Major Husband-Daughter Problems . Advice Appreciated!?

Question

Major Husband-Daughter Problems . Advice Appreciated!?

Answer 1

So you DO believe your daughter - which means you believe that your husband touched her inappropriately. So why on earth are you ok with that? Because asking your daughter to accept that he touched her inappropriately and just move on like nothing happened is basically telling your daughter that you are fine with what happened.



This didn't happen one time, this happened quite a few times. I do not understand how you can share a bed with a man who molested your daughter. Just because she is over 18 does NOT make it not molestation!



Your little dream of you all being a happy family has been ruined - by HIM not by her. Would you rather have had her just not tell you? So you can continue living a lie? She is not going to "just get over it" and neither should you.



Your daughter is convinced that he is a pervert because HE IS ONE. I would advise you and your daughter get into some therapy. Because you have sided with him, she is never going to really trust you again. You can't keep shoving this under a rock, it already happened, you cannot go back and make it un-happen. You have to deal with the problem now. Your daughter was reaching out to you for help (and continues to do so) and you have let her down. What is more important, your daughter or your husband?



And as others have said no surprise that there were no red flags. Men who do things like this are very good at hiding their behaviors. If it was obvious that someone was a pervert then there would be a whole lot less sexual assaults in the world.

Answer 2

There's no way you would be able to "sense" that your husband is a pervert. The big fat red flag is what your daughter is telling you, and how she's been acting. If your daughter says he is doing these things, you need to believe her and respect what she is saying. I'm sure telling you this is very uncomfortable in the first place, and she probably feels pretty betrayed that you don't believe her and really aren't doing anything about it.



I think your daughter is totally right to feel the way she does. You've already had a talk with your husband about it and the behavior hasn't stopped. That tells me it's not accidental and it's not something your daughter and husband can just work out. If it were an accident or your daughter just not being comfortable with affection, the normal response from your husband really should have been to stop touching her altogether if he knew he were making your daughter feel this way. He didn't do that. Whatever he's doing is on purpose and making your daughter very uncomfortable.



A lot of women would leave their husband if they found out he was treating their daughter this way.



**If he's touching your daughter inappropriately, he's hurting her, just not physically. Your husband clearly has some self-control issues, evidence by him touching her this way. He could want to do more, and regardless of whether your daughter is underaged or not, you should be absolutely outraged at the thought of that. To be honest, I think it's pretty weird that you're not more upset.

Answer 3

Okay. You cannot possibly ACCIDENTALLY slip your hand under someone's bra. That is literally impossible. If you believe your daughter, how is it fair for her to see you just let it happen?



You can talk to your husband all you want, but if he is perverted (which apparently he is) and is inappropriately touching her, telling him not to will do absolutely nothing. In fact, it could motivate him to become violent toward her, as it makes the fact that she told you about him clearer.



The fact that you think, if he were a real predator, he would have done "much worse" before is absurd. I'm sorry, ma'am, but that is not a good way to look at it. That's like if I beat someone up and you said, "Well, if she were really dangerous, she would have killed the guy." Do you see what I'm trying to say?



Someone I knew (let's call her Jane) recently came to me and revealed that their step-father had been sexually assaulting/raping her since she was nine years old. When she told her mother, her mother couldn't believe it. The man didn't seem like he was capable of such a thing, but the thing ABOUT these men is they are good at hiding what they do. Jane suffered from depression for a long time after he started doing these things to her, and he always told her mother that he loved her like a daughter. He would cry. These people are twisted enough to inappropriately touch someone they raised as a daughter? They are twisted enough to lie.



Your relationship with your daughter may be completely destroyed if you just give the guy a slap on the wrist and let him sleep in your house, in your bed. The fact that he "doesn't show signs" means nothing but that he is a good actor. Unless you want to lose your daughter for someone who is apparently a sexual predator, I recommend that you take action in protecting your daughter and, potentially, yourself.



Mostly your daughter. And apologize if you told anything to her face about how you "didn't think he meant it". Because that is not the right way to treat a victim of sexual assault.



*Update*

I just read your latest update. I am sorry, but there is no way to return your family to the way it once was. Because what it once was, before you knew, was a lie--your husband had already committed these acts. I am sorry to say that all you can do is respect and support your daughter. You can't expect her to forgive your husband. She shouldn't.

Answer 4

I know this is hard for you. You love your husband and you don't want to think bad about him. I get that, I really do. You also love your daughter and you feel torn between the two of them. You cannot stand in the middle though. In this situation you must make a choice on who's side to be on. If your husband, for any reason, touched your daughter inappropriately then you cannot ignore it. Your daughter should be the most precious thing in your life right alongside any other children you might have. There is no one that should ever come before your children, whether they are 5 or 50. So what should you do? You should make your husband go to therapy and if he doesn't then leave him. No excuses. Ongoing therapy or divorce. Tell your daughter that she is the most important person in your life and that you will make sure this will never happen again. Tell her that if he ever touches her again then you will back her up if she calls the police. You need to take your daughters side 100%.

Answer 5

You handled this situation incorrectly. Regardless of what you believe, you can not turn a blind eye to this. Your daughter lost his sense of security with this man and she s lost it with you the moment you conceded to say nothing more regarding the matter. She s embarrassed. She s uncomfortable and maybe even a little scared. You re her mother. And the moment she see s your disinterest or reluctance to press the matter, she sees a reason to remove attention from herself and clam up. I m more than a little alarmed that you would so easily take your husband s side on the matter in favor of normalcy. You ll have your picture perfect family on the outside, but on the inside, it will fester. She won t trust you and if he s lying, there is the possibility it could get worse. Either way, he s behaved inappropriately and this is inexcusable and repulsive. Anyone can fake tears. There s no telling what the full story is, but don t make a mistake you ll regret. She s your child. She needs you. Do NOT ignore this.



Edit: Wow... Just read your edits. You're defensive and clearly insensitive to her situation. Touching her breasts is not normal 'fatherly affection'. She is STILL you CHILD, no matter how old. Her age does not make her impervious to this. Especially if she still lives with you. It ceases to be molestation and turns into sexual assault. That is the ONLY difference. This is not just HER problem and if you cared about her, you'd send her somewhere else, because clearly, you don't want to deal with it. Spare her your own life decisions.

Answer 6

There's no reasoning with you lady, you are ******* stupid and delusional and every bit as twisted as your husband. Your daughter is almost 20, so it's okay for him to sexually assault her? If this man can't keep his hands to himself around your ******* DAUGHTER who wanted NO sexual contact, then what's to say he won't keep his hands to himself around another woman who actually comes on to him? He basically cheated on you and assaulted your daughter and you are okay with this. Well fine. But don't come to us bitching about how your daughter is giving you the silent treatment. If I were your daughter I'd wish death on you and your perverted rapist husband and never speak to you freaks again. I feel sick to my stomach knowing I even breathe the same air as you. You're a failure as a mother and a human being. It should eat you up inside knowing your daughter got violated by anyone, let alone someone you brought into the household. Don't get me wrong, the assault lies on his shoulders that he was sick enough to do that, but you share some of the responsibility by not reporting this sick **** to the authorities. SO THE **** WHAT HE CRIES WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? SO THE **** WHAT SHE'S NOT A CHILD? That doesn't change anything, those are only lines to help you sleep at night. If anyone touched me inappropriately at any age my mom would lose her ****, as any good mom would. You are clearly not a good mom as you are choosing some sick bastard over your own child. I hope you're an old hag who can't get pregnant or you got your tubes tied because you have no business procreating. I'll say a quick prayer tonight for your daughter that she is able to heal from this. And if you feel bad about yourself after reading this then good, because you absolutely should. Mission accomplished. Now get your **** together and divorce this son of a ***** and find a real man who is good to you and your daughter. And BEG her for forgiveness.



2 days later and I see you closed the question because you didn't get the response you wanted. I agree with the person who said SHAME ON YOU for even trying to come here and justify yourself in the first place. I would be nicer about this whole thing if I actually thought you were in shock, or denial, but you're not. You are clearly on your husband's side, just admit it. He accidentally put his hand under your daughter's bra because that's how he shows affection and he meant no harm? ***** please. I hope for your sake he doesn't accidentally show affection to any of your other relatives! Remember, he meant no harm. WAKE UP. Please define for us what "that type of man" is, an old creep in a trench coat who winks at kindergarten girls in frilly princess dresses? You should know better. There is no "that type of man" because every single one of us knows how society expects us to act so we try to put on a happy face and good image, none of us let our freak flags fly in public, that's why the saying goes "no one knows what goes on behind closed doors." Sex offenders aren't exempt to this rule. They know how to put out a good image just as much as anyone, even more so since they have something to hide. Your daughter has told you something that happened behind closed doors, he cheated on you and sexually assaulted her. And you're unhappy with her for being upset over something that must have been very traumatic for her, and you're pissed at us for telling you that you're failing as a mother and a human being for reacting this way. The reason it "breaks your heart" when she cries is because it triggers your guilty conscience, because you know deep down, or maybe not so deep down, that you care a lot more about your marriage than your daughter. If your idea of an innocent mistake is an incestuous sexual assault then I shudder at what you mean by "my husband is not perfect, not by any means." I'm not married, but I think I know enough to come to the conclusion that no wife has a perfect husband. I have no idea what most women usually mean by he's not perfect, because I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in that house (there's that phrase again), but I guess maybe he leaves the toilet seat up or tracks mud through the house or watches football too loud or snores. I guess I should add the fact that after the children grow up he'll become prone to touching their privates as a way of showing affection on the list of a husband's possible imperfections. You say you were married for 6 years, and I'm assuming you dated some time before you tied the knot, so he's known your daughter since maybe 11-13. I couldn't imagine 6 years from now trying to hook up with a 12-yr-old I'm related to by marriage in my family, but I also couldn't imagine my spouse or anyone else close to me going on a public forum and trying to justify it to a bunch of strangers. I kind of regretted going off like I did earlier (as you can see above), but something tells me no amount of reasoning, advice, or kindness will get through to you. Neither will anger, or anything really. If God Himself left a comment on this forum it wouldn't make a difference to you. The truth: you are on your husband's side, and you know he sexually assaulted your daughter and you don't care. You can't see what happened through her eyes, just through your rose colored glasses. You probably think she should forgive and forget because either way she'll have to get over it, because you just know your husband would never hurt anyone. Well he did hurt someone, your daughter, and she won't get over it and she'll never forget it, so why should she "forgive" in the way that you're using the word, which is run back into the man who violated her in one of the worst way possible's arms and call him Daddy and you can go back to having a happy family? He cries. She cries. Whose tears mean more to you? I have family members who can fake cry, to them it's like turning on a faucet, and it can work like a charm on the right person. Do you really think actors who cry in movies are so moved by their script they are actually in tears? No. It's fake. And your husband is fake and the 6 years of you playing house with him has been a lie. Talk is cheap which is why actions always speak louder than words, and your husband's actions have said it all. He does not love you or your daughter. He's using you to fulfill a need like he used his step-daughter to fill a different kind of "need." But you melt at your husband's tears because they help keep you in your haze so you won't have to face the truth on your pathetic existence, and you tense up at your daughter's tears because they tell the truth about everything. So continue living a lie if you want to. Just don't expect anyone to pat you on the back.

