My parents hate my boyfriend, what should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together one year today. At first they loved him. He spend so much time with my family, at least three times a week. Everything have been lovey dovey up until three weeks ago. They started to bring up things that I thought they had already accepted. They brought up the fact that he's hispanic, not done with school and is a "deep" person (meaning he's fake). But I think it comes down to race. I'm asian and he's mexican. They're just ashame because he's not one of those asian or white successful guys. I'm so fustrated, I'm already 24 should be able to make my own decisions. They said that if I move out that I'm no longer their daughter. I love my boyfriend, he's never done anything to me to give me second thoughts. Please help me?

Answer 1

Boy! This question sure brought all the crazies out of the woodwork didn't it?

First of all, don't worry about anyone that is dumb enough to say your parents don't love you (of course they do otherwise they wouldn't be so meddlesome!) And ignore anyone that makes insane assertions or insinuations like "Hispanics are all bad!"

And laugh at people that are crazy enough to ask, "If you're Asian and he is Hispanic what would your kids be?"

Ever heard of HUMAN?!

That the only race anyway.

Secondly, love everybody. Love your mother. Love your dad. Love your boyfriend that has never done anything to give you second thoughts. Love them so well that they are distracted by your adoration.

Thirdly, try to stay out of it. It's just like when your two favorite friends fight or your mom and dad divorce. You must insist on loving them all. If your folks can't appreciate your boyfriend as a person then that is their problem not yours. You may want to first sit down with your parents and your boyfriend and explain to them all that you're going to stay out of this and that they simply have to figure out how to love each other 'cause you love them all; they are stuck with you and therefore stuck with each other. If you can't summon the courage to do that then write your parents a letter. Explain to them that, while you value their opinions and understand that they are much more experienced than you, you are... in love with this guy. Tell them that if they'd had any objections they really should have given them to you in the beginning, before you grew to love him so much. Tell them that he has never done anything to give you second thoughts. Ask them if they've ever had a broken heart. Then top it all off by asking them if a broken heart is what they really want for their daughter...

BB

Answer 2

My Parents Hate My Boyfriend

Answer 3

Gossip can be the hugest thing that can deteriate any relationsip. Gossip amongst all the family must have gotten along and everyone has shared an interest. Another technique is let's pretend we like him and she'll not date him to spite us she'll see the real situation and go on.

I was in a similar situation. i have been with my husband now for 11 years. We started dating when i was 16 years old. mind games will be played.

Who knows you may not like to hear this but maybe your boyfriend said something to offend your parents. I'd do some checking out before you stick to your guns and "get disowned". Parents have unconditional love and if they disown you for a choice you feel is fit and well for you then they aren't really worth your time and all they wanna do is control the situation.

Answer 4

Hi, your parents are dead against it for two reasons--one, he is Mexican, two, he is a non graduate, and hence, maybe does not have a good career prospect (according to them). At this point, you have to tell your boyfriend to try his best for a good career. If he is really trying hard, he is bound to have a good career. All parents are worried about their beloved daughters, they want their daughters to be financially secure. As far as the racial difference is concerned, it is a more critical problem, and u must have thought of this problem coming, long ago. Try a test. Do not meet or contact him for 100 days, and after that if both of you still love each other, your love wins. Else, it was only infatuation. If your love wins, your parents will also be moved, believe me. all the best...Pinaki

Answer 5

Forget what your parents say!!!! You r old enough to make your own decisions and control your life you need to make it so your in control. Stay away from any contact with your parents 4 atleast 2 weeks. After that come out and tell them how you feel ask them if they had to go down this road when they were your age if not ask them how they would feel to have there happy life shoved to the sad dark. you can control you life and during the next 2 weeks check the phone and make sure it is not them calling if it is then stay away from the phone. You can do it I have faith in you!!! Go and start fresh!!!

Answer 6

Okay this may not be the best answer but.......listen chick I'm Asian, too........so I know the deal with parents. I think that your parents are going to have to get used to this guy. I mean you like ALOT and just because some people disagree with Your feelings, don't let it take over. You know the facts in your life and others only make opinions.

