Question:
What do you think of my step dad? trying to get to know me better? or just being perverted? (details)?
2009-06-20 20:29:33 UTC
Me my sister and my mom have lived with my step dad for about a month now. And personally I think he's kind of creepy. And I don't know whether he's trying to get to know me better or just being perverted.

Like two weeks ago he sat next to me on the couch and started making conversation, which at first I had no problem with, but then he started asking me EXTREMELY personal questions after a while. He even asked if I was still a virgin! Is that creepy or what!? I told one of my bff's and she's suggesting that maybe it was his way of getting to know people better. Yeah Right!!

Then another time, maybe about 3 weeks ago, it was just me and him at home. And he randomly decided to go into my room. And then he tried to shut the door. So I stopped it and he told me he needed to talk to me about something. Therefore I reminded him that no one else was home and whatever needed to be talked about could be talked about WITH the door open. Then he came up with a pathetic excuse of "Oh I forgot what I was going to tell you". That time I told my mom what happened and she just brushed it off and told me that I needed to "give him some time to adjust" Right.....

Oh yeah, and wouldn't you say it was a little to early to be giving hugs and little kisses on the cheek to someone elses kids!? I mean seriously it's only been like a month. My sister doesn't feel comfortable with it, and neither do I, and yet my mom keeps telling us that he's trying to ADJUST. And that we should give him some time, and that he's just trying to get to know us better.

Anyways, I'm getting really frustrated and just wanted to know what you guys thought of it?

And does anyone have any ideas on how I could at least explain to him that the things he does sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable? I don't want to piss him off either.

Thanks for any helpful answers!
25 answers:
Sooth Sayer
2009-06-20 20:39:17 UTC
Always trust your instincts.



You and your sister should start making a list of all the things that are bothering you and time date each time you feel uncomfortable.



He had no business asking you if you were a virgin - totally inappropriate.



There are plenty of places to report this type of behavior. Do you have an aunt or another female member of the family you can share and trust this list with, if yes, make sure they have the same information.
?
2016-05-23 10:18:48 UTC
Most men who are new in a house with girls would be much more cautious than this guy for fear of being accused of something. Not this guy, go with your gut feeling, he's a creep. Since he is NOT your father you are under no obligation to let him touch you in any affectionate way. In fact you don't even have to like him, you only have to be civil and that's it. I wouldn't be too worried about pissing him off either, just stick up for yourself and make him back off. If you lay down the law early on you won't find yourself getting gradually dragged into something you don't want. Sad to say but he sounds like he's one those perves that date women with daughters because he is more interested in the daughters. I'm really sorry to hear that you have to put up with this. Every young woman should feel safe at least in her own home.
?
2009-06-20 20:42:25 UTC
Listen to your mom. He may be old fashioned. I'm a guy and the last thing I want to do is ruin a relationship too fast, even though I never been in one, since I'm a studier, not a lolli-gagger. Anyways, if he is doing stuff that is uncomfortable, then tell him straight up. Sometimes, the person doing weird stuff is old-fashioned, getting straight to the point. Locking himself in your room does sound creepy, but the matter of the fact is, was he looking like he was ready to do something or worried? Besides, how old are you? Sexually assaulting a child is an abuse, but teens to adults, you can charge.
sweetiepie
2009-06-20 20:51:02 UTC
wow this sounds serious. I went through something similar with a man my mother married. It is not right for him to be asking such personal questions. you should not try to reason with him or tell him anything. you need to tell another adult about this. Someone that you can trust. It sounds like your mom isn't using the best judgement right now so you need to tell someone else. maybe a friends mom, a grandmother, your doctor, you may even have to tell the police. I know this sounds drastic but, you do not want to wait untill you are in a situation that you cannot get out of. Think of your sister as well. you do not want her to get hurt either.
Rachel
2009-06-20 21:12:25 UTC
One thing you have to understand is your step father is in a relationship with your mother and that he's trying to make it work out with him and your family. Its hard to cross the line of communication when it's between you and him. I mean this because he's just getting to know you and maybe he doesn't know how. Did he have kids before? Has he been married before? Maybe this is all new. A change in everyones environment will make you feel uncomfortable. It does with eveyone. About him sitting on the couch and asking you such questions is because he is trying to know where you stand. He wants to know what you've done and the way you think about things. He's trying to reach out to you and your pulling away...because you get the thought he is "creepy" or "perverted"....Im not saying that your all in the wrong. But if you think of him that way, the longer you think of him like that, the more uncomfortable it will be. The key point is, you should respect his honesty because he is reaching out. Most step fathers, will clue you out and not speak at all. Some are even abusive, and some are just not capable to have step kids. Your step fathers point of view is to undertand you better, and show you that even though he could never be considered your actual father, or replace him, he just wants you to be happy, and he wants to show you that you are loved unconditionally, no matter the circumstances before in the past or in the future. He's in a more uncomfortable postion than you- because it takes more responsibility to be a father than a child.



