My mom won't give me any privacy?

Question

Hello, I'm a girl, and I'm 15. As the title says, my mom won't give me ANY privacy. And I'm so ******* tired of this. For example, she always want to know what I'm writing on chat with my friends. I don't talk about weird **** nor boys, I usually talk about my favorite anime and music, but still she wants to read EVERYTHING. Or, I can't even close the door of my room because she gets mad and yells at me to don't close my door. I'm doing nothing wrong or weird, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, literally nothing that has to do with that stuff, and still, it seems she believes she need to know everything I do.

I already tried to talk about this to her, but she always say the same ****. "I'm your mom, I have the right to check your phone" and bla bla bla. I know, she has the right, because I'm still young and she's my mother but why is so hard for her give me a little bit of privacy?! I am the only one of my group of friends that mother still checks phone and all. My friends' mother doesn't checks their phones or are always trying to know what their kids do, and they all are still nice people and good students. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so TIRED and ANNOYED of this.
Thanks for reading.

Answer 1

How annoying for you. You do, at least, have a mother who cares about you enough to do what she thinks is the right thing in the face of your irritations! Remind her that she is by far the most influential adult in your life - your major role model and example, so why would you do anything terrible?



It is possible that her own mother was this way in her childhood/adolescence. In a quiet period take her back to her own childhood and how she felt when treated this way by her parents. Do this sincerely with genuine interest - probably best not during an argument. That said, it might perhaps be effective when emotions are high. It is usually better to ask questions than to say things.



Here are some general suggestions I make to younger teens in case you might get some helpful ideas from them. Ask to have a serious discussion with your parents about how they see things panning out in the coming months and years. It needs to be fairly rational, so if one of you becomes too emotional (e.g. angry) it would be best to time out and try again another time. Prepare in advance what you would like to say and ask: write a plan, even. 



As you reach each birthday, for example, or each new school year, what rights, freedoms and responsibilities will you have? Chores, pocket money, curfews, dating, etc. will all come into it, obviously. You can't really expect something for nothing, so think about what you can put into the family and household as part of your negotiations as to what you can get. 



If you are to grow into a responsible adult, it must be a gradual process: if they keep you wrapped up in cotton wool and then suddenly let you out of the box at eighteen, you won't have enough experience to know how to handle it. 



That said, your parent(s) is/are responsible for your safety and welfare during this time: no doubt they love you and they themselves have the experiences you don't yet. Seeing things on t.v. and hearing your friends' (exaggerated?) stories aren't quite the same. 



If they don't want to do this, ask them if they will please consider a plan and talk again in a week or so. All plans need to be a little flexible, as unexpected things can happen, of course. 



Hopefully this will show that you have a maturing attitude to your family and your life.  



Good Luck!

Answer 2

You're only 15...

You haven't grown up completely. None of this was ever an issue to me because my family trust each other. We only ever close our bedroom doors to get changed because it is rude to constantly shut yourself away from your family. We read messages on each others phones (if we know the person) and we even answer each others phones if that person isn't in the room.

It's all about trust. You don't trust your parents (or your mum) to know what you are up to. She doesn't trust you because you don't let her. Prove to her that you are responsible and don't doing anything you shouldn't and she'll back off a little bit. My best friend was the same as you and she did this and now there is no issue for her and her mum.

Answer 3

This is called programmed paranoia. The media has told her that you are involved in drugs or sex, or both, and that, to be a good parent, she must know every word you type or say, every location you visit, and probably insert a GPS unit inside your clothing to track your every move. No matter what you tell her, she probably considers it a lie.



I have seen worthless police officers tell parents that their children are a threat when they are not. It seems like everyone in the government and media is intent on breaking up families and causing distrust among people. Perhaps it is just natural sadism? Regardless, it is part of the reason the United States is in the shape it is in today.



Ironically, this type of treatment is more likely to make you rebel against her and do things that she would disapprove of if she did not treat you this way.



There seems to be two modes of parenting today. The ones who do not care at all and the ones who become the NSA and demand to know every move, thought, word and action that you make.

Answer 4

Cause she's your mother and she cares about you. Your lucky you have that. When I was a kid my mom was a drunk and didn't pay attention I got into a lot of trouble and fought a lot. Looking back I see it was a cry for help and I ended up having my Retired marine uncle slap me into shape. Point is you'll be thankful your mother was like that one day you'll be glad there was someone there who kept you in check. It's really easy to take that for granted when your a kid.

Answer 5

well sounds to me like you need to have a sit down chat with your mom. Using I statements say I am old enough for you to trust. I have learned from you well. I need to be able to show what I have learned. It is time I make some choices on my own without you butting in. I need the chance to prove myself give me some space. Walk away let her stew do not argue. Say your piece in this mature manor and walk away.

Answer 6

You do not need it nor do you deserve it. You are a child so you dont have any rights. She has every right to know what you are doing at all times and has a right to monitor what you are doing online. Since you are so mad about it its painful obvious you are doing things online you know you shouldn't do but since you are a spoiled bratty child you think you shoudl be allowed to do what ever you want



You ahve no right to shut the door and she needs to take the door off its hinges since you keep doing things you know you shouldn't do



Since you are ungrateful and backtalk, she needs to take away all the electronics and sell them.

Answer 7

Unfortunately for u child, she has the right and need to check ur phone when she wants.

U clueless about Reality of what damage to ur life it has been proven to do.

Suck it up and be thankful for annoying parents.

U could be part of foster care system..

Everything u own would fit in a backpack and maybe suitcase.

Google local family counseling, check ur religious group for counseling.

Visit local homeless shelter to see how good u got life.