Should I take care of my son first or me to?

Question

My son is 15yrs old going on 16 in July. He'll be going to 11th grade. He stays with his dad something we both agreed to in the beginning of our divorce but i take care of all his needs. I am now looking for a second job because one job has not been enough. I provide him breakfast,lunch&dinner when he is out of school&pay all his school fees.I buy cloths & anything else he ask for. His Dad makes more then me probably double but has focused more so on his life then my sons&never talks to me. His Dad is at the moment going to school & thinking of remarrying a 3rd time. I want my son to enjoy his last two years & not have to worry about working plus I know he will need help with his own place and car etc. if he does not get a football scholarship. I on the other hand would like to other things to plan 4 my future 2 include getting health insurance & possibly school.But i'm willing to struggle & just get my son whatever he needs by working a second job. what do you think.

Answer 1

I see your dilemma and must commend you on discussing so honestly all of your thoughts and concerns that you have as a parent and everything you have been doing for your son.



It must be tough not making enough that you have to pick and choose between yourself and your son.

I would suggest that you let him get a part time job. You are thinking about the job situation as if it were some type of punishment or if your son would lose out some how if he worked.

It is really good for a young man his age to learn about responsibility and the value of money. He will get a lot of out of working he will even be better prepared for the college years.

He will also be able to socialise while at work, meet new people, etc...

I guess what you may want to start thinking about is where he could work for example at a mall he can definately see other kids probably some of his friends will also have jobs and they may run into each other etc...

Just make sure you both do something fun this summer together like go to the beach or a movie.

(Anyway, I say you get a second job if you want to start putting money away for your future, your new school goals and his. Maybe postpone this though till the fall when he is back in school).

As far as the dad....there may come a day when he realizes what he has not done for his child or he may never realizes but that is not your concern you keep doing the right thing....you will always know that you did the right thing for your child.



Are you getting any child support for your child??? You should. Just take him to family court and file for child support.



Also, as far as health insurance some states offer it to lower - mid income families see if you qualify.

If not go through a health insurance broker they put other people that are not insured into a group so that you can all get together and purchase health insurance cheaper.



Well, I hope I helped you some how. Thank you for sharing.

Answer 2

I think first of all you're doing a very good job in not being selfish. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with your song getting a part time job (even though it sounds like he's busy with football and school). I worked over 40 hours a week during high school during the school year and I didn't get anything below a C. Maybe he couldn't work during the football season, but the rest of his time. It's great you're doing a good job but it won't teach your son to help himself if you don't give him a little responsibility as well. Make sure the money he makes would be going towards car insurance, gas, etc. I had to pay all my car insurance (my parents did buy my car but it was ten years old and wasn't new), gas, food, toiletries, etc. I pretty much supported myself expect for rent and utilities.



As far as everything else, I think you should probably just work for the next two years until he is out of high school. Then he will be on his own and can worry about himself, and then you can go back to school. Unless you have time to take some online courses or something in the mean time. I don't think it's selfish to want something better for yourself, but I think since he's so close to graduation then you should just wait. If he were in 9th grader or lower I'd tell you to go back to school. I hope I helped.

Answer 3

Prepare a list of needs the Dad can cover. IT will hurt your son by you not being home these last two years of school. Cost are way up on everything, the Dad needs to help out. It will not be long till he is 18 and support stops. Surely he can help that long. You may even have a possible reason for a divorce settlement child support appeal. You did what you could, dont throw away time he needs for a parent to cover these cost. Get legal advise. *mamatx

Answer 4

wow!!! i think that is very sad....u need 2 tell ur x husband that if he isnt going 2 pitch u will get the law 2 get money from him take him 2 court u should not have 2 struggle in ur life when at this time u should b getting rewarded living ur life ur son is almost a grown man he needs 2 learn how 2 provide for himself make a living n stop hanging off of mom let him know that he should get a job so that way he can buy his own food n if he does live with his father y dnt his father feed him that is allso something u need 2 add in court whom ever the boy lives with parent/guardiing needs 2 fead,clothed n so on

Answer 5

If you both agreed that he would living with his Dad and unless you're paying child support to Dad, there needs to be a legal agreement to evenly divide the financial responsibility. You both made your son and you'll both always be his parents. Having as equal an arrangement with parenting and finances as possible maintains a level of consistency with him as well as not placing the burden primarily on one parent.



However, there has to be a certain level of care that you take with yourself. Like on an airplane, they tell you if the oxygen masks fall from the overhead that you put your mask on first before helping others. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're not in the best shape to be helping others. If you're willing to struggle, just make sure that you're taking care of your own needs too. Be present for your son. He may also be old enough to take on a part-time job during summers and school if you think it would be helpful and it doesn't affect his school. He can feel like he's contributing as well as providing a work ethic that may serve him well. If he sees mom struggling and dad not taking more responsibility, he may learn that that's how all male and female roles are and take advantage of his girlfriends or future wife like his father seems to be taking advantage of you.

