iS MY SON TROUBLE, OR WHAT?!?!?

Question

This is his whole life in a couple of sentences, keep in mind, he's 12!:
Listen to 90's rock,
play gutair,
sing,
drums,
hang out with friends until 12:00 AM
skateboard,
get in trouble at school
not do homework
flip hair.

He's 12!
My husband gave him a drumset, and he had gotten amps, guitars, microphones, over the presents, etc, whatever.
I didn't want him having that, so I said I'll take it away.
And I will.
But I walked into the garage, (where the drumset, gutairs, amps, etc is,) He didn't hear me come in, so he was on his guitar, and singing. He sounded amazing. He sounded like a younger Kurt Cobain. I was half proud then, and half furious.
He wont wear anything I ask him to wear, I tried to put him in a sweater vest that looked SO adorable on him, and he wouldnt wear it.

Should I let my son continue his "rock" thing?
Or should I get the sweater vest out?

Answer 1

Try to think of him, right now. Im a kid and most kids i kow who have guitars,sing, and a drumset arent really good at any of them. . . To tell the truth they SUCK!!! If your sons as good as you say then try to encourage him, but try not to fill his head with fantasies of being a rockstar cause theirs a small chance of him being one. . .

As for his grades, again encourage him, but try not to pick on him about it, I hate it when my parents do when I miss one assignment and they act like the worlds going to end. Is he working hard in school? Look at his grades. Is it just one class hes not doing his homework in or all of them?

Hes 12 right?????? He sounds like a skateboarder at my school, Gabriel. Skateboarding, gets in trouble by the cops and at school (but thats only because he skateboards at store parkinglots), doesnt do his homework because hes busy skateboarding!! Maybe its the skateboarding, have you asked him to show you his moves?It would show him that your interested in his life.If hes good feel for him, if hes bad tell him to keep on practicing and that he'll get better, but try not to act like a know it all. Bond with him. try to listen to his music, if you both like a song tell him, lying wont help. Listen to him while hes playing the guitar/drums, if hes good tell him what you think, try not to be negative. If he offers to teach you tell him you wouldnt be as good as him(in your own version) but you would try to learn (if your willing to, its good to try to understand him;flattery). Try to encourage him to sing it might let his feelings out, listen to his songs. What are they about? If your like them tell him, embrace him. Do things with him that hes into.

When you bond with your child the right way then he or she might understand you more and you might understand him or her more. If you try to bond but by doing things hes not into, it just might end up being a disaster and he might not look at you as someone worth bonding with anymore.

Once you've accomplished a strong/tight bond you just might be able to talk with him about is personal life (many parents make the mistake of rushing into problems and trying to fix them when they dont know their child very well, no im not saying you dont know your own child you just need to understand him better... sorry). Try not to rush it, ask him in a calm/understanding voice why he isnt doing his homework, try not to get frustated with him or that might ruin your bond. Understand him, if he needs help, help him, if doesnt want help, respect that. But tell him that education is very important to life, and that he needs it, but again try to be very calm and understanding, listen to his voice and what he says. If he agrees that he'll work on his schoolwork then thats good, if he says something like "I can't" or "My teachers out to get me" then talk to him about it. Be nice and very persuasive about this, ask him if he wants to have conference with his teacher about his grades, if he says no then tell him okay(please no begging), but if you really want him to improve on his grades then you can go behind his back and have a conference with the teacher(s) and tell them that you dont want your son to find out cause then that might ruin your bond, they'll understand. Thats a LAST reserve, that I dont recomemend cause what if he finds out??????You'll be destroying your relationship with him. . .

Hes 12 hes only a child, right? He just might be in that rebel period(usaully around 12 to 14), when he doesnt listen to adults, and wants everything his way. Dont worry it might end if you let him do what he does, but add some rules to it. Please dont rush him hes just a kid.

Does he have any older siblings? That might help him out.

Are you a single parent, a father might do him good? But if you are dont think he needs one; dont go out and date some guy(stranger) cause that might hurt your bond. :(

Are you a first time parent??

Do you have anything in common? A hobbie? A favorite food? A favorite tv show(for me and my parents "moonlight" and "ghostwhisperer") If you dont. Ask him if he wants to do anything?

A sweater vest just might not be his style. Sometimes kids might get picked on by the way they dress.

I hope you two improve on your relationship, best of luck.

Answer 2

um.....what is wrong with your son having an interest in drums and singing? So what if he is twelve, they aren't harming him. He has an interest and obvious talent for drumming, guitar and singing, why take that away? Most teens or pre teens don't want to wear mummys "adorable sweaters that will look so cute on my little muffin". Were you wearing the reindeer sweater your mom wanted you to wear when you were 12? Seriously. Be proud of your son about singing, guitar, etc. Not mad. What you should be mad about is: Homework, Trouble at school, MAAAYBE the late friends thing, depending on what they're doing, and the grades. The rest of it is ridicolous. Your son is trouble because he flips his hair? please. I know I'm gonna get a lot of thumbs down for this, but..... jeez. Give your son a little discipline, about the grades and trouble at school. Take something away TEMPORARILY if his grades and behaviour are innapropriate. Check his homework every night, my parents have this thing where i have to do an hour each night, atleast, even if I dont have homework.But to blame it on listening to 90's music and being a normal 12 year old, is absurd. And I'm 17, so you're probly instantly gonna shoot this down cuz i'll just "side with the kid" but, whatever. YOU always wanted HIM to be a writer? It's his life, not yours. He can choose the career he wants, granted, being in a band full time or a cashier(which is where he is heading if he doesn't pick his grades up) aren't very good careers, but he has a good 5 years to decide his career path, and in the end, it is his choice, not yours. sorry for sounding rude.

