I need some advice, serious answers only please.?

Question

I am having the hardest time with my 5 year old daughter. It seems like a constant battle with her from the moment the sun comes up to the moment that it goes down. She says that no oneloves her and thatwe are all mean to her, when in reality, she thinks that it is ok to through a fit, whenever she feels like it. I need some advice, i am tired of crying myself to sleep, and hearing her do the same. It is tearing meup inside and i don't know what to do, or who to turn to. Please if you have some advice please let meknow. thank you so much.

Answer 1

I think you need to set boundaries with your five year old.

Spend quality time with her and if she throws a fit put her in time out let her know that she won't get attention for her outbursts!

Sounds like sibliing rivalry, I would try and arrange for your husband to watch the baby and include one on one time with your daughter. Take her out to the store with you and let her decide little things (also around the house) asks her what she thinks and then thank her for being such a big help. Remind her of how much you love her. You can let her feel like the big sister and make sure you pay special attention to her. When the baby is sleeping spend quality time with her. Above all let her know that your the Mom and that arguing isn't exceptable, tantrums=time out. When she is being a big help she will see first hand the amount of attention that gets. Include Dad let him take her out for an ice cream or to the park and have him remind her that babys don't get ice cream.

I hope you see where I am going with this and good luck~

Answer 2

I think your daughter is feeling left out. You said that you had a baby about 6 months ago? Well, she could feel like all of the attention was focused on her and now she has to share. I would just try spending more time with her. Take her with you somewhere and leave the other baby with dad.My son is 4, but he will be 5 in October. He like to just help out with dishes, laundry, and if I babysit he likes to tell me what I'm doing wrong(he will say something like mom you need to let me pack the diaper bag, cuz you aren't doing it right). He likes doing those things, because he can spend time with me. Or she could be spoiled. And the best way I know how to do that is toughen up. Say no and mean no. Don't let her win. If she starts throwing a fit at home for no real reason. Walk away and just let her have a fit. Once she sees you walk away she should stop after a few minutes. Most of all don't get upset about it. Getting upset is only going to make things worse. She might think that she is getting her way. Other than that....maybe try family counseling

Answer 3

I'm reading this right...your daughter is 5 and she is causing so much turmoil in the family that you and her are going to bed crying each night? Honey, the problem is not your daughter, the problem lies with your parenting. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that to be honest and so that you can change this, and change it now. This little girl is in desperate need of some love. I'm not saying you don't love her, I'm saying that if she doesn't feel it, all the love in the world isn't going to fix this situation. It sounds as though she feels like she doesn't fit in anywhere and that often happens when another sibling comes into the family. You have to get her involved in helping with the new baby, but make it fun. Then each day, you have to set aside time for just you and her. I don't care if it's playing a game with her when the baby naps, or the simple idea of having a story time before bed with just you and her. On top of that, you have to constantly tell her that you love her. Make up something goofy, such as a look that only you and her share, or a secret that only you and her know. It really sounds as though she's out of touch with the whole family thing and it breaks my heart. It's going to take alot of these little things, but if you keep them consistant, she'll come around. She'll start to understand that she does matter and that you do love her. Just please don't dismiss her feelings, by doing that, you only reinforce them in a negative way. If she's 5 and she's reaching out, it's time to reach back mom.

Answer 4

My daughter was just like that. I often wondered if she was just looking for attention, only in the negative way. My solution was to make more time for just her and I. I would tell her that we were going to have a "mommy and me day" a week ahead of time to give her something to look forward to. Then we would spend that day doing things that she liked. We would have the best time. But, the other side of this day was the fact that I made it very clear to her that we are doing "big girl things", so that meant that she had to behave like a "big girl" as well. I explained to her exactly what I expected out of her behavior wise, and what I would not tolerate. If she threw a fit, I'd just walk away and tell her that when she was ready to discuss what she was feeling in a "big girl" way, I'll be ready to listen. And when she came to me, I would always put down whatever I was doing and I would really listen.



Spend more quality time with her. Color or do crafts together, bake some cookies and let HER do most of the work. Let her do the best that she can at whatever you're doing together, meaning don't spend that time together telling her how should could make it better or trying to correct what she does. Just let her be a kid and enjoy this time because they grow up so fast.

Answer 5

She is begging you to be the adult. Start with two choices. Today you can wear the blue shirt or the brown shirt.



When you say no, mean it, and repeat it, without getting angry or yelling. Remember that if you start to explain or make an excuse that young children's minds see that as a sign that they can get out of it, by arguing or throwing a fit or whatever. Your response to

"Nobody loves me, you're all mean to me." Should be, silence. If you argue, she thinks she has a valid point. Remember when you brought something to a boyfriend or husband's attention and they would immediately start to explain, and you knew right then and there that they were lying? Same exact concept. If your youngster makes a blanket statement about everyone hates me, and you start to argue, or make excuses, she knows she's right. Even if she isn't. She's a 5 year old. You are the adult. You know more than she does, you have information she doesn't have.



