Legitimate concern - abuse?

Question

So I'm a grade eight teacher and there's this girl in my class who's been acting very strangely and I thought something might be wrong. Well, a little while ago, she confided to me that her mother (and her stepfather, but to a lesser extent) had physically and emotionally abused her and her brother, but although now she was in a safer place, her brother was still in the abusive situation. I already talked to the principal and took all the necessary steps to help these kids, and something’s being done for them, but last week our class and the other grade eight class had an overnight trip and the way this girl has been acting has made me wonder if her stepfather may have sexually abused her too.

For example, on the first night this girl had the lights on in her room after lights out. So I went in to tell her to go to sleep, and she absolutely refused to turn off the lights. Okay, I realize little kids are sometimes scared of the dark, but she’s thirteen, not a baby, and when I asked her why she wanted the lights on, she said, “Bad things happen in the dark.” And the way she said it disturbed me quite a bit, so I asked her what kind of bad things and she turned away from me and wouldn’t answer. And another thing is that, even though she claims it was mainly her mother who abused her, her actions tell me otherwise. She seems to be especially scared of her stepfather, to the extent that whenever he comes to the school to pick up her brother (twice a week), she starts shivering and asks if she can stay in the classroom with me, and then spends between ten minutes and an hour shivering and staring out the window, and holding or sometimes writing in this little notebook she carries around with her constantly.

Maybe it’s just that I know she’s been physically and emotionally abused so I’m on the lookout for her, but do you think my concerns of sexual abuse are legitimate or am I overreacting? Something doesn’t seem right, but what should I do?

Answer 1

I find it very difficult to fathom the terror this young girl holds inside her. The secrets in her heart and her notebook will eventually come out. Besides continuing to be supportive, there has to be some way to gently encourage her to disclose this information. A counsellor might help but that depends on how 'safe' she feels through that process and how skilled 'she' is. I suggest a female counsellor, but that's just me. I would also take my concerns to other professionals who are involved with this family, including the police if necessary.



Whether or not sexual abuse has happened, she has certainly been traumatized. try to find ways to help her feel safe, and eventually she will open up. A therapeutic relationship doesn't always come from a professional, so keep an eye open for a cousin, aunt or a close friend.

Answer 2

I agree with you.

This kid is going to be dealing with all the trauma she's been subjected to for many years to come. At least she is doing some journal work... this is a good way to put definition to thoughts and feelings.



If the girl has been removed from the abusive situation, there is the possibility that you can send a note to her guardian speaking of the behaviors you have observed, so this can be taken up with a professional counselor. You might want to check with your management there... they should have some updates.



As an educator, you know that blended families don't always mesh for the better... this is one of those cases in which the step-dad was given a fresh pool of child victims.



Perhaps the school needs to teach a freshened up course based on "No More Lies"... the book about child molestation. Since these kids are in middle school, it is also reasonable to outline some basics about what is in or out of bounds, and maybe even go so far as to tell them about basic EEOC law for the workplace since the kids will be getting summer jobs.

Answer 3

Absolutely, someone needs to be her voice right now! If you even so much as suspect that there is sexual abuse, you not only have a moral obligation, but also an ethical obligation to report it...even if it's just a suspicion on your part.



You have been placed in a position of being able to help this young lady, when others have failed her. She NEEDS someone on her side to speak for her. As an educator, I'm sure that you understand the impact that you could potentially have on this young lady. You can either HELP her by reporting your suspicions, and making a difference...or you can turn the other cheek and walk away and do nothing. (which I can't see you doing based on your question).



I assume that you're asking this here for someone to say, "YES" it's ok and you're doing the right thing. You already know in your heart what needs to be done. So consider this your confirmation to what you're already feeling you should do. My prayers are with you and this troubled young lady!

Answer 4

Sometimes when a child first admits to being abused they sometimes leave out some details, other kids will make up a different abuse story to see what happens and who believes them and then real story comes out. I would be very concerned. Trust your instincts, and discuss your fears with Child Protection or whoever has been helping her in the past, it's better to be safe than sorry, and if your fears are unfounded at least you did everything you could to find out the full story and help this child. Im sure if you did nothing further and found out later that she was in fact sexually abused you would feel terrible that you didn't do anything.

Answer 5

Talk to the police. They can tell you from an uninvolved, unemotional point of view what needs to be done. They need to investigate this for the sake of these kids. Don't be hesitant - go to the police. What's the worse that could happen? What's the best that could happen? Who knows who or what else is at home that's also being abused??



Trust your gut and react - you're the adult and teachers are in a very good position to report situations on behalf of the kids.

Answer 6

I think that you are right to fear sexual abuse, And the worst part is, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. I think you need to take that girl aside, and tell her that you will help her, and she can tell you what happened, she doesn't have to be embarassed or scared. Also, you should ask her brother, becuase he might know to some extent what was going on. Finally, you might want to talk to a social worker, to get her brother out of the situation. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

You are a hero for removing these children from abuse. While it may be difficult to get the exact details of what abuse they experienced from observing strange behavior, I assume the help they are getting involves counseling which is a long and tedious process. You just have to pray they have gifted counselors who will help heal them and that they can share the truth of what they experienced so as to mitigate the emotional impact on their lives. Terrible situation, but you did the right thing.

Answer 8

I don't know what to say. Maybe she was sexually abused. I have this kid that talks to me on AIM and he gets abused at home sometimes. I told him to go to a school counselor and he says he's tried that and the cops but nothing really works.



It's sad. He's only 16....



Anyway, just be there for her and well, i guess that's all you can do.



☼ Darksongbird ☼

Answer 9

If you have any concerns at all, then talk to someone. I just found out that my 9 year old great neice has been molested. It is a very bad situation. If you have any conerns at all please talk to someone and tell them of what happened with the lights. There are some real sick people out there and we need to protect these innocent children.

Good Luck and your doing the right thing.

Answer 10

You should report it even if it turns out not to be true, the physical assault ,this girl is terrified of something and she needs help.Also you should try to get her to confide in you .You must report any abuses going on but what ever else she tells you ,you must keep to yourself and allow her to trust you.I applaud you for going above and beyond so many just do not care.

Answer 11

It is ovious that things have happened to her that should nerver have happened. I would say that your consern is valid. She may need counciling that might get more of the truth out. I would consalt the counciler and have her sent down there one day for a discussion maybe she will open up. Good Luck

Answer 12

You are a teacher? Well you are amandated reporter. You have to report -Suspected- abuse. Not proven abuse.



Call give this family a wake up call.

Answer 13

i think u should talk to her 1st u know as a friend. i've always seen my teachers as someone i can trust. then once u get the Evidence call her parents and the cops

Answer 14

maybe contact childrens services to come to the school and interview the child. it's your duty as a public servant to report your suspicions, isn't it?



or discuss it with the school counselor if you don't know the proper procedure. the counselor ought to know.