Why does my stepmum hate me and my sister so much?

Question

My dad has been married to my step mum for as long as I can remember, and my sister and I only see him around once a year in the summer. But ever since we hit about 6/7 she had made our time over there living hell.

On our most recent holiday she blantenly said she hated us, and always will, and insulted my other sister(she has a different dad so she doesn't come over) calling her thick, and referred to our house as a '**** hole' when she has never even seen it.
Also, she hates our mum as well, ever since we moved away from where they lived. She doesn't even say her name she just says 'your mother' or when shes talking to our dad 'the girls mother'
Whats more is that she has a son(hes 4) who is so spoilt its unbelievable and gets away with EVERYTHING. Once I stretched my leg out and tapped him on the back, he scream that i gave him an 'owa' and she went hysterical at me, literally screaming 'WHAT DID YOU DO?' and wouldn't even let me explain.
He could point to something like 100 euros and get it, whereas i asked for a 3 euro magazine and she just said no.

she has said that our dads side of the family is more 'prestigious' then my mums side to our faces and laughed, the told us to get lost while she had a fag, and more importantly because she doesn't like either of us.
She has also said that when my dads parents die, her son would get verything, and we would get nothing.

We have had to put up with her for about 8 years now, and i just can't bear her anymore, as we have never done anything to her other then defend our selves when she went off on one.
We have tried speaking to our dad countless times, but he just defends her or doesn't say anything.
Sometimes she would even come out with such childish remarks, like asking me if im ever going to get a boyfriend, then laughing etc.

I don't even know what to do anymore, because i do want to see my dad, but i cant as long as she and her son are there

Sorry if this is a bit long!
xxx

Answer 1

The answer is plain and simple. You are not her kids and the fact your Dad had kids with some other woman she cannot deal with. She will always have to deal with the fact that you have your Dads blood and not hers running in your veins, you have a closeness to your Dad that she will never have.



Thats about it.

Answer 2

I too have Step-Mother. I can not remember what our days were like together while I was young , but now that I am grown - up, I don't like her at all. My Step - Mother and myself and my sisters put on a face while we are all together. We try to be nice to each other and stay away from serious conversation for my Father's sake.



Step - Mothers' see their husband's daughters' as a threat. You Father loves you and cares for you...this is what your Step-Mother hates. She wants all of your Fathers attention , she doesn't want to share him with any other female.



I know the things she says to you are retched, but I can only suggest telling your Mother if she is around or someone from your Mother's side of the family. You must continue to try to talk to your Father.



Swallow your pride child, remember, all good things come to those who wait.

Answer 3

Girl!~I KNOW YOUR PAIN!!!

For MANY MANY years now, I've had to deal with an evil stepmother.

Her name is Kitt and is incredibly evil beyond words, only she does the EXACT same thing in an either quiet manner towards my sisters and I, OR says/does things when NO ONE is around to witness it.

She has the family so fooled and caused so much trouble my Mother had to move away from them many years ago.

It's such a long story I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Let's just start off by saying that from the very beginning hints of jealousy began especially towards me and my one sister only 2 yrs. younger, while the youngest didn't get picked on so much at all.

Kitt was also soooooooooooooooooooo jealous of my Mother that ALL THESE YEARS WE CAN'T EVEN MENTION HER NAME!! Yes, it's been that long! It's ridiculous! SO I've just NOW been taking up for myself but it's taken a long time to stand up for myself due to her manipulations and my Father always taking up for her and failing to see her for who she actually really is. He's rarely taken up for any of us.

Now, there are a few family members who see right through her,--the one's who've had experiences w/her in the past and/or who only come around for family reunions. The one's who are not a big part of the rest of the family and can SEE STRAIGHT because being away gives them lots of perspective. She's a bigtime liar, manipulator who's sadly demented beyond words.

Anyways, once my Dad kept bringing up the will over the phone w/my sister. In the background she says, "Your not getting anything until after I die," [which of course she meant she is getting nothing.]

All I can adivse to you is to START NOW--to MAKE EVERY STRONG EFFORT TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR DAD AND HER as much as you can, and spend some time w/your Dad alone if you can.

She's going to give you too many bad memories of your childhood and teen years if you stay there. You've heard way too many insults already haven't you? I know it is hard, believe you me, I know it is hard beyond words. My stepmum is a pathological narcissist, which is very clever in all her evil undertakings, I suggest a therapist, so you can try to deal w/this at an early stage and work the negativity she's caused out of your psyche. and read books on narcissism~ultimately educate yourself on such persons,

Your stepmom is evil. Plain and simple JEALOUS--so jealous of you, your siblings, and of your Mother.

Honey, you deserve to be around only supportive, loving, kind people who will help you grow especially during your formative years.

I know your pain, my Father sold his soul to the devil.

Answer 4

Play amazing pranks on her so she'll run away screaming or tell your dad it's her or you and your sister.



