How to make him clean?

Question

I share a flat with 3 guys. I made a rota when everybody cleans for one week. The main rule is - if it isn't clean, you need to clean for another week. We all did, but one of them is "cleaning" for three weeks now. The truth is - he had not even touched anything. He just sits in his room by his computer all day.

Answer 1

Ho man this doesn't look very easy, and starting a war is never great,

But i think you can have a chat with them all saying that as the rota is not working for all, then another solution is required.

Those who want to stay in the rota can but those who don't want to, need to give extra money to pay a cleaner, because at the end of the day you need to live in a clean house.

Who is the tenant, if it is you, you can just increase his rent to cover for the cleaner hire

People addicted to computer can be a real pain...

Answer 2

That is one of the problems, I'm afraid, with a multi-occupancy building - housemates! It is okay making agreements, and sticking to them, but if only one person deviates from what has been agreed, there will be a problem.

Is this guy's name on the lease? If so, and the house is plain filthy because he is not doing his share of the work, complain to the landlord. Why don't you all just clean your own rooms, then he can live in squalor if he so desires!

Having said that, you may be thinking "that's fine, but what about the communal rooms?" If he can't make the agrees contribution, can all of the other housemates not get together and give him an ultimatum - clean up or don't use the rooms?

If everything else fails, can the hygienic ones make life hell for him until he leaves?

Answer 3

People are motivated by different things. Your "cleaning" flatmate sounds like he isn't interested in being seen to participate in the process of cleaning the flat.



I would suggest changing the rules a little. See how much it would cost to get in a flat cleaner (even if you have no intention to do so). Then if the flat is not "cleaned" after that person's week, that person must forfeit that amount of money. You now have a choice. One of you can clean the flat and take the whole sum, two of you can do it and split that or you can get in a cleaner.



Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

You laid down an ultimatum with no capacity to back it up. Rotas like this cannot be enforced, regardless of what everyone else says.



start looking for a new flat, with new flatmates. If they want you to stay, then maybe they can convince you. In the meantime, try to lay off the ultimatums. Don't say "if you don't do this, I'm moving out", deal with it as the reality of the situation. If his behaviour means you don't want to stay there, then leave.



Rotas only work if everyone agrees that the work should be divided evenly. If they don't, it fails.

Answer 5

Assuming that because you are sharing with 3 brothers you are stuck with all 3: Have a house meeting with all of you. Establish a new house rule that whoever doesn't do their turn of the cleaning that week pays everyone's rent that week. I am sure the other 2 will go for it because their brother doesn't get booted, but they benefit (as you do) from reduced rent, if he's too lazy, even if you 3 have to share his chores that week. However, I am sure with the financial pain, he will soon come 'round !

Answer 6

Was this agreed to by all the flat mates if YES asked them all if someone fails to comply you have a fine system in place which then the cash raised is shared between those who clear up the work the one has failed todo..I suggest a £15 or £20 fine ... Keep to the matter in hand dont start moaning about what he does or not do like playing on the computer in his room..

Answer 7

I don't know. Maybe you should just be a good woman and clean up for the men.



And stop watching me while I'm on the computer in my room! I'm trying to make level 6 on YA!



just kidding!!!! :)



Seriously, you have to approach him and be direct. He lives there just like everyone else and should follow the rules of the house. If he doesn't like the rules, he should try to change the rules or if he cannot and doesn't want to follow the rules the majority of the housemates have agreed upon, then he has to go find another place to live.

Answer 8

Thing is, we have heard your side of the story but not his.



If he just sits by his computer all day and the rest of you are making all the mess, he probably feels he shouldn't have to clean up after you.



It also makes me wonder why you felt it was your task to make up a rota without the full agreement of the other members of the flat



Are you employing a democracy or a dictatorship?

Answer 9

Clean for a whole week? What kind of a system is that? Doesn't sound like much of a rota when one person has to do everything for a whole week and if they miss one little job have to clean again for a whole other week. I suggest you lighten up a bit. House sharing is meant to be fun not a constant battle about housework. Plus if he didn't agree to this nazi system you can't expect him to follow it.

