my gf an i lost twin girls now she wants another?

Question

we lost twin girls 9 months ago since they died iv signed up to the army but she wants to try for another baby am 22 she 23 we ben toghther 8 years what should i do

Answer 1

I've very sorry to hear of your loss. Your girlfriend might be trying to deal with her loss by having another baby which really won't work. Have the two of you talked about making this a permanent relationship first. You've taken a good first step by joining the military and the two of you have shown some stability by being together for 8 years. I really hope you'll take the time to discuss being married before you have children. It really is still the best way to raise a family. I wish you both the best.

Answer 2

Sit down with your Girlfriend and explain to her how you feel maybe you are still very much devastated about the loss of your girls ( which is highly understandable ) and maybe you feel bringing more children in to the world would be a constant reminder right now. Your girlfriend on the other hand may be yearning for another child as a way to help the grieving process of getting over the twins ? it is a very difficult situation you need to think it through long and hard before making a decision and bringing it to a head with her.



My personal opinion is... it is to soon your pain still must be very raw



i hope this helps

and i hope you make the right choice



kind regards

Teddy-Mai

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss, but also impressed that you have been with your girlfriend for so long and have stayed together through the loss of your children. Many couples can't do that.

I think it's natural for your girlfriend to want another child. You didn't say whether your want another child, or whether you were in a good position to help support children financially and emotionally. You say you signed up for the army - are you expecting to serve in active duty? How does your girlfriend feel about that? Does she have a support system to help her deal not only with a child but with the feelings of grief and guilt over the twins that may come up again? Have either of you sought counseling to help you cope with your loss? How do you see your life in five years... are you settle with a kid or two, have you married your girlfriend?

It seems like you have a lot to think about and talk over with your girlfriend before you make the decision of whether or not to try for another child. Ultimately, it's the two of you who have to make the decision together.

Answer 4

I have two "first off"s here. First off, congrats on being with a person since the age of 15 and 14. That is amazing and I wish something similar would have happened to me now that I'm 19. First off, I apologize dearly, that is very unfortunate. Get married to your girlfriend first, then have a baby, then go into the army. Most people get married going into the army anyways and the more people in Yours family that you have, the more money your family gets if something happens to you. That's just to be safe. Ask on Emotional Help Desk...I'll put site in sources.

Answer 5

Honestly, this is normal that someone wants to have another baby after a loss of a child. However, she needs to let her body and emotional pain heal . Another than that , I don't see no problem for you guys to have another child if you really want another baby. Losing a baby nine months ago is not that long ago , so both of you need to work on yourself. than have more children. Sorry for you lost.

Answer 6

this is marks gf who lost the twins yes i do want another baby its cos iv got to that age where i do want kids the twins where planned it was a blow when i lost them and they will never be replaced but i wud love another but he sayin no i can understand if he dont want 1 iv wanted 8 years another few years wont hurt and to the comment that misy made sayin am i wanting a baby to replace my daughters the answer is no am not nothing on this earth will replace them thank u for all ur answers on here been really helpful all my love

chan

Answer 7

Well I would wait till you too are married.

Then proceed. try to wait till you are back from your tour.

She also needs to let her body heal from the last pregnancy, and there is still emotional stress and scaring that needs to be healed as well.



I would wait a little longer, and also wait to see if this is the girl you want to marry.

A child is a lifelong commitment and atleast an 18 year financial commitment, reguardless what happens in your relationship.



I know you have been together for a long time.. Just saying tho.

Also, if you are about to leave, that leaves her vulnerable while you are gone.

Answer 8

If she feels up to looking after a baby while you are away, and you don't mind, then have another. I'm sure it would make her a lot less lonely when you're way, and I'm sure you'd like to come home when you can to see your child. I'm sorry you lost your daughters, and I want to say good luck, whatever you choose, and good luck in the army!

Answer 9

Go with it, it is the motherly instinct she has inside... she will decide not to, in the end, more than likely she won't want to go through all of pain, and hurt so soon again, but let her come to the conclusion HERSELF, or you will always be the bad guy, and it may end your relationship.



Honestly you two are NOT ready for another undertaking such as that. Her body needs at LEAST 18 months to repair. If not she will have lasting scars. and even depression. Her OBGYN will tell her that, if she is just seeing a DR, stop and run to a OBGYN!