Answer 7

you have an obligation to your daughter. You picked your husband, she didn't. You need to do what ever is necessary to make her feel safe in her own home. It is not uncommon for men to have an attraction to a stepdaughter especially as she enters womanhood. However it is absolutely wrong for him to touch her inappropriately or attempt to have any kind of relationship other than father daughter. It sounds like your daughter is telling you the truth and it is up to you to take action. Asking her what she wants is not very smart and it doesn't show her that you care. You need to be the leader and take action. I can't tell you what to do but you should start by talking to your daughter and letting her know you love her. Then you need to have a long talk with your husband with the end result that he moves out. If she was mad at him and wanted to cause problems I would think she would accuse him of worse things than groping. The point is that she is looking for her mom to be her protector not her advisor

Answer 8

My answer isn't gonna be as long as the others. But I writing what I feel.



• I'm a teenager. So I'm writing it in our point of view.

• You have said that you believe your daughter. That's the most important thing. I really appreciate it. But if your husband is doing it for a few weeks, don't you think that it is inappropriate??

• Your daughter has told you, because she trusts you. And she thinks that you can help her.

• You have mentioned that your husband has never gone 'below the belt' & has never done this when she was minor. So what?? It surely does not mean that you should forgive him.

• I think you should talk about this to him. And you should take serious actions against this. Because, if you ignore this now, your daughter will have to face many problems. If you don't do anything now, he will gain courage and will go even further. & you'll have nothing in your hands.

Answer 9

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need a wake up call. Your daughter is 20 years old and shes CRYING when you ask about it? And the fact that she wants to move out and never talk to him again? I have a feeling he may have done more but your daughter is embarrassed/stressed out that if she tells the truth to you, it may really upset you and cause more problems. Like she said, she doesnt want to cause problems. But crying? that just gives me a hint that he may have done more.



it's highly inappropriate and he needs to know hands off. Especially when it's his own step daughter!



something kinda similar happened to me when I was younger by my friend's brother, and everyone thinks the world of him and don't think he would be capable of doing that kind of stuff. People are good at hiding stuff, they can make you not even suspect a thing if their smart.



Please keep a close eye on him and reassure your daughter that she can tell you anything, that you won't get mad, and that you will be by her side in everything.

Answer 10

I would help you hide the body, but I will NOT be feeling sorry for you--your daughter, maybe. But you're clearly an idiot. If you DO believe her--someone who's not an idiot would have gotten rid of, if not had arrested the disgusting asshole that you call a husband.



At the absolute least, he's feeling up an adult that isn't his wife--your problem, and probably not limited to this one person. At worst, YOUR DAUGHTER didn't tell you everything and it's been going on, and worse, for longer than is legal. Either your husband is a piece of **** or your daughter is a dirty liar. Either way, you need to find out which and act accordingly.



If there is any truth to what your daughter says, she will resent the hell out of you for staying with him--rightfully so. If she moves out and stops talking to him, what do you think she's going to do with the one person who is supposed to love her the most--and chose a douchebag pervert over her?



It will ruin her.

Answer 11

I am truly sorry for all of you because you are in between a rock and a hard place. If you believe your daughter then you must also believe that she has been molested and is deeply hurt. She looks to you for justice and help and you don;t know what to do. Your husband has broken something very special here, and you are burying your head in the sand and hoping for a miracle. I am real sorry to say that this miracle will not come.

If you do nothing then the situation will errupt. Your daughter is crying out to you. So first thing to do is tell your husband. Then watch how he handles this. He has to know what he is being accused of. Your daughter may be better living somewhere else, because she is never going to trust him, and she will eventually hate you for letting this happen. You are never ever going to play happy families, not now. So if you decide to keep your husband then you have to help your daughter by putting her out of harms way. Support her away from your husband. You are left with no choice other than to separate your daughter from your husband. So sorry but I think you already know this.

Answer 12

I think that you may have to realize that things may never be the same. You keep relationships with both but keep them separate. I know and understand that you want things ok, but the only way that can happen is if the two of them agree to do this. If you are religious (or even if you aren't), try praying that this be resolved between them and realizing that it is not about you. You did not make this problem and you can't fix it. If either one tries to manipulate you and pull you in, just say kindly that this is something that the two of them need to resolve. My answer would be different if your daughter was not an adult. She is. The relationship between her and your husband and their feelings about each other are not in your domain. I wish they were, but they aren't. By the way, your daughter was wrong to tell you this. She should have handled the issue directly with your husband. It does sound like he did something inappropriate, but it may be her perception but whatever he did, it is not about you.

You can't fix what you didn't break. This is hard and unfair to you, but let it go. If you need counseling to do this, get it from a trained professional. You do not have to give specific details to that counselor since some, unfortunately, my be misguided and want you to get involved in the fix. That is a dead in. You can certainly tell both husband and daughter that you are aware that there seems to be some issues between them and that worries you and you are hoping and praying that they will resolve this. If either tries to explain or give details, refuse to listen and tell them that you love them both and all you can do is to hope and pray that they can resolve this. Again, I am so sorry you went through this. Detach. That is not just for your sake but theirs. If you get involved, the situation will not improve. I will say a prayer that this turns out well or at least better. At any rate, you have to realize that it does not involve you and any attempts to pull you in will be counter productive. I wish you peace and joy. It will take a while to get there, but just realize that you are not in control in this issue.

Answer 13

Of course she doesn't want to break up your relationship. She loves you and wants you to be happy, but being I was once the girl who couldn't feel comfortable in my own house because my mom liked to overlook that her husband at the time was a prevert and not just someone who "made a mistake" because until you're in your daughters shoes, you'll never understand the kind of trust that gets broken in these kinds of situations.. and then having to live with the creep and see him everyday, that's enough to send you over the edge. You sound like you're hardcore in denial about how serious this is, and just because she's not a small child, it's not a big deal. Saying you believe your daughter but think your husband couldn't possibly of done something like that means you don't believe your daughter.. because it can't be both. I wouldn't be surprised if when your daughter moves out, he's not the only one she's no longer seeing. It's been more than 20 years since I was molested by my stepdad, and I'm STILL mad at my mother for not doing enough to protect me from it happening again, and telling me that it was just a accident, that he didn't mean to. It makes me sick to my stomach when I see these stories. It shows me exactly who you care more about.. Not that you're reading any of this, because you already checked out because people were speaking the truth, and you don't want to hear the truth. Hope your daughter can get out of the situation soon. Poor girl.

Answer 14

Your daughter is beginning to value someone else's happiness (yours) rather than her own. ALREADY that is a bad sign in social development. She feels she has no one because no one does anything real.

You can love your husband but you need to tell him that he has NO business being anywhere near your daughter anymore.

If you ever see him within four feet of your daughter again, make it a problem. Kick him out.

Try to find a way to film the things that go on in the house.

Never leave your daughter home with him, ask her to go somewhere else or tell your husband if you're not home and she is, do something else. But leave.

Ask your daughter the moment something happens, YELL. Unless she's alone with him (which should never happen) give her pepper spray.

Answer 15

You cannot say that you believe a man you've been with for six years over your blood daughter. She is obviously scared and traumatised by your 'husband's' actions and is hoping you'll be there in this time of need. Never EVER take his side. Men are deceitful and can turn at any minute. Daughters are forever. Please don't let him anywhere near your daughter!

I am totally disgusted that people take his side over hers. If she were making the story up she would be more exaggerating of his actions and she wouldn't rest until something were done.

By hiding the fact and not expressing it to you, it shows that she is genuinely scared and scarred. She is embarrassed to talk about the situation and expects you to not believe her, which is why she is so upset, she cannot comprehend to you her fear. Yes, she is old enough to know what's going on, but she's not old enough for her mother to back-stab her.

Answer 16

Your daughter loves you and she doesn't want to lose you. She wants a father-daughter relationship with her stepfather, and that is over now.



Now for the hard part....



You don't know what happened, how much, how many times, and if it is still going on. You may NEVER know.



Because she loves you, she doesn't want to lose what relationship she has left with you, Because of the way she is reacting, I strongly suspect she is not telling you everything. She is trying to provoke action without the family falling apart, so she is probably understating what happened by miles. She may even be blaming herself for what happened, and what happened could be a whole lot more than you think. She probably will not tell you the details no matter how much you reassure her, or even how many YEARS this has been going on. She probably is deeply humiliated, and embarrassed. You may never know how much pain she is really in.



I have had a number of friends who have been victims of violent sexual assault, and many of them blame themselves, no matter how unwanted the attack was. Imagine it if comes from someone you trust, and not with violence but persistence.



You are in absolutely no position whatsoever to know or judge how bad this is. You need to get her some help right now from a professional, independent third party who can determine how bad this is, and who is not involved. If you don't you risk losing your daughter, and I am NOT talking about her moving out. I have seen this happen.



If you love your daughter please act quickly.

Answer 17

Okay I'm about lay out some truth.

1. Leave your husband. He's complete and total scum. NO GROWN MAN MAKES THESE KINDS OF MISTAKES. EVER.

2. Side with your child. At this point, this is your only option. you can not possibly have a healthy relationship with your husband any longer without problems, fights, etc... you can NOT have a healthy relationship with your daughter if he is still in the picture. She's still really young and although she is technically an adult that doesn't invalidate her situation or her feelings.

3. Cut him off completely. end of story.

Answer 18

Leave him. Trust me. I have been there.I believed the "innocent, misunderstood" guy. He molested a 13 year old. For months I believed that he had simply been affectionate to a troubled youngster. Turns out that he had sex with her on numerous occasions. It ended with jail and two of his daughter's (my stepdaughter and my own daughter) both accusing him of molestation. These people are clever. They know how to cover their tracks. And the fact that your daughter is an adult does not nullify his actions. He brought that girl up. And you can bet your life that he DOES know exactly why she is so upset with him. I'm not going to say he's done more. But what he has done and your underreaction to it has upset your daughter on a deep level. Get some rage for what this man did to your baby! If it was a creep in a bar you'd want to break his fingers and would report him to the police. Because it's your husband it doesn't make it any less of an assault. It just makes it harder on you.

Answer 19

Look the fact is, this kind of problem is inherent in your divorce from your daughter's father, and it's one of the reasons why divorce was so taboo for so long.



It's normal human behaviour for a man to be sexually attracted to a young woman that he is in daily proximity with.



"I want all of us to be a family..."



Well you can't be. Okay. Forget that thought. Cancel. Delete. If anything is inappropriate in this whole scene, it's that thought. He CANNOT be in the relation of father to her, and it's that thought that is perverted.



"my daughter is convinced that my husband is a pervert."



It's not perverted for him to want to have sex with her. It's the most normal and natural thing in the world. She's offended, okay fine, got that, and that's normal and natural too.



"I don't know what else to do. Help?!"



It's time for your daughter to leave home. She can't be under your protection any more. You made a vow to your husband, not to your daughter.



"My husband has no idea she feels this way towards him :("



It doesn't matter what idea he has about her feelings. What matters is her feelings. She doesn't want him to be attracted to her = she is being inappropriate. He's not going to stop being a human being just because she would like to live at your place and take advantage of him financially. She's not a child any more and she needs to grow up and have responsibility for her sexuality.



The point is, it's not a husband/daughter problem. It's a mother-got-a-divorce-and-now-has-a-non-related-adult-male-in-daily-contact-with-her-young-adult-daughter problem.



You can't fix it. She needs to leave.

Answer 20

He does not have to go farther as he has done enough to put other men in prison or get fired from jobs. Touching a woman's breast without her consent is sexual assault so it doesn't matter if he did anything below the belt. He has sexually assaulted your daughter. So if you want to live with that, that is your business but you should find a way to get your daughter out of the house if she cannot afford to do so herself and if she cannot then you and your husband should pay for if. And once she is living elsewhere you can go see her by yourself if she wants to see you and he can stay completely away from her. You owe her not much for not reporting him to the police and the other way would be to kick him out of the house.I know a case where a man is in prison for 15 years dong the same your husband did but it was to a teenage minor so it is no small matter.

