To spank, or not to spank?

Question

Yesterday my 8 year old, "Beth*" was acting up, so I put her in timeout. After she got up she went to play with her sisters. She started knocking down the "castles" which is what got her in timeout the first time. My 6 year old said, "If you don't stop you are going to go to timeout again." Beth then replied,"I don't care. I don't care if I sit in timeout. I don't get spankings like Kelly (my older daughter), so I can do whatever I want." Obviously it's time to get rid of timeout because she doesn't care if she sits with her nose in the corner. I told my husband the story and told him I think we are going to have to spank her. He was totally against it saying he doesn't want to get into a habit of spanking. We can't come together and decide how to handle her behavior. She clearly stated that if she doesn't get spanked, she can do whatever she wants and I will not allow that. How can I get my husband to see why I feel spanking her is what's going to work?



A little back ground info- We both believe in spanking and we have used it when our son (actually my husbands from his previous marriage) was younger. He is now in college. With our girls we never had to use it (until recently with our older daughter.) Part of me thinks he is against it because these are his "baby girls" and they have him wrapped around his finger :)

-We have only spanked the 12 year old once. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Apj.Gqqbw2qzDveJgcLry6_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090629195824AAaWDe4 It's not a common thing.
-We are a big family our children are involved in at least one activity (sports or dance) and we go as a family to these events. We choose not to use groundings often because there is no reason we (the parents should also be punished) We used to get sitters for the "Grounded" child, but we were still the ones paying for it, literally!

Answer 1

If it worked for your 12 year old, i read the details to your previous question and your 8 year old seems to be acting the same way your 12 year old was prior to her first spanking. she turned out ok didn't she. Your 8 year old is pushing the limits of you and your partner but having a knowledge you don't have the guts to spank her buttocks like her older sister got once, so next time she is naughty threaten to spank her, if she retaliates and says you wouldn't dare spank me, grow some balls and either send her to her room and spank her a little later, say after tea, or grab her round the abdominal area, sit down with her over your knee and spank her, she will see that you are serious and will say sorry, the same outcome of spanking your 12 year old.

Answer 2

Back in the good old days, if I was an obnoxious little prick I got spanked. There is nothing wrong with spanking, it is not child abuse. Child abuse is when the drunk stepfather comes home and smacks the kids all about the face and neck.



Timeouts have never been a viable solution, because it's not even a punishment. And this society is full of people who never been punished for their bad behavior.



So.... the answer to your question (after my little rant) is that spanking is the only sensible alternative as long as the responsible parent is not being overly harsh with the spankings. We aren't talking about injuring the child, we're talking about stinging their behinds to make them think about the difference between good and bad behavior.





edit... and to the guy who put his stepdad in the hospital at the age of 14. I doubt you were spanked. You were probably beat up and abused by your stepdad and that's why you fought back like you did. There's a huge difference. No child should be beaten. Spankings are not beatings.

Answer 3

I have observed, much to my frustration, parents not disciplining their children enough these days. I know that in Seattle they are so politically correct, that you could go to the store and see a child have an absolute tantrum and see the parents just trying to talk calmly and logically to their toddler... trying their best to discipline their young child without spanking which is considered violence. I think it's absolutely detrimental to the child.



They will grow up without understanding cause and effect. They are undisciplined and will have meshed boundaries between who is the adult and who is the child. This makes for a very insecure adult when they grow up.



Giving a good whap on the behind, even in public is a very effective way to discipline a child when it's necessary as long as it's not over-done. It is also Biblical.



Children need to know who is boss in a loving yet firm and consistant way for them to feel secure.



Children respond to dicapline differently and it says a lot about their personality. Some are motivated by avoiding time-out and some don't care much about it. If there is a system in place where the child gets a sticker to put in a sticker album if they do good, some children will be all about that and some couldn't care less... they want money, or to go to the park, etc. You have to figure out what makes your child tick and go with that. But always make sure they know who is in control.