You seem like a concerned child and I totally understand. (Im a kid too (14) so I know how you could feel- though Im not in your situation)



Based on the fact that you are frustrated, before you approach your new dad, think about his position, in his shoes. Then think how it could be- if you let this work. If it helps, talk with your mom after you consider all that. Then you should calmly approach him and say that you and him need to talk. Start off saying that it's nice to have a new dad (wether you think of it that way or not) and that you understand it might be hard in his position, and that you understand he is trying to reach out to you and get to know you more. Then you can tell him that maybe you need your space a little more. And that sometimes the questions make you a little more uncomfortable. Explain that you want things to work and that you don't want him upset or mad and your trying to open up to him, and its hard...(that way too, you can relate with your feelngs about making things work) Then you should tell him that you guys should do things together fun- all of you as a family, and then sometimes you and him. Find a common ground. Find something you both would like to do. Try to build your relationship as father daughter. Your sister should do the same.



But you have to stop resisting and after talking with him- think of everything as a new begining- and him as a friend at least. Every girl needs a father. Plus you should give him credit that he is trying. Think of him as your father....no matter if he's blood or not. Understand that he loves you- and your mom, and that he wants whats best for you and your family. As the father, and the man on the house, he has to have a feeling of dominance and that he has support. So show your step dad that he is supported and your willing to let it work and give it a try. You should respect his willingness to be your father, and that he is not all in the wrong.



I hope all goes well. I will be praying for you, and I hope I helped! God Bless You Always,





(= l!Ve, L@uGh, LoV3, P3@c3, & DoNt 4get 2 RoCK!! =)



*!!!$$$~ RaCh3L ~$$$!!!*



ps~ IF and ONLY if it gets worse- then you should talk with your mom more and if she does not listen, only then get help- but listen to me.....you should TRY to make things work- ASIDE the fact that others on answers think he is weird. You cant judge someone that soon and things take time. Don't let them freak you out.
Deano
2009-06-20 20:40:50 UTC
I think you need to quit worrying about pissing him off! Now is the time you need to set boundaries with him, just like new step-dads do with the new step-kids at first. He will not hesitate to let you know when you have crossed the line, therefore you shouldn't worry about letting him know these things as well. Be blunt, polite, and to the point with him.I would even suggest you have this discussion or make these boundaries known in front of the entire family. It will be awkward but at least now mom knows that you have set limits and it will make it harder for her to ignore you the next time he tries to get to know you better. I wish you the best in your new situation.
Bran<3
2009-06-20 20:39:22 UTC
Yes he is crossing the line! Dont take that not now not ever! you should keep a knife under your bed or somewhere in reach just in case he trys to force something sexual but if you have little siblins or anybody else could hurt them self with the knife then get a bat or something thats hard and something you cant break if you do need to protect yourself. your a teenager? you have a cell phone? record the akward convos he trys to have and after you get some really juicy ones let your mom listen to them and let her decide if hes still trying to just "adjust" lame! yes its way too early for hugs and kisses!
angel 1
2009-06-20 20:38:42 UTC
If it don't feel right ,it 9 times out of 10 ain't right.Your mom should be a little more concerned about her kids than some dude.Try to catch him on tape or video.She couldn't argue with that. Whatever you do don't let that a** hole touch you in any way I mean it. Kick him in tha gonies if you have to, and tell your sister to do the same
Chaka Caca
2009-06-20 20:41:08 UTC
Um yea total creep status. You should really tell him how you feel though, just be like the whole marriage thing is new to me and I know your trying to adjust to me but your throwing me off with weird conversation topics and me and you time is way too weird. And if he doesnt acknowledge that personal space that you want. Let your mom know that you had a talk with him and let other outside relatives that you feel comfortable with know.
2009-06-20 20:43:11 UTC
Oh god. That must suck. If your mom doesn't believe you try having a recording object in your pocket or something when he talks to you or something. If he says anything invading your privacy you can show your mom. Or if he does that thing where he goes into your room try placing a camera in the room(hidden) somehow and if he tries gets weird You have evidence. Then just yell at him to get out or keep a knife in your pocket. Might seem a little far fetched but it's all I got.



