I need help with a family situation that is making me crazy! Serious answers only, please?

Question

For the past 4 months I have been dealing with a progressively dibilitating pain issue that my doctors have been, so far, unable to diagnose. It has caused me to be unable to perform the most mundane tasks such as standing, walking, driving, etc. I can no longer even cook, do laundry or clean my house. The problem is: neither my husband nor our granddaughter who lives with us while attending college or our children who live within 45 minutes of us have offered to help me. I have always been a strong, independent person who has kept this family up and running. Now I need them and they don't seem to have the time or see the need. The house is a mess, the gardens are in a deplorable state and I can't do anything about it. I've asked, begged, pleaded for help. Nothing seems to work. I feel like ripping their heads off, but that's not my usual style. I'm at my wits end. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Yes that sounds like a very hard circumstance to be in. I know how as a child it was difficult for myself to take care of my mother. I had to put my life on hold to help her. I wanted to do it, but it did come with its moments of turmoil. I am getting a sense that you are upset at how your family has responded to your predicament. That you have worked so hard for them, and now they aren't there for you when you need it. I would advise contacting someone about helping you with these chores. Maybee when they come home and see a stranger washing their underware or cooking for them will they understand the extent of your predicament. Another way I would try to get family suport, is through emotional suport. Let them help you with that, but keep the duties to a minimum. People have their own lives they are working to establish. Talk to your family and have them help you come up with a decision that will work for all parties.



Hard, Heady Question to be sure! Hope I could help you a little bit. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 2

It's disappointing that your family isn't there for you when you need it. My sympathies for that. They probably don't understand that the pain is real...they may think you are making it all up. But, you know something is very wrong, so you need to keep seeing specialists until you find the solution. Is it depression? Is it neurological? There are many diseases that cause pain. See a neurologist, an orthopedic doctor, a psychiatrist. Find the source of your pain. Meantime, take care of yourself the best you can and don't worry about the house and gardens. If nobody else takes care of them, you can do it when you get well. The most important thing is getting well. So keep up the good work of finding the source of your pain. (Of course, if you can afford it, you could hire a cleaning service once a week. That might help your spirits.)

Answer 3

Oh my. although my heart goes out to you, obviously your children and granddaughter are cold and ungrateful. Question do you have any good friends, neighbors or a church family that will help you out? If you do ask them pride is a sin, when your family sees non-family members helping you they should feel ashamed. Cut everyone out of the will too. Is the husband a good provider, if the answer is yes use his money to hire a cleaning lady. Are you receiving disability if so hire one with your money and contribute no money to the household.



Your family is being selfish and uncaring (doesn't mean they don't care, just don't realize what caring folks are supposed to do).



If your health is that bad you should have a nurse by your side also. Call the Social Security department and get the ball rolling, don't wait for help my friend get help. Fu*k em all.



How sad!! Bow your head in prayer and ask God to send you an angel to watch over you and your prayer will be answered, call him by his name Jehovah.

Answer 4

I am sorry about your situation, I have been there. Get well, first and foremost. In time at least those living with you will get sick of the mess and do at least somethings to get things in order. When you are well, DO NOT help anyone if they ask you for help. This is what I did. I hurt my back earlier this year and it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to help out. When I got better and someone asked me for help, I politely said to them "I am sorry you need help, but I can't be bothered with helping you right now just as you wouldn't be bothered to help me when I need you." You can also contact you church or call around to different agencies on aging to see if there is someone that could assist you with the simple things around the house. It's hard being the one that does everything one day to the one that cannot do anything the next. Unfortunately us women tend to spoil our families too much. Good luck, hun.

Answer 5

Being that your down right now, I'm taking it that your not right there with handing out the money to them any more. ( well, it sounds like my kids).



Do me a favor and go see a rhumatoligist. (spelling).Sounds to me you just may have Fibromyalgia.



Anyways, on to your problem. Don't wait for an "offer". The next time their both home at the same time, talk to them and tell them that both of their disrespect that they have openly shared on't be tolerated any longer. Ask them if their blind..........if they can't see your not well, and in need of help! Their FAMILY and they should be there. It's not your place to turn to friends on something like this when you have slackers for a family.

Have lists written up on what you expect of them.