Answer 10

never ever make a rota! it is very infuriating. cleaning etc should be done automatically. you have obviously got the mans back up by being "Queen of the house" any mess etc he leaves throw it at him or dump in his room. he sits in his room all day on his computer because he wants to. You are being bossy and perhaps getting up the other guys noses as well. you clean, they will buy beer etc, problem solved.

Answer 11

If you share the property you share the responiblity to clean up. The question is who owns the property? If it is joint then confront him ... possibly even suggest getting a cleaner to come to the property once a week with the cost split amounst you all therefore no one will be left cleaning.



As regards dishes etc theres nothing you can really do but nag or, as i would do, put all of his dirty smelly dished in his room and see how long it take him to change his ways.



Good luck

Answer 12

I have done my fair share of flat sharing and the cleaning is always a problem . There is always at least one who doesn't pull his/her weight. The only way to deal with it is to get everyone to sit together with him and tell him how his behaviour is affecting you. However this is something that should be done in a non confrontational way. The last time this happened to me, we ended up asking the guy to move out as we couldn't take his mess anymore!



good luck

Answer 13

This is the nightmare of shared accommodation! I live with three guys, none of whom are particularly good at helping out with the housework (of which I do the lion's share). The worst of them smokes and leaves his ashtray brimming over so the setee is always covered in ash. Also, because he smokes rollies and is a bit clumsy, the floor and the setee are always covered in loose tobacco. This drives me absolutely nuts! But just as bad as the messy housemates are the clean freaks. These jokers are sent from the depths of hell to torment us all! I almost got in a fight with one guy because he was bullying another housemate about her washing up. People who leave their dirty plates lying around are annoying, but @**holes who want to get physically violent over relatively trivial things need to get some perspective! Living in fear of retribution at the slightest sign of untidyness is no fun whatsoever, but then again living with dirty people is truly horrible.



It's a real catch 22--if you live in a houseshare you are fated to have this problem on several occasions. The only solution really is to either save up enough for your own flat or live with as few people as possible!

Answer 14

Rotas Never work no matter how you may divide it up. I have a similar prob with a flatemate and theres no point in saying kick em out, sometimes that aint possible.



You gotta all do your own thing. Communal areas such as bathroom living room and kitchen are tricky.with us lot it tends to be the messy one only tidys when her boyfriend comes round, if she aint cleaned any of these areas in a while i invite him round for her. we all tend do tidy the whole house if we're expecting friends or such like.



perhaps you could do sommat simmilar, invite soemone round that will matter to him whether they see mess or not n simply refuse to do owt.



If not then its simply a waiting game but its very important not to give way. but any portable mess move to his room

Answer 15

The three of you can always do your bit.... but here is the catch we used to put everything that was 'his' in bin bags and put it in his room or outside his room. He eventually got to the point where he had no plates mugs.... shower gel....jeans....notes and books! or anything else left... as they were all in the bin bag together..... may seem mean but after about a month... don;t expect anything any sooner as some people are just untidy and do not see mess!



To make this work effectively you also have to keep your stuff out of his way and clean it help all round.... we had oour own cupboards so it was easier in the kitchen and we kept our crockery and tea towels in them....

Answer 16

OK Girlie



My girlfriend reckons he’s won. He’s not going to do it ever (ever, ever, ever..)



I reckon it’s to do with thresholds and ownership. Blokes have a much higher mess threshold than wimin. You are never going to win, you are always going to cave in first. There will be rats and cockroaches in the place before he does anything. Then he’ll rip the whole contents out, skip them and paint everything in the cheapest emulsion he can get. Then he will have taken ownership of, by now, a very minimalist bachelor pad. Don’t scuff the paint. Don’t leave hair in the sink. Never ever cook anything less than gourmet quality food, presented on white china plates. And never leave anything out in the kitchen. Oh, and do something about your wardrobe. And your hair. And that attitude is going to have to go.



SOG

Answer 17

You can't make him clean but you can make it difficult for him.

Just go ahead and clean what you need to too make the flat look nice again.



Don't feed him, don't bother with his clothes. If he eats in his room let he dishes pile up. Maybe one he lives in his own filth for a while he will see the light.



But don't hold your breath, there are pigs in this world and he sounds like one of them.

Answer 18

I share with 5 other guys where i live and we split the jobs so EVERYBODY has to do something, it isn't very fun when its all left to one person. perhaps you could write up a rota containing possibly kitchen area, living room, .... etc

Answer 19

Well, its the complete opposite in my apartment. My GF is lazy as hell. Departs home for work at around 7:30am leaving a trail of makeup, accessories and cups etc. she used for breakfast lying around in the bedroom. I don't have time in the morning to clean this up so usually my 30 minutes lunch break in a 9 hr work day is spent cleaning her sh1t up after her. When I get home I normally make dinner as I'm usually home an hour or two before her. She won't wash the dishes, nor will my flatmate who shares with us. If I don't do it, it'll just be left sitting there and create a horrible smell. Maybe I'm just picky, but I hate when people don't put things away after using them, or tidying up after themselves. Its actually quite stressful. I want to relax after work, not have to go home and do the dishes and pick up after people. I tell them both to do it, but they never listen. I'm supposed to be studying in the evening, but I can't - I'm too tired after working all day and then making dinners and cleaning up after people.

Answer 20

put more fun into house cleaning. share thr roles . everyone have to clean the bathroon twice a week, kitchen twice a week. but cleaning the whole house for 1 whole week will always seem hard than cleaning one room per day.

Answer 21

ultimatum:

this isnt a hotel, you need to grow up and take your turn, or you need to get the bleep out so we can replace you with someone who isnt used to someone picking up after him.



might sound harsh but man i hate lazy people.



remind him that he is still a member of the household even though all his friends are on the internet, and as he uses the kitchen, and the bathroom, he needs to do his share of the houseworkm or he can lose his access to the kitchen and bathroom.



that tends to get my roomies to pitch in. The thought of not being able to use the bathroom without the others booing and jeering at him might wake him up.

Answer 22

You need to agree a plan of action and front the guy up- if he does not want to participate in the sharing deal then he should move out and live alone.

Answer 23

My husband is like this as his mum use to do everything for him. I've asked, nagged, and begged for him to help, it takes 2 evenings of nagging to get him to wash a few dish.



I am getting there, my advice is be persistant....he will soon tire of all the pestering, and consistant, never just give up and do his share of the housework as it is a lot less hassle to do it yourself, that is what he wants you to think.



You are lucky to have the rest of your housemates on side.



Good luck

Answer 24

to mrhuss - you blame his "alter ego"???? hahahaha... By day he is known merely as Dave, by night he becomes Stink Man!!!!



My advice, if someone doesn't want to do something, nagging wont help. Just try and manipulate the guy... Try setting him up with a girl, then when he's too embarrassed to bring her back to the flat cos its so dirty he will WANT to clean it!

Answer 25

Give up now, don't spend the rest of your life trying to make a man clean up if they are not that way. Dont waste your energy.

Answer 26

IF THIS GUY DOSNT PICK UP.get the stuff all of it and dump it on his bed, dirty dishes , tomato sauce bottle , dropped clothes ...thats what you all should do.

if the mess is none of his and he just sits at his computer then , too bad , thats what hes like, let him be and you do your own thing. best solution? people dont change, dont be his mum its not your job, find better person to share with.

Answer 27

Oh. Well, I suppose you could start getting them thinking by getting quotes from contract cleaners, and making sure they all see them .... you shouldn't have to clean up after grown men, nor should you have to nag at them to do it, nor should you pay for them to do it.



I'd start looking for new flatmates, or a new place to live, if I were you.

Answer 28

increase everyones rent to cover a cleaner of give him a months notice. next time u interview for a new tenent - be very firm about the cleaning rule.

Answer 29

What a bummer.....some good advice given to you above, the only thing I can add is why not find a flat of your own.

I know sharing is cheaper but are you happy where you are.

Just my opinion.

Answer 30

This is why my bf and I don't live together and never will. He has his place, I have mine. After 3 1/2 years he's still messy.

Answer 31

Don`t nag so much .. men hate nagging women .. you are not his Mom ..!!



let him fester in his pit ... hire a cleaner and let him know up front how much he has to pay towards the cleaning bill ..



as long as the rest of the place is clean ..F*ck him ...!!

Answer 32

quite simple really, move out and get your own pad. I got sick of this crap when at uni and swore down I'd have my own place. I got 1 at 23 and lived alone ver since. It may be a bit untidy but certainly not dirty. I have my own parameters and if I disgust myself, I sort it out.

Answer 33

A friend of mine had a lazy flatmate - & after trying & failing to get him off his backside she put a padlock on the bathroom & wouldn't give him a key unless he cleaned it & the rest of the house 1st

Answer 34

Easy - change the rule to "If it isn't clean, we hire a cleaner and you foot the bill". In a free market money talks and bs walks.

Answer 35

Yeah cut off the internet and take the TV away until they start pulling their weight!! Lazy gits!

Answer 36

Oh my god im living with too fellas and have the same problem!! i swifly fixed it though, i laid down the law simple as that!! gave them both a right good ear bashing, constantly nagging at them helps too, they eventually have to do it!! and when it did came to cleanin i gave them the worst job ever, cleanin a really dirty cooker and hob!!!

Answer 37

Start bringing often your friends(girls) in the house. Pretty soon you 'll have a sparkling flat...

Answer 38

girl u need to move out !! coz it will never change , you'll gradually end up doing more and more

i find it bad enough living with 1 bloke let alone 3 !! lol

Answer 39

He probably spends all day answering questions and hasnt got time to deal with the more important things in life.

Threaten to pull the plug on his pc...that shud do it!!

Answer 40

How about all of you clean the house TOGETHER? It will make cleaning seems easier.

Answer 41

yeah i suppose you can take all the advise given...but hes a lazy bloke and even if he gets his **** into gear after a warning he prob will go back to his old ways in time...give him a warning then out

Answer 42

try to get the other 2 on your side (if they are not yet) and then get on him as a team. it is a lot harder to ignore 3 ppl than to ignore 1 person

Answer 43

i HAVE LIVED WITH MY PARTNER FOR 6 YRS, WE HAVE 4 KIDS TOGETHER AND HE STILL WON'T HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. MEN ARE BORN LAZY. I BLAME THEIR ALTER EGO, THEY SEEM TO THINK THAT WHEN A FEMALE IS ON THE SCENE, THEY DON'T NEED TO CLEAN. LET HIM WALLOW IN HIS OWN FILTH FOR A WHILE AND SEE IF THAT HELPS!

Answer 44

The other 3 of you need to have a mtg and then talk to him - shape up or ship out... your mommy isn't here.

Answer 45

you need to get rid and get someone who will respect you and your other house mates.........!! there is nothing wrong with being clean i cant really understand why people hope someone else will clean up behind them its really unfair on you and the others



Goodluck

Answer 46

go share a flat with other people

Answer 47

wow sounds like hes taking advantage....I would tell him so.leave all his dirty plates outside his door and say they are messing up your kitchen so he has to take care of them.

Let him know that the kitchen is not his alone and he is messing it up for everybody.This is what we did in the 1st yr of uni and it worked!

Answer 48

I would fine the non-workers, hitting their pocket might help especially if those who do, gang up on the one that doesn't

Answer 49

If it's your flat, sling him out; if it's not, find another place.



Meantime, dump all the full bins, binliners, etc., in his room.

Answer 50

hi

if hes at his pc all day what mess as he made how about clean up where you use /

Answer 51

Your screwed... guys never clean, but if I were you I would just leave his "room" or area or whatever dirty and only clean the other parts of the house until he gets tired of the dirtyness... oh and maybe have your internet turned off and dont tell him just to make you feel better.

Answer 52

kick him out! he is obviously lazy and unhygenic and i personally wouldn't want to live with him. Tell him if he doesn't start pulling his weight you'll boot him. or make him pay more rent..



good luck :^]

Answer 53

can't see how you all getting a mortgage will make him clean ??? (reference below message)

Answer 54

tell him he pulls his weight or he goes and you get a new flat mate

Answer 55

is it a student house? if not move out ...................



and next time place an ad that stipulates what you expect!!!

Answer 56

throw all the rubbish and dirty plates into his bed keep doing it till he learns







lucky you

Answer 57

he sounds depressed hun ?? may be you need to talk to him !

Answer 58

kick him out.

Answer 59

kick him the $%#& out

Answer 60

I see...^^



Happy bithday to you hunny!..^^

Answer 61

KICK THE KNOB OUT

Answer 62

kick his *** then turn off the com.!!! ^^