Both my parents have died...what do I do with my life?

Question

I'm just 19 and both my parents have died of natural causes, my mum only 2 months ago. I feel so lost and alone and feel like i'm not close to anyone anymore, even my friends can't understand and even though i'm going out now and trying to socialise I feel like it's more of a chore than fun. Not only that but i am failing as a girlfriend too! My boyfriend has gone away for the summer and i'm only making the minimal amount of effort to contact him, normally a text every 2 days or so (though I have called him once in the last 3 weeks) and have just pretended that I missed his 5 or so phonecalls to me. I just feel so so so lost and useless. I don't have a job either as I am going to China to live with my sister for the summer (she is working there). Can someone please give me some inspiration? I am also aware that I sound like a depressed freak lol but I can honestly say that i have not shared my mind thoughts with anyone around me, I'm kinda letting out steam here. I miss my mam too and it's so hard to deal with and I cry maybe once every 3 days now but I will hardly ever talk about thr death with friends cause I feel they don't know what to say and are awkward about bringing it up. and i probably give the vibe that I want to avoid the topic...maybe I do...I'm not sure:(.

So basically, can any wise old souls give me advice:)? and ps: I don't fancy seeing a councilor, you guys can be my councilors instead:)

Answer 1

First off, sorry for your loss.

I could understand the situation with your friends. They can't really understand what you are feeling unless they've gone through it. It's ok to cry and to be sad but try not to let it consume you. Maybe it is a chore right now to go out, but maybe you need that. As long as you are out doing healthy things. It is good to get out of the house and have a change of scenery. If you sat home alone you might spiral further into depression and that's no good.

I think you should be honest with your boyfriend. tell him it's hard for you still and that you have good days and bad days and just ask that he be patient with you. If he is worth being with then he won't make you feel bad about being down or nag you for not responding to him. If you care about him then let him know that and that you aren't avoiding him, but you are just sort of lost right now.



This is a time where it is ok to be selfish, and just do what you want, do what makes you happy. If your family, friends or boyfriend try to cheer you up then try to understand their reasons. They care about you and want to see you happy. Just DO NOT sit around your house all day or you'll feel worse. Force yourself to get out and go for a walk. Have lunch at a cafe instead of home. And take all the time you need to grieve.

Answer 2

Seriously, go see a councilor. I know you don't want to, but you should. It's perfectly normal to be depressed after losing your parents. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And that councilor may know of support groups made up of other people in a similar situation. It's going to be hard for you to figure out on your own. And why go it alone when you don't have to?



And don't worry about failing as a girlfriend. You have very few actual responsibilities to your boyfriend. Maybe you should take a time-out from that relationship, finish the grieving process, and then reconnect (if you want to).



If you believe in a higher power, that relationship can often provide some comfort. And if you know (as I do) that you will live again, and see them again, and can still have a family relationship, you can put this thing into a different perspective.



I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. Take some time, talk to someone who can help you get through your grieving process, and then figure out what you want to do with your life. My wife's mother is a psychologist, and she helps people work through their problems. Those who have a loss and don't grieve may look all together for a while, but at some point the facade will come down and the true loss will be felt. It's better to clean the wound so it can heal fully instead of festering.



Good luck. Don't do anything permanent right now, you're not thinking straight. And that's normal!

Answer 3

First of all I am very sorry for your loss.



I can see how you are feeling with your relationships. I went through a couple years of depression myself and everything just didn't seem right. Kind of like you are feeling everything seemed like an effort to do including just hanging out with friends and my girlfriend. There is no quick fix to this and everyone goes through a process of emotional recovery that take some weeks others years. As I look back it probably took me over a year.



As much as it might hurt, it is almost a good thing to think of your lost ones. You end up remembering how they saw you and i am guessing how proud they were of you. I hope you find strength in them and carry on the way they would want you too. Eventually things will get easier for you, but like i said there is sadly no quick fix.



Sending you strength and hoping you feel better soon!

Answer 4

It sounds like you are suffering from situational depression. This can be brought on by traumatic life events and is just as real as having high blood pressure or the flu. Go to your physician to be evaluated. There are many great anti depressants out there that will help you move past this. Feeling sad is certainly normal under the circumstances - but it seems like it is starting to affect other aspects of your life. Once you have dealt with the clinical aspects of your depression, you will be more able to start new projects and might feel more like discussing things with your friends. You are right that they are avoiding the subject. They are waiting for you to take the lead. Some people feel comfortable discussing their feelings while other prefer to keep things private. You need to deal with it any way that makes you feel comfortable. You will get past this in time. Allow yourself to grieve and take care of your physical needs in the meantime as well.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you have lost both your parents. Of course you are going through a tough time. What you are experiencing is grief. The deep grieving can take 1 - 2 years and you will have times when you feel depressed. Its really important to try to keep in touch with others but also important for your friends to check in on you. Keep answering that phone when it rings - you need people. You also need to know that what you're experiencing is very normal. When people ask, tell them how you're doing. when you need to talk and no one is asking, tell someone you need to talk. Tell them you feel lost without your mom and about what you're feeling.



I think the trip to china can help you. You'll be with family and not be sitting by yourself so much. So sorry.

Answer 6

Your parents are in a better place now and they are watching you and they must want you to be happy not depress so keep your head high okay! Go to your closer friend and talk to them bout it. About you boyfriend maybe is not meant to be since you don't miss him like you used too try to call him more and wait till he gets back maybe everything changes look for a job and start a new beginning n your life you will be fine. Just keep moving forward you young and if they are your real friends they will listen.

Answer 7

I am sorry for your loss. I really can't relate to your situation. Both parents are living, but my Father has been incarcerated since 1989 and he left when I was 7. I'm 27 now. Nobody can really fill that void, but you can choose how you live your life now. Keep busy, move with your sister and communicate with her about how you feel. You have to talk about it and not hold in your grief. Pray to the Lord above and he will help you with your feelings. Just ask. God bless you!

Answer 8

hi there i feell completly the same as you do my mum died when i was 13 and im 19 now i dont no my dad he left when i was a baby

my mum died of cancer and i was there remmember it like it was yeastoday i have a job and a little boy whos 1 1/2 and i live with my partner im getting on with my life trying to make my mum proud of me i like to think she is

i feel so alone sometimes as i dont have that mother role in my life i dont see much family any more ever since

only my grandad /sister and 3brothers thats all i have really

i no what you mean when you say you dont talk to friends much about it im like that because i sometimes think they dont wanna lisen but its not that they dont wanna lisen its the fact they dont no what to say to you

i am always here if you wanna talk :)

Answer 9

My dad died of throat melanoma in 1997 however he wasn't particularly in my lifestyles a lot. He used to be an alcoholic & my mother divorced him whilst I used to be in seventh or eighth grade! I are living with my mother now so she is fully in my lifestyles correct now!!

Answer 10

maybe you could go to grad school or something?

go be with your sister for a while. you should travel, you will definitely find some inspiration out there! ask some friends to come with you if you want

Answer 11

keep moving forward in life,thinking about there deaths making you feel useless will just make things worse

Answer 12

They're up above watching you now make them proud and do whats right!