IF you get know where with this..........send them both packing until you get your health problems under control. Then decide if you even want them back.

Answer 6

Im really sorry to hear that.



I used to know someone who was in your current position.

Even the strongest person breaks sometimes so dont feel useless about yourself.



*You dont need to cook, have catering sent to you.

Pay daily,weekly or even monthly.



*Do light exercise so that your muscles wont feel stiff.

You'll get used to moving around slowly.



*Laundry and house cleaning can be done weekly,

or once every 3 days.



*Remember to take things one day at a time.



*Try not to focus on how disastrous things are at the moment

but rather focus on your own health.



*Dont worry about the gardens,as long as theyre outside -

the sun and rain will accompany them;) - they'll survive.



*Some people can be quite unreliable nowadays so stay strong.

Dont let their insensitivity get you down.



Hope writing this to you cheers you up.

There are people who still care.

Things will start working when you start being supportive of yourself ;)



Take care

xoxo



ps: dont forget to go for regular check-up :)

Answer 7

Explain in your husband what quite took situation. Tell him that you just quite love him and you're inclined to take it into the fingers of the regulation. If you desire to be in peace together with your husband, then positioned this lunatic away for repeated rape, sexual harassment and stalking to finish this nightmare. I can inform you love your husband and this used to be not ever your fault. Ask your husband to kick his *** out. Meanwhile positioned a Restraining Order in this maniac. Let him cross to jail so he can get raped time after time and spot the way it feels. PS. Save this gift web page and permit your husband have a well seem at it. Also make a printable reproduction simply in case, it would support you in courtroom. Personally, I think for you and your husband, however customarily you. Do no longer hessitate. Do what you must do. Save your marriage. We are with you. Please be storng. I will pray for you till I listen unique. God bless you. God I'm disappointed!

Answer 8

You don't need them, coz if your going to keep on depending on ppl-even if it was ur family-your whole life, you won't survive. So i'd say, hire a maid to clean your house, Keep consulting your docter on everything, and plz, ripping their heads off is an option, at least to these kind of ppl.

Answer 9

Oh my god, that is really a bad state to be in!



Well, i guess you have a right to DEMAND help, dont request!! You've done everything for them and now its their turn to pay back. Maybe they're just enveloped in their thoughts that you are the shoulder that was always there for anything they needed... break the illusion for them. I am sure they will realise and help you out.



Good luck and god bless.

Answer 10

I suffer from fibromyalgia. I was in pain for years like yourself which lead to depression. I was always told it was stress, until I found the right Dr. You should ask your Dr. to sent you to a Dr that deals with f.m..

Take care and I hope you will consider this option.

Answer 11

THE FIRST THING YOU DO, NEXT TIME YOUR HUBBY IS IN BED BESIDE YA, YOU GRAB HIM BY HIS WHO WHO AND TELL HIM HE WILL HELP, OR PAY FOR THE SERVICES YOU NEED, A COOK, GARDENER, A MAID ECT.!! THAT SHOULD GET HIS ATTENTION! TELL YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER, SHE CAN MOVE OUT, NO BETTER STILL, THAT SHE WILL MOVE OUT!!!!!!!! CALL YOUR KIDZ AND BE BLUNT, TELL THEM EXACTLY HOW SICK YOU ARE AND THAT YOU NEED THEIR HELP!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE A FIRM STAND, IF HUBBY DOESN'T LISTEN, TRULY CALL A CLEANING SERVICE, HIRE A KID IN NEIGHBORHOOD TO DO GARDENS ECT!!! CALL CHILD THAT OWNS GRANDDAUGHTER AND TELL THEM YOU CAN NOT TAKE CARE OF HER ANYMORE, COME GET YOUR KID!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND LET THEM KNOW HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 12

if you can hire your self some help and use the house hold money to pay them if you cant get help from your family then make them pay for some one to help you easy as that,,,,they will soon see that you were in need and they were not there to help you

Answer 13

well you can't make them help you so just tell them it really hurts your feelings that you have always been there for them and they can't take time to help you in your time of need.Let them know you are going to hire someone to help maybe they will feel guilty and if they don't at least you have help then.good luck

Answer 14

start ripping heads off, they need it