Answer 4

I believe discipline and punishment should fit the "crime". If she were just acting out verbally, then I say a verbal response was required. But since she is acting out physically, then a physical response can be meted out. If she refuses to behave when other types of disciplines are used, then by all means give her a spanking. Not a beating or whooping, but a spanking. Explain first why she is getting it and that she will get one again if she requires it for certain types of behaviour.



Spanking is not a form of violence, beating them is. I was beaten severely and often as a child and usually for little or no good reason. I am all for spankings if they are done in the right way for the right reasons, but not for beatings of any kind. I would be physical with a child to pull them away from physical harm and not consider doing so to be an act of violence, so not all acts of being physically firm with your child is an act of aggression on your part.

Answer 5

I believe that you could spank kids only if you need to. I spank kids, but not as often. I don't believe in beating kids, but when they tempt me to do it, that's when I start the swinging.



Maybe you need to put your daughter in timeout a little bit longer, or make her stand in the corner for 15 minutes. Also try taking away some of her toys until she prove she can behave.

Answer 6

As for me I've never spanked and I'm a mom, step mom and grandmother.

There are more punishments than time-out. For instance my children hate to write out of a dictionary, history book, etc. Oh yes writing paragraphs at her age (and up) does the trick! If it wasn't neat, they would do rewrites until I was satisfied. Sometimes it was two sentences, sometimes two pages. Depends on what they do ya know?

Plan on putting a tough exterior at first because it sounds to me that your being tested.

Children like to use a parent against the other, and you need to get your husband to agree and stand firm on the writing punishment. Or you will be in the same predicament as you are now. Or if you don't like the writing thing, you and your hubby need to find another punishment besides spanking.

Answer 7

8 year-olds are WAY too old for time-outs.



It is obvious she needs to be spanked.



My 3 year old boy would not be caught doing what your 8 year-old apparently did twice. He gets spanked. He behaves like a good, respectful little charming boy should. He loves me to death and knows I am in control, I am the adult, he is the child, I make the rules, he follows them, etc. Children are comforted by the fact that their lives are regulated by adults, as they are not equipped to make the right decisions in their lives. You need to be in control and NOT allow your daughter to think she is. It's wrong and extraordinarily harmful to her and the rest of the family. She asked for it. Now go ahead and do the right thing.



Also, in case you don't know, this site is frequented by hoards of adolescents and they are now on summer vacation and their favorite thing to say is "don't spank" because they have no idea what raising a child is actually like. I KNEW I would NEVER lay a hand on MY little angel when I was a teenager, and now that I have a little boy, I know I'd be doing a disservice to him if I let him wind up like the children of 2 friends...the absolute WORST children I have ever seen. And guess what? They don't get spanked. Nothing is more horrifying than seeing a mother try to gain control of a situation involving her child, and fail.

Answer 8

If you spank one, then why not the other? Have you tried taking things away? Maybe one of the most prized toys or games? One thing at a time eventually they will run out of things and eventually start to think about how they should really be acting. The fact that "Beth" is 8yrs old is enough right there, she's old enough to know whats right and whats wrong. So put it to her and take things away, when that doesn't work then talk to your hubby again and have him make the choice then.

Answer 9

Well there's nothing wrong with beating as long as it is not done excessively and traumatically. It should only be used as a last resort otherwise it will not be effective, i.e. after you have exhausted all other means of discipline.



Have you tried resorting to other physical forms of punishment? Like making her do squats till her little legs start to burn or maybe holding books with her arms sticking straight out or possibly making her stand with her hands on the wall with her leg sticking straight up in the air? How about holding cans (corn, peas, soup, whatever you have in the cupboard) in time out? Make it interesting and maybe she won't think it so easy to sit in time out.



These (along with others) have always worked for me and they actually get a work out in the process. Time out some times can turn into a work out but serve the same purpose.



Give it a try! You won't have to put out so much of your energy and you won't fear being unjust or using excessive force. The kids normally think they are really tough until their muscles start burning.

