I am a 38 year old single female. I have never lived away from my parents.?

Question

At 25 I rented an apartment in their house and paid them rent. I lived two floors above them. Unfortunately, acquired heavy debt and thought I was moving back into their house for a little while to get back on my feet. That was two years ago. The debt came mostly from vacations, I love to travel but extended myself way beyond my means. I make very little money, about 2600 a month, and have over 70,000 dollar debt. Yes, I have screwed up. But, my question is not even about that. As much as I would like to be in my own place I feel saddened by the thought of leaving my mother especially alone. My dad still works alot and my mother lays on the couch watching tv. We are not particularly close, yet I'm afraid that if I'm gone she'll be completely alone. When I think of leaving I always think that one day they're going to die and I will have missed their lives, meanwhile I feel like I'm missing my own. I also feel a tremondous amount of guilt for the debt I acquired and for the fact that my 68 year old father is still working, not that he pays my debt, but with that money I could have made their lives easier instead of spending it on me. I dont have many single freinds left, and while I have had long term relationships in the past dont have anyone right now and probably never will. My question is am I a freak for feeling this way? Am I abnormal for living at home. How can I afford to live on my own, by the way I absolutely hate the city (New York) I live in and would love to move somewhere else, but it is hard enough to leave as it is. Why am I so attached to someone I'm not even close to and how do I let go???

Answer 1

I dont think you're a freak at all. I think you've just got into a bit of a mess and cant sort out what you really want. I know that this will probably sound like an expense you dont need, but a decent therapist (maybe person centered) would help you sort it what it is you want. It needn't be anything long term, maybe just a few sessions to sort through all the different needs, wants and obligations you are struggling with.



If you really want to let go, and can afford it, think of it as giving yourself a bit of freedom while your dad is still fit and well enough to work. They may need you more in ten years or so, but they dont at the moment. Your mom is responsible for her own life, and the mixed feelings you have about her probably stem from your childhood.



Dont waste time and energy worrying about what you did before, think about the rest of your life, and the best way of living it.

Answer 2

Love yourself.

Stay positive

unless your a negative person then do whatever keeps you happy.

Your doing the best you can.

Handle your problems one at a time

Start small fix the little stuff first and build up to the bigger stuff.

Decide which problems you can handle and which you need help with.

This is unorthodox but maybe you could take a look at your debt and decide witch cards are salvageable. Loan consolidation is not bankruptcy



Your credit is all ready screwed because you pay out more than you could afford in terms of a new loan.

Make your big moves now

Dont let your biological clock ruin your thinking

Ive seen women close to me make that mistake they end up with loosers.

Its comparable to a man thinking with the little head.

keep positive

I would pay the minimum on the cards and pay off smallest cards first.

basically juggle the creditors.

Set small goals for yourself

Call your creditors explain the situation they may be able to deal.

Most important dont feel alone keep positive.

Whats the hurry with moving out if they dont mind.

Answer 3

I don't seem to think this is a legit question as it is posted on the wrong section and you do not state what country you are living in, I assume the US but not sure. First off, what makes you think you are a good catch for either of these guys? If the Virgo has a 2 year old and his wife packed up and left, it that not a warning sign that there might be something wrong with him? Who would leave their baby and run away if things are so great. 43 single from France, sounds like a player to me. If either of these men are for real, why on earth would they want to take care of a 26 year old women who sounds like she is in it for herself. Why if they are so great don't they go for a younger women with a few bucks of her own? Just a reality check. You being Libra, I doubt you could live for long like a dish rag which is probably how you would feel after a bit being a sort of second class person in the relationship. If you don't have anything to offer yourself the player will be bored fast and they father doesn't need a second child to care for. If you haven't met either guy in person yet then it is all fantasy for now anyways. People do tend to lie a bit on internet dating sites, they could very well both be 400lb.s men with greasy hair with nothing to do all day long then to play act on dating sites just to see the responses they get. Sorry but it sounds like you are selling something and looking for the best offer. Ask yourself why these guys can't find a lady closer to where they now live, there as to be something they are not telling you. How did you find them, did you have to post nude pictures on the internet for them to get interested? Sounds to me like this is just not normal in any sense. I have friend who's daughter was well educated, a teacher in Honolulu a few years back. A very pretty,smart women who met a very super rich Arab man who was on holiday on the Islands. She was a bit younger then you now are. She left her job and he set her up as his mistress in the United Arab Emirates. He set her up with charge cards and paid for her 5 star hotel room. She could barely go anywhere, always had to be around for when he found spare time for her. He would never leave his wife and children for her. She left him once then came back and finally left for good. These rich men are rarely serious about having a real relationship with anyone from a lower status. Now she lives happily with 2 children and a real husband who cares for her. She was lucky, wasn't too damaged from her wild adventure.

Answer 4

hey fem in ny, yes, you do have some issues you need to work on. at 38, with that kind of debt, mostly from vacation traveling? i'm thinking college and grad school debt? look, you have to wake up and get your head straight. and i don't mean relationships.

you pity yourself, and yet you are rationalizing your behavior so that your mom is not lonely? you need to wake up. at 38, you don't have much time to figure this out.

no relationship is going to solve your debt problem. seek financial counseling, you may end up having to declare bankruptcy, not the end of the world. at $2600/mo, that ain't cutting it to pay back debts. quit feeling sorry for yourself. be good to your parents, because your dad is still working when he can be retired. but if you need to move away to prove to yourself you can do this, maybe that's what you need to do. make a decision and go with it. don't regret what you should have done... get it together and make a life of it. your parents will die eventually. everyone dies. enjoy your life.

Answer 5

How have you incurred that much debt without having a home to show for it? You need to leave the nest hun... its time to spread those wings and give your poor parents a BREAK! I moved out at 17 got a job...finished school...now I'm 26 in college about to grad with high honors...have a little one... live on my own and support my family... Let your parents enjoy the last years they have ALONE! Don't burden them with your debt or insecurities...don't even tell them you are moving out for them...DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!! Please just leave them to enjoy the last few years NOT having to raise their 40 year old KID

Answer 6

your like Robert from 'everybody loves raymond'

just cheer up, everything will work for the better