Answer 21

I think it's ridiculous that you're staying with this guy when he has clearly violated your daughter, and you also by touching her. You can't be a normal family and them have a father-daughter relationship when he is clearly sexually interested in her and probably wishes that she would respond to his "affection." She is in the total right to want to leave and never speak to him again, because I would too. If he is doing this to your daughter, I doubt he would be against doing it with other young women that will ALLOW it plus more.



Even though you've been married to him for 6 years, you still don't know him as well as you think you do. Some people are really good at covering up taboo behavior and fetishes. There's people out there that you would've thought were completely normal and then they turn out to be complete psychopaths.



I believe in second chances too, but keep in mind giving him a "second chance" could potentially ruin your relationship with your daughter because you have betrayed her trust in protecting her.

Answer 22

Stop making excuses for your husband. Whether she is 19 or 9 -she is your daughter and you are meant to protect her. He should have been reported to the authorities immediately. Do you really want to be in a marriage with someone who has done that to your own child? It will never be the same and I doubt you will have much of a r/ship with your daughter or her future family. You took his side...and your daughter didn't want to create problems- but you know in your right mind that what he did was wrong.....great choice of a husband-lucky you-cos u have to live with him knowing full well what he has done to your child (she will always be your child even if she is an adult). Second chances? The only way he'll change is if you cut his hands off!

Answer 23

Your daughter has no say so in what happens to your marriage, you do. And if you were a good mother, you'd take matters into your own hands and divorce that bastard. Your daughter's age doesn't matter. She's still your daughter and as a mother, it is your ******* DUTY & OBLIGATION to always protect and care for her. You sound so desperate due to all of the ridiculous excuses you make for him. You don't deserve to have children. If you were my mom, I'd hold a grudge on you for the rest of my life. I hope the day your daughter leaves the house, she not only cuts communication with your husband but with you as well. You're a pathetic excuse of a mom. Burn in hell, along your husband's side.

Answer 24

If your daughter was touched inaproprally but she is old enough to now whats going on, next time he touches her she needs to tell him to stop and leave her alone.

I know it's hard to believe that someone you love would do that, but it is very possible.

how long has this been going on? Why would he all the sudden start doing this when she's older? Not saying your daughter is lieing but look up the signs to know when someone is lying, like I think if they look to the left when there talking there lying or maybe it was to the right.. just look it up. Also threaten to you daughter that you will bring it up to the police DO NOT DO IT! see how she reacts if she tells you not to do it, then shes probably lying about all of it,and just doesn't like your husband and wants to get rid of him. I do not know your daughter nor your husband, so I can't tell if there lying because I am not face to face with them.

I hope this helps.

Sorry if I offended your daughter or your Husband. Was not trying to.

-Haley

Answer 25

The conflict between your husband and your daughter cannot be resolved by you. What ever the reason for it, is not a concern. The daughter obviously wants to hurt your husband, but she stops far short of making a verifiable accusation of sexual inappropriate activity. Why? That is what you need to focus on. She is 19; well past the statutory limits, so kick her out of the house. What is the problem? Kick the husband out of the house? One of them HAS to leave. You must make the harsh decision. It will not be pleasant for you, but one must leave. PERIOD. It is up to you to decide, but once the decision is made; OWN UP TO IT. The fallout will not be fun or comfortable for you. DEAL WITH IT.



Your daughter is forcing a showdown. If you choose her, you will have to deal with the economic fallout and the consequences of the life living alone without a husband. Plus you will have to continue living with her; a grown woman who now defines what will happen in your house.



If you choose your husband; you will be forever estranged from your daughter.



Tough choices these, but I didn't force them upon you. Your daughter did. Whether there's is sexual stuff going on is NOT the issue. Forget about that. Realize there is a conflict in YOUR HOUSE. It is between a grown woman (who is your daughter) and your husband. You must decide what to do.

Answer 26

which means you believe that your husband touched her inappropriately. So why on earth are you ok with that? Because asking your daughter to accept that he touched her inappropriately and just move on like nothing happened is basically telling your daughter that you are fine with what happened.



This didn't happen one time, this happened quite a few times. I do not understand how you can share a bed with a man who molested your daughter. Just because she is over 18 does NOT make it not molestation!



Your little dream of you all being a happy family has been ruined - by HIM not by her. Would you rather have had her just not tell you? So you can continue living a lie? She is not going to "just get over it" and neither should you

Answer 27

If you believe your daughter, its contradictory to say you don't believe that your husband is that type of man. That just doesn't make any sense. You should be very upset with him. He could be cheating on you and the fact that he hurt your DAUGHTER in that way makes it WORSE! You need to seriously get a grip. Lots of sick people seem to be nice or "not that type" until the police digs up bones in their makeshift graveyard behind their suburban home complete with white picket fence. People like you don't deserve to have children, how can you put a man over your daughter? Ultimately your actions are showing your daughter that you would choose a man over her, that you're so desperate to have a happy family it doesn't matter that it is with a pervert at the expense of your daughter. You need to see a therapist, and file for divorce!

Answer 28

Sexual Assault can really take a hit on someone mentally, physically and emotionally. Families have been torn apart by accidents and in some cases it simply is impossible for a victim to forgive the attacker. Personally, I would believe the daughter over the husband. I'm sorry but I'm not sure that your family will be united again.

Answer 29

Touching someone you think of as your own child simply isn't a little mistake that you can ignore. I can understand that you don't want to choose between your love of your husband and your love of your child but perhaps you didn't treat the situation with the severity you should've. Now, Im' not saying you were condoning pedophilia but she is your daughter and if you truly did believe her then you would have at least questioned him on the matter and either cut all ties to him or get therapy.

Answer 30

You know whats sad about this is your daughter is telling you theres a problem and you wont believe her. Your job is to protect your daughter. Okay shes 19 and your point? Age has nothing to do with anything and of course you wouldnt know hes touching her. Isnt the whole point is to hide it??? Im a 24 year old woman that has been molested by both by biological father and my step father and the moment I told my mom she acted quick. Thats the true definition of a mother. I know you have needs and you want a man in your life that can sex you down, provide, tell you youre beautiful etc...but if hes messing with your child then you need to speak up. And this is another reason why a woman should not let me in and out of their house because more than likely these men are going to mess with their daughters. I mean shes 19, shes young and fresh. Thats fresh pussy to him. You need to listen to your daughter and start being a mother. And as stated before, of course you're not going to see th signs because, well I mean he is trying to hide it right? And if you continue not listening to your daughter eventually he might just rape your daughter or take it even further. Yes shes 19 but shes still a young girl and what he does to her will affect her in the future. Since being molested by two men Im still affected today. my self esteem is low, I cant enjoy life, I dont trust men etc...You need to be a mother to your child because regardless of age shes always going to be the person you gave birth to. Let me get off this page because you asking this question on yahoo instead of protected your daughter just pissed me the **** off

Answer 31

I know it's hard choosing between people but I mean he put his hand on her breast under her bra that's not an accident. And excusing his actions by saying he doesn't mean anything by it is total crap. Of course you don't want to leave him because you love him and care for him but seriously your daughter comes first she is your flesh and blood and if she says she isn't comfortable because he inappropriately touched her then you know that he needs to go. She is a grown woman why would she lie about it? What would she gain from lying about him when she will move out any way. You are her mother look at her an understand how she feels at this point you are suppose to be there for her always she doesn't have anyone but you.

Answer 32

Wow, I just hope you don't have any other daughters, We all make mistakes? I guess molesting a daughter is no big deal. If you really loved your daughter you'd wouldn't be thinking of yourself. How many stories have you heard where the daughter said she was being touched inappropriately, and the mother didn't believe that he would do it. How many? You'r a horrible person to keep him in her life. or even want to be with someone who did that to your daughter. You don't want hate responses because you don't want to take responsibility for having him in her life while shes getting molested. one step from raping your baby !xx! You can go to hell with him. I just hope you know what problems psychologically this will have on her for the rest of her life. this **** just don't go away. Depression, drugs, and suicidal attempts can follow. You'r a fool to think otherwise.

Answer 33

What the hell is wrong with you? If my mom found out my step dad was doing that she would believe me (not saying you don't believe her) and take damn charge! I could tell just by reading this your daughter is suffering for the sake of her FAMILY!!!!!! The reason why I am so sensitive about this is because my mom was inappropriately touched for years at the age of 15 by her cousin well one night when she was about 17 her cousin drugged and raped her and even after that my mom told nobody for the sake of her FAMILY! You need to step up as a mother and confront your husband I would believe my CHILD over my husband any day especially if its about being sexually touched! And I don't give a damn how long we would be together for or if he cries and says he loves her or not! I know it has to be hard for you going through this and hearing that your husband is doing this but if you believe and love your daughter take charge as the mother, SHE NEEDS YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

Answer 34

As I was reading your post, I was trying to imagine how this scenario could "accidentally" happen. Usually when someone gives another person a hug the hands are on the backside of said person, and they definitely don't go under articles of clothing. So, for me, this is clue number one that something is not right here. Then there is the biggest, so obvious, in your face flag: she is TELLING you that he is being innappropriate. Actually that isnt a "red flag" so much as it is an obvious statement. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and just say that maybe right now you are in shock. Otherwise, how could you? Let us do some role reversal here and say that you are the daughter and this is your mom's husband. How do you feel now? Do you think its all dandy that a man who is supposed to love and protect you VIOLATED you? --- And then, you get up the courage, get over the embarrassment enough, to do what everyone tells you that you should do: Tell somebody, and that person says "What do you want me to do?" Seriously? How about some rage on your daughter's behalf? How about some common understanding, sympathy, and getting a grip? What is going to happen when your daughter has a child? I wouldn't let MY child go over there knowing what I know. Whether you want to bury your head in the sand or stand up for your daughter (and yourself), face it. This "family" image that you had in your head is gone... now all that is left is deciding who you want in your life, a pervert or your own flesh and blood.

Answer 35

Honestly, I believe that your children should always come first. If your 20 year old daughter says that he is making passes at her and touching her inappropriately, he probably is. I know that you would never want to think about the love of your life doing that to your daughter but sometimes people are really good at hiding who they truly are. First, i think you should get your child away from this man and yourself as well. Especially considering your daughter isn t just saying these things but you can see that she is hurting inside and is uncomfortable with just the thought of him. The right thing to do would be to separate from your husband for a while and take your daughter with you. Then you should set up counseling for her as well because it is going to be hard for her to get through this situation. If you really want to know more from your daughters side ( and i know this would be invading her privacy) but if you pay for her phone bill, pull her text messages around the time she told you about your husband. More than likely she told a close friend about the situation.

I hope this helps.

Answer 36

I hear what you are saying, that you believe your daughter. but you don't believe that your husband would or did what your daughter says he has done. any you want things to go back to the way they were. and because your husband cried and said that he was sorry, that in itself proves that he violated her. things are not going to be the same, they are not going to go back to the way they were. so you can stop hoping for that. most of the times when something happens like this you don't see a red flag, because they know how to get away with it. this girl is 19 and she is old enough to know what is going on, I can't see why you don't whole heartedly believe what your husband has done. why he didn't do anything to her while she was younger who knows why he didn't , but he has done it now. you are just in a little denial about your husband. now when your daughter leaves your house, don't expect to see her as long as you have your husband there. because she is going to make every excuse in the book not to come home. this problem is not solved. and it is like you are choosing him over her. and for her to be in your home and to stay locked up in her room in order not to be around him, how can you say that the problem is solved. you are blind and not see. I'm sorry.

