stand on past achievements."
Those Deserving Special Attention
Some children deserve special attention. In the early 1960's, the world was shocked to hear reports from over a dozen countries about the birth of thousands of so-called thalidomide children. When taken by pregnant women, the sedative and sleeping pill thalidomide had an unanticipated side effect that resulted in their giving birth to children with withered or nonexistent limbs. Arms and legs were often little more than flippers.
Four decades later the culprit most likely to maim children is the land mine.* Some estimate that from 60 million to 110 million active mines lie scattered throughout the world. Some 26,000 people are killed or maimed each year—including many children. Since 1997, when Jody Williams won the Nobel Peace Prize for her campaign to ban land mines, much attention has been given to this problem. But minefields still exist. A German politician said regarding efforts to rid the world of land mines: "It's like trying to empty a bathtub with a teaspoon while the tap is running."
Another group of children needing special attention are those who have been deprived of their parents. Jehovah God, man's Creator, purposed that children grow up with the loving attention of both a mother and a father. A child needs and deserves such balanced parenting.
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A child needs and deserves the love of both parents
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Orphanages and adoption agencies try to address the needs of children deprived of both parents. Sad to say, however, some of the underprivileged children most desperately in need of adoption are the very ones most often ignored—those who are sick, have learning disorders, are physically disabled, or are of foreign parentage.
Organizations have been founded that encourage individuals to contribute money on a regular basis and thus "adopt" a child living in a less affluent country. Donated money is used to educate the child or to provide life's necessities. If desired, pictures and letters can even be exchanged to strengthen the relationship. Though helpful, this arrangement falls short of being the ideal solution.
Another interesting example of what has been done to help children deprived of parents is a movement that in 1999 celebrated a half century of activity.
The SOS Children's Village
In 1949, Hermann Gmeiner founded in Imst, Austria, what he called the SOS Children's Village. From this small beginning, his organization has grown to include nearly 1,500 villages and similar institutions located in 131 African, American, Asian, and European countries.
Gmeiner based his undertaking on four guiding principles—the mother, the siblings, the home, and the village. A "mother" forms the basis for a "family" of five or six—possibly more—children. She lives with them and tries to show them the love and attention expected of a real mother. The children remain together in the same "family" and with the same "mother" until the time arrives for them to leave "home." Children of different ages are included in the "family." Having both older and younger "brothers" and "sisters," the children learn to care for one another, thus helping them to avoid becoming self-centered. Efforts are made to integrate the children into a "family" at as early an age as possible. Fleshly brothers and sisters are always kept together in the same "family."
Villages are composed of about 15 "families," each living in its own house. All the children are trained to assist their "mother" in doing the necessary chores around the home. Although a father may be missing, provision is made for male support to give fatherly advice and to administer necessary discipline. The children attend local schools. Each "family" receives a set monthly allowance to cover expenses. Food and clothing are purchased locally. The aim is to introduce the children to typical family life with all its problems and joys, enabling them to lead, as far as possible, a normal life. This prepares them for founding families of their own once they reach adulthood.
Still in Search of the Ideal Solution
Adoption agencies, orphanages, SOS Children's Villages, UNICEF, and similar organizations or groups serve a good purpose when they try to provide support to underprivileged children. But none of them can do away with the fact that some people are underprivileged. As much as they might like to, they cannot furnish the crippled child with healthy limbs, activate the mind of the mentally disabled child, reunite a child with his separated or divorced parents, or place him back in the loving embrace of a deceased parent.
Try as they may, humans cannot provide the ideal solution to the problems of children. But they will be solved! Yes, and possibly sooner than you may expect. But how?
The Solution at Last!
IMAGINE a world in which every child is truly wanted, is truly loved, and is blessed with caring, loving parents who have a sincere desire to provide the best possible guidance and direction for their child. Imagine a world where every child is both physically and mentally sound, where street children are nowhere to be found, and where children are no longer robbed of childhood by the economic need to work!
Desirable? Of course. Believable? Jehovah's Witnesses think so, and this for two reasons.
Parents Can Provide Part of the Solution
You will no doubt agree that grown-ups do have the power to solve—at times even to prevent—some of the problems of children. Of course, this is provided that they, the adults, are willing to do so. Yes, parents themselves hold one of the keys to the problem.