Answer 6

If its things he needs make the father pay. If its things he wants then make him get a job. You should be able to think of yourself some too. If he wants a car pay the down payment and make him pay the rest.. I bought my own car and paid every payment. I had just a weekend job. I still have that car and its been paid off for about 4 years. I paid it off in 2 years. I'm more responsible than alot of people I know for it. If he wants a house thats his responsibility he should get a job while hes with u and save up for his own. You should not have to pay for 2 homes just because he wants to move out.

Answer 7

I think your doing a great job but you should remember you have to take care of yourself as well! I'm only 16, my mother father and my sister all work, but as I'm sure you know already there is nothing like having your own money. It would be in good interest that your son look into getting a job. It builds character, helps you become more responsible, plus when he gets paid he will know it was all worth it.

You need to take care of yourself and do something for yourself for once. Two people made him it not fair for just one parent to take care of him. Stop doing everything and tell his father to step it up!

Answer 8

at 16, he should be looking for some type of work. we all want our kids to have an enjoyable time, but we also need to teach them responsibility and that things do not come free. as a single parent i often felt guilty that my kids did without some of the things their friends had, ;they had a dead beat father and i worked 60 plus hours a week. they all helped with chores and when they got to the age where they could earn some money for their extra wants, i agreed so long as their grades did not drop.they wanted the extras, so they made sure the grades were good. do not get consumed by guilt because it will do you no good, and it will not help your son either. goodluck

Answer 9

I think you need to tell your ex to start supporting your son. Doesn't he pay chid support? and if so then tell him you need help so your son can acheive the things that you both want him to in his life. If you can't talk to him have your son talk to him otherwise you need to have your son get an afterschool job and start buying his own stuff. It will teach him responsibility and he will feel a sense of self accomplishment by buying his own stuff. Why should u have to work two jobs just to buy him a new ipod or video game. Your a person to and deserve a lil time to yourself. I got a job at 16 and bought my own clothes, make up and spent my own money when i went out. I see nothing wrong with that

Answer 10

Well in all reality, we have to put our children first- it's just the right thing to do.



My suggestion for you would be to end this arrangement and go through the Courts. If your Son is living with his Father, you should be paying child support. Child Support will be a percentage of your income paid directly to your Son's Father for his care. It sounds like you may be spending more than you can afford; and the courts will divide up the financial responsibility evenly and so it benefits your Son without causing you to go bankrupt.

Answer 11

tell him to start finding even a part time job to help himself with his clothes and school and even you (room and board).

You took care of him all these years, he should slightly repay you and let you do what you want. he doesn't need his mother to pamper him, feed him in grade 11. Your question sounds more like my life. At exactly grade 11 I moved out and my mother went back to college for nutritionist. My father HAS been married 3 times. I barely see my father other does my mother. I moved out, got a job and yes homework and 5 hours of sleep was difficult for the first month. but then after a month i was able to make a schedule and work things out on what to spend, what to keep and how to save.



"son shud get a part time job nd start paying little for room and board. At the end of grade 11, cut the strings"

Answer 12

Your son is almost 16 and old enough to know how the world works, and that includes money. Sit down with him and show him the household budget and what you are doing to make ends meet. Ask him what he can do to help out - spare jobs, summer work, cutting back on purchases,etc. Yes, he couls and should enjoy life, but not on your back entirely.

Answer 13

It is very healthy for young men to work at a job since it builds an understanding of how money comes in and how to budget etc. Your son should get a part time job for the car and in the future...his own place. To not help him prepare for his own future would be wrong. He needs to take an active part in his own life.

Answer 14

I sure hope your ex is at least paying child support. If not, get in court--he owes you. If your son stays with his dad.......why are you making all his meals and paying for everything? I think you are doing all that you can and the dad needs to be informed of what's lacking so he can help out.

Answer 15

it is surprising. OP has mommy themes. i'm taking notes to ascertain my son does not prove like this. This what happens once you enable youngsters be raised by making use of their friends and the internet.

Answer 16

well by having a son u had set urself aside 2 second and put him first...ur son should come first...he is still a minor and apparently needs ur help.....its only 2 more years....u can also start school 2....the government will pay for ur school since u do not have a good income...u can make time for urself and ur son......but if u think that will b 2 much for u then focus on him.....

Answer 17

As a parent it's your FIRST job to put the kid first. Still, you should talk to the dad about sharing costs if you feel overwhelmed.

Answer 18

you should go off and get health insurance and school if you would like. You should talk to your son about it, and see what he thinks

Answer 19

first, just see if he wants or is capable of getting a job. Im sure he is...

you support him. forget daddy. he obviously doesnt care... just pay for what he needs (not wants) and in the end when you see him older and a great model in life, you'll get the thanks from him. only you. and you'll be happy, i promise. even if your struggling...

=D

Answer 20

Ask the father for help. He might say yes.

Answer 21

tell him to get a job! jezuz he'll never get anywhere in life if he doesn't know how to work.



Im 13 and i do whatever i can

Answer 22

u go girl!!!!!!!