Answer 37

I think you're creating an issue that doesn't exist. Yes, the marriage must come first, but he has accepted your sister and neice in your home for a few days without complaint. Helping out a family member in need doesn't mean you're putting the marriage on the back-burner. It means you are doing the right thing for your family. The situation will only impact your household if you allow it. Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill. They'll be gone in a few days. A few days stay is considered "house-guest". You and your hubby would have to be pretty dysfunctional if having a houseguest can ruin your marriage.

Answer 38

Sorry if this comes out rude I will try my best to not come across that way. I understand the mixed feelings you have, but you created your daughter and it is your responsibility to take care of her even if she is not technically a minor. Think of it like this: Pretend you just died right now without any warnings. What feelings would your daughter have towards you for not doing much? Would you be okay with those feelings? Lastly, maybe try going to a counselor as a family, so you all can have closure.

Answer 39

I don't know why you would stay with a man who felt up your daughter? I know you love him but if you truly believe your daughter why would you give him a second chance? Sounds like the 3 of you need to sit down and have an uncomfortable discussion. Maybe she is lying, maybe he is lying. It would be hard to leave him but I think you would owe it to your daughter. She probably feels like you chose your husband over her...because you did. Maybe your husband is attracted to her, I mean its not her real father..I guess that could happen...

Just seems all around like an unhealthy circumstance for everyone involved...something needs to be done to fix this problem.

Answer 40

When I was younger my parents best friend did more to me then your husband did to your daughter and no one knew, no thought anything at all. So just because you don't see any red flags could just mean you are blind to them. I was too scared to tell anyone about what he was doing to me I didn't think anyone would believe me if I told them. All these things happened for years and years until I was 15 and one day he was taking me out to learn how to drive. Well it wasn't a driving lesson he was kidnapping me and had the back of his truck fill of stuff cause he was going to take me and live in the woods where no one could fine me. I someone I don't know how ended up talking him into taking me back to my parents when after I told them what happened to me they still couldn't believe that he would do a thing like that.

I know you may love your husband but I have the same thing in my family. I am remarried and I had two kids with my ex one is a daughter. if my daughter even told me anything like that happened. One he would be turned in to the cops and I would leave him end of story. So please do something no one just puts their hand under her bra on "accident". That is BS!! You should always pick your daughter and believe her. But I guess it is up to you who you believe me and take the chance of losing your daughter.

Answer 41

Maybe your daughter hates that you married him and is doing all she can to cause troubles between you and your husband.

Why is she still upset after you talked with him, is she mad now that she needs to find a new way to create a major issue between you and your husband?

She is almost 20, perhaps is time for you to get her straight and let her know your husband is part of your future as much as she is and that possibly the best solution would be for her to get a job and her own place.

Answer 42

She's coming from a non-touchy family culture and your husband might be from an affectionate family, hence misunderstandings occur. Since the issue is solved, just let it be--and accept that occasionally teens will give you the silent treatment for whatever reason they want. She'll mature out of it. But you should be concerned about her ever becoming comfortable about getting touched--maybe hug her a lot to make her feel comfortable with it--or she'll be a lonely cat lady someday.

Answer 43

I don't think you "believe" your daughter at all. Because if you did, you would make sure she didn't have to be anywhere near that creep. I am 19 too, and if my mother behaved the way you are after I confided something in her, I wouldn't trust her anymore. Unless your daughter has a history of making up stories/is a pathological liar, there is zero excuse for you to brush off the huge red flag that is in your face right now. What kind of a mother does that?

Answer 44

honestly I just stopped at the part where I read that your daughter gave you the silent treatment then cried right in front of you. Obviously if she's telling you these things, I wouldn't assume she's lying unless she hates her step dad. If I were you, I'd pay more attention to your daughter because if she's going to have to go through this too long and it becomes a long term thing, it will scar her in a way and your relationship with her wouldn't be good.

Answer 45

So if you do believe your daughter then you should have your husband arrested! My mom ignored the inappropriate relationship between me and my stepfather...only because she did not believe we would have anywhere to go! Personally I would castrate the SOB! A huge red flag is to watch how he looks at your daughter, and whether or not he looks her in the eyes when just having a conversation with her. Does he get too close physically? That's another sign! If she gives you the silent treatment, you have already told her you do not believe her (maybe not in words, but actions)! Shame on you!

Answer 46

You don't think your husband is that kind of guy?So you think your daughter is a psychotic liar? Do you think a guy who is married who would cop some cheap feels would say to his wife"hey do you mind if I stick my hand down your daughter's panties"?You need to take her to a counselor just you and her.I doubt she is lying from the way she is acting.You are between a rock and a hard place right now but you must do what is right or else your relationship with her will be destroyed forever.If she is telling the truth he needs to be out of the house and in jail.As painful as that is.A step dad needs to be able to keep his hands to himself.

Answer 47

It may be a good option for daughter to be referred to counseling and therapy. This could be a pre-causcious prevention for her not to have distorted views and perspectives and not to be affected with her personal relationships in the future with opposite sex regarding to physical boundaries. It is not acceptable to be touched with private parts of her body regardless of any type of greeting such as hugging or handshaking.



Some could bring up the argument of different cultures, I personally (more uptight & conservative) have been very couscous regarding greetings among various cultures, some have come across greetings which include kissing on both cheeks and hugs and regardless of any greeting, these physical greetings or physical touch should be limited to few seconds even couple seconds to even elude of any further physical encounter.



The only possible explanation from his end could be a way of examination-seeking and test. He may have feelings that he had not expressed verbally whether in the past 6 years towards you and/or your daughter. He has to give you clear reasons to justify his action because it could have been a slip of a mind and the slip of the mind ripples a series of unexpected effects and consequences which non of you would have imagined or expected.



Re-examing your relationship with your husband, how are you guys getting along after the incident, are you really able to forget about the incident and move on your life together forgetting about everything had happened in the past? Whether you and him in the past six years had been in a good healthy relationships that is not impacted from most of life events and among other disturbances in life, do you still see each other eye-to-eye on daily basis and what could have improve your relationships together. Have you seen this relationships at the same status-quo or had it been declined...what are your wishes and aspirations of future in a long run



The fact that your daughter gave you silent protest here and there had demonstrated her uncomfortable feelings and emotions toward her encounter with your husband had showed a great deal that it was not out of her willingness.



Especially, physical boundaries should be very clear and appropriate among each other, communication is also very important. Be very clear and specific that it is not acceptable for him to touch her inappropriately and if it had happened more than once then perhaps should consider further options to address the issue directly. For you to investigate more with the incident which happened during the time if any of other was around to witness, what kind of personality both of them have, what kind of encounter or condition were both of them situated during the incident, where was the incident taken place...etc

Answer 48

There's no way you would be able to "sense" that your husband is a pervert. The big fat red flag is what your daughter is telling you, and how she's been acting. If your daughter says he is doing these things, you need to believe her and respect what she is saying. I'm sure telling you this is very uncomfortable in the first place, and she probably feels pretty betrayed that you don't believe her and really aren't doing anything about it.

Answer 49

First of all, lady, a pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to CHILDREN, pre puberty. Your husband is not a pedophile, just a creep. Obviously your daughter has not been given proper boundaries and with your inability to grasp how disturbing situation is to her, it's no wonder she has poor boundaries. You believe her, yet you don't believe your husband is harming her. Putting his hand on her breast is not affection - that is sexual!!! Completely inappropriate. He is manipulating you and you are completely happy to oblige. They call women like you incestuous mothers because you are willing to let your child be sexually used by your husband in order to keep him in your life. A normal woman would have kicked his **** out as soon as her daughter told her what happened. This poor girl, no matter what her age, asked you for help and you chose a man over your own child. Shame on you. Here you are on Yahoo, trying to justify what you are doing. Again, shame, shame, shame.

Answer 50

Who was in your life first? Who have you had the longest relationship with?And lastly are your wants and needs more important than that of your daughters?

Not only have you been allowing your husband to violate your daughter, you have all but given him the go ahead to the next level signal. If this is all true and not just some random story, you all need help.

BUT FIRST you need to get this man away from your daughter.

Answer 51

i dont understand why you havent kicked out your husband already and file a molestation case against him. That is a sick and disgusting behaviour and the fact that you are allowing it to continue makes you equally sick. If your daughter cannot confide in you and trust you then who can she trust? You're her mother , the one person on earth who's supposed to protect her for as long as she lives. Stop being the naive wife and go save your daughter from this pervert.And if you DO believe your daughter, you also believe that inappropriate touching is your husband's way of showing he's not hurting her.....like seriouisly??? How do you live with yourself?? so you're gonna allow him to keep touching her because he does not believe he's hurting her.

Answer 52

Of course you wouldn't notice if something was wrong between your daughter and husband, you love them both and wouldn't want to pick sides or even image he'd do something like that but your daughter is telling you that your husband is touching her inappropriately.. She didn't want problems to be caused, I don't think she'd be lying and I know you believe her.Your daughter is giving you the silent treatment and cries whenever you ask her whats wrong, there is definitely something wrong. Even if your daughter isn't used to 'affection from men' your husband touching your daughters boobs isn't normal, especially if he sees/loves her as a daughter.

Answer 53

Your daughter is trying to tell you something and you're not listening. Whether it was a look or a touch, you have chose your man over your own daughter. I think you both need some counseling, after you leave your husband.

Answer 54

You need to buy a surveillance camera and install it in your house. I honestly don't know whom to believe either. If your current husband is sexually abusing your daughter for real, then you need to turn him in to the police. If your daughter is lying, then she needs to be punished big time. She is an adult and if she is telling a lie, then she is the one that needs to be put out of the house. I would not be surprised if she is lying all this time about him. Jails are full of innocent men that have been falsely accused by women. Sit down and have a talk with both of them. Once again, if it is true that your husband is sexually abusing your daughter, he needs to go to jail.

Answer 55

I have read your question and the comments, and it was surprising that many people was recommending you to divorce. I believe that a happy family is something which is highly valuable and it is absurd to ruin it just of a POSSIBLY mistake.

There are two different interpretations in your story.

1. Although your husband touched your daughter, it was unintentional, and he didn't mean a sexual contact.

2. he intentionally touched some sexual part of your daughter's body, however, his movement was not serious.



I do believe that in both cases, it is too soon to file for divorce and ruin the family



The best way to handle this situation is to talk with you husband and your daughter.

Talk to your husband frankly and firmly, but SINCERELY. Tell him you understand the you love OUR daughter, and you understand that you take care of her. But at this moment, OUR daughter feels a bit insecure, and it is our duty to a sense of security for her. Tell him OUR daughter feels unhappy when you hug her, and you understand that he doesn't mean anything wrong, but at this moment is our duty to provide a sense of security for her. Finally, KINDLY tell him to reduce the physical contacts with OUR daughter.

Talk to you daughter as well. Tell her that you have spoken with you husband and he emphasized that he didn't mean anything wrong, and promised that it never happens again.





I believe that the divorce should be the LAST option.

Answer 56

When you explained the problem your daughter is having with him he understood and apologized .Acording to your daughter still the situation has not improved. It may be that she is trying to find out an excuse to leave home because she may be having her own programe . Since she is an adult just let her do what ever she wants to do . If what your daughter says is true your dream of having a happy family will be shattered .Hence let her go with all your blessings.

Answer 57

I think your daughter is telling the truth. It sounds like your husband might possibly be doing things to her. I think you should try keep an eye out and think of any suspicious things going on. I understand you love both of them and don t want to lose one ect but I can tell by reading your question you know in your heart what is going on. You don t have to ditch one but maybe have a long family discussion to see if you can try get whoever is lying to come clean. If it turns out your daughter is being touched by your husband then you would have to separate them. It might not be what YOU want, but your daughter should always come first.