She probably hates you because she can't push you around because your older and she might think that you get in the way of your dad and her but if you only go in the summer that don't sound true really

Answer 5

I have definitely been there. My step mother, so I thought, was the devil reincarnated. When her and my Dad first got together, she seemed to be the nicest person in the world, doing all the things we wanted to do, buying us stuff, etc. Once they got married, oh my, she did a complete turn around. I have three siblings. Two lived with my Dad, my older brother was old enough to live by himself and I lived with my Mom and step dad. I can tell you from experience that the reason she treats you like she does is because she can't seperate the love for a child from the love of a spouse. Yes, she may have a son, but she feels like she's competing with your Dad for attention when you guys are around. I'd like to say my complaints to my Dad of her childish acts payed off, but they never did. I can say, though, that now that we have grown up and all moved out, they have a horrible relationship. I think he knew he was going to have a fight with her when it came to us being around, so to keep what little peace there may have been, he just tried to smooth things over on both sides. When I used to complain to Dad about what she did or said, he'd say she was having a bad day or she was stressed or had family problems. When Dad wasn't around she would tell me not to call if I wanted to talk to my brothers. She would say if Dad wanted to talk, he'd call me. She even told my Mom when she called that my brothers lived with them, so they were no longer her kids anymore. She did all kinds of stuff when he wasn't around and then pretended to like us when Dad was around. I have a brother who didn't talk to him for 8 years because of her. Now they have reconciled and when I do visit, he talks crap to her, tells her to shut up and keep her two cents to herself. Men don't like confrontations and when he hasn't been in the middle of the conversations she's had, he doesn't know who to believe cause she's probably pretty good at lying to him I imagine. My step mom has told us all Dad's money is hers too, so I just ignore her. Your stepmom has insecurities and she tries to make herself feel better by belittling the people who she's afraid will take away what she has. Be the better person and ignore her. I always told my step mom when she talked junk that I was sorry she felt that way. It just makes them madder because you are being nice when they are trying to push you to be mean by saying hateful things to you. You will always be his daughter. Wives aren't always forever and she knows that the boy is not your Dads bilogically and she is jealous she doesn't have kids with him, that's why she belittles your mother. Hang in there, I really can relate and sympathize.

Answer 6

Well, I know this isnt really an answer to your problem but if it makes you feel any better, I have the same problems with my step mom. And she has done so much to me but my dad just wont stick up for me. It sucks and I know exactallywhat your going through.

Answer 7

I think you should tell your real mom that she is treating you like this. You could suggest that you meet just your dad at a resturant or some place fun, just so you dont have to face your stepmom and see your dad.

Answer 8

Do you HAVE to go over to your dads?



I`d say skip it for once or twice - and don`t call or write him



If he contacts you and asks what is going on - you can say, well, you hate us anyway, because you don`t believe that stepmom is 'not nice' to us - or you defend her, against your own daughter(s).



It sounds like she is either sickeningly jealous of you, or scared of you for her position with your father.

Problem is, as long as he doesn`t see it (or want to) - there really is not much you can do, except refuse to go there.

Answer 9

Have your dad come visit you. If he wants to see you, he will make the effort. It is your dad who does the will, I wouldn't worry, as your half brother probably won't get everything.

Answer 10

Ouch this is tough :( Your step mom dislikes you because she is jealous of you and your mother. She is upset your father didn't have you with her and this is why she doesn't like you two or your mother. I'm very sorry. I think you need to tell you father that you need to see him alone, maybe go to dinner alone with him when you want to see him. I'm terribly sorry.

Answer 11

i think you should get her face to face and ask her infront of your dad why she is like this. quote her remarks to him and tell him something like... shes see through and talking of money all she probably does is get it off your dad. he is 100% better off without her. sorry

Answer 12

wow! shes a bit**! u gotta tell ur real mom. or ur real dad. rly sit down w. them. i feel bad for u. i think shes jelos.



good luck. :)

Answer 13

Darling i'm so sorry which you're dealing with this occasion. yet you never defined why you hate the doorstep mom. i'm a step mom myself and if my step daughter disliked me to the factor of no longer understanding what i did incorrect, i had be injury too. You pronounced you hate her..you pronounced on msn on your pal you hate her. yet i do think of how she dealt with issues grew to become into unexcusable. i actually do think of you the two might desire to get alongside with one yet another and attempt to make certain the difficulty. yet you're able to desire to comprehend that in case you want to have a healthful happy family contributors. It won't be able to enhance via you hating on her and he or she hating and making use of others against you. i think of you the two might desire to sit down down and communicate approximately your soreness. you're able to desire to tell her what has led to you to hate her plenty common and he or she needs to additionally do the comparable. however the way you have pronounced that's that the doorstep mom hates you after coming around the msn consultation you had with your pal pointing out how plenty you hate her and then after that she began hating and brushing aside you as an entire. yet she ought to be mature, even nonetheless you the two won't see eye to eye and not turn human beings against you. i might never turn my husband and my babies against my step daughter if she hated or skipped over me (touch timber i'm hoping that doesn't take place). yet i might want to sit down down along with her and attempt to make certain issues along with her, for the happiness of having a non violent family contributors. yet you and the doorstep mom are somewhat going to might desire to speak to a minimum of one yet another to sweep issues aside. you may in straight forward terms attempt your perfect..if she would be in a position to't be the mature individual, you step up and be the mature individual showing her which you have a point of admire and want for peace to be settled and set up between you the two. you're aside of the family contributors the two way..purely attempt your perfect to make issues better out in a civilised way. I want you the better of success and in case you want to extra advantageous communicate..you may continuously email me.

Answer 14

tell your mother. or tell your father that you want to see him and spend time with him but you won't unless she changes or shes not around when you visit.

Answer 15

What a *****! I would tell her to f off and tell your dad he is a loser for not sticking up for his own daughters.