Good Luck

Answer 6

I have 2 girls, one who's been 5... 5 is a hard age for some kids, they are getting into school, starting to get used to new things and being a bit more independent. Don't let her know that she's bothering you when she throws fits. It's her way of controlling you. They do it for a response. Also don't give into the fits, when my daughter has them, I piick her up and put her in her room. I tell her when she's done acting that way, she can come back out. She would even throw things at the door. I just ignored it and let her see she couldn't get to me. You have to stand firm.

Try making special alone time with her too, so she sees you can be firm, and yet still be a good mother who's willing to listen to her and do things with her.

Answer 7

You may be too worried about what she thinks of you and she can see that. She is a 5 year old child with what appears to be an artistic personality. You might want to try spending "special time" with her. Take her to dinner, just the two of you, make her understand that she is special to you. When you do those things, do not mention her unwanted behaviors (unless she behaves inappropriately during one of those times) it is just special time for the two of you. If she misbehaves, get down to her level, look her in the eye and tell her that you love her but that her actions are inappropriate and that you expect her to behave acceptably. If you have to punish her, put her in a "time out" or whatever for 5 or 6 minutes and let her know that while it makes you sad to have to do that and you still love her, she has forced your hand. You need to point out the cause and effect so that she knows you don't like to have to punish her but "this happened because she did that". When she has complied by sitting for the requisite time, make sure she knows that you love her dearly, that she is special to you and that if she respects you these things will not happen. If she continues to accuse you of not loving her or being mean to her, smile and tell her that you love her. She will learn not to manipulate. She isn't being devious, she is 5, she's just learning what she can control in her environment.

Answer 8

My daughter has been a handful since the age of three. Lots of tantrums, anger fits, defiance. It never went away. She has been in counseling since the age of 6. She is 13 and still in counseling. She is exhibiting behaviors indicative of what those of us who have worked in the mental health field fearfully call "Borderline Personality Disorder". She is learning to cope but most likely, she will need to stay in counseling for a long time if she is going to be able to lead a "normal" life.



You daughter's problems may or may not be related to your skills as a parent. There may be something genetic going on also, or even a chemical imbalance. My advice would be to start out with some family counseling and proceed from there. If you are on a tight budget, and who isn't, you may find that your local university has a counseling center that is designed to give students with their MA who are studying to obtain their Ph.D. practical counseling experience under the guidance of Licensed Ph.D.'s. Check it out. It can't hurt.

Answer 9

First things first. Stop beating yourself up about it. It is probably just a phase, albeit a tough one, and she'll eventually grow out of it.

IF I were you I would keep in mind that children need consistency, boundaries, and lots of love. Find the things that make her happy and use them as rewards. When she throws a fit, she doesn't get them. If you are consistent EVERY TIME ( that means you cannot give in) she will realize you mean business.

Also, you can't throw a fit. If she decides to throw one, don't yell and scream, sit her down in a "naughty chair" (or mat or corner, whatever is best for your place) and walk away. This tells her that you are not going to deal with her when she is throwing a fit. When you hear her calm down go in a talk to her again.

Most importantly, LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. When she is doing a good job, let her know how proud of her you are.



You are going to be OK! Don't give up, and know that you are doing your best, that's all you can do. And that's wonderful!

Best of luck to you and your sweet baby :)

Answer 10

This will be tough, but it may work and if it doesn't... well, there's no harm in trying... I think.



Part 1: Does she start having fits at certain times? Keep a log of when and why she throws a fit (a toy? yelling at her? candy? etc.). This will not only give you a better understanding of what's causing this (if anything), but may also help out a psychologist if you need to see one.



Part 2: This is the hard part (and slightly cruel in the eyes of the parent)... ignore the child while she has her fit. It may be "acting out" for attention.



Part 3: If problems persist and you really can't take it, I'd suggest bringing her (and yourself) to a psychologist. It's not a matter of curing, but understanding (I feel).

Answer 11

Jay, my son is also 5 years old. The problem I've had with him in the past is that he was used to having his own way, and cried or claimed that "we don't love him," or "we're mean!" if we don't go along with him.

Our family has developed a daily routine for him, including TV time, outdoor time, indoor activity time, and time for him to choose a favorite activity. He also gets to earn "tickets" or "points" for good behavior or for doing small chores, eating all his dinner, or picking up his room which he can exchange for a fun treat. This is one way to help alleviate some of the tantrums.