Answer 3

Nope. His 12 and his a boy. Are you new to parenting?



Listening to 90's rock, playing guatir, singing, drumming & hanging out till 12...Its okays. Trouble in school, what homework? So long it doesn't occur like everyday shouldn't be a big deal.



As for weraing sweater vest, maybe it doesn't suits his taste. My mum tried to make me wear certain stuff too and I just simply don't like it. Why not shop with him and let him choose his style of clothes?



For me, I'd say let him rock on but try to monitor his homework. Be very supportive of his talents. His starting to enter the rebellious stage and definately wants more privacy and needs more support and encouragment.



With talking with him, be loud in your praises and encourage but be soft when telling him the bad things. I can't say I've been there like him, but I've seen some of my friends that are sort of like him and I understand how they think. I'm 17 by the way. =) Good luck with your child.

Answer 4

He may be very talented, but what's the odds that he will make it in the music industry? And even if he does make it, he needs some basic skills that are taught in school to keep from being ripped off in contracts. So, you have two separate issues. It's totally okay for him to be into music (although if you recall Kurt Cobain killed himself). What's not okay is his staying out so late and slacking off at school.



Maybe you should find someone in the music industry to sit down and have a talk with him about the realities of contracts and payments etc.... Talent will only get you so far in life. The rest comes with hard work and preparation. Finally, children do most of the growing while they are sleeping. By not getting him into bed at a decent hour, you are actually hurting him. Hey, you are the mom. Pick your battles, but when you have chosen them make darn sure you win.

Answer 5

Pick your battles. Don't worry about the way he dresses or the music he listens to. Let him play music. I would choose, instead, to curb only two of the things you mentioned: staying out until midnight and not doing homework.



Perhaps explain to him that when he makes it big in music, he will need the skills he will learn in school. Give him some examples.



It is natural for a teen (he will be shortly) to want to stay up very late; but it is up to you as his parent to place restrictions on that. For example, you may allow him to stay up late as long as he is home by 10pm. That way, at least you know where he is and he still feels some freedom. Also, you can modify the hour that he must be in bed depending on his school performance. That, too, will give him some sense of control.



Right now, his actions are about trying to gain control over his own life. Allow him to make decisions on his own within certain limits and you should both be fine. As he learns to cope and make better decisions, give him more freedom to make more decisions.

Answer 6

If you think he has potential or not you should definitly let him continue what he is doing....in moderation of course. I don't understand why he is hanging out with his friends at 12:00am that seems a little ridiculous to me. I think you should nurture his gift and let him play what he wants to and dress and listen to the music he wants to...in sensibility because those are appropriate choices he can be making at his age but he should not be aloowed out with his friends so late and that is something you have to control. About the homework thing you should try talking to him about it because silencing his creativity wil only make him rebel more against things like school. So I hope my advice has been helpful and I look forward to seeing your son on MTV in a few years;)

Answer 7

Hunny I think you are doing a great job of parenting so far. Just you know hang in there. He will always love you forever. I do understand the vest thing not all 12 year olds want to wear that so you got compromise with him and he needs to compromise with you. i think its pretty much a stage. Good luck

Answer 8

Hello,



First thing that I would like to tell you that today a child needs everything to go ahead or to walk hand in hand with the fast moving world.



My parents are giving everything to my brother (he is 15), they never stop him to anything, he is also somewhat like your son like not to do any homework and get into trouble at school. But he is very good in computers and my parents encourage him to do so. And it became so easy for him to decide a career which every parents wants.



I know whatever you think, you think good for your son.

I think that you should stop hs rock because if you stop him then he will not grow. And if you force him to study which he dont like at all, at the end he will not be able to choose his career and he will not be good anyone that is study or rock.

Therefore, dont stop him just try to tackle him by dividing the time for study and Music. If you do so then he will be very happy to do so. Tell him study less but with concentration and then do tell him that you will also join him in singing. He will be very happy kid which i am sure that you want that (in fact every parent want that).



He is a small and immature kid. You need to be with him all the time to identify his talent and help him to grow. He needs you. No one knows he becomes the great rock singing in future.



Best if all...

Dont worry... Keep Simling :-)

Answer 9

Make a stand, for pity's sake. sit him down, give him ground rules. He has no business being out at that hour. Let him do his grunge rock with moderation. Insist he spend time with you. Insist he stays out of trouble at school. He must do homework. If not -take away privileges until he does.

YOU ARE THE PARENT. HE MUST COMPLY.

Are you showing him love, appreciation, and and such?

Be sure you compliment him on his playing. Id be sure your husband talk to him too.

Answer 10

Is he a good kid? Are you sure there is no drugs or

alcohol in his life?? If so let him have his rock n roll!



I would definitely do something about the midnight curfew and

not doing homework!!



The sweater vest, they are for geek's!!



Good Luck

Answer 11

Why is he staying out till 12 am? hes only 12 himself. the streets at 12in the night arnt nice for adults let alone 12 year olds!!!!

Answer 12

are you serious?

i am 14 and i like 90's rock, i wear black, i stay up late, i have flip hair, if i could i'd drum, play guitar and sing.



let him do what he wants. or be prepared to be hated forever because you won't let him be his own person

Answer 13

just let him chill out for a time but still keep an eye on him and dont let him know that u are concerned about him.

Answer 14

omg a sweater vest!!!!!!! I don't blame him for not wanting to wear it.

Answer 15

if u think its the right thing to do i guess u can. ur th parent and its ur choice. so pick whatever you think is right. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 16

no he's fine lol