For example, grown-ups who are able to follow the Bible counsel that "a wife should not depart from her husband . . . and a husband should not leave his wife" do not have children who suffer because of living in a home broken by separation or divorce.—1 Corinthians 7:10, 11.
Grown-ups who are willing to follow the Bible counsel to "walk decently, not in revelries and drunken bouts," do not have children who suffer the distress that goes along with having drunken or drug-addicted parents.—Romans 13:13; Ephesians 5:18.
Grown-ups who are willing to follow the Bible counsel to "abstain from fornication" help reduce the risk of their children growing up unwanted, possibly in a one-parent family.—1 Thessalonians 4:3; Matthew 19:9.
Grown-ups who are willing to follow the Bible counsel, "Do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted," and who "love their children" will not have children who experience the physical or mental pain of abuse in any of its various forms.—Colossians 3:21; Titus 2:4.
In summary, if all grown-ups were willing to follow the Bible counsel given by Jesus, "All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them," would there be millions of unwanted and unloved children?—Matthew 7:12.
Happily, there are many grown-ups who are willing to do all the above. But, sad to say, not all are, and therein lies the problem. And even those who are willing find that their efforts are often frustrated by human imperfection and things beyond their power to control. Humans can provide part of the solution to the problems of children, but they are clearly incapable of providing the complete solution.
A Divine Government to Provide the Complete Solution
The writer John Ruskin, mentioned in the preceding article, strongly believed that "the first duty of a State is to see that every child born therein shall be well housed, clothed, fed, and educated, till it attain years of discretion." Ruskin admitted, however, that "in order to [effect] this the Government must have an authority over the people of which we now do not so much as dream."
Only a government with divine backing could have the benign authority about which Ruskin spoke. And just such a government has been promised—the one that Jesus mentioned at Matthew 6:9, 10. Once this government of God's making has taken total control of earth's affairs, it will exercise its authority over all peoples—housing, clothing, feeding, and educating all its subjects, including children. (Isaiah 65:17-25) But this perfect government will do even more.
Under God's Kingdom humans will be enabled to rear children in a balanced way. (Job 33:24-26) Young folks will be raised in the spirit of peace and universal brotherhood, the ideal set forth in the UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child. (Psalm 46:8, 9) Never again will there be the need for an International Year of the Child or for a Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Restoring perfect health to parents and to disabled children will be a simple task for Christ Jesus, the King of this heavenly government. The miracles of healing that he performed while he was on the earth are a guarantee. (Luke 6:17-19; John 5:3-9; 9:1-7) Even resurrecting dead children and dead parents will not be beyond his power to accomplish!—Matthew 9:18-25.
What a joy to know that the time for God to act in behalf of earth's children is near!
Help for Young People
Jehovah's Witnesses are keenly interested both in helping young people to avoid problems and in showing them how best to cope with problems that are unavoidable. Over the years they have therefore published a number of aids designed to meet the needs of young people—from preschoolers to teenagers. These publications include the books My Book of Bible Stories and Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work as well as a video entitled Young People Ask—How Can I Make Real Friends? These can be obtained from Jehovah's Witnesses living in your locality or by writing to the publishers of this magazine.
As for their own children, Jehovah's Witnesses show them that they are wanted and loved by regularly discussing their problems with them. Parents often use the fine material presented in the above-mentioned study aids as a basis for a progressive, regular program of youth training. Perhaps you might like to follow a similar procedure with your children.
The UN Declaration
of the Rights of the Child:
The right to a name and nationality.
The right to affection, love, and understanding and to material security.
The right to adequate nutrition, housing, and medical services.
The right to special care if disabled, be it physically, mentally, or socially.
The right to be among the first to receive protection and relief in all circumstances.
The right to be protected against all forms of neglect, cruelty, and exploitation.
The right to full opportunity for play and recreation and equal opportunity to free and compulsory education, to enable the child to develop his individual abilities and to become a useful member of society.
The right to develop his full potential in conditions of freedom and dignity.
The right to be brought up in a spirit of understanding, tolerance, friendship among peoples, peace, and universal brotherhood.
The right to enjoy these rights regardless of race, color, sex, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, and property, birth, or other status.