Answer 7

You are correct. You are 24 and you can make your own decisions, but the one thing that you may consider is that a lot of people make poor decisions and end up paying for them the rest of their lives and I am sure you do not want to become one of those people. Your parents have probably seen you two getting closer & closer and it is pushing an alarm button. Mature people can set aside their differences and learn from the experience. Listrn to your parents without defending yourself or your boyfriend try not to interrupt them and then you can find out what their true objections are and then you will know how to deal with this situation in your life right now. You will always have problems come into your life, if you develop the art of listening to people you will save yourself a lot of mental pain. I have learned through time that if something pushes my buttons I always look at myself first. I start asking myself many questions as to how I can keep peace and try to see just what is the best path to take. It usually end up being "the path of the least resistence" I don't think it is a race issue because they wouldn't mind if he were a white guy but they did mention "a successful guy" and that is where the problem is. Your boyfriend does not sound motivated. He didn't finish school-that says lots...unless he wants to be an actor in Hollywood and I doubt that is the case here. One thing you can do for yourself is "the Ben Franklin T" you take a piece of paper and draw aline down the middle, at the top of the page on the left you write "pros" and on the right you write "cons" This will be the pros & cons of your life with your boyfriend if you were to move out of your parents home. Be honest with yourself. No room for deniles here! The column that has the most in it will help direct you on your path.Goood luck with your parents, listen to their wisdom, they love you very much to even care about what happens to you, they want whats best for you and it is to bad that they have to threaten you but remember their culture is the only thing they know, so you be the brave one, the peacemaker and this is something that can change your life forever, so do give it lots of consideration before you make your decision. If your boyfriend is not motivated now you might want to ask him what his plans are. Like what does he want to do job wise, enough to support you and children if they come along. Don't be fearful of asking these questions because if he gets defensive then you really have something to consider...like fights down the road over the same thing...In life I like to think of this little song: row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. merrily. merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Picture you in that little boat in the middle of the stream AND the one thing you do not want to do is get tied up with twigs and leaves on the side of that stream and all of a sudden you realize you are no longer rowing your boat gently down the stream instead you are stuck and not having much fun. apply this to your life...it will help get you out of a lot of situations in life, making decisions easier for you. Hope I was of some help and good luck to you. Also you don't have to ever jump into marriage, give it time, just remain friends. I have found that given enough time "the truth will always show itself" Peace & Love, Patricia

Answer 8

the problem is that he is hispanic.the only reason he is seeing you is cause all the hispanic girls already know what a loser he is.your parents seem to be better judges of character than you.why in the world would you pick a greasey hispanic.don't you know that they almost all end up in jail or killed in some gang related crap.your parents will always be your parents.but your latin lover will only be with you if you continue to have sex with him.i'm sure there are plenty of guys with actual dreams and desires that can want someone like you.listen to your parents before he breaks your heart.cause you know he will.

Answer 9

I understand that you are 24 and should be able to make your own decisions, but your parents have been around a while. Have you ever had a friend who was dating someone you didn't approve of and you just couldn't convince her she should dump the guy and cut her losses? We all have.



My ex-husband was a guy that my mom didn't feel quite right about. She wasn't quite sure what it was that bothered her, but she didn't care for him. I was 25 when we met and 28 when we married. Seven years later, he left me high and dry. I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time. Sometimes, you should give your parents the benefit of the doubt and benefit from their extra years of experience.



Of course, it is your decision to make, but it is really worth it to destroy your relationship with your parents over it? That is a huge decision to make so make sure he is worth it.

Answer 10

Your parents love you and only want the best for you or what they think is the best for ya. I really think that if you move out, over time it will heal. If you move out and find out that he is an asshole and leave him, then they may let you back in. If you end up marrying him to spite them, then you are going to have 50% more responsibility and 100% of the blame.

Answer 11

It's sad that your parents are seeking to control you via threats. They probably never accepted him, just felt that it was a phase that you were going through....but once you made it a year they realized that it may be serious...and then took precautions like threats.



In the end, your life is yours...to lead...to love...to learn. It's not great to have to go against your parents, but you have to find your bliss.



Good luck.

Answer 12

sometimes parents have reasons they don't make known...but, if you are an adult, you should follow what you believe...you will never know unless you step out and just do it...i am sure if your parents were accepting up until about 3 weeks ago, then they will come to realize that he is okay once again...but, if it honestly HAS to be a choice...always choose family...just make certain that it is not that drastic...

Answer 13

Sometimes parents just hate to see their little girl grow up. Eventually they will accept it. If you love him and really want to be with him, then you need to go for it. It will be hard at first but you will always be their daughter, nothing can change that.

Answer 14

Maybe you should talk to your mom. Maybe they heard stuff about him and immediately assumed that it is true. Parents are always protective of their kids. Maybe it will help too if your boyfriend talk to your parents and assure them that he really loves you. Dont worry about your parents disowning you. They always say that to scare their kids but they never mean it. You have the same blood running through your veins. your a part of them as much as they are a part of you. Just try to talk to them. Keep us posted...Good Luck

Answer 15

If it's only the racial factor that they don't like about him, then do as you wish......but if they don't like him for other reasons (bum, drugs, drinking, attitude).....then you should definately stay with him, move out, live together for about a year then realize that you made the biggest mistake of your life, and should have listened to the folks. They know what they're talking about.