Answer mine please:



https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20090620201528AAuM72x
John S
2009-06-20 20:46:28 UTC
Wow, well first off, I'm really sorry to hear that. Honestly, I think you should pull both of them over (or separately) and tell them firmly and seriously (but not in a cold tone) what's been going on. TELL THEM YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WAY HE'S BEEN ACTING. I mean, you sound like you're around adolescence? They should be able to take you seriously. Good luck. - John S. -'92 MR2 Turbo- 13psi.
Paris
2009-06-20 20:36:39 UTC
That can be dangerous. Seriously try and get your mother's attention and tell her you're worried. Tell him (if a situation comes up again) that he's making you uncomfortable, and that you'd appreciate it if he'd give YOU more time to adjust, he may understand better that way.
j. o.
2009-06-20 20:36:59 UTC
uhhh i think its a little perverted. dont be scared though. just try not to stay home alone with him and make sure your sister doesnt either. if i were you, i would make plans with your sister and your mom to go out for lunch or get your nails done or something and talk about it in the car. tell her the truth and how you feel, but you have to remember, she loves him so try to be nice about it and not hurt her feelings.



Good Luck!
cammochick
2009-06-20 20:39:28 UTC
yes he sounds like a complete weird-o and i would not ever stay alone with him. you should look on the sex offender list in your town and see if his name is on there because it sounds like he likes little kids. and you know if your mom does not believe you then you should tell someone else about it too. I don't suggest you try to talk to him about it because it could piss him off and he could get mad and push himself on you more. and just watch him very close with you and your sister.
?
2009-06-20 20:43:04 UTC
watch out that guys is looking for opportunities! dont trust or be alone with him. I have been in the position of stepfather to a teenage girl and these are discussions and situations a normal man would avoid until some serious trust and relationship develops naturally. dude your dating my mom note me get the hell out of my room!
Mauiraised
2009-06-20 20:39:32 UTC
Yes, that is very creepy and very uncomfortable for you and your sister. I would sit down and talk with my mom and tell her you have something very important and serious to discuss with her and you won't take no for an answer...and tell her about it. Hopefully she will talk to your step-dad and tell him to lay off or else!



Good luck!
ShadowRaver
2009-06-20 20:37:32 UTC
In my honest opinion he does not sound like the kind of man I would want around my kids. Keep talking to your mom about it, tell her exactly how you and your sister feel and if that doesn't work talk to other family members that are close to your mom and ask them to talk to her about it because it seems to me that she may be blinded by "love". Best of luck

________Shadow Raver
2009-06-20 20:36:09 UTC
This does seem a little weird. I would sit down with step dad and your sister and let him know that you both feel it's a little early for that to happen (especially the hugs and kisses) and that you both just feel really uncomfortable with it.
?
2009-06-20 20:37:29 UTC
I believe the saying is that if it doesn't feel right to you, there's something wrong. If you can't get your mother to listen, then seek professional help, a teacher or close adult relative. I grew up with stepfathers and this doesn't sound right to me but I'm not there. Try to get your mother to pay attention to him and how he is with the two of you.
IT'S JUST LIFE
2009-06-20 20:40:15 UTC
nicely tell him that if he tries anything with you or your sister, you will not keep you r mouth shut. Also tell him that you tell your mom everything, including the conversations you have with him, trust me that will put him in his place. if he tries anything, call the cops, no matter what your mom say, because in the long run, it's you who will be damage for life, believe me that happened to my little sister.
Nizzard
2009-06-20 20:34:11 UTC
yeah hes a total creep!!! thats so perverted i think when he tried to close the door he was going to do something...try to catch something on tape so you can show ur mom like hide a camera in ur room and in the rooms where he acts like towards you the most
stephanie
2009-06-20 20:41:10 UTC
I would stay as far away from him as possible. Tell him that you know what he is doing and that he better stop.. Even if he stops I would find somewhere else to live....
2009-06-20 20:35:53 UTC
he's a creeper, convince your mom to get rid of him fast, that whole room thing was totally not right!!!
2009-06-20 20:34:49 UTC
talk to your mom he sounds likea freek, or your dad if hes around, either way i would watch out for this physco if you have to call a cop
♥K♥
2009-06-20 20:35:09 UTC
Yeah, that's kind of weird....


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