Answer 10

Oh.....I'm really sorry that you have lost someone likke that. It must have been so sad. But your questions is what should you do????? Have another kid, what will it hurt. You always wanted one in the first place, just because something bad happened one time dosn't mean it will happen again. Plus, wouldn't you love to make you gf happy????? And, after all that is happened i would talk to her maybe she needs you right now in this hard time, i don't know can't you wait to join the army???/

If you really want to join the army and are not ready for all this just talk to her about it, maybe she will understand, but you also have to make sure yourself is ready for this

Anyway, hope i helped :]

Have a nice summer

Answer 11

You'll do whatever you gotta do? So ask her out. If you're friend is ok with it, and she thinks you're a better catch than her current boyfriend, then ask her out. If you think he'll kick your a**, then wait until they break up (which most kids your age do a lot anyway) and you'll be the first to know and comfort her as she rebounds. Just don't break her heart because then things will be REALLY akward around your friend.

Answer 12

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like it hit you hard. Your gf probably feels too, you should talk to her about how you feel. You can never replace the girls you lost, but if you feel that it's time to try again at having children then go for it.

Answer 13

how dreadful, you must talk to each other they both seem like huge decisions,maybe you both need more time before doing anything rash.by you joining the army, you will be fully occupied and move on,however i feel this will be another loss for your g/f,as she will be left behind not only missing the babies but you also.having another baby is also a huge leap.and one which you BOTH must want

Answer 14

I am sorry about your loss.



But sadly this is a question noone can answer but you and your girlfriend. If I was in your girlfriend's shoes, I would probably want another baby as well. Not to replace my other children, but to fill that empty hole. I think you and your girlfriend need to sit down and talk about it. Good Luck.

Answer 15

What ever you want to do. If you love and want a family with her then go for it. My mom almost lost me and my twin brother, we were born in six months in my mom how freaking terrifying! We were almost born in a airplane. True story.

Answer 16

If you're not ready to try for another child at the moment, let your partner know. Tell her you still want children, but not at the moment. I'm sure she will understand.

Answer 17

i think the BOTH of you should really talk it out.....



obviously you cant ever get over the death of your children



but make sure that you both are mentally and emotionally prepared to go thru with the pregnancy again



since its only been 9 months....my opinion would be to wait a while longer

Answer 18

If she's only just decided this, you should have her wait a couple of weeks to ponder the decision... and if she's still sure after that, it's up to you, and in my opinion if you care enough about her you should trust her judgment.

Answer 19

depending on if your ready to try to have another baby...if you are go for it...if not then tell her you don't feel like your ready especially since your going into the army and have already lost two daughters...i'm so very sorry for your loss

Answer 20

GIVE HER THE BABY... she will need something close to you to keep her company. And if anything were to happen to you then she would have some piece of you still

Answer 21

I AM SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOST BUT DISCUSS IT WITH HER AND ASK HER IF SHE IS READY TI HAVE ANOTHER CHILD BECAUSE GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN AND AGAIN COULD BE HARSH ON HER. AND SHE MAY THINK THAT SHE IS READY BUT SHES PROBABLY NOT. SOO JUST TALK TO HER. AND PLEASE DONT JOIN THE ARMY BECAUSE THIS IS A TIME THAT SHE NEEDS YOU THE MOST.

Answer 22

sorry to hear that.....a womens instinct is to have babys..if you were ready for the twins you proberly are still ready for another so try for another if you and your gf both realy want 1...go for it.........good luck

Answer 23

she is feeling lonely and lost. do you think she is just trying to replace the dead children? maybe it isn't a good idea until some more time has past. she needs more time to morn

Answer 24

that is normal she has a big hole inside of her now and wants to fill i would try again good luck and may god be with ya during this time

Answer 25

Whats the problem, try for another one

Answer 26

sorry. IF YOU want another kid then go for it, you will be gone though and prob wont be there for the birth... do you wanna miss all that?? just make sure your ready.. dont feel like you owe it to her.. thanks for joining ;)

Answer 27

sorry for your loss,have another baby she'll have someone to remind her of you while your gone oh & maybe get married while your at it

Answer 28

Make Her Happy , Give her company when you go away!





X Hope it works out X

Answer 29

If you both can support children why not?

Answer 30

hav a fun wild night

Answer 31

Try for another one

Answer 32

Try again!!! Good Luck

Answer 33

dont go to the army ...!!!!!!!!!

thats very bad especially if you want to have kids....

but i think you should go for it :D

the baby part

Answer 34

YOU SHOULDN'T RUSH INTO THINGS....ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY THIS HAPPENED SO I THINK YOU SHOULD EVALUATE YOUR SITUATION AND ENJOY

Answer 35

Start humping.

Answer 36

Have another baby!

Answer 37

well what do you want to do?

Answer 38

well i guess do what she wants more babies

Answer 39

have another!

Answer 40

WOAH. kids having kids is never a good idea. enjoy your romance.