Answer 58

You cant always tell if a person would do something like this to someone else, my moms ex-husband said he loved me like I was his child and my mom never thought in a million years that he would try anything with me but he did I shut him down and confronted him in front of my mom and he denied it. Your daughter is upset and gives you the silent treatment because she did what she was supposed to and went to you and even though you said you believed here you basically said that your husbands not that kind of person so if you look at it you say you believe her but you don't. I know that if any of my kids ever came and told me this he would be gone my kids wouldn't have to worry about moving out and still having to see him when she comes to see you. She feels that you failed her because she feels that by trying to keep your family together you are choosing to keep him even after what he did to her. I understand about second chances but when it comes to things like this there are no second chances because the next time they are alone he could do more than feel her up he could rape her and I know you say he's not that kind of person but if he is brave enough to feel her up and not just once it wasn't an accident it was intended then he IS capable of raping your daughter, and I can tell you from personal experience that being raped is not something she will ever get over! She will learn to live with it but she will always be haunted by it, and you will be haunted by it to because you could have prevented it when you came to you now. You will hate yourself if something more happens to your daughter, I truly hope it doesn't I would never wish that upon my worst enemy I just want you to be aware of what could happen because right now he feels as if he got away with it. I'm not trying to scare you I just want you to understand the situation completely.

Answer 59

Now is not the time to take anyone's side. However, now is the time to find out what is going on. No one here knows the dynamics of your family even though they think they are experts. Children, girls and women lie just like everyone else. I find it hard to believe that in just a couple weeks your husband could go from hugging, to putting his hands on your daughter's breasts, to putting his hands in her shirt, to putting his hands under her bra. How ofter do they hug? That would be a lot of hugging for just a couple weeks. If this were happening, why would the daughter continue to let herself be hugged, or be around him in a situation that would lead to hugging. It is just as likely that she has fantasies about your husband and wants to drive a wedge between you and him, so she could have an opportunity to step in. Don't listen to all these ignorant, "think they know it all" people. BUT YOU MUST FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON.

Answer 60

First Call the police make a report and then call Steve Wilkos and/or get a lie detector test performed. Untill then your husband and daughter should never be alone together or in direct contact; sorry to say no good can come from this one of them is lying

Answer 61

Ok...your husband touched YOUR daughter inappropriately...but meant nothing by it, is what you just said. Keep this mindset and things are only gonna get worse.



In the end who s more important..your own daughter you gave life and have known for almost 20 years or some pervert you ve known for 6...I would pick my child over anyone if this was happening to me.

Answer 62

If a thing like this has happened then its difficult to go back to the way things were. Since you 3 are all adults I strongly suggest that the 3 of you have an open forum and discuss this embarrassing situation to finally resolve it. Because if you 3 don't talk face-to-face then how can things be resolved? Who knows you might even know who is really telling the truth.

Answer 63

I had the same problem as your daughter except with a family friend. He was an older man...could be my grandfather and i was around 12 and he would give me a hug or throw me in the air and catch me and when he put me back on the ground he would squeeze my chest and say wow they're growing and i would try to move his hands but I couldn't and he did this repeatedly and I finally told my mum and she got really upset and like you couldn't believe he would do something like that (he was a very touchy/feely person and he tried to touch womans breast). She had a chat with him and said not to feel me and he said that it was probably just an accident from when he put me down but i knew it wasn't! I think your daughter should confront him and tell him why he's doing that and that she feels uncomfortable.

He might just be really horny because that guy that did the same to me was and i don't think his intention was to hurt me but he just wanted to touch no matter who.

Answer 64

Is there a reason why you would not believe your daughter? Has she a history of telling lies just to cause trouble? If my daughter told me something like that I would definately believe her.

You say you dont believe your husband is like this. I am sorry to say but we all think we know people really well but sometimes their actions disgust us. For example, my parents are divorced and when I was 13 my mum met another man who told her how deeply he was in love with her. But when she wasnt looking he would ogle me and then one night when I was fast asleep I awoke to this pervert sticking his tongue in my mouth and his hand on my breast. I never told my mother, it would have broken her heart. But eventually she realized he wasnt the man she thought he was and kicked him out.

All I am saying to you is my mum also thought she knew this man because he used to tell her all the time how much he loved her. There are a lot of men out there who love perving on and touching young girls. I am afraid to say that your husband is one of those men. Of course he is not going to admit it is he? He doesnt want the end of his marriage and also doesnt want to be labeled a pervert. Please dont ignore this. A woman's children must come first no matter how old they are. I trust you will make the right decision. Good luck.

Answer 65

I am a daughter of a step father. And he molested me for 3 years. I was to scared to tell. Finally I did. The fact she told you means you better ******* do something more. Youre daughter probably feels like complete ****. ou should be there for her. And you need to get him arrested. If she is now 19, and you and him have been together for 6 years and this has happened over and over. I have a feeling it happened before she was 18. Even if not, still it is wrong and basically molestation. Better do something, before you lose your daughter

Answer 66

You should listen to your daughter because if he is that way with her then he is twisted. I don't understand how you could just not believe her, you love that man that much ? That's sad for your daughter and you. Hope you realize your man don't love you and what your daughter told you should of made you end your marriage But something else will happen and it will wake you up...

Answer 67

I think your daughter should talk it out with your husband instead of keeping things within herself. If there has been a misunderstanding, it will be cleared right away. If your husband is found guilty he should apologise to her and hopefully try to gain her trust back. Whatever might have been the reason, it should be sorted out amongst you all.

Hope things will be better among you guys in future :)

xoxo

Answer 68

to be honest if she's this upset about it, its because it's still going on. He may have threatened her really badly and that may have been the reason why she still cries about it and feels she can't talk to you - because she's scared. I know it's hard but you really need to ask your daughter if he has done it again and find out the truth once and for all. Even if it means jeopardizing your relationship with your husband.

Answer 69

Do you believe her? If so, ACT like you do and get her out of there. He is aT least cheating on you with a person- any person. I wouldn't sit still and let anyone get felt up by my husband. And not my daughter for sure.

NO BS, I don't care if he is santa claus and god mixed together. He is hurting an innocent person who you have responsibilty to take care of. He is cheating on you. He is inapporpriate AT BEST!

If you are thinking it is ok because she is an adult now, YOU are still letting him get away with messing with her. If I was your daughter, I wouldn't have anything to do with YOU!! YOU are the mother.

If you have doubts, Get her of there anyway. Then confront him with her not there and be intent on getting some counseling - if he won't go- go alone. You need to know whay it is ok for you to live with a perv. Maybe the neighbor isn't safe either. Maybe the kids down thes treet- YOU would NOT "just know." My ex was whakcing off in front of the neighbor's kids out our patio doors. I didn't have a clue until my son told me! I took my son to my freind's house and went home and confronted my husband who laughed at me! I moved out. Took half the money and all the kids and pets and moved on.



If she is a liar, then SHE needs couseling and HE needs to get out of there. She can file charges on him. Then what? Either way, this is dynamite. I had a friend whose 13yo daughter told her that step-dad was touching her. She moved out, took kids with her, and YEARS LATER, found out she didn't like him and lied about it to get rid of him! That little tramp needed to be in a looney bin, but who knew? It is true that her kids didn't like him, because he gave their mother courage to be firm with them. Otherwise they were wild animals.

That firmness and backbone should come from MOTHER.NOT ADDED ON AFTERWARD

i AM SO sorry this has happened but YOU didn't DO it. NOW you are allowing it. Stop!

Be your daughter's hero. Loss that guy. Be your own hero and do what you know is the right thing to do.

(nobody said it would be easy.)

Answer 70

Please know that this a difficult discussion for your daughter to bring up to ANYONE! Most kids just hold this stuff inside thinking that maybe it s their fault this is happening. Speaking from experience, we lose faith in those we tell if we feel we aren t taken seriously. Most kids will not lie about these kind of events because most of the time they trying to figure out what they have done wrong to cause this. She will lose all respect for you! If you don t do something, she will feel you chose him over her. It is not likely that he will admit that he is touching her inappropriately. Who would?



You know your child. (Or at least you should) You should know if she s making up this out of resentment or other reasons. Take her seriously! If you do nothing that s like a green light to hm. In reading your story, I heard you say "you believe her." If you did, your actions following would show her you do. Men come and go. Our children are ours forever. Just imagine you not doing anything now and finding out years later she was being truthful. You will never forgive yourself.

Answer 71

This isn't hard for you, You are a horrible mother, you chose your husband over your own daughter! The second she told you, you should have confronted him. But I am betting you are a middle aged woman who had kids young and was abandoned by her own father as well as all romantic aspects, who is so afraid of being alone you wont leave even the trashiest of men.

Answer 72

You still don't get it, do you? She is your daughter, and he is supposed to be your husband. The thought of groping your daughter should never had crossed your mind. It really doesn't matter at what age this began at, it is sexual assault and charges should be pressed. You are lucky that I don't have names and a location to inform police of this because, by law, it is required for anyone with knowledge of a sexual assault to inform law enforcement. But, hey, you just go ahead and keep protecting your husband like the dutiful wife you are, and letting him grope your daughter like the **** mother you are.

Answer 73

people commenting here are idiots..where were these incidents supposed to occuring? you could easily have chosen to record incidents when they were together..it's not hard to place acam where the occurences are taking place,for at least long enough to prove what she's saying is true..i can think of many ways to trap someone in situations like that.you shouldn't act on it in regard to the authorities until you know for fact..kids will lie..period..we still live ina country where proof is required before conviction..child molestation should also have that stipulation..there a number of false incarcerations each year due to false accusations.even a small number is too many..

Answer 74

You need to apologize to your daughter for being such a weak, lame, spineless excuse of a mother. Then you need to boot the bastard out. He brought this upon himself and you allowing him to continue on in the house and in your lives is indefensible. Grow a spine, and do the right thing by your daughter. It will likely hurt for a few years, but you'll be proud of yourself later for it, and it will set a good example for your daughter, and also help her realize that she's worth it. Trust me. In the long run, this is the only option you have that you won't bitterly regret later on.

Answer 75

Tell your husband that whatever has been going on between him and your daughter needs to stop. Sexual harassment is never okay, and you should not make it seem as though she is only uncomfortable with hugs. She is not comfortable with him sexually harassing her.

If I was you, I would talk to my daughter and find out EVERYTHING that had been going on, when it started, and the last time he inappropriately touched her. Then, you need to confront him and tell him straight out, that if he does not stop this type of behavior, and make amends that your relationship can not go on.

Just talk to him and be open about it. Tell him that you love your daughter and that she needs closure and he needs to admit and genuinely apologize to her.

Answer 76

I was a young male HS teacher. I was approached by a couple of girls my first year teaching, but acted as if I had no idea what was on

their minds, stuck to school business and got out of their presence (always in a classroom in clear view of anyone in the hall - with the door

wide open) as quickly as I could without making it obvious that I was "running." Two girls tried "it" and neither did a second time = whew!

I also had, during my first few years of teaching female HS students I found incredibly attractive, especially physically, but a couple where really nice kids. That was just it. They were kids and I was supposed to be an adult (By the time the last one who affected me was in class I was close to twice her age. We had nothing to connect us. All I could think of was not harming a kid even though I knew more than one was far more "active and experienced" (Word gets around in small towns!) that I ever go tto be, or wanted to be. So I kept my "relationships" with such kids out in the open and totally professional. No one ever had a clue, not even some other male teachers who made remarks of their own about some of the same girls! I could not forget that they were kids and almost everyone trusted me around them. I also was and am incapable of doing anything that might harm anyone else (I'd had some incidents in HS where a male family friend made passes at me. I ignored him and made sure not to be alone around him. He was, to his credit, a gentleman, who showed no sign of forcing the issue when I didn't respond.

So, when seeing some HS girl made me ache all over (actually), I just kept aching till any remote contact was over. I had pure feelings of lust, but could not act on them as it isn't the way I'm made. This man may not be able to control himself. That's the difference between those who thing about whatever evil thing it is and those who do it. Being tempted is neither a sin, or a crime. Acting on the temptation is often both. This man doesn't seem to get it. I also suspect he's been playing you for a fool and may really be after your daughter. It has happened just as teachers and students have gotten each other in trouble. My "self control" sure paid off as I met a few very nice younger woman old enough for me and one (3 years younger) and I have been married 25+ years. I would not risk a chance at that for some HS girl. Now, if I'd re met a former student (about 5 years my junior) after she was out of school for a time, we'd have both been considered "adults." I did, in fact date some girls after a few years in teaching who were the age of those I had in class 5 - 6 years earlier, but by then, had college degrees. Heck one had a son and was divorced. At 36 someone 5 years younger is n9o longer "that young."

Your husband should be told to stop messing around, or he'll loose you. I'd almost bet it would not change his behavior. Sadly that's the way he's made.

Answer 77

How could a mother ever stay with a man that touches her daughter? You shouldn't love anyone else more than her, so there is no real reason you should stay with him. you are just making excuses for him to make yourself feel better at what is going on. Handle your **** and take care of your daughter

Answer 78

Is keeping this matter sort of undercover ever going to help?



Suggestion: Before 15 May, sit down with BOTH your daughter AND your husband at a time you will not be disturbed. Repeat much of what you wrote down in your submitted question as you speak to your husband. (When you inform your daughter ahead of time of this session, then ask her if she wants to speak her piece to the father or only be present.)



If he apologizes AND asks his daughter to forgive him (which she is welcome to do or not do), then maybe this will come to a complete end.

Answer 79

I'm sorry but from personal experience I can tell you that your daughter will never feel comfortable around him again. She can try to act normal but she can only try. Please don't coax her to do so, though. I think she's extremely brave for being considerate of your affections for your husband. Don't ask her to do anything more than that. And it's probably good if she spends as much time away from him as possible.

Answer 80

Men can love someone and still abuse them, so there is no reason for him to have his hands anywhere near her private parts. This happens in a lot of homes with a step father and she is the right age for him to start fantasizing about her. What you do about it is your decision. Me personally, I'd leave and take my daughter away. I wouldn't put up with that nonsense.

Answer 81

Perverts come in different categories, sex and the shame of guilt of it is a negative cycle but isn't the neglect of others, it's merely a coping strategy for all the good we are and do and testosterone is created 24/7 and has to be dealt with, in this case divorce him on grounds of harassment and grubbiness without mitigation (and as you've heard, truth).

Answer 82

Daughters rarely lie about this problem so you have to face reality and accept that your husband may be touching your daughter. I was a Social Worker who dealt with this on a daily basis. He is sick so get him help ,please. If he is a true pedifile, he can't change. Sorry for your pain.

Answer 83

I'm so sorry that you feel like some of these people are being rude or out of line but you need to understand that we hear about things like this and in a lot of cases it does escalate and they are trying to make sure that doesn't happen to your daughter.

Honestly I don't think that it can ever really go back to how it was, she doesn't want to be around him and she may be scared that it could happen again if she does move on. I'm a teenager so I don't know how you feel and I don't know what your daughter is like but I know that if I was in her situation I would possibly feel as though you were choosing him over me and I would distance myself from you as if I ever saw him or heard about him I would be reminded of what happened. I know you don't want to lose either of them but unless you say or do something I think you might lose your mind as you will constantly be thinking about to a point where you can't move on.

I understand that you believe in second chances but his man has really hurt your daughter and I personally feel as though you should do whatever possible to make her feel better, that may mean leaving him. I know you said that she doesn't want to cause a fuss but that is only making her feel bad about herself and part of me feels like you know this but are desperate to keep your family the way it used to be.

Answer 84

I understand why your daughter is hurt, but she told you basically not to do anything but tell him to stop. It's sexual harassment, but your husband isn't a child molester or anything. I don't think they are going to be happy or comfortable around each other again. Besides kicking him out, what are you supposed to do? She's not a minor, so she would have to file sexual harassment charges and move out, or he would have to.

I'm not saying she's wrong for being upset. I'm not saying there shouldn't be any consequences for his actions. I'm just saying you need to rethink your relationship with this man for the sake of your relationship with your daughter.

Answer 85

"How do you covet, Clarisse?", was the question made by Annibal Lecter, the serial killer.



Even from much better source - Yeshua, Son of God - He said "We ALL {that included Him} do as we see and hear", and he has most definitively, somewhere, sometime, seen this done onto other child or young woman. That he is not a pervert - as you said - I believe... not yet - because the situation your daughter wisely consulted with you - was diffused, and you put the brakes on your husband.



Your husband is just like anyone of us: corrupt internally, for even God stated that "He knew what was in Man", error, and if left unattended, bad circumstances would come out.



"What to do?", you asked, and there is only expectations of his enduring struggle to do what is right, fight against himself, that only you can monitor, yet the ceramic flask shows how cracked it is, and you can see its results. Learn what Love means, from God's perspective, not ours., for it is not a 'feeling', rather a conduct, a behaviour, for "God is love". He would never actuates in a corrupt way against us. This, of course, demands learning what He wants, and believing He will - somehow - recompense us.

Answer 86

Regardless of you husbands claims that he did not want to "hurt" her, he has done not only that but selfishly so to satisfy his own desires.

My first wife, whom I adored, had been abused by an uncle, she was scarred severely to the point of psychiatric hospitalization.

My niece confided to me that her mothers' "new" husband was fondling her, when I confronted my sister, I was told to mind my own business.

My niece is now in counseling and will be for life. 30 years after the fact.

Go proactive, get your daughter talking, don't fall for your husbands sweet talk.

Answer 87

Trust your own daughter and take the issue to the police. Don't take your current man's word over your daughter's. You shouldn't need anyone to tell you this. Your daughter's safety and health is your lifelong responsibility. God help you if you allow this to continue.

Answer 88

You are dead wrong to side with your husband in any way. Believe her and ditch him or it could cost you the relationship with your daughter for the rest of your life. Stop being terrified of being alone and show your daughter how to stand up for what is right in the world. Who else will show her?

Answer 89

look like you love your husband more than your daughter, how did he not meant to hurt her by sexually harassing her !!!!??? you are so selfish for still wanting to keep him, and not leaving him for what he did to your daughter.

she trusted you, and told you about it am sure it was not easy thing to say, she properly though that you would care for her and leave him, for her to not feel any discomfort, but instead you did nothing, act like you didn't hear anything, like nothing have ever happened to her, like its no big deal....how can she not cry!!!? she must be really broke and sad inside, and have to remember it every time she see him in your house , every time he cross by she will feel discomfort, and the worse... her mother is not completely on her side like she thought....its sad.

how can you think of your own happiness and forget about your daughter happiness !!!

no wonder she want to move out, he physiologically hurt her....you both did.

Answer 90

you're husband is that kind of a man, your daughter tried to tell you.



he is also not a pedo, just a cheater and a guy who has no problems trying to *** a young women he helped raise...



are you really surprised people are calling you an idiot...



you did not even tell us your daughter was an adult in the OP...

your daughter should move out and never talk to either of you again...

Answer 91

My advice! I am not the expert but I see two scenario's. He did it or your daughter is jealous of losing you to him. Simple!. Get them in a room and confront them both and see what happens . Keep the phone next to you incase you need to call 911. Get it over with. Face it.

Answer 92

I do not understand how you people are sorry for the mother and "father" first off all the mother knows he touched her a few times and she's on his sides. I feel so very sorry about the daughter. Her step dad touched her and her mom is still with him! HOW SAD! We do not need to feel sorry for the mother why? Because if my husband touched our kids id say tuck him you nasty *** mother ****** and move on and have my childs back no matter how old it was. Just because your daughter said be with him still because she FEELS BAD FOR U THAT HE WANTS HER doesnt mean for you to stay with her dumbass!! I hate parents like you! Put your damn child first. What if someobe touched you that you didn't want to touch you would you want to live with them and see their face everyday? HELL NO YOU WOULDN'T!!

Answer 93

Hey mrs. I dnt wana make any abusive compliment for your daughter and your husband,but its all on you to handle,Dnt try to ignore this topic and be careful from your opinion.

As u updated your daughters age information that she is almost 20 then in this ages humans harmones r being fully changed to sexuality itselfs.So plz b careful that even your daughter is not being join to your husbands unwanted itesions.She might hide this from you for self pleasure.I m not sure but jst want you to change your opinion of blind trust to them.

Thanks!

Answer 94

obviously you like both your husband and your daughter. your husband discreetly touched your daughter and cheated on you. You should be mad. You should let your daughter live away from him. And have a open conversation if that's possible. ask him to apologize to her.

Answer 95

What kind of mother are you? When I came out to my mother about my dad mollesting me for two years (my real dad) she immediately told the police and took me away from him because I mean more to her than anything. If you really care about and love your daughter you will not only take your daughters side but you will leave the man that caused your most precious possession harm -- whether he meant to or not.

Answer 96

I will only add that I think you need to get your daughter counseling and see where that goes. If it is true, she needs help. If it isnt true, she needs help. Wow...what a place to be stuck. You do need to be sure she is never alone with him and get him to understand that he never touches her again in any way...just in case...that way if she is right, it stops and if it isnt she can't accuse. I think it is important that she know you are there for her. Good luck in getting all this solved. My prayers will be for you.

Answer 97

Okay, so this is very similar to my problem except it happened for a lot longer of a time and I was your daughter in this situation.



First of all, you can not say in the same sentence "I believe my daughter, but I don't think my husband is that type of man." That makes no sense, just come out and say that you don't believe your daughter.

My step dad started watching me in the shower from the age of 10-16 when I finally told my mom and he admitted it and I moved out. There was so much closure when I finally got him to admit it and to apologize that I could finally be me again. I still suffer from a lot of anxiety issues because of this but it has gotten so much better.



You're daughter needs that closure, she may not want to start anything, but it's to late, and your husband is the one that upset the balance of your life, not your daughter, you are victim blaming and you should be ashamed. No matter how much you THINK your husband isn't that type of man, HE IS! Believe your daughter! Would you be mad if you caught your husband in a adulterous act with another woman? Of course! So why aren't you furious at him for doing that AND for upsetting your daughters way of life with his stupid act!



My mom and step dad are still together, we have a "relationship" as good as its going to get considering the past, but at least I can talk to him, but that is ONLY because he admitted what he did and he apologized to me for doing it!



The reason I moved out was for the same reason that your daughter is just planning on moving out and never talking to him again. When you have been taken advantage of by someone who was supposed to be a FATHER FIGURE it makes you very confused emotionally. I realize now at 21 that I was not the one in the wrong, therefore I should not have been punishing myself by moving out that young and making it a harder life for myself, but at the time I just didn't want to ruin anyone else's life, especially my mothers, your daughter looks up to you for supports and instead of wanting to upset you she is willing to keep this bottled up and not get the closure she needs and live the rest of her life with this mental pain. The pain may lessen over time, but it will always be there. Please think of your daughter and not of yourself.

Answer 98

i still wanna answer though i have no knowledge but as a friend's advice take my answer...see,your daughter won't say false...u shall contact a women safety organisation & ask for underground means without any 1 knowing action...i feel your daughter isn't false...just put a trap..make him speak all like u put live cameras & see in another place so he won't fear u...hope he is innocent but for your daughter's safety u shall put your trust on him or even both aside & see...never take this kinda molestation seriously..its like office harassment etc. & takes life of the victim too sometimes...:(

:)

Answer 99

Im sorry. Jesus can heal ya'll,an save,an us all. Jesus loves ya'll an we just ask Jesus in our heart,forgive our sins to be saved,He is Faithful and Just to forgive all our sins, praise The LORDO. An google Beth Moore a great Christian teacher to encourage ya'll in Jesus an good to attend a Christian Bible based Church,get Christian Counsoling,an good to read Bible,John is a great place. May The LORD Jesus speak to,save you,your husband, daughter,family,friends,us all,lost,here,give good Christians to help ya'lll an bring peace to ya'll in Holy Spirit,forgivness,an work things for good,God's Glory,by Jesus stripes ya'll are healed,thank You Jesus for healing for them,amen shalom Israel,family. PTL!

Have faith in God. Mark 11:22 God is a Refuge for us.Ps 62:8



ACLJ.org Persecution.org CBN.com more about Jesus,prayer,encouragment

Answer 100

Hello you are dealing with one of the hardest things you ever will deal with yes if she was under 18 you need to go to the police but if it stared before she was 18 and you just found out you still need to go depends what state you live in because you can get charged but it need to be talked about you need to talk to him about it if not he will get worse he will think she is OK with it and when she does move out she will start thinking you took his side in her head and down hill from there good luck and god bless I will prey for all of you

Answer 101

Ok ok first of all if your husband touched your daughter in a bad place like under the bra!? That's a no no!! That's bad like really really bad!

Answer 102

PLEASE please TELL ME THIS IS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE!?!?!? Your daughter had the courage to share this with you and you had to ask HER how she wanted you to handle it??? How was that even a relevant question?? You should have immediately IMMEDIATELY THROWN HIS *** OUT!!!!!!!!!!! And then you sort out exactly what happened. How could you even think of staying with this man under any circumstances unless of course your daughter is a pathological liar and devious trouble maker who's trying to destroy this mans reputation. I am sorry,I'm, a mother with 3 daughters, one of whom is 18, and I've been with my man since she was 8. He would have been assed out on the streets if my daughter came to me with this sort of confession! I can't even read anymore of this nonsense!. How gross and upetting.You should be ashamed of yourself. No mother I know on this planet would react the way you did!!! You betrayed your child for some sceevy pervert douchbag you married!! Shame shame shame on you. You win the worlds most horrible "mother"award. Notice the quotationsaround the word Mother, you arent worthy of that title as far as I'm concerned. My GOD!!!! You better pray your daughter forgives you someday when you come to terms with the fact that you married a pervert. Be glad that's as far as things went!!!!

Answer 103

There is no second chance with this. It's gonna damage her mentally, and being near him now is going to hurt her so much. It's gonna damaged her thought process, and if you're not helping her, she won't just associate him with this, but you too. You need to leave him.

Answer 104

Well, i think you should talk to your husband about this. now that your daughter is over age, is will probably be okay if you just talk to him. but you want you daughter to stay safe. and if you want to see her a lot more. you might want to sit both of them down and have a family talk.

Answer 105

I may understand your plight . You should believe your daughter and move her to some other place like hostel etc otherwise you may loose your daughter for ever& you will be under the guilt feeling for your life long

Answer 106

Take her out of Public School. That's where the problems start.

Answer 107

You need to leave your husband, and press charges against him. He is a molester, even if you don't see the red flags, your daughter knows.

Answer 108

TAKE THIS AS IT IS MEANT ... you are a terrible human being and a worse mother. THE ONLY WAY EVIL IS ALLOWED TO BE IN THIS WORLD IS FROM SO CALLED GOOD PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF THAT ALLOW IT , your mas bad and worse than your husband you do not deserve to have your daughter . YOUR EVIL.

Answer 109

Perhaps have your daughter see a psychiatrist or something. Pedophiles don't just look like creeps, something pedophiles look like nice guys. There could easily be something going on.

Answer 110

You husband seems to be a pedophile and I don't know why you are still with him since he sexually assaulted your daughter.

Answer 111

It is better ypu allow your daughter to move out of the house after all she is a grown up.



This is a tricky situation. It is either your daughter has feelings for the step dad.

Answer 112

Y'all need serious family counselling to help resolve this issue otherwise your daughter may be scarred for life.

Answer 113

It's not your fault. But if your husband doesn't respect your daughter he's gotta go.

He disrespects your daughter he disrespects you... Period.

Answer 114

Oh my. How old is she? If I were her, I wouldn't want to speak to him either. That kind of thing is unpleasant. And it would be hard to know if your husband was doing these things. Behind closed doors, you can't see anything. Just accept her desicion and try to have a talk with both of them to sort things out, cause you are a family <3

Answer 115

My wife and I separated.She immediately fell for a child molester who molested my son and two other boys,when she let him into her home.She wouldn't believe it.She divorced me,saying I made up the story and made the boys believe it.She married him and I raised our children.She died at 59 of pancreatic cancer,leaving almost a million to him and ten thousand to my son and daughter,so they couldn't contest the will.You remind me of her.

Answer 116

My step dad would take me out of bed and take me in his room where the big bed was. My mom worked the night shift and he would wait till my siblings were asleep, and mom at work. I was not even five years old, because i had not started going to school yet... He would me on the end of the bed and raise my night gown up, and pull his c..k out and put in beteen my legs on top of my underware and rub his hard co.k on my pus.y lips, and on my clit. he would put his toung in my ear and in my mouth. He would say do you like it? Dose it fell good? I just laid there with my legs open. I did not know what he was doing i just knew it should not be happening. I was afraid, so i never told anyone. He did it almost every night to me, till he started moving my panitys over to the side and now it was skin to skin. Not long after that he startd taking my pantys off and getting on top of me, and sometime he would lie me on my side and spoon me, rubbing it up and down in and out my pus.y lips, but never sticking it inside my hole. that way no one would no what he was doing. He was dry fu.king me with our under ware off. Belive her because if she said it, it is true. I never had the nerve to tell. This went on for years!!!

Answer 117

If she wants him to admit and wont and she needs him to admit it to move one you can call maury or steve and they will do the lie detector test. You also get them done in your home town. I mean if it would help you dauther do it I am a victim so I know were she is coming from

Answer 118

I think, you are the only one for her to understand. If you will not trust her then whom see will discuss these things? Use your common sense, she is young and for his step father, she is a girl to molest.



i think better to take action if you will hear or see anything more from your daughter.

Answer 119

my dad has a thing for older teenagers....he inappropriately touched one of my relatives and when she told my mom, my mom didn't believe her because she thought her husband would never do such a thing. after a few years, my dad tried touching another relative and she told my sister, who then told my mom but this time my mom believed her because the story was so similar to the first incident.



to be honest, my dad's a completely different person with us versus when he's about to do something inappropriate like this with a non-blood related girl. it's like he's not himself....it's like he is 2 different people. it's hard to believe that a person like my dad would do something like this but he has and we don't trust him anymore.



i know it's difficult for some wives, like my mom, to leave their husbands over such matters (unless it's rape or something very serious), especially when they are otherwise amazing people.......but trust me, such men need to see therapists. such people are sick. (but ofcourse they would never admit and it would be hard to convince them to see a therapist. my dad wouldn't go to a therapist either....it's so sad we can't have any sleepovers or any of our friends over anymore, because we are scared he might do something like that again and it might not be a relative this time who wouldn't go to the police)

Answer 120

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. To be honest I stopped reading after "I would know". There, and 7you do. It's just the way 7you are with your not really honest questions, more like psycho babble security scans.



Girls don't need to ask questions... Girls might ask questions to be totally show care etc.

I try to keep my thoughts and words clear to account for the 7Eve planet. ^7GW7



Girls is like the Angel, I'm like the wind beneath you & your biggest fan. God is uber. God doesn't need fans. LZ!!! hahha



Thanks be to God.



7Ring #AngelOfSpecifics #7Donna Only 1. Do not screw up in love.

Answer 121

get your daughter out of there and let her have her own appartment. She's old enough anyways, and your problem will be solved.

Answer 122

I will think this Is dangerous and need some attention, either go to physical therapist to fix the problem or call the police.

Answer 123

You already seem to have absolved yr husband from ALL wrong. Why pursue it any further. You have convinced yourself that he did toch her inappropriately and u have accepted that regardless of how your daughter feels. Too nad. I think you are waiting on one of us to tell yu its ok. Too bad..

Answer 124

The answer you seek is within you; and if it's not than you need to read the above because everyone else can see it clearly even if you don't.

Answer 125

informed if your daughter has had something more to your husband how you describe that's why you can cry

Answer 126

She is 20 it is better for her and your family to merry off her to some one nice guy in the family or out of family. I mean arranged marriage or If she love some one...pls check him whether he is serious about her or just flirting with her for sex.

Answer 127

i dont see how this is even a question. i would put my children over a husband any day. especially since that man is not the biological father of said children.

Answer 128

For men control of yourself (IN EVERYTHING) is difficult (Trust me) Men are good and hiding THAT type of thing so i say your doughter is right,family is no more I say you and your doughter are in danger by the way i am a guy so i know men better then women dose

Answer 129

Maybe you three should visit a counsellor - a 3rd party may give an unbiased opinion.

Answer 130

deep down inside you know what you should do and I am sure that what you think is the right thing to do you don't want to do so you're just trying to find an excuse and believe "you're confused".

Answer 131

um if your husband is touching ur daughter despite i its underage or not (which isnt the case) your husband is touching another person's boob and that is cheating

Answer 132

They both should agree to counseling with a good psychiatrist. This keeps you from being in the middle and is your best possible solution.

Answer 133

I would sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him "what was going on"

be sure that your daughter is there so she can "back up" what you are acusing

him of.Hopefully it will all work out you are in my prayers

Answer 134

Here is the only solution. Get both of them together in the sitting room and get it all aired once and for all and then bury it for good and move forward.

Answer 135

Wow.. thats a tough one. I would likely seek family counseling. Has your daughter ever had any behaviorial issues.. is it possible she is doing this for attention or anything?

Answer 136

i can't even...please explain to me how someone "mistakenly" puts their hand underneath someones shirt more than once. oh and then under a bra????



he knew what he was doing, lady. if your daughter is telling the truth may she forgive you. and god have mercy on his soul cause that's a nasty secret.

Answer 137

I suggest you to see a consular for help.







Get this guy away from your family.







You need to see Dr. Phil for help.









You guys deserve best. Trust Me.

Answer 138

None of this behavior is okay.



That is your daughter and regardless of age, you protect your child.

Answer 139

Kick him out or help your daughter get out on her own!!! God willing he has not raped her yet but I wouldn't put it past him.

Answer 140

Your daughter looks up to you, do not let her down.

Answer 141

REPORT IT NOW ! I've been a staunch supporter of BACA ( Bikers Against Child Abuse) for MANY years ! This is a very common thing., and is ILLEGAL ! A FELONY !

Answer 142

oh god this gets me enraged like seriously women get a freekin group on yourself and either throw that loser out or seek attention to wtf is going on! If she is silent? well what the hell is she silent for did he rape her and she is afraid to seek out "attention" you know most rape victims don't seek out attention!!!! that man can rape her under your nose in your bed as you sleep and her mental corruption will keep her from even whispering it to you iv seen this before.I hope as a man that he didn't touch her you better hope so!

Answer 143

There is no polite way to call him a pedophile. Quit lying to yourself. His behavior is continuing.

Answer 144

You'll have to dump the pervert. Case closed.

Answer 145

Believe your daughter, I would also call the cops

Answer 146

Talk your husband into f*cking her. ITS LEGAL and will make her realize that what is happening is natural.

Answer 147

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1993/04/dan-quayle-was-right/307015/

There's a reason that God created families to not be mixed. If you look at the statistics from the above article you'll see all the things that go wrong in mixed families including how children lose out in every situation. Step kids are more likely to get killed about 100x greater than their natural children.



I gotta tell you as I was reading this question it sounded like a textbook situation for EXACTLY what happened to me.

My guess is that he is doing MUCH more than she is letting on bc she is testing the waters to see how you will react. This isn’t an easy thing for children to talk about bc they feel ashamed and feel like it is their own fault that it happened to the.

Id advise you to look up the signs of sexual abuse in children because chances are you are missing a whole lot of signs.

Something similar happened to e and without going into details I was anorexic for years and no one noticed. Not even my parents. I was also depressed but kept a smile on y face at all ties and got straight As in an effort to look like everything was alright on the outside that way no one would ask questions.

If I were you I’d read the book by Crystal McVea called 9 ins in heaven. It shows how God redeemed her story of abuse at a young age.

Honestly abuse is so much ore coon than you realize. Did you know that abusers are a lot ore likely to be people you know and trust versus complete strangers

The guy who did this tom e got away with it because it is too hard to prove abuse in a court of law unless there are physical arks to prove it. But even then it is still hard to prove.

I know you don’t think your hubby is that type of guy, but she is your own daughter. What does she get out of lying to you? If she was going to lie, I’ sure it’d be about something small, not something LIFE CHANGING. Also your hubby is not her dad which means he sees her as any old female.

Can I ask you something? Guys are sexual creatures which means they have to be getting some sort of physical contact with the opposite sex to satisfy their needs. Unless you’ve been putting out(excuse y language) he will go looking for it somewhere else.

You have to open your eyes to see the red flags. My abuser was around for years as well. Time does make a difference bc they have more access to the child and more Time to manipulate and groom them.

I can tell you right now unless you break up with your husband it will be a slap in the face to your daughter. I didn’t talk to my mom for years bc of what happened.

mY abuser also told my mom that he love me as his own child. He too even cried while talking about how much he loved the family. Notice any patterns?

My mom also asked me how I wanted the situation to be handled and I said I just want to move away(I was underage at the time). She couldn’t afford another house so we were stuck there. Besides she still love d him after being with him for years so its not like she would’ve left anyways.

She confronted the abuser and he denied everything. He said he might’ve done it on accident, but nothing inappropriate. Anyways, the CPS was called, and the case was filed but nothing ever came of it bc he lawyered up. Even then, its hard to prove these cases in court. I guess that’s why a lot of it goes undetected and they end up having multiple victims bc everyone is afraid to speak up and even if they speak up, there is no guarantee that the guy will get put away.



I too didn’t want to cause any problems. Honey problems aren’t solved like this with a snap of a fingers. Besides you cant always be around to watch your daughter 24/7. Who knows if he will do it again.

The silent treatment I gave to y abuser a lot. It went on for long periods of tie.

Yes your husband is a pervert if you would just open your eyes to it. You are choosing your husband who you’ve known for a shorter amount of tie than your own flesh and blood daughter!

When it happened to me I was a pre-teen. But it went on into my teenage years.

Well at least you believe her. That’s a start.

The reason the ppl here are saying don’t give him a second chance is bc they are smart enough to know that this WILL happen again if you don’t do anything to change the situation. Unless you put up strong boundaries, then it will most certainly happen again.l these people are thinking with logic. When ppl are in love, it clouds their judgment no offense to you.

Or perhaps he waited until she was 18 for a reason.

The fact that you have to defend him obviously shows that either you feel guilty or something isn’t right behind the scenes.

Yeah I used to stay inside my room a lot when my abuser was home too. I’d avoid him at all costs.

Answer 148

I wish a sexual predator, molester, pervert would answer your question so they could tell you first hand how much they "loved" their daughters and how they "cried" to prove that to the mother. WAKE UP!!!

Answer 149

The problem is YOU.

Where is here real father ?

or maybe one night stand relationship.

you do not deserve to have here .

Answer 150

i would believe your daughter and if hes being a perv i would kick him out

Answer 151

pick your daughter ,,,why would your daughter lie to you ,are you going to wait until he rapes her than you wil blame your daughter ...you don t deserve her .

Answer 152

she is playing you

if he was trying anything wrong she would not want you to stay with him

cause he would either hurt you or the relationship with another girl

Answer 153

Ask yourself one question. Did my husband violate my trust? Ask it again, and again, and again.... What was the answer

Answer 154

You need to talk to her and try to make her feel better

Answer 155

i think the suggestion to keep the two relationships seperate as she can be on her own now is actionable. prayer and time is the best i can say.

Answer 156

He might be a paedo, depending on how old she was when he stated sexually abusing her.

Answer 157

WHY WOULD YOU STAY WITH A MAN IF YOUR DAUGHTER SAID HE TOUCHED HER??? GET IT TOGETHER, THAT IS HORRIBLE!! YOUR CHILD SHOULD COME FIRST REGARDLESS OF ANYTHING!!!

Answer 158

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET HELP SINCE U SEEM TO B DENYING IT TO URSELF N DID NOT CALL THE COPS YET..LET HER BEAT HIS AZZz!OR COOK HIM SOME BREAKFAST ;) MAKE SOME GRITS FOR HIM N LEAVE THEM COOKING LET IT GET NICE N HOT...THEN BAM THROW IT AT HIM AND THEN HIT HIM WITH THE POT! SHES A GROWN GIRL. KNOWS RIGHT FROM WRONG..I FEELL SHE WOULDNT LIE TO U N SHES SCAREDN ITS SERIOUS. SHES UR BLOOD TAKE HER SIDE N KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HER OR HES GOING TO END UP RAPPING HER. DITCH THAT AZZHOLE NOW...OR RECORD HIS BUTT. U CONFRONT HIM N HE WILL LIE.

Answer 159

Wow. Your poor daughter. She had to be really brave to tell you that your husband is PUTTING HIS HAND ON HER BREAST! AGAINST HER WILL.



And you sort of believe her and sort of don't. So you have a sort of conversation with your husband, where you treat this like a hug gone wrong, as opposed to abuse, where you seem to mildly say, "Hey, hon, love you, but my daughter would like to not be touched, okay?" And he sort of agrees and then goes back to doing it. And you just ignore it.



Can you please, please, PLEASE treat this as an emergency? Your husband is touching YOUR DAUGHTER against her will. And you can't even get him to agree to knock it off.



So treat this as being really, really bad. Take your daughter's side. Have a fit with your husband. Really believe your daughter and have a screaming fit at your husband. Let him know that THIS IS NOT OKAY! He is to keep his friggin' hands off your daughter's body, NOW and FOREVER. He is NEVER to touch her again, not under any circumstances, not for any reason.



Where's your MAMA BEAR in this? This is YOUR DAUGHTER. It does not make it okay because she's 19. She should expect that her mother's home is a safe place where she can come and feel safe. She should not have to deal with her stepfather groping her breasts and her mother being a wimp about it.



So tell him to KNOCK IT OFF. This is ASSAULT AND BATTERY. It is a CRIME!



I think you choose not to believe it because you want to have your little fantasy that your husband is a nice guy, and nice guys don't do this, so somehow your daughter magically isn't getting felt up by your husband. Come on woman! Deal with it! Protect your daughter.



Oh, and yeah, people make mistakes, but they also make amends. Your husband needs to apologize, and he needs to promise you and your daughter that he won't do it again. Then he needs to go to counseling with you, and he needs to ADMIT it, so you're all clear on it. And you need to go to counseling with your daughter, so she can tell you the real truth about what's going on, because I'll bet you don't know the half of it.



And you believe in second chances. Well, do you believe in third and fourth and fifth chances? Because you already told him to stop and he didn't. How many chances does he get? A dozen? A hundred? When does it just become that you give him permission to touch her because you don't make any consequences for him doing it?



BTW, I'm betting he's done this to other girls. I'll bet he has a reputation among her friends as the creepy stepdad who brushes up against them. I bet that none of her friends comes over more than once. And did you ever think that maybe he chose you when she was a young teen so that he could have some eye candy? Maybe he was grooming her even back then, because he likes them young, and was just waiting for her to turn 18. Ever think of that?



When you grow old alone because your husband has left you for a younger woman and your daughter won't bring over your grandkids because you didn't protect her, I hope you take all that alone time and think about why you preferred to believe a man over your child.



And news alert: these guys NEVER believe they're hurting anyone. There's a book called "What Cops Know" and they say that when they sit down with a pervert, the guy always describes a tender, loving relationship, and the kid talks about putting on four pairs of pajamas so daddy won't touch them. Face it honey, he's fooling himself as well as you, that's why he is so believable. And of course he doesn't intend to hurt her. He intends to get off on the ***** he enjoys by feeling her breasts against her will. He enjoys both parts of that, feeling her young breasts and the fact that she doesn't want it. And maybe he also enjoys that he has enough power over you emotionally or financially that you're just turning a blind eye to this and sacrificing your daughter so you can pretend you have a nice happy family.



When you asked her, she said it started "just a few weeks ago" but you open by saying she told you this months ago. So now it's been going on for months, and you haven't gotten him to stop. How many "second chances" does he get? Months' worth? Or do you just not mention it so you can pretend that he would stop if you gave him a "second chance"?



Frankly, you need to NEVER let your husband be alone with your daughter again.



And BTW, you are wrong about having "major husband daughter problems." You have MAJOR HUSBAND problems. Your daughter is just a victim. Your husband is the one who's giving you major problems.



I keep coming back to this letter because it's so shocking, the way you minimize what happened. You say you believe her, but you also describe things as "according to her" "allegedly" "not comfortable with affection" "not used to any type of affection" and "he could have done a lot worse." This isn't "affection." It is criminal to touch someone who does not wish to be touched, and it's sexual in that he touched her breast, and it's just horrible the way you seem to think that it's your daughter's problem and you wish you could all be just one happy family.



You also seem to say that this happened months ago, but your daughter still cries about it. Is it still happening? I think it is. I think she cries, not to make you feel guilty about it, but because she's stuck with this man and you don't defend her or help her, you just minimize it as "affection."



But really, your poor daughter. Her own mother would rather protect a man than protect her child.

Answer 160

SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT A PROBLEM

Answer 161

Stop wining like a ***** and enjoy your life.

Answer 162

dump the bum. you need your daughter. you can find a man anywhere.

Answer 163

Even animals protect their offspring...do the same for yours

Answer 164

you should leave the pervert now and should chop off his jewels as well as encourage her to file charges against him!

Answer 165

Call the police child porn is illegal and to me that s abuse

Answer 166

Call the police

Answer 167

Kick Him Out PERIOD.

Answer 168

what is "that type of man"? anyone is capable of bad behaviour.

Answer 169

Tell the Police. NOW!

Answer 170

Their having sexual relations.....Your in the dark

Answer 171

go to the police

Answer 172

this is a no-brainer... report him to the police.

Answer 173

deal with it

Answer 174

ALWAYS listen to your children - they will NEVER lie to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your new husband is scum of the Earth and you MUST dump him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 175

no family sexual relations.

Answer 176

Your husband need to wash his mouth out with BUCK SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 177

Have a threesome.