how do you get your daughter (20) to tidy her room?

Question

Every time she's asked she flys off the handle.
She is away most weekends. Working through the week.
Its tiring nagging. Really fed up with the constant mess.

Answer 1

put her stuff in garbage bags and put them on hte front porch .. and change the locks

and when she knocks tel her its tim to move out or keep your room clean

Answer 2

I am 28 and have a messy room. My parents don't mind because they don't have to look at it; I don't live with them.



My question to you is: why would you tolerate living in a situation where you spend your time nagging about things you don't like? Why would you choose to cohabitate with someone who "flys off the handle" when you try to exercise influence? Perhaps you enjoy exerting your control? Guess what, it's not working and it rarely ever will again, so improve your life by doing what you can do. Get rid of the mess.



Your house, your rules. If you are unable to tolerate how she lives at your home, you have every right to have her leave. She is an adult, like it or not, and she will go through her life as she pleases. It is natural for a mother to want to hold on forever, but not healthy as this is a scenario that is common for parents who refuse to release their children to the world.

Answer 3

Not everyone moves out of the family home before they're 20..



My Mom's stopped nagging. I usually got fed up of the mess myself before long too! Or perhaps suggest she has some friends over, that might make her think about tidying up too.

Answer 4

Do not go into her room, and especially do not put anything into binbags! I'm 21, and my mum did that to me a couple of times a few years ago and I never forgave her for it. I guess it kinda depends on the kind of person she is, but for me, my mum going into my room is the most annoying thing in the world and I feel its a huge invasion of privacy. My room, my mess. I get fed up of it eventually when I can't find anything, and that's when I tidy up, no nagging required. I'll learn one day to keep things tidy so I don't lose things in the first place lol

Answer 5

Go and tidy it your self after all it is still your house,

my husband always put our daughters stuff in black bags and puts it in the shed then when she ask's for it say that you have binned it, and then listen to her moan!! Then tell her that you have her stuff but if she dont keep that room tidy it will go out to the bin men.

Mind you at 20, she should be a bit more grown up than to fly off the handle!! kids eh!

Answer 6

My children are teenagers and I have a daughter and two sons. My daughter can trash her room to the point I don't know how she can even find her way through it. I tell my children either you clean or I will, and if I clean it, everything is going in the trash. They did not believe me until I did it. If she is not helping you pay the bills in the home then technically she is only visiting and if she does not like the rules of your home then she needs to find her own place. She does not have the right to fly off the handle in your house about anything.

Answer 7

EASY!!Dont do it for her, stop nagging dont pick up her clothes and dont wash or iron her stuff. I used to do the same to my mum, after 2 weeks of having no clean clothes i even got fed up with the mess

Answer 8

Don't - shut the door - let her live in her own mess. When she brings friends back they will tell her she is living in a pig sty and hopefully this will make her get her act together.

It certainly worked with both of my sons. They now have their own homes and are clean and tidy.

Answer 9

If it really bothers you it may be time to ask her to find her own place and then it's up to her.

The bib bag method works well or if the mess is confined to her room shut the door on it and leave it. If you tidy it up you are condoning her behaviour.

Answer 10

Get a few bin bags, pick everything up that isn't where is should be and put it in the bags. Put the bags where she cannot fail to see them (not in her room, 'cos that's where they will stay!!) and give her until dustbin day to sort it or out it goes.



Tell her you will do this fortnightly until the message sinks in.



Harsh - but it worked for me!! Lovely tidy rooms!!

Answer 11

If she still needs to live with you, just keep her bedroom door closed.

If not...time for her to get an apartment.

Let her fly off the handle. She's allowed. However, it is your home, so you set the rules.

Do NOT clean up for her. That will only encourage her to use you as the maid.

Answer 12

don't bother. Join facebook and upload photos of her tip and then link to her page so all her friends can see what a sty she lives in. Perhaps the humiliation will help to give her the spur she needs to tidy her mess up.



Good luck.

Answer 13

i think at the age of 20 she should be grown up enough to be her own boss..i'm not trying to be mean or anything it's just that you know it's the type of thing a mother would ask a 10 year old...but if her room is a mess then tell her to sort herself out! say to her "look your old enough to be organized without me telling you to be..so for goodness sake just clean your mess up!!"

Answer 14

Put some bin bags outside her bedroom door - if she doesn't tidy it - you will! Make sure you do it the day before the bin men arrive.... Good luck!!!

Answer 15

dont. let her live in her mess, its her room. as long as she doesnt leave the rest of the house in a mess, no problem.



re Sophies comment... young people have no chance of getting on the housing ladder. 20 is still young. i know of people in their 30s still living with parents.

Answer 16

Load it all in trash bags and set them at the door. If she dosnt' clean it up then, toss them out. She'll learn real quick if she starts losing her favorite blouse or shoes.

Answer 17

If you don't charge her housekeeping/rent threaten to unless she keeps it tidy.



Otherwise stress to her that shes living rent free and she has an obligation to keep YOUR house tidy.

Answer 18

My daughter is 38 and she is the same.

Answer 19

put it in black bin liner bags and threaten to chuck it away - the stuff on the floor ! thats what my dad did !

Answer 20

give her a deadline every week and explain how you would like her to keep it, if she has no respect for her stuff then dump it she won't repeat this experience

Answer 21

It's her room not your's so just let her keep it messy as ling as she don't want you to clean it for her.

Answer 22

you could reward her. like every time she cleans her room, she gets $10 or something. or you could tell her she cant go out with her friends until she cleans her room.

Answer 23

Quit micro managing her and get over it. It's her room. If you don't like it dont go in there.

Answer 24

If she's 20, I'm sure she can handle it herself, just don't go in!

Answer 25

Time for her to plan to move out isnt it?

Answer 26

if she is 20, why is she still living with you?

Answer 27

Close her door, it's not your problem