Also, 5 year old are very precocious. This is the time that they are more verbally able to tell you what they think and feel, and communicate on a level with you that they weren't before. This is the point where they will test your patience, test their boundaries, and push you hard enough to make you cry. (DON'T STRESS!)

At this point, having a routine and being consistent in punishment/rewards will help reduce the tantrums. You also NEVER want to let your child see you cry or become upset, or they will realize what buttons to push with you. If you can't control your reactions, leave the room. Tell them that you are not going to listen to them behave that way, and go somewhere for a few minutes to get yourself in control. When you have control, return to the scene, and firmly take control of the situation. Yes, I do spank, but on rare occasions. If you do not spank, "time-out" is equally effective, provided you make your child explain to YOU why he or she was placed there. Do not exceed the timeout time beyond 5 minutes, and do not reward them for behaving in timeout...

I hope this helps...if you need more answers, check out Parenting, it's a great magazine...especially for single moms!

Answer 12

Don't worry too much. It will fade.

Someone quoted "Super Nanny" and what they said sounds right.

But also, add some time for you and your 5 year old to something just the 2 of you. She may be feeling left out or threatened. If you have special bonding time with her, she will better undstand that you're still going to love her too. At that age they have more emotions then we give them credit for.



As far as the fits, do the "super nanny" approch, but don't let her get too much of your attention with the fits or she won't stop them.



Good Luck

Answer 13

it sounds like your older daughter is jealous of the baby. You need to have a consistent routine with her. EX: when she throws a fit, pick her up and take her to a "safe place" like her bedroom and tell her that when she is done with her fit she may return to you to apologize. Until she is ready to do that, she needs to stay in her room. and do it every time she throws a fit.

She also needs some one on one time with you. make a night once a week that is a girls night. go shopping, do makeovers or whatever she wants to do. make it just you and her and that will help her feel loved and respected.

I would also maybe check into some behavior therapy. It works wonders. My adopted daughter had a lot of problems when she moved in (she was 5) and we went to behavior therapy together and it did wonders. They teach them how to properly react to the feelings that they are having.

I hope this helps!

Answer 14

I think the best thing for your daughter is to visit a child psychiatrist. Maybe something happened to her in the past for her to feel that way. Your problems will end once you find the source as to why she reacts that way. I don't think it is your fault but have an open mind if the doctor needs your cooperation into her development. Hope this helps. Good Luck

Answer 15

Sad to hear that you've been crying yourself to sleep. You don't have to go through all this. I think she just need your attention. I have a five year old daughter too and she's impatient and wants almost everything her own way. I have to give her 'reasonable' reasons to make her stop nagging. And I succeed. I guess your daughter might be bored, or feel left out.... lonely... They just need our attention, I think. Hope I can give you better advice.. but at the meantime, I hope my advice will soothe you a bit.

Answer 16

she is probably feeling a little left out as there is a new member in your family who takes up alot of the attention that she used to have. make time when the new baby is asleep to do activities with your daughter that she enjoyes like baking or painting. plenty of tlc and reassurance should confirm to her that actually you do love her.

possibly speaking to your health visitor will help as they will have various counselling contacts and will be able to put you in touch with the right person or at least point you in the right direction. good luck, i hope this gets resolved soon.

Answer 17

I agree with joyceeleann. I think that a professional counseling for you and/or your daughter might be very helpful. I am so sorry that you are so frustrated and sad about this. God can help you with parenting questions. After all, He is the ultimate Parent. You can pray to Him and ask Him what to do, and for His comforting Spirit to be in your home. He can also lead you to other sources of help.

Answer 18

Have you ever watched the show "Super Nanny?" Basically, the advice is always the same. (1) Schedule times to do fun things that your child enjoys. (2) When she is naughty, send her to the naughty room (time out) and explain to her why she is going there. She should stay there for about three minutes. Keep telling her that you love her.



Also, make sure that you are paying attention to your own needs so that you will have energy and time to pay attention to your child and have fun doing so!



Does that help?

Answer 19

Yeah, the professional help thing is a really good idea. It sounds like it may be a trivial mental disorder that runs in the family from what you put down. Don't worry, I got one that runs in mine, however, no one really noticed it did until I did something (personal). But early prevention can easily remedy her fits and can help your newborn too. Don't be like my family and ignore the problem until it's too late, seek professional help.

Answer 20

That was the same for my son. I payed him no attention and I told him that I love him and if he wanted to throw a fit he could but then he would not be able to play with his toys and no fast food joints. now the little rug rat is OK he grew out of it. but I also had the help of his therapist. and I'm a single parent.