Answer 16

Decisions are only made by oneself. Love is stronger then your family's neglect and racism. You are old enough to move out of the nest and start your life with the one that you love. (-; Good Luck!

Answer 17

If they are willin to lose you over a stupid thing like that then they dont really love you and they are not good parents. If they will throw you away because of the person you are with then you mean nothin to them. I hate parents like that

Answer 18

just remember parents usually know whats best for us as well as your friends and other family members we see it from the outside looking in and we sometimes get a better prospective that way. I dated this guy for a long time and my family hated him as well as my friends and one day something hit me when he broke up with me for the third time and i begged him back the other two times and I realize all i had lost and went through in the relationship and my friends were there when I needed them to get over him so maybe listen to there advice and hopefully its not just the race remember please remember they always say love is blind and i totally believe it now one day you will see.

Answer 19

ok ask ur self if u think hes the one (marriage type) if so then you need to sit down with your parents and tell them you want to talk like adults not 12 year olds.and explain to them that u love him and if they cant expect that then ur sorry but you cant change who you love.and you know that he feels the same way.and all you want to know that they will be there for them because u would be there for them if they were in the same potion....good luck

Answer 20

You're parents are mean! If they are willing to disown you just because of your boyfriend they aren't very good parents at all. Some parents aren't even able to have children.





Peach

Answer 21

I am so sorry to hear this. You didn't mention whether you and your parent or you boyfriend were christians. That would make a world of difference. Being a christian would make them more acepting of another human being whom God made. We cannot change any of the other parties, but if you are a christian you could pray about this and God answers prayers.

Answer 22

i agree that u should make your own decitions, but u will always be your moms daughter. listen to their advise and base your decition on that. also you probably dont want to go directly against thier advise, that would NOT be good. see if you can work something out w/ the 3 of them to your advantage!

Answer 23

u didnt say weather he had a job or not am assuming its not racial this far into ur relationship am sure they accepted his race after a year. as parents we all want best for our kids maybe hes not their best choice but very rarely do we date or marry someone who meet our parents criteria..

Answer 24

You're 24, they shouldn't have any bearing on your life. If you want to move out with him, you go right ahead and do it. It's their problem if they want to disown you because of who you love.

Answer 25

tell your parents he is really asian, a lot of mexican guys look asian

Answer 26

as you say you are 24.you are free to marry whomever you like . they don't have to live with him and when you have a child they will run so fast to see the baby you will see sparks flying from their shoes .

Answer 27

All of you should sit down together and work this out as you are not a child!!!

Answer 28

If you're asian and he's hispanic, then what would your kids be? I think that they have a legitimate point, and that you should look closely at what is going on here. You need to look at more than simply our emotions at this point in your life. I don't know what your financial status is right now, but if you're still living with your parents I'm not sure you appreciate how difficult it is to make enough money to live comfortably. It is imporant to look at what things would be like with this guy in the future, especially if his future financial prospects aren't good.

Answer 29

this is insane, if you move out ur not their daughter? if u have money go and move out if i had parents that hated my partner i would move out and told them to **** off.

Answer 30

It shouldn't really matter at all what your parents think.THey should be happy as long as there daughter is happy.

Answer 31

tell your parents to try to accept him if they love you .. and tell them people come in all colors shape and size for them to cut him some slack

Answer 32

Gee, I don't like him already. Parents can be a good judge of character.I think you should marry the rich white guy instead.

Answer 33

IF U MOVE OUT THAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO AND U WILL ALWAYZ BE THERE DAUGHTER

Answer 34

If your parents are rascits then i would just keep going out with him. if he loves you and u love him then keep going out with him. if he is never bad to u and never looks at other girls or lies then keep going out with him. hes a good man if he does that. keep him.

Answer 35

don't go after ur boyfriend dump him..he is not worth losing your parents sry but had to say it

Answer 36

if u like him thats all that matters. tell your parents to mind their business they are not the one ******* him.

Answer 37

Ask yourself one question: Do you trust your parents?

Answer 38

try to tell the the best of him

Answer 39

if you love him then you should stay with him and discard what your parents think.

Answer 40

go on parental control

Answer 41

find a diffent boy friend

Answer 42

do as you like. good.

Answer 43

Cheat on him with me !!!!

Answer 44

trust their judgement.