Answer 10

treat all you kid equally, with the same discipline. maybe if Beth got spanked like Kelly, she would be more careful with her behaviour.

i find people make a big deal about spanking and abuse these days, but i say there is a difference between discipline and abuse and as long as it just causes some discomfort or a sting for the child, and they learn from it, it's fine. you and your partner sound like good family orientated parents so i think you would use spanking responsibly and not go too far, just don't be too soft. get the message across.

Answer 11

Spanking is a valid and effective punishment that works very well for many children (but not all). It sounds like you are very good parents, and it sounds like your daughter is a child who would definitely benefit from spanking. As to how to convince your husband... that's the tough part. Good luck.

Answer 12

I think that you and your husband should sit your daughter down, and let her knoe that, that type of behavior is not accepted in your household and you will not allow it, you should also let her know that you love her and you should direct her in the right path ansd let her know how you feel.





If your daughter continues to act up you should probavly spank her but still let her know why you are doing it, as for your husband make sure he is around when you are having this talk, so when you spank her and he is around he knows why. This method is good because your child will know how to behave when she gets in public.

Answer 13

Spank. Has always worked and will always work.



Spanking- The original instant message.



Spanking worked on me as a child. My parents decided not to spank my sister.



I am independent, well-behaved, have never done drugs or had a drink, organized and on-top of all my school work.



My sister is very dependent, not well-behaved, might do drugs or drink, is not organized, and is resistant when it comes to school work.



You pick.

Answer 14

Spanking when used correctly does exactly what it's supposed to. When timeouts don't work, it's time for Mr. Spanker!!



Good luck with the youngin' ;)

Answer 15

You're going to have to spank the kids! I grew up in a household where it wasn't spanking, it was beatdowns by my pops and slaps and hitting with whatever was in her hand by my mums. I turned out alright, once I grew older I got my act together and turned out just fine. Since you're the mother you're going to have to put your children in their place! Even if you have to play the bad cop, do it, cause they'll end up thanking you when they get older!!!

Answer 16

I would highly recommend that you do NOT spank your child.



Spanking a child teaches them that violence is the answer to the problem. While subtle, this does affect them throughout their lives.



If you don't want to teach your child that violence is the answer to a non-violent question, then instead work on behavioral modification.



Obviously the child thinks that spanking is the only way to modify the behavior. Instead, try taking things away from the child. Be firm, let them know EXACTLY what will happen if they do that again, then follow through on the first time, every time, without emotions.



An example. Tell the child 'If you break their toys again, we will take away your TV privileges for the next 24 hours'. The moment the child does the negative behavior, take away TV privileges and let the other kids enjoy some time watching a movie.



It's not a fast way to solve the problem, but it is an effective way to solve the problem without resorting to violence in a non-violent situation.

Answer 17

spank her she said she doesn't care so show her that you mean it make her do chores and ground her then ask her if she thinks she can do what ever she wants if she starts crying she is doing that to make you feel bad for her she need to learn disapline and respect

Answer 18

spanking is a totally legitimate punishment, just don't do it in public because some nosy biatch will turn you in to child services. but don't go overboard. there is a fine line between a spanking and a beating.

Answer 19

I was spanked when I was younger and over time it taught me respect and discipline so I say spank her otherwise she'll learn nothing.



Ever wonder why most kids are the way they are these days, its because they lack discipline.

Answer 20

well it is not hard to control children. first off DO NOT EVER put them in time out they take it as a joke. you spank bare but with your HAND but do it hard so it it sinks in but dont brutalize them. my mom did it to me when i was a kid and it put me in check. but you got to take stand to because if your daughter is being bad you have to put her in check and let your husband know you cant baby her or she will get way worse when she is older

Answer 21

you gotta go and talk to your daughter and tell her what the problem is and tell her what she is doing wrong if you just go and punish her it is not going to get you any where. try taking some things away from her and stop spoiling her so much thats what makes a child act that way if not. then you know what has to be done

Answer 22

If you hit your kids you belong in jail. All you're teaching them is that it's ok to hit people and that violence is a solution to problems and it's NOT.

If the child wont listen to you forget time outs and take all of their priviledges away and make them stay in their rooms unless they have to use the bathroom or eat.

No TV

No Games

No electronics

No outside time

And no socializing

but spanking is NOT the answer

Answer 23

definitely spank she doesn't understand u don't knock a castle down. Even if its fake. If she doesn't learn now shell never learn.

Answer 24

i was a very strong willed child & my parents spanked me. ALOT. looking back now, (i'm 18) i'm so so so so so thankful that they did. i see small children at our church and i'm actually embarrased for the parents because of the way their children are behaving. I know it's only because they need a good whipping. Your children will never resent you for it. TRUST ME!

Answer 25

Dont be like all the other people who ground their children and the children learn NOTHING.



Spank the child and give them some understanding



The bible speaks of the rod of correction. USE IT

Answer 26

Only spank in an extreme situation. Ultimately you need to find a better punishment than spanking. Groundings/ taking things away etc...

Answer 27

Grounding works on 12 year olds.



On a lot of kids and maybe On Beth spanking just makes them mad actually, they want to continue to be bad after getting spanked.



You should grab Beth and put her in one room as a timeout.

Answer 28

to spank. just for discipline purposes. maybe just that ONE spank will make her realize that she can't get away with evrything.

Answer 29

Defiantly!!!!!!!!! you need to teach your daughter to respect and listen to you. she obviously thinks she can do whatever she wants, and that is NOT what you want, she will just get worse and worse.



there is a time where a time out just wont do anything anymore, but of course there are other ways instead of spankings.



my mom use to give my brothers really hot 'hot sauce'. it always worked for him, but if she actually likes hot sauce then its not going to do anything.



another thing my mom use to do to my brothers is pull their hair "not too hard of course."



Then there is the old fashion soap.



although nothing works on them now as their older, she threatens to take away their favorite games "like xbox" "playstation" etc. it works really well, and they are never too old for this method.

Answer 30

no dont spank that stays with them in thier mind.......timeout is good and diffrent punishments but personally i think no spanking.............! =)

and when shes says she dosent care give her time evantually shes going to care if not then you just give her more punishments untill shes learn!

Answer 31

Since timeouts don't bother her I suggest you try withholding something she really likes. Television, perhaps? Treats whever everyone is having them?

Answer 32

Don't spank her.



When you put her in timeout, tell her that she cannot leave until she tells you what she did to get there and why it was wrong.



From here, cognitive dissonance will work its trick. In telling you that what she did was wrong and analyzing its wrongness, she will feel conflicted by the guilt, and this tends to cause us to change our behavior in the long run.



Understanding the *why* of it all will also help her to empathize and understand how her actions affect other people and make them feel.

Answer 33

spank or they will think they can get away with anything

Answer 34

my step dad spanked me when i was 8-13, it made me violent and when i was fourteen i put him in the hospital. i think spanking is pointless... pain is over quick and only leaves you more angry... it never "tought me a lesson" it just made me want to get even... i think parents should treat thier children withg respect, because on day when they are bigger, you may regret spanking little timmy...

Answer 35

Set some rules and tell her every rule you break, you must do five minutes of chores or whatever :)

Answer 36

give here one good lick

just once then see if she does

whatever she wants then

Answer 37

not to spank.



This is the most effective thing in the world.

Tell them that they have to hold their nose to a doorknob for 5 min, and if they move away from the knob, mouth off or throw a tantrum add 1 min.



My parents did this to me and I do it to my kids. It is honestly the best punishment because the knob is at such an awkward height. Plus you look so stupid with your nose touching a door knob.

Answer 38

WELL HONESTLY THE BIBLE SAID TO SPANK YOUR CHILD WHEN NOT MINDING SO I WOULD......:)

Answer 39

NOT TO SPANK!

its a child. there are other forms of punishment but violence in my eyes is never the answer. Even the slightest form of it.

Answer 40

Check The Skinner Theory its psychology read it ur answer is there

Answer 41

spankin scars childrem emotionally

so DONT SPANK

Answer 42

you should never spank your kid......

Answer 43

NO SPANK!(: