How long can you bear the mental beatings from your own father?

Question

I cannot bear it any longer. I am 49 and the old goat still rips me apart because of his own inner anger. He tore his sister down and my mom. He has done this to me all of my life. Even in his 80+ years with Alzheimers he won't stop. The insanity is I call him and knowing he will never ever change. This little "me" did not react to his ranting..I just stood in silence then he didn't know what to say because I gave him no response. The conversation ended coldly, but I still did not react. One of my brothers is aware of his behavior towards me, but the other is not. I looked to him (my dad) as my mentor, but after all these years he never was.

Answer 1

Amanda - Have you been looking through my mirror again?



I will bear it as long as I have too and you will too!!

We can't change people - only how we respond.



Don't take on board other peoples cr**.

Answer 2

My relationship with my father, now dead, was similar to yours, and he had Alzheimers also, which made his rantings even worse.



The one thing I can tell you is that he will continue to "tear you down" until his mental capacity deteriorates to a point where he can no longer put an understandable sentence together. Then he may turn to violence. What finally prompted me to put my Father in a Nursing Home is when, while trying to get him in bed, he kicked me in the stomach so hard that I flew across the room and hit the wall, and I wasn't a small guy at the time.



Oh, and the "mental beatings"? They will go on long after your Father is dead. Whenever I'm having a difficult time with something, I can still hear my Father calling me a "Worthless POS", or saying "You are the only thing I really failed at". I try and use that in a positive way, sometimes it works, others, it doesn't.



All I can do is offer my understanding, as much as it sounds bad, things got a bit better for me once my Father died, maybe it will be the same for you.

Answer 3

This is sad but you do not have to live like this. You are living around a mentally dysfunctioning father. I must say a biologic father. Don't take it and report it to Social Services and a doctor. Human resources is probably the best to talk with. His behavior is dangerous to himself and to others. Avoid him and don't let him pick at you. Hand him a punching bag and tell him to take his anger out on it because you will not be the receiving end for him anymore. Don't yell at him and be firm. He will get the picture and stay clear of him as much as possible. Ask God to give you ways and means to better your life. A homeless shelter is better than being treated like you are being treated. Sometimes, there is a Family Crisis Center that will help you. Please don't wait, you owe this too yourself and your family. Jo Ann

Answer 4

I share that mirror that you are for Nonuna, some 7.5 decades later I still remember "she's crazy". Self-esteem takes quite a beating. Before he died I "wanted to want-to" forgive and said the words but questioned my feelings. My healing continues and has come a long, long way. I am the happiest person that I know and am loved by many. I'm OK.

It began with getting to know myself and my talents and strengths and my value to those that I interact with everyday. I talked to myself and gave myself compliments on what I do, did, dressed, said. I looked at everything with an eye of curiosity for beauty and pleasure. I smile at strangers and I talk. Yes, talk "small talk". I ask myself how many ways I can use, see, hear, write, say something.

And I do as Sara suggests, when I can't take the heat, I "knock the dust from the soles of my feet, pack up and leave town.". I am the best ME that I can be.

Answer 5

Well then turn the tables on him when he rips you give it right back that is how to win If he tell you you Your nothing but a whore" then tell him then you must be a whore monger if you can not do your part and please the woman then maybe thats why they get it some where better. Tell him when he starts his rant really loud "OMG your like a broken record, tell him yeah yeah whore got it , good for nothing got ! Then tell him there yo go again talking out your *** because your mouth knows better " NOw you know those things he has told you are not true. Treat what he tell yo from now on like a joke laugh and say what did you say I can't understand you. TRy not to be around him. NOw not all men are like this they are just words my dear .

Answer 6

I know what's its like to have a sorry excuse for a father. What you have to ask yourself is do you love him? Its sounds cruel but blood means nothing, it's how people treat you and show their love to you that matters not whether they a biologically related to you. Alzheimer's is a horrible disease and could be affecting his temperament but if this has been happening a long time it may not be because of that. No matter what anyone says its up too you whether you maintain a relationship with him just never do it out of guilt, that's not helping anyone.

Answer 7

Darling, remove yourself from his life.

He had his chance to treat you as you should have been treated as a daughter, and he failed.



Sometimes we should look to the great holy men of the past, and realize that when their message was not well received in one village, they rose at dawn with their disciples and moved on to the next village, just silently disappearing down the road. Without hatred, but with resignation that not all men are ready to hear the truth.



All that will happen if you continue to listen to this misguided father is a subtle decline in your self confidence, and every time hereafter that someone says you are a failure, you will believe them.



If you and your brothers act as if nothing is happening, that is a coping mechanism that you have employed to reduce the damage. Something IS happening.

Answer 8

nicely... I extremely don't have self belief that youngsters are responsible for their father's habit. in spite of the indisputable fact that, persons are who they're, and maximum have little ones. It in simple terms shouldn't take place for everyone's little ones that they may be effectively hidden from their father's issues. Take Governor Sanford's little ones, besides, as a working example. OJ's young ones could have a hard pass of issues for a on an identical time as, besides. all of us has to earnings to deal with the negatives in life, as much because it sucks. it somewhat is a tragic actuality of life that maximum individuals will could cope with the rubbish created with the aid of their mom and dad, even nevertheless they are actually not responsible for it. It applies to mothers, too. Princess Diana's sons will see photos of her and would cope with comments of her eating affliction and Borderline character affliction. If in simple terms there have been suitable mom and dad, then no person would could cope with this... Edit: i think of it somewhat is incorrect to "glorify" somebody after their dying. those young ones probable have a reliable concept (extra efficient than any human beings) of what their father become like. that is not that somebody needs to "inflict" it on them, that is historic past now. And... that is all on tape... the trial, the toddler dangling... all of it.

Answer 9

Simple since he caused mental abuse physically abuse him grab a lead pipe and hit him across the mouth with it. HA! HA! HE! HE!

Answer 10

Hun u shouldn't have to put up with that call the police

Answer 11

How long can I bear mental beatings from my father? Not long. Not long at all.

I cut.

So should you.