Question:
How do I handle my mother-in-law when she makes comments about me?
anonymous
2007-06-19 16:32:30 UTC
My mother-in-law (no joke) is literally a woman's size 28 or 3x. I am a normal sized person ( I DO NOT wear plus sizes) yet she feels the need to comment about my weight. I find it irritating, yet I have never said anything back. Sometimes I just want to blurt out "Have you looked in the mirror lately?!" What should I say?
Eleven answers:
Vicarious
2007-06-19 16:38:09 UTC
I would word it a little more articulately - "Do you really think you are in a position to comment on other peoples weight?" Or you could just mutter something about people in glass houses, Im sure shell get the hint. But, yes, stand up for yourself, mother in law or not, shes obviously being hateful and should be let know, that you wont tolerate it.
anonymous
2007-06-20 06:38:04 UTC
I would try to remain polite since this is your husband's mother, and since you two are married, this woman is now a part of your life.



I would very calmly and gently say something like, "Right now, my weight is a sensitive issue for me..." Look at her pointedly and continue, "as I'm sure you can understand. We all have flaws that we need to work on, but I'm hard enough on myself already without someone else pointing them out for me. So, in the future, I would prefer it if my imperfections were not a topic of conversation." Then, before she can say anythings else, smile and politely end with, "Thank you in advance for respecting my wishes."
ABeeflewIn
2007-06-19 23:39:28 UTC
You need to set boundaries. Pull her aside in private where you won't embaress her by confronting her, and take the safe approach.

"I am not in a place right now wear I feel comfortable discussing my weight with you, and some comments you have made about my weight were not appropriate. Please be assured I am aware of my health issues, and will be working on them. I prefer it if I could deal with this privately from now on. Thank you for being so understanding."

Then walk away before she can be snotty.
lady_phoenix39
2007-06-19 23:45:49 UTC
honey, I'm going to say this from the perspective of someone who is your mother-in-law's size.....



No one should judge or measure (no pun intended) anyone else, their abilities or their character, based on size. Therefore, she should not be saying anything negative about your size or even making comments that you need to lose or need to gain, etc. You are you, and she should love you for who you are.



Now, I will say this: you make a great point of saying what sizes she wears and telling us that you are a "normal" person. Hmmm. What does that make me? Abnormal? Ugly? Lazy? There are a few unspoken comments in your question about fat people, too, and they aren't nice.



You clearly feel superior to her because you are smaller physically....when you should be more concerned about how to deal with your mother in law lovingly and being the "bigger" person emotionally.



So I suggest that the next time she says something you sit next to her (with no one else around) and take her hand and smile lovingly and say, "You know, it really hurts me when you say things about my weight. I want us to love each other for who we are, not what we weigh."



Saying "what WE weigh" means that neither of you is perfect and neither should judge the other.



If she doesn't take the hint from that, then you may just have to ignore it. She's going to be his mother forever, but you don't have to like her. Just smile, be polite, and be a bigger person.
Allison
2007-06-20 00:28:50 UTC
In our relationship, I deal with my parents and my husband deals with his parents so they know we mean business. That was something we decided on from the beginning, and it only took one talk and the comments stopped. My husband told his mom that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me, that I was his wife and he expected her to treat me with more respect than she had, and that she should never expect him to choose because he will always pick me. I did the same thing once with my sister, and we've never had a problem. That would irritate the hell out of me, and you don't deserve her, or anyone for that matter, speaking to you like that.
Sweet Pea
2007-06-20 00:07:49 UTC
Mother in laws are the spawn of Satan himself.. lol..



I agree...just do not say a word. smile.



Maybe she is uncomfy being so large and in charge that when you come around its her way to make herself feel better about being such a java the hut..Just keep being the sweet person your hubby fell in love with..



Or just be a spiteful little witch that will turn your hubby's head.. I would rather be the first... Kele but if you want to get even your choice..or one day just say.. OH Java your sooo funny.. lol sorry..



My mother in law is a java too I swear she was given the golden pitch fork just for my bootee....
anonymous
2007-06-19 23:40:48 UTC
mother-in-laws are always like that only because they don't like you or they are envying you b/c her little boy has a new love in his life and she has trouble letting go so she shakes it off with a couple of rude comments NO BIGGIE you shake it off to by walking away or simply saying i don't aprecciate that and again walk away or just change the subject don't let her get to your head shes not worth it it shouldn't be her problem so don't trip because you have her son HA!
Lupita
2007-06-19 23:37:17 UTC
my sarcastic self WOULD say something like, "hmph, have you looked in the mirror lately"????? what would be so wrong with that!?!?!??!?! say it!!!!! and if she doesn't back off, I would seriously tell her how she makes me feel, and if that didn't work, I'd limit my time around her to next to nothing, if nothing at all
anonymous
2007-06-20 00:02:35 UTC
Be brutally honest and tell how you feel about her commenting on your weight.If you cant then talk to your husband.He should be standing up for you.
sonyanjoey
2007-06-20 01:42:24 UTC
poor thing, i understand your pain.(really) so this is what you do, punch that beyotch in the face. thats what i would do.
dreamer
2007-06-19 23:37:58 UTC
Smile. Say nothing./


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