How should I cope when my mom compares me to her all the time?

Question

My mom compares my body to hers all the time. She tells me that when I was her age she was skinnier than me, but I have more muscle. Whenever I go to the doctor and they say my weight out loud, as soon as we get in the car she talks about how she didn't weigh that much until she was in her late twenties (I'm 14). I'm a recovered anorexic and bulimic, so this really bothers me. She also compares my average grades (which I work really hard for) to the straight A's she got in high school. My mom has low self esteem and talks about how she thinks she's fat, so I know she's probably speaking out because of her insecurities, though it hurts all the same. We have a very poor relationship, so any kind of discussion is out of the question. I'd really and truly appreciate any advice as to how I can cope emotionally. Thank you so much for your time.

Answer 1

wow, thats really hard. i think what you should do (even though sometime with a poor relationship is can be hard or embarassing) just talk to her. tell her that you don't like her comparing you, explain. and maybe she'll come out with some things of her own.

Answer 2

She KNOWS you're recovering from anorexia and bulimia, and she still does that???? God, I'm sorry.



You need a good plan for dealing with stressful situations. I really do think you need to be frank with her and tell her, "When you say those things, it really hurts my feelings, and it makes it hard for me to feel good about myself. You know how hard I've worked to overcome my eating disorders, so I really would appreciate your support." Be kind but firm.



If you really can't say such things, then try getting someone else to take you to the doctors, and do get an adult in your life who you can vent to and talk about such things. Start with a counselor at school. You really do deserve support for overcoming the eating disorders and just for getting through adolescence!

Answer 3

Tammi, Hello Nice first Question, and it is important since this is comon to every one. 'Rents really do forget how hard it is being younger or they want great memories. Some feel its good to get tough. Some times that works but it fails for reasons you give. People in recovery often have to strugle with problems their whole lives. Those who are over weight often get abuse that normal peeps think is OK. Well its Not OK, and we often need to ask them not to do that since it hurts our feelings. You are doing the right thing writing about this since that helps to deal with problems.

It might help to let her know, when she is calm in good mood, how you feel. Maybe show what you wrote here. Get help from some person she respects, like clergy, doctor, teacher who can suport you. That means treat you right and help you to continue being good person you are and stay healthy.

Answer 4

My pal told me that when her mother died, she went & got a keychain engraved, so she could place the key in her mother's coffin, so she would have the key to the house & visit, I guess. It was to show that she always had a key to the home she loved to clean up & take care of. After the engraver gave her the keyset, she heard two teens bad-mouthing their mothers. My pal wanted to tell them, she was just like them, always fighting with her mother up to her dying day--and now here she is, getting something for her coffin. My friend thought if it was her & some-one-else told her that her mom died, she would say good riddance, so decided not to tell the teens anything. My friend thought that this conversation was overheard by her as a sign that; you don't know what you got 'till she's gone. Also, not until my pal married, did she run to her mom for advice, a lot. She, too, always felt like second-class to her mother. Not until after her mother died, did she realize all that her mother had done for her but it was too late to thank her.