Answer 21

are you a single mother...if so i am so sorry to hear that, you should check to see if there are any Parent Places in your area. you are allowed to bring your daughter. what they do there, or what i went through as a kid was, the parents go somewhere seperate from the kids. the kids have activities to do with someone to watch them and to be active with the kids. the parents go there to give and get advice and parenting, weather you are a single parent or are having trouble's with your child. my father had custody of me because my mother abandond me when i was a child. he wasnt used to the single parenting lifestyle so he went the the Parents Place for guidence and advice. i wish you the best of luck with you and your daughter and hope things go well. have you talked to her docter about her behavior...maybe they will be able to guide you in what you could do to make her stop throwing fits. best of lukc

Answer 22

This is the age where she testes how far your patience will go (and to me it's already gone too far) what you have to do is impose you're authority over her and put a "stop" sign on her way. If she refuses to do what you tell her then you might have to give her a spanking. Make sure that when she's calmed to tell her you love her and stuff.

Answer 23

You need to find out where she's getting these ideas from. This is not normal 5 year old attitude, sounds more like 13.

Answer 24

She is crying because she wants ur undivided attention. You need to spend some time with her. Take her for a walk, or to the park. Talk to her let her know ur trying to understand and help her because u see she is not happy. Kids are human beings too, we forget they have feelings and needs.

Answer 25

It could be a number of things,what changes have taken place in her live and she may be rebelling against.Watch the kids that play with her or any adult that are around her,something maybe going on.Does she go to pre school and how does she repond to that.Jush watch for signs.

Answer 26

Where does a 5 year old come up with no one loves me? Are you giving in to her because you are tired? #1 parenting rule...say what you mean, and mean what you say. Be consistent.

Answer 27

Kids tantrums are a direct result of your parenting skills.



Find a mom and kid parenting corse or counsler.



Sounds like professional help is needed.

Answer 28

she sounds a bit spoiled , but does anyone pay attention to her . maybe the family should take turns making a me and you time with her , show her lots of love hugs and kisses. if that don't help ide get her a counselor to see whats bothering her

Answer 29

first you should take your daughter to individual counseling--apparently she is vying for your attention because of the time you have to give her sister--consider the fact for 5 yrs she had your total attention--also try to set aside time to be with her only if possible--she needs to know she is loved and still as important to you as she was before--good luck and god bless!!!

Answer 30

Maybe you should consider a therapist, even though she s only 5, it might give some help. Remember you love your daughter, anad no matter how much she says you don't love her, she loves you.

Answer 31

Is she watching movies/cartoons where there are dramatic no one loves me scenes in it?

She could be getting it from there.

Or she just wants attention.



Start giving her time outs, or like my grandma used to say "whip her into shape" haha.

Make it clear that she can't act like that.



Trust me...she'll grow out of it.

Answer 32

awe babe thats an aweful feeling to have to go through,i had the same problem with my son when he was her age ,he did overcome it though,he is going on 18 now and he knows how much i love him now but he didnt realize it back then,if you ever need to talk i'm right here

Answer 33

spend time with her, take her out for ice cream, talk to her, keep her active untill she runs out of energy lol, i'm only 13 but i have a little brother, and he can be a pain, but as long as he is busy he is quiet ect so, cuddle with her, play with her, make fav foods, things like that, if you have a busy schedual, see if you can take her with you, take her to do things at the mall, movies ect you'll have just as much fun bonding with her as she is with you =)

Answer 34

she's learning how to manipulate her world, just in a very negative manner. Try to withhold your reaction to her tantrums and reinforce positive behaviors. Above all, be consistent.

Answer 35

Sounds to me like you are too nice to her........Let her know that she is loved but you refuse to tolerate her behavior.......Whenever she starts throwing a fit, take her to her room and close the door.....If you guys are both getting so upset that you are crying alot, take her to a pediatrician and see what they have to say...............

Answer 36

Look up info on asperger's syndrome... not very many people are aware of this problem, and it can be mis-diagnosed for ADHD.

Answer 37

Just dont give up...Theres lots of other alternatives on dealing with this...But you should only make it better for your family...

Answer 38

shiit beat ur childs ***...tell her to stop bein a bad *** kid..u love her but she is actin upp u ain't strict enuff...and if u ask me u bout to b blazed..lol..how u goin to have a 5yearold child and not kno how to handle it?..wtf?

Answer 39

Get family counseling fast....

Answer 40

You should bring in a counselor to help you with this.

Answer 41

bust that child's backside!! let her know, in no uncertain terms, that that attitude will not be tolerated.

Answer 42

takes her to a childrens psychologist, is kinda sounds like A.D.D

Answer 43

sounds like both you and she need therapy.

Answer 44

...oach that's sad , an i ain't f*kin wit ya ethier i mean it.but sadly i can't help i'm only 14

Answer 45

i know..have another baby she is getting soper bored...

Answer 46

Never mind that, Tell me more about your boobies jay.