How can i deal with my wife?

Question

My wife, Elizabeth, and I had been fighting a lot recently. She got very annoyed a few weeks ago, and took our twin girls, Sophia and Kaitlyn, and left. I know she went to stay in one of her friend from works apartments, but I'm not sure which friend. She wouldn't answer her phone or emails. So 1 1/2 weeks after she left, I got very annoyed and decided I needed to talk to her.
She teaches 10th grade at a high school, so I knew i could find her there, and since she can't leave the kids unsupervised, she would have to stay.. So I went into her class at the end of the day, and tried to work things out. Now she's even more annoyed, and said I had no right to bring our personal matters to her work. I gave her a kiss, and she slapped me. She called her friend in the room next door, asked her to watch the class, and went to the teachers lounge where I couldnt get in. She also said if I would like to see Kaitlyn and Sophia, she and her friend, Jennifer, will meet me at a park or something for an hour, but I don't think its fair that her friend is coming. I need to see Elizabeth alone, but she won't accept. How can i deal with my wife? And did she have a right to get mad that i came in during her class?
-- She will let me see the kids, but only at a public place, with her and Jennifer (or another friend) there. She said she wont be with me alone, and I wont be with the kids alone. She told me on Christmas, she will let me see the kids for half of the day alone, but the other half she gets them. She doesn't trust me alone with them. That was all she said, then she got in her car and left. (This was in the school parking lot, a waited by her car after she left the class)

Elizabeth is 25, I'm 26, and our girls are 18 months

Oh, and she still never told me where they were. I figured it out when Jennifer came in her classroom looking for her after school

And do you think her behavior is right? I don't want to post what i did all over the internet, and after i walked in during her class, she has been even more mad.

Answer 1

the best way is to give some time to pass away .time is best healer of anything .it gives the opportunity to realize anything ,the opportunity to cool down sudden anger and stress .After that first way would be to talk with her alone if u can not make contact with her than don't appear before her and force her to talk. but just talk to her friends ,specially her parents .try to get the fact after that try to convince her friends and parents than it would be more easy to get to her and talk. take any steps carefully cz it could save ur family or destroy it

Answer 2

First you have given far too much info on your actual names and ages. As a father you need to keep some things private. You never mentioned exactly why she left. I am assuming you did something to push her over the edge. You made a huge mistake by trying to track her down and especially going to her job. Never ever bring things like that into her employer. You probably embarrassed her and could have caused some trouble for her there. You need to calm down and think before your next move.



I should mention that you already know what you did after you left the classroom was wrong. If you love someone and want them back then vengance is not your best bet. You are not thinking clearly. If you intend on making things better at least for the sake of your children, then great, move on and accept your new role and take what you can get until she can trust you again. Do not use the kids and seeing them as an opportunity to see her. The fact that she needs a friend there with her all of the time shows me that she doesn't trust you. Be honest with yourself and instead of wasting time here, get some counseling. You need it. And don't push her or you will end up in court or worse in jail. Keep your distance when she asks for it. Oh and Christmas, yeah thats how it works when couples split and I think she is being fair.

Answer 3

well we can't exactly judge her actions because i don't know exactly what caused them? If it is something benign such as a misunderstanding you both had, then her actions are completely unneccessary. The way she is acting is childlike and immature to be honest, and the way she is pulling the kids away from a happy healthy family atmosphere (in Christmas too!!) is uncalled for. Something parents need to keep in mind, is that their children should not be dragged into a problem, for this might cause them problems in the future.

Now then, if you commited a heinous crime (I'd say sleeping around would be one) then I think any woman would've acted the same way, and simply confronting her would cause her to pounce on you, (yes I would do that to, unfortunately) So give her some more time to calm down if this is the case and take the blame and suck it up! because at the end of the day you've hurt her dearly, but if she still loves you she will come to terms with the issue and forgive you somewhere along the line.

Good luck & God bless

Answer 4

It's not right to take the kids like that, and i'm sorry for the girls, they are the ones really hurting in all of this, even if they are just 18 months, their whole lives they have known their parents together and now it's all different and weird for them. Honestly, it depends on what you did to your wife, i assure you, whether you did something to upset her or it was a misunderstanding a women doesn't get mad for no reason. as far as the visiting arrangements for the girls, you could always go to the police, she can't keep them from you because you are the father, but seriously, if you two loved each other enough to create those two twin angels, then you two should think about them above anything and everything else...tell your wife that, maybe she'll listen then. hope this helps somehow and I'll be praying for everything to get better...good luck.

Answer 5

Dear Matt,

All women have different ways of dealing with anger. I'd advise you sooner to not go to a public school where your wife works, not to mention when shes mad. When you see your wife at the park talk to her (and her friend if she is listening). Don't make a move on her, if she wants to yell at you, let her. If she slaps you back away. Tell her how you feel about your fights and tell her you wont have a functional family if you can't work things out. Make sure you speak calmly, don't raise your voice, keep your anger away. If she doesn't understand give her a little more time. Just follow the rules of women when they are upset. Hope things turn out right.

Answer 6

You will have noticed nobody is being very sympathetic to you. And that's absolutely right. Going to her school to confront her was a big mistake and only made things worse. Everything you say is about her behaviour, you never seem to question whether you did anything wrong. And you very carefully never tell us why she left you in the first place. Somehow I suspect if she was in the wrong youn would have told us what she did wrong.



For the future: think of your kids. Calm down. See a lawyer to get advice on how best to remain in contact. Go to a Marriage Counsellor if you want to save the marriage. Stop trying to do it yourself- it wont work

Answer 7

I think you should talk more about the intensity of the "fighting" and why she was "very annoyed"(very angry) to the point of leaving you. You seem to only talk about how you feel. I don't see anywhere but the minimization "very annoyed" that you have regarded her feelings in this. Is there a valid point to not trusting you with the twins or alone with her?



You just don't go to her work! You must respect her boundaries of herself. Going to where you knew she couldn't leave is not respecting her boundaries. Stalking her won't help in any way.



Get a grip of yourself. Maybe that is why she left.

Answer 8

You are lucky she didn't call the cops. If you keep pulling stunts like that, you will have little chance of getting custody or visitation. You are headed towards a divorce. If you want to talk to your wife, get a lawyer. That way both of you will know your rights and work out some kind of formal agreement.



She's not interested in talking things out and it was inappropriate of you to see her at work. Use legal channels from now on to contact her.

Answer 9

Leave her alone

Apparently when a girl is acting like this you should give her some space.

What your doing so far is folowing her around , idk y she doesnt trust you with your twins though

and i dont want to sound rude but i think your going to get a divorce....... Then again girls do get like this after having a baby .......... Its probably the only thing us guys can never figure out !

Answer 10

No you should not have went into her class she does not want anyone knowing her business, you should have waited at her car instead, its like your stocking her,I don't know what you did but it also sounds like she is scared of you. She should not feel that way about her husband ,she needs to feel safe and loved

Answer 11

Leave her alone.

On the other hand, if you still want to get her attention,

send her flowers and chocolates and whatnot (:

Answer 12

why is she acting like that ? did you cheat on her? if you did then you deserve that bastard