How to tell my parents about my serious boyfriend and future plans?

Question

I'm almost 22 years old and a senior in college. My boyfriend is 29. My entire life I have always done as my parents asked. I never had a boyfriend up until almost 4 years ago when I started dating my boyfriend. We are a long distance couple with me in TX and him in DC. My parents are strict and very traditional types. They are the type that let my younger brothers do whatever they want while they tell me I should focus on school and not even think of guys. So while growing up I never mentioned guys and never had them as guy friends just to appease my parents. I feel like by doing this and then by succeeding in college like they've always wanted (I go to a top school in my state in a competitive major and I make good grades) while avoiding partying has created in their heads the image of the "perfect" daughter. I've never told my parents about my boyfriend because I know they would never allow it and I didn't want to live my life having them constantly monitor my phone, etc. to make sure I don't talk to him. Trust me, they would. By the way, his family knows all about me. I've met them and they know all about my family situation and they are understanding. But now I am at the point in my relationship and my collegiate career where I need to think about my future plans after graduation. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we are discussing marriage. It only makes sense for me to make the move to DC where he is established with a respectful, well-paying job and house so that I can also work there. We would be living together as an engaged couple, although we are not engaged yet.

Basically I need advice as to how to talk to my parents about this. Remember, I have never discussed guys with my parents because it has always been taboo. I was planning on telling them next month, while saying that he has been my best friend for years and we are taking the next step. I figure sometime after that I can tell them that things are getting more serious and then maybe then bring up marriage and my plans for moving. This will be hard because my parents expect me to move back home after graduation. Any tips, advice, etc. will be greatly appreciated. Please be as detailed as possible, as I want my parents to support me despite how hard this will be for them. Thanks!

Answer 1

start by tellin ur parents how you want to be independent since youre at the stage where....well, becomin independent. say you need to have ur future planned out. you dont need to ask permission, rather tell them that youre gona do this and that



do plan on tellin them hes ur best friend for years, takin the next step, movin, marriage etc. remind them youre not movin bak home. this shows how youre becomin serious with them. explain why youre movin to DC as he has a good job and house



tell them how youve studied ur absolute best in college with good grades and never hvin guy friends. now that youre nearly 22, you'd like to social with them more. ask them why they dont want you hve a bf



if they dont approve, youre gona hve to stand ur ground and move out without their support. youve done ur best at reasonin



xoxo

Answer 2

Hmmmmm that's really difficult. I'd say go home, sit down talk to them and say you want them to meet your boyfriend. Explain to them that you're sorry you didn't tell them sooner but you were worried they wouldn't approve and would say it would affect your college work which clearly it hasn't. Tell them that the two of you were very close friends and progressed into a relationship (I wouldn't make to big a deal of the fact you haven't told them for 4 years but don't lie and say you've only just started dating).



I'd say then tell them you really want them to like your boyfriend and to be a part of your life which is going to involve him. You're nearly 22 though you haven't got to make it sound like you're asking them permission just say you want them to know and be involved in you planning to move in together after college and you hope they can be happy for you.



Personally I'd maybe hold off on telling them the marriage plans just yet, I'm sure you've thought about it and everything it might just be a bit much for them to take in all of a sudden. But hey just see how it goes and how you feel.



Then just see how they react, stay calm and mature, really get it across you never meant to lie to them you were just worried and then see about getting them to meet your boyfriend so he can win them over more haha =D



Good luck though, honestly try not to worry too much. If they don't like it then it is a horrible shame but they can't stop you from being with him and they're going have to get to grips with that. It will be a shock to them inevitably and it might take some time to get used to but I'm sure they'll be okay eventually =)

Answer 3

You just need to be open and honest with them. You have worked hard your whole life to be where you are now. You can't be single and miserable your whole life just to please your parents. It's your life now no matter what they may say. Just go home and tell them that you have something very important that you need to discuss with them. Then tell them about you and your boyfriend and your future plans with him. Tell them that you are going to move to DC whether they approve or not. It's your life hun. If you want to make a future with your boyfriend then you are going to have to stand your ground and take control. It's your time to shine. Let them know who's in control now. I really hope this helps and good luck to you.

Answer 4

lol, REALLY???? You are 22 lady. You don't ask for permission, you tell your parents whatever your plans are and they just have to accept it. Monitor your phone?? You have got to be kidding me? They can only monitor you phone if you let them, lol. You need to stand up for yourself. You parents can't control any aspect of your life anymore. You are 22 but you are acting like you are 16 or something. Again, you tell your parents your plans and if they don't like it, oh well. You